MARCH 13, 2013
Dear Ms Andrea Beierle,
Thank you for this one. Your hard work as an author, no easy task due time consuming methodology, pays off in an entertaining short story.
As you might notice onsite and with much electronic/ digital writing freely bombarding I-net stats, much fiction abounds out there which could cure insomnia.
Naturally, here to let PRP* know that with the following short story from Country Bumpkin this is not at all the case. Thus offering writing/ reading points for the entire http://www.writing.com audience as well. llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
From hand written notes, slightly in chronological order, so Andrea takes my drift ....
"Was going around the twist." Hey, (I) might use that line in real life. Thanx.
THE SET UP --- BEGINS with Tiff's take on her current life situation ...
UNTIL there's A FARM HOUSE ABLAZE.
Very good rendition as is, no snags in reading from this desk. However, can always morph to present or past tense as opposed to past perfect. Saves time for readers.
Great ON-SCENE @ windows cracking segment. Andrea supplies, "It sounds like explosives."
Plus, any rookie reporter also recalls awful aroma of a fire scene. Thus, simpatico with all details provided ... @ first person char, Tiffany's --- "never forget the fierce smell of the fire ..." Perfect adj @ fierce.
RE: CAUSE ---- enter suspicions ...
Decent plot ploy with John, an inebriated gardener & missing house keys.
Also, isn't it grand when fictionalized "seed money" lies around for the taking. Plenty to hire stable boys, feed horses, etc. Readers can capture circumstances reduced for Paul & Tiffany, an active husband wife team ...
AT: "Depressing!" Do it, girl.
Author-to-author hint: Never cease
scripting one word sentences. LIT abounds with this writing ploy.
@ "People had been able to rescue a lot."
Reading reaction --- Fantastic realism for neighbors helping neighbors, salvaging household items. The best thing going for caring, incentive people.
Visual met @ "soybean fields" protected like the golden calf, hereabouts .. oh good old reliable, Monsanto, oh.
RE: Brigitte, "local hotel" owner --- adj perfect with "snooty"
Ditto for another oddly behaving character. Maybe a skinflint landlord enter --- Shane -- good adj again @ "awkward."
TIFFANY'S words for this guy.
@ "I am sick to death of this man."
Find totally realistic dialogue rendered. Centers sequence of character emotions ala believable wise.
Don't forget, Andrea, that relevance of background needs explanation. If too much, to elaborate becomes your decision, then simply drop from story.
PERHAPS --- Play with longer length, since it seems to fit// WHILE these sidelines below continue ADDING story interest.
THE SUGGESTION
NECESSARY REVAMPING REQUIRED for the following:
1. Shane's murdered father?
2. Paul's mother's current circumstances
3. Storyline hints of: property or cash inheritance.
Alas ... mayhap this one ends too fast. Sure, can attest that this humble revver would applaud a sequel.
THANK YOU, dear author. Your restore my faith in writers writing excellent fiction.
FIVE STAR RATE FOR THIS TEN STAR SHORT STORY.
Of course, A MUST READ!.
For telling UP IN SMOKE so splendidly stylish arrives an ...
Additional award from TEFF April Sunday
Miss Andrea, please accept an extra fancy gift, the once in a life time (so far) ...
20
Cordially,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
"MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE"
* PubRevPg |