Greetings Tooolbar ~~ A brief Summary:
The start of an interesting novel. This powerful beginning piece shows promise for what is to come.
~~ What this made me think of:
The making of a good novel. This is a tale of a feared leader. A person who has a story to tale, yet in telling has warned of him doing so. I feel this is a horror story that could hold the attention of many reader.
~~Any editing comments:
-The first paragraph seemed a little hard for me to get around. I felt it was a little to brief in spots, and in others, it carried on with too much information.
- As the man came to the door Gustaf heard him and welcomed him at the door, hurrying him and more importantly his wife inside to the warmth of his home. repeating "at the door" isn't necessary.
~~Suggestions:
Re-label this as other than a short fictitious story, for it isn't a complete story. It reads more as the beginning of a novel. Very creatively done.
- Upon editing, I would gladly return to re-review.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1143571 by Not Available.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
equalchance ~~ My Interpretation:
A step back in time, to carry the reader on a journey through the Child Care System. Following action and re-action, the reader is shown not only the reactions of the child through each experience, but the why behind the actions.
~~Suggestions:
Other than some editing points listed below, I have no other suggestions at this time.
~~How I felt after reading this:
After reading these first four chapters, I am enticed to read on to find out more. What is the end result of all this emotional Bin Bag Baggage?
~~Any editing comments: 1st Departure-Introduction: 1st paragraph towardstoward When speaking, many add an "s" to toward. That is an error. Toward is already and action, it doesn't need the "s" to get it moving, many writers make this mistake.
1st Departure- Chapter1: 36th paragraph- "John and Linda were very different tothan Barry and Judith."
Chapter 2 From Riches to Rags: 1st paragraph- (depending on the area of geography this is being written, this word may or may not be a typo, this being a possibility, I will only list this once) learntlearned
Chapter4 1st sentence: organisation} organization (this may or may not be due to being written in another country)
Chapter 4 1st paragraph (the word colour can be a typo, depending on origin of the writing. In the US it would be color
Chapter 4: 12th paragraph: favouritefavorite depending on the country of origin of the story.
Chapter 4: 45th paragraph: "I placed an old jumper placed over them so Chris couldn’t find and destroy."
~~What direction I would like to see this piece take:
I am hoping to see a bright sunshine and rainbow shining after this roller coaster ride of emotions.
~~♥♥♥♥♥Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ♥♥♥♥♥
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
Kai Magpies ~~ My Interpretation:
A poem on aging, giving up youth. The voice of the poem seems to start out child-like, and matures as the poem progresses.
~~Suggestions: The poem starts out with four lines then at the end, it seems jumbled and rushed due to longer lines. This can be fixed by breaking up the first line of each stanza, into two different lines.
Stanza 7 and 8 seem to break away from the rhyming scheme.
I think the last two stanzas should be reversed in order. It seems to read better that way for me.
~~How I felt after reading this:
After reading this I felt sad. Saddened by time slipping away from the characters. Losing innocence as the time passes, simplistic life is fore-saken for complexity. Is is worth it?
~~Any editing comments: Noe editing comments for this piece, at this time.
~~ What didn't I feel when reading this:
I didn't feel the ending quite fit. It was too rushed, and almost out of place. It finishes as if the author was trying to complet it in a hurry.
~~What direction I would like to see this piece take:
I think this could be lengthened. It seems to begin with childhood, and end with adolescence. Why not carry this through to the death bed. Do some stanzas on marriage, on getting older and missing youth, and then end with death, only to reunite in the sky.
~~♥♥♥♥♥Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ♥♥♥♥♥
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
The Nameless Hermit ~~ My Interpretation:
To me this is the layout for a novel. So far, 7 short stories, are combined to create the piece of the AngelStone. Inside we are introduced to a varying degree of criminal element.
~~Suggestions:
-Each chapter seemed to be a brief outline. I felt after reading most of them, that there was too much information left out. Not enough background given, or details for that matter.
-I liked the way the story is being told from the first perspective in each case. The continuance of this would make for a great read.
-Go back through each chapter and ask yourself, what is the purpose of this chapter and how does it relate to the story line. Did this piece give enough information for the reader to grasp the direction of the story or chapter.
Keep up the great writing my friend, this will be a great novel when you are finished.
~~♥♥♥♥♥Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ♥♥♥♥♥
~~ A brief Summary:
The protective barriers one must use, to preserve themselves from harm, change from one person to another. Walls are built, charms are used, and minds drift to keep us safe.
