Hello {susuer:askpaddy}
This is a great children's tale. The flow of the story was easy and fun to read. If I had to choose an ending, I would choose #2. If this were to be going into a small book for children, I would choose #1, unless you wanted to add something about a moral and working together.I found a few spots that were troubling and listed them below, no harm intended:
-but I supposedsuppose
-My family don’tdoesn't have
-it was so nice they eat it up themselves. (this doesn't fit with the previous sentence. The kids are stuffing bags to feed the fairy, why would they eat it up themselves?
Thank you for sharing.
** Image ID #1139829 Unavailable **
Hello Vivian, this is a wonderful instrumental piece that should be part of a mandatory reading when joining this great site. The time, thought, and effort that went into such a piece for all to view is greatly appreciated.
I also appreciated the new insight of which you have opened my eyes to. THANK YOU
Hello Vivian
This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item"
This is a very sad, personal piece. The tragedies that seem to test each holiday has tested this families resillence each year.
I feel this piece is more for the author than the reader. A therapeutic piece to get the feelings out into the open.
I thank the author for sharing , and wish this year's holiday seasons bring much joy and happiness.
A piece that to this reader's ears comes out as full of sarcasm. Cleverly written as to paint the picture with the most descriptive characterization of what society would be like if all continues on with the idea kids can raise themselves.
Thank you for sharing this . (If I mis-interpretted the piece, my apologies, this is just my view)
The messenger arrives. The cold bleakness stretches its dark talons beginning its offense.
This has been a wonderful chapter in an ongoing saga. Each chapter has held the reader in complete trance. Awaiting each new segment with anticipation.
Thank you for sharing. Please let me know when new chapters are added, this has been a great pleasure to read.
The novel's intencity just jumped into high gear. The mystery increases as the chapter ends. The characters begin to come together. A unity of force begins to take place. The lurking darkness begins to visit.
Held captured in this tale of mystery, suspense, and adventure this reader must read on.
More characters are added to this complex tale of mystery and intrigue. The gathering to take place at Ruthy-Ru's for the Purpose to come. Danger jumps in with a near death escape. We now see evil entering the picture.
A complex tale that flows easliy through the chapters, capturing the readers attention.
Must read on!
From the title I get that I have come upon the story somewhere other than the beginning. I found the main character to be somewhat carefree, yet with purpose that kept illuding him. All due to the influence of alcohol I am sure. I sense a metaphoric purpose to this story, but will have to search out more to be sure. One observation noted below, no harm intended: -far totoo close to being
This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were do kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item"
This is a strong short story with great character build up. The final defense,to attack, falls to ruin due to magic. A creative piece that could be a prolog for something of greater length. A few suggestions below, no harm intended:
-immediately grew a louder.
-soldiers (in) Loundana had conscription was
necessary
-Barging into homes at any time almost like they were a group of well armed thieves, but Julius, the army’s commander was desperate (needs rewording)
-were{/}where they were going,
-since she got toarrived at the inn.
Shocking to find a poll when looking for information to help with my writing, but took it anyway. A creative place to gather information for the newsletters. I especially was impressed with the quick results with an included graph.
Thank you for the pleasant surprise.
This has been a very helpful tool. I only hope all of the links are included, since I couldn't open the help option. I thank you for comming up with this wonderful resourceful tool. Both effective and usefull to all, especially us new to this site. Thank you for taking the time to create this. And a special Thank You to the idea creator behind this.
An intriguing first chapter. Short, but enough content to capture the readers eye and curiousity. Makes the reader want to go digging for more of the story. This is almost more of a preface to a novel.
Creative. Must read on to find out more about Mary, and what is so alluring about her.
This is a lovely short story coming from a great (one of my favorite) author. This is a sweet and serence ending to a long life. This man was a kindred spirit, shown through his rescue of Gertrude.
A wonderful short piece, worthy of ribbons and medals. A piece to be entered into contests. Thank you for sharing.
I think this is a really good poem. I feel it would excell more if layed out into another format. Just an example below no harm intended:
Silence
is golden,
no sounds
are in sight,
Nothing is heard,
which sheds any light,
When movement
has gone,
and silence
is here,
The night
is now clear
for dreams to appear.
This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight whom you were do kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item"
Ms_Write-
This is a very touching piece. Written in memory for one so well loved, this brings tears to the eyes of the reader. A personal piece reflecting the bond and relationship shared with your mother.
The irony of the date, room number, and passing of your father does give one moment to pause and ponder.
Thank you for sharing this personal piece. May it serve to remind all that time is precious, and never to be wasted.
Strong vivid imagery you portray through your poetic tapestry of rhyming and rhythmical sesations. This piece transcends time and space taking the reader on a journey through the warm summer months.
This is a short and sweet piece. I like the way the first verse and second verse brings to picture the summer vacation and travel. Two different images are created for me through the visual of each verse.
The first two installments of what is to become a great novel are packed with suspense and drama. An orphaned family coming down with a sickness that kills off all but two. What is to happen from here? Keep up the great work. I am anxiously awaiting more additions to this nove.
This a great second chapter in the beginning of a great novel. Strong character build up and suspense and drama that keep you on the edge of your seat. A question and then an editorial comment to follow, no harm intended:
-Reference to seeing "older brother logan's " parts, in paragraph 14, paragraph 21 refered to as younger brother???
A great beginning to what has the potential to be a wonderful novel. A question plagues me, and an editorial comment to follow, no harm intended:
-In the second paragraph "I"am 10 years old. In the 22nd paragraph "I" am 10 years old as well, yet in between there are 3 children born in different years????
An excellent beginning to a new novel. Background stable on characters. A goal set ahead for what looks to be the two main characters, and now for the story. A few editorial comments below, no harm intended:
-pair (of) hob nailed boots
-mutter “we’ll see about that”(.) And that’s all you
Becky, this is a wonderful spiritually uplifting peace. The rhythmical rhyming flow of this is coming from the fluttering of an angels wings.
Your beautiful piece is well worded and delivers a great message. Thank you for sharing this superb piece with us.
This is a very moving piece. The flow of each verse is with a gentle breeze, drifting along through each line. The addition of color adds vitality to the piece as well. Each verse of the poem contains a physical action in conjunction with a part of nature and its wonderment.
A powerful short story where the mind wonders, is reality created by dreams and the imagination, or is it the other way around. The reader can feel the end drawing near with the vivid imagery created by the author. The carnival setting makes the lions appearance realistic, but yet as it ends, it could still be the imagination.
An interesting insight from the INSIDE of one of the many Dairy Queens of the region. Filled with spunk, sarcasm and wit this is a bit of fun to read. The exasperations this individual releases for us to read are alot like those shared by many other who are among the same age group and work arena.This piece brings back many recollections. One minor editing listed below:
I found this to be a most amusing piece. The antics of camp and what traspires turned into a newsletter for the world to read. Creatively done with humor and wit. One small typo (possibly) located , then again, it could be intentional mispelling as well:
- team liter or a priest
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