OVERALL: I generally believe that folders are the best they can be when the author establishes them. I thought the title was appropriate considering the material placed within.
SUGGESTION: If anything, I might add a graphic to catch the reader's attention or a paragraph explaining a little more indepth the works included and perhaps the author's favorite.
I did not notice any mistakes (grammar/puncutation)
OVERALL: I thought this was a very informative article about Ramadan. What I like about the author's style is that it's very educational without being "preachy." As a reader it makes me want to investigate and learn more.
POINT OF VIEW:
This is written in a reporter style narrative. It is light and easy to read.
MECHANICS:
I did not notice any mistakes. (grammar/puncutation)
I think for one to follow the fasting rules of the month would be a challenge. (I do something similiar when I give up something for lent, all though it is not quite the same thing). Strong faith in whatever religion makes one strong and spiritually rewarded.
OVERALL: I thought this was a very personal, very inspiring piece to read. Not everyone has the courage to approach the homeless and offer a smile let alone tea. This was very uplifting and positive.
POINT OF VIEW:
This is a first person narrative written from the author's perspective. It is light and easy to read.
MECHANICS:
I noticed the author used OK instead of okay. OK is fine for newspapers and reporter type articles, but okay should be used for literary writing.
I liked the items put into the folder. I thought they were appropriately placed. I also liked the creative name you gave the folder.
WHAT I DISLIKED:
Nothing really.
SUGGESTIONS: If anything, and this is probaby minor, I think it would really polish off the presentation of the folder to have a little graphic for it?
Two thumbs up!
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I can just picture this little girl coquishettishly batting her eyes at Santa while she voices her request. The author does a great job of capturing the small little girl's voice well.
STANZAS:
There's no real pattern to the stanzas. The author uses a free form.
RYTHME SCHEME:
None used.
I love the holidays and I loved reading this poem. It put a smile on my face.
This was a very heartwarming story. You caught my attention immediately and held it throughout.
POINT OF VIEW:
This is told in 3rd person omniscient, mainly focusing on the character of Emily. Stories that touch the heartstrings are more challenging as they are told from this POV because you lose the intamcy which a first person narrator gives the author. Still, the author's style makes the story work. Emily is a five-year-old with a big heart and I, as a reader, just wanted to give my heart to her.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Emily is established as a lively, engrossing, thoughtful, five-year-old. Kelsey, Emily's sister, is a bit more "hardened" at seven, but not that much more. Kelsey comes across as little more world-wise. Luke is established as a kind-hearted benefactor.
SOUND:
The story sounds good when read outloud. There are no uneven or choppy sentences.
DIALOGUE:
The bulk of the story is told in dialogue and it really drives the story forward. The author captures British vernacular well.
SHOW AND TELL:
The story opens up using dialogue and effectively shows the reader how Emily and Kelsey feel.
MECHANICS:
I saw no noticable grammar/puncuation mistakes, just one typo:
Written: "How long has you Mum been ill?"
My suggestion: "How long has your Mum been ill?"
DESCRIPTIONS:
Just enough to allow the reader to picture the neighborhood.
OVERALL:
If anything, I would have liked to know what inspired Luke to help out. Was his own mother ill? Did he have a daughter like Emily? That would have been the cherry on top of this short story.
Excellent! I really enjoyed this story. It immediately grabbed my attention and held it througout. I thought your mechanics (grammer/puncutation) was fine. The structue was good and I liked the POV you used in the story. Two thumbs up! Steph
I really enjoyed this. You captured my attention quickly and held it throughout the piece. Your mechanics (grammar and puncutation) was good. I loved your characterization and if anything, I noticed that from time to time the POV from Sue Ann to Glenn shifted within the scene, but I didn't think it took away from it. If anything, I thought maybe Glenn's feelings for Sue Ann were a little rushed, but that's just me.
It also put perspective on those who suffer from panic attacks and for me, I felt educated about it, without being preached to it about - two thumbs up for that.
This was a very catchy, engaging auto-biographical piece! I've been there too, Sweetie, I have. You really connect with the reader. Your style is very light and very easy to read. Keep it up!
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Steph