~~ What this made me think of:
To me this was a sad piece. Troubling and sad to come across, this is a tale of loneliness and coping with life. Decisions are made and now the armor must be put on to endure the consequences of the choice.
~~Any editing comments:
None that I could find.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~~ A brief Summary:
A ballroom dance in a wonderful castle. Beauty, friendship, dancing and such, all for the participants to relax and enjoy. Mingling among the guests, promotes friendships. Works of art are shared, and all at no expense.
~~ What this made me think of:
A grand ball held in a magnificent castle.
~~Any editing comments:
Didn't notice any.
~~What I liked best:
The beautiful artwork was breathtaking.
The layout and availability of the forum for all to enjoy was great. Thank you.
~~Suggestions
Keep up the great work.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~~ A brief Summary:
To me this is a sad piece. Love unventured. A time when love could have been flourishing was passed and the Verge of April is the wasteland left behind.
~~My interpretation:
Nothing left to fear this new April.
It hurts the mind to recall the bloom of spring as I leave this place. Did life turn out as I intended?
Alone at my death, I have loved , though I didn't act on what my feelings were. I pass on alone.
~~Any editing comments:
None that I could see
~~What I liked best:
I really enjoyed the layout and the voice of the poem. It spoke volumes. To me it had the feel of an older piece. I see this written in a voice looking back over the years.
~~Suggestions:
Have this one published, it is really good.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Greetings TexansBeatTheMiamiDolphinsBy3 ~~ A brief Summary:
A tribute to poetry, written in rhyming couplet form. A creative piece that has good rhyming scheme.
~~ What this made me think of:
This brought to mind the joys I experience when writing a poetic piece. The musical tune I hear in my head though I can not hold a tune.
~~Any editing comments:
Nothing grammatical, or in type.
~~What I liked best:
-I liked the format chosen, it is one of my preferences.
-Being centered and with the color as is, it is very appealing.
~~Suggestions:
I feel this would be a better piece if the rhythm was more consistent. The meter is off a bit in places, though poetry is often written to the tune of the author.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Greetings staiNed This is in connection with "Invalid Item" . This is review #3
~~ A brief Summary:
~~ What this made me think of:
A sad departing of loved ones. In his eyes, she could see the devastation, that this relationship was over. Nothing could change what she was seeing. Perhaps if she had seen the fading sooner, she would have been able to alter this ending.
~~Any editing comments:
NONE
~~~~Suggestions:
Although I was somewhat aware of the format used, a notation at the end would be helpful for those that do not. This way there is avoided confusion.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~~ A brief Summary:
The journey of Disease, as it takes on human characteristics as a living breathing entity, coursing through the body, devouring all that it cares to take.
~~ My Interpretation:
Death takes on a role, not of an organism coursing through the body, but of a destructive entity. One that lives and breathes, making choices, that only IT can comprehend the reasoning behind. Disease has human characteristics from smiling to shivering, moaning to chewing. Disease becomes death as it traipses through the body of its victim, then moving on to another.
~~Suggestions:
FIRST STANZA
~ 2nd line- third word, add an (s) making it "spreads" to show movement and action taking place.
~3rd line- a period at the end.
~ 4th line- "savored" is past tense, changing the word to savors, makes this a currently happening event.
~ 5th line- add a period after lollipops(once you make it all one word.
~ 6th line- change "stroked" to strokes. Keeping this in the same present tense.
~ 7th line- change the comma to a period.
SECOND STANZA
~ 1st line- "traveled" to travels, keeping this in present tense with the rest of the work. Then change the comma to a period.
~2nd line- instead of ending the line, "from the heart" change to something else, perhaps ending the line after the second "thump".
~3rd line- change "stopped" to stops to keep the present tense and action flowing. Doing the same with "carressed" to caress.
THIRD STANZA
~3rd line- add a space after each comma, before the next word begins.
FOURTH STANZA
~1st line- add a space after the comma.
~3rd line- "What is does," only capitalize the "What" if for emphasis, and change "is" to "it".
~4th line- add a space after commas. Change fed to feeds keeping it moving along with the current tense.
~5th line- add a space after commas. Delete the e in "toothpickes". Should be toothpicks.
FIFTH STANZA
2nd line- Now the disease is given a gender. I am not sure I agree with this line at all. If left to me, I would change it to: "Soon, a lifeless shell would be all that remains."
Last line- add a space after each comma.
~~What I liked best:
I liked the way DISEASE is portrayed as having the characteristics to make decisions, and have emotions based on these choices. It adds a whole new perspective to the concept of disease. Although I made several suggestions for this piece, I enjoyed the over-all content and thought behind it.
