DECEMBER 19, 2013
Rev sent for ---
Good morning, April. As this review turns to average mistakes in fiction chapters, suggest you keep in mind the final product, crt 2011. Also, realizing this rev may be read by other writers ala PRP so, speaking to Everyone else, too. Why? Well we kinda go public via listing on Auto Rewards @ http://www.writing.com.
Thus .. it came to pass, from hand-written notes:
IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
1. Title of American Suffrage ... Using the Suffrage Movement sparingly at the outset of this work in progress (chapter) allows for topic facts. Photo/cover is excellent. Noting a biblio of citations for an historic work is often easily accomplished.
(Here's a guess, Miss April. --- Content delivery follows the dialog-tell-story mode.)
However ... 2. @ "I get that." Sounds 2013ish.
Easier on reader if Jackson is identified at start of paragraphs that involve his character name. (Later the audience shall encounter the name, Eugene." Suffrage still absent.)
3. GREAT LINE ALERT! @ "Silence would only fan the flames." Since present tense -- could can replace would.
4. Another good line @ "A bitter standoff was on the horizon, bringing with it gray clouds and a light precipitation." Practically poetic, Miss April!
Some, etc from rev remark arena ...
@ "I knew that Joan was no good." Excellent, makes point.
COLOR CHART SYNDROME (Found on wc like white on rice. And can't picture reviewers asking what color was the boys sailor suit, can Anyone?
Onsite writing tends to over crayola, Miss April. The following: "off-white curtains" (Who cares?) Curtains is fine alone.
"gray hem ... impeccably white ... beige overcoat ... " Writer may simplify for reader, whom fills in the blank. Now, in 1910 ... darks were in vogue among the masses. Dyed wool ran navy, brown, black and yes ... it ran. Serge, whatever. Silks were lighter as were linens .. and only for the posh. Unlike today when surplus of used goods reach Everyone. Ooops, Miss TEFF goes posh her ownself.
OF vernacular for 1910. Encounter: businessman. Businessman. Is there a better noun for this banker type.
touchy-feely --- unused in the way long ago of Women's Suffrage Era.
@ argument spot -- @ touch me -- try strike me
@ rushing? Rushing? From a light rain? Nope.
And, please consider placing ... work in progress .. at end of the piece in question.
Summary -- After reading reminds of Downton Abbey.
Four rate because looking out the window during conversation ... pulls on the visual. April, great ploy.
Racy chick, this Nora. Good lord, along with fiance, Jackson. Nora has been married previously to ... oh no ... help us, each & everyone ...
Eugene!
Tsk, quite the mover & a shaker, that Nora.
As conclusion spot never arrives ... Raders & writers --- So, say meet ... where "ducks gather." More on city preferable.
Open @ "Invalid Item" So come dine at the table, Miss April as Christmastide cheers the lot.
Cordially, TEFF
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