This folder contains the author's Birthday cnotes.
WHAT I LIKED
I LOVED the opening note with the poor guy's face in the cake! I think that sums up the stress a birthday can bring. These notes made me smile. I also liked the "Good Egg" note too. I say that a lot, myself.
MECHANICS
I did not notice any grammar/puctutation mistakes in the introduction.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Good use of WDC ML in the introduction. It grabs the reader's attention without overdoing it. You've got a great folder here!
This is a parody to the tune of "Major General." It takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the Storymaster and Writing.com
WHAT I LIKED
This was a great tribute to Writing.com. It really has done a lot for me, given me a lot of positive feedback and support, and I thought the author summed up just what a good experience it can be here at the site.
MECHANICS
I did not notice and grammar/puctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Good use of WDC ML. I thought the lyrics matched the rythm of the beat well, and I could tell this wasn't easy.
Princess Cayla must be sacrificed to a Dragon to ensure peace in her land.
WHAT I LIKED
The originality behind the story. The author did a great job with time and setting. You can imagine this land in your mind as you read. Very good visual descriptions throughout.
POINT OF VIEW
This is in the third person omniscient mainly from Cayla's perspective. Very good job in staying in POV.
SHOW & TELL
This is a well paced short story that does a good job showing the action to tell the story. My only concern here is in the beginning, where the men attack Cayla, they weren't adequately explained. I took it they were the priests who did the sacrifice, but I didn't understand why? Did they have a sect name? If anything, these aspect of the story needed to be fleshed out a little bit.
It's easy enough to do, Cayla can be thinking about them as she approaches the altar, and one or two paragraphs can explain why they are there without losing the action of the opening sequence.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue is appropriate to the story. Good job.
CHARACTERS
Cayla, Nuncio (the dragon keeper), Doray
Cayla is fleshed out well and acts appropriately as the heroine in the story. Nuncio is the brave dragon keeper, who keeps watch over the good dragons. Doray is the villian who seeks to kill Cayla so he can become powerful. As a villian, I thought he was fleshed out well toward the end, but in the beginning of the story, he wasn't clearly established. See notes in Show & Tell.
SOUND
There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
MECHANICS
There were minor grammar/puctutation mistakes. For example, always use a comma after "Cayla asked." Here's an example of how I might fix the following sentence:
"Join me," Nuncio announced, taking her by the hand.
Keep writing! This is a great effort and with just a little fine tuning, you'll be a fine storyteller.
The author tries to deal with the grief and sadness caused when her brother passed away.
WHAT I LIKED
The author does a good job fleshing out grief and sadness, making it palpable. It's a very gut wretching poem. The pain is understandable.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. The meter is fine.
MECHANICS
A case could make for breaking up the last stanza as it is rather lengthy. I think it would be more effective in that regard. I did not notice any grammar/puctuation mistakes.
Xan has been sent to jail for a crime he did not commit and meets a woman who he believes shares a similar fate.
WHAT I LIKED
The does a good job capturing the feel of a jailhouse. It's a very gritty, raw visual, but one that comes across very real - reminds me of "Oz."
POINT OF VIEW
This is told in the third person omniscient. POV from Xan to Julie shifts without line breaks. I might suggest using line breaks to clearly establish the perspective being told at the time. Now, you can leave as is, but this techinque is known as "head hopping" and can be confusing to the reader from time to time.
DIALOGUE
It was appropriate to the story, but I might suggest using the correct dialogue tags and seperating the dialogue appropriately with spaces between paragraphs.
Example: "Oh,yeah and by the way, my name's Xan," he said.
Don't use one quotation, use two.
CHARACTERS
Xan, Julie
Both seemed fleshed out well.
SOUND
There were a couple uneven and choppy sentences. Try not to start a sentence with "but".
MECHANICS
There were several grammar/puctutation mistakes. I'm sure the author will catch these on an edit.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as noted above. Most of the suggestions have to deal with with techinical aspects of the writing. The author has a good handle on characters, plot, pacing, storytelling, but needs an edit to clean up mistakes. I'd love to rate this piece higher if the author does an edit.
This is the prologue of the novel and sets the "theme" of what is to come.
MY THOUGHTS - WHAT I LIKED
It gave me enough to anticipate and visual a "fantasy" world, setting the tone and conflict for the novel to come. It's actually one of the rare prologues I've seen on WDC that does what it is supposed to do.
POINT OF VIEW
This is written in the third person omniscient.
CHARACTERS
The narrator - who clearly prepares for what is to come.
DIALOGUE
None.
SOUND
There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
MECHANICS
I did not notice any grammar/puctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
It seems the auhor has a very good grip on the fantasy tale he is about to write. This is a good prologue in that it incites me to read more.
A simple jester suggests a military strategy for a waring nation.
MY THOUGHTS - WHAT I LIKED
The vivid and rich detail of the fantasy land depicted. The author takes a chance by opening with description of his fanstasy land, but it works for me. There's not too much, but enough to allow me to visialize what he does. Once I pictured the setting in my head, I got right into it.
POINT OF VIEW
This is told in the first person by the jester.
CHARACTERS
Jester, General Sammei, Snow Queen
Within the context of the chapter, all are well defined and easily placed into their roles. The jester is easily likable.
DIALOGUE
Very good and appropriate for the genre.
SOUND
There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
MECHANICS
There were minor grammar/puctutation mistakes. In the paragraph that starts "Sammei opened her mouth..." the sentence needs a period. An edit for this should allow the author to find the errors.
This folder contains the author's thoughts about several topics in American society today. The title is appropriate to the contents listed within.
WHAT I LIKED
It's very well organized. The articles are very interesting, candid, and gritty. Good reads if you want to tackle them. They are very thought provoking.
SOUND
There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
MECHANICS
I did not notice any gramar/puctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest using a graphic or more WDC ML to catch a reader's attention.
Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox.
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THE FOLDER
WHAT I LIKED
See notes in Show & Tell.
I gave the Ornamental Holdiday Notes an Awardicon for Excellence in Creativity. 
WHAT I LIKED
Don't use one quotation, use two.
CHARACTERS