~~Once some changes are made, I would be happy to come back and re-rate this item.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative and artistic writing skills! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
angelofpeace ~~ Brief summary : Lost in emotion, can't tell which way to go, directions please.
~~Interpretation: Line one- Confusion, indecisive struggle going on as to what to do.
Line 2- The heart and mind struggle it out to find the happy medium for all involved.
Line 3- Confusion has lead to isolation.
Line 4- A plea for assistance in helping to find guidance and direction.
Line 5- Direction.
~~Over all view point:
Over all, this is a great poem. The content is good. A poem seeking guidance for a heart and mind that can not see the correct path.
~~Any editing comments: This poem is constructed using five lines. I feel it would better suit the purpose with seven lines and an added space in between each line. This adds depth and perception to the poem itself.
I also see this as just a beginning. I see this as an opening verse to a longer piece. The next verse from the heart's opinion, then one from the mind, and then a closing verse re-iderating the first verse, lost and confused.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
Angelique_Revanche ~~ Brief summary : -A twist on a children's tale, moving this from a book for children to one for adults. Using well known character's belonging to another author, this story twisted from the original plot to one of love.
~~Over all view point: Over all, I feel this is more of an outline. More in-depth content is needed to establish this relationship. Perhaps this is a middle chapter of a novel, if so the basis for this conversation would come before this.
~~Any editing comments: Spacing after commas and periods ending the sentence need to be addressed. This is cram packed together without spacing.
Two hours later, Severus left the room to go change from his formal clothes. When he came of of his bathroom, This is a little confusing for the reader. It isn't established which room he is leaving from. Perhaps some re-wording:
Two hours later, Severus, in his personal chambers, went into the bathroom to change from his formal robes. When he came out, Lucius was standing there, waiting for him.
-breifbrief nod
-eversinceever since I
Lucius has previously tried to take the life of Severus, and now he is declaring his love. To make this more believable, something more needs established. Why would he be in love with Severus? What has lead him to this conclusion? What interaction between the two lead to this strong emotion, or is it merely something else disguised as love?
I would gladly return for a re-evaluation of the rating once editing is done to the piece. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary : - A picture is worth a thousand words, but the words that share the history and surroundings of the picture add such depth and perception to the tapestry, that combined create a masterpiece of art.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
Beauty in it's finest.
~~Over all view point:
This is an author with the great ability to emotionally move and touch the reader. An author that can create imagery better than watching a movie.
~~Any editing comments:
NONE
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
catty ~~ Brief summary :
The loneliness of missing one so treasured occupies BB's day.
~~Over all view point:
-I enjoyed this wonderful piece. True to life, we often mistake the feelings and concerns of those around us, especially the four legged felines.
- I especially appreciated how the author kept my attention throughout the story, never telling me what had happened to the "she" or where she had gone.
~~Any editing comments:No editing comments for this piece.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary :
A lesson in learning. Child development and one of the processes in helping them along, parental guidance and understanding.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
To me this was a piece of understanding. The father learning what the child needed.
~~Over all view point:
I especially like the link"The Writer's Cramp" provided allowing others to see just where this article was entered.
~~Any editing comments:
-If writing this piece for something other than the contest, I would have added some dialogue while cleaning the pool, leading the father into the understanding that more parent involvement was needed.
- Since a word count is give, I believe a word count limit is in the contest. The limitations, or stipulations put on the piece might also help readers to understand the piece.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary :
A wonderful collection of memories combined in one spot to create enjoyed reading, or perhaps to capture the memories for future revisit.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
I did a re-count of the number of cats. An addition of one had caught my eye. A great lead in into the story.
~~Comments:
I was surprised the cats weren't more interested in the possum at the beginning of the story. They appeared to have accepted Posssy as one of them.
I really enjoyed this collection. I found humor and fun enjoyment in the reading. At the end, I cried with you. A sad loss of a friend.
I can relate to the bumping through the house upon rude awakening.
~~Any editing comments: The word toward often in writing gets used as in speaking. Authors tend to add an s at the end. Doing so creates a typo. Toward is an action that doesn't need any other letters to represent this action.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~~ Brief summary : I took a trip today, down memory lane with an author. She created a time warp, and escorted me through. I was transported to a peaceful setting. I enjoyed the laughter, cried at the sadness, witnessed the finest Ice skating , and relaxed in the middle of the lake in a rocking boat. The pictures created were real. The memory were shared was vivid and sharp.
~~Any editing comments:
no, a request to paint me another perhaps. