 THE STORY
Enclosed are the first chapters of the novel. In the prologue we witness a murder of a scientist. In chapter one, we meet our hero, "Jericho" as he is confronted by the police. In chapter two, the murderer watches the events he put in motion unfold.
 The Prologue
MECHANICS and SOUND
Techincally, I did not notice any grammar/puctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences. I was quite impressed.
 I did suspect the author was probably British as Joesph was spelt that way as opposed to Joseph. I did notice some British spellings as opposed to American ones, and I did note the use of one (') for quotes. My only caution here is be aware of the agents you are going to query. I know there is a Chicago manual of style that is a guide for American writers, not sure if that applies to the genre as a whole or just American writers.
Editorial comments
With the technical aspects of novel mastered, my eye fell to other parts of novel writing, plot, pacing, show vs. tell, characterization, dialogue.
THEME
Usually the prologue should establish a "theme" that the novel is going to address. Here it is missing. I'm assuming the theme is the hunt for the lost city of Atlantis, but it is not mentioned here. To tease the reader into wanting to read more, I would mention it.
SHOW VS. TELL
The showing of the murder was good, however the prologue seemed a little weighed down by the descriptions of Joseph. Do we really need a detailed description of him since he is going to die. I suggest briefly mentioning his age, his white hair - tease the reader into forming their own image instead of being so specific.
CHARACTERS
I might suggest changing focus here as the reader witnesses the murder through Joseph's eyes. Would it be more effective to show us the murder through Fludd's perspective? Fludd is going to be a continuing character where Joseph is not. By doing this, you allow Fludd's character to establish the theme and still keep the action of the murder compelling.
POINT OF VIEW
This is told in the third person omniscient from Joseph's point of view. Good job staying in POV.
CHAPTER ONE
PLOT & PACING
With use of heavy descriptions, the pacing is slowed weighed down instead of jumping the reader right into the action. My suggestion to you, is not to show too much of Jericho's apartment. Hint at his military pictures, perhaps the books he reads - that's enough to establish an air of mystery about his character, but don't get so involved in telling us everything about his apartment. Starting with his premenation is good, it hints at what is to come, but cut down on the bulk of the descriptions here. Give us enough to visualize and imagine on our own.
SHOW VS TELLING
Aside from the heavy descriptions, the showing is good. The police confront Jericho about his whereabouts and peak the reader's curiousity.
CHARACTERIZATION
I thought you establish Jericho's connection to the murdered scientist well. The mystery about Atlantis is touched upon, but I would like to see it expanded on just a little. How does Jericho feel about looking for such a myth. Does he share the officers' opinion?
POINT OF VIEW
Be careful for shifts in point of view when writing in the third person omniscient. This chapter starts out in Jericho's perspective but between the paragraphs "Jus then, he caught a slight sound..." and "blue nylon tie showed that he had no better dress sense" the POV seems to shift to Inspector Thomas. Is Jericho spying on them through the peephole. Make that clear. I noticed that sometimes the action gets a little lost in the bulk of the descriptions.
Watch for a POV shift with Jude Thomas cast his eye around the kitchen....{c} If you want us to see it, you must do a line break at a min to indicate a shift in POV.
 Remember, if you want the reader to see a character's thoughts, use italics.
CHAPTER TWO
I thought chapter two built upon the plot well. It was well paced with the tease of Fludd and him watching Jericho's apartment. There was a nice balance of narration and dialogue.
Reviewer's note: I attempted to look at this more from an editor's point of view, and I don't mean to be harsh in my critique. This story has a lot of potential and I think if you draw back on some of your descriptions and focus on the action, you'll find you have a great start to a very compelling novel. I'd love to rate you higher if there are edits made.
Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox.
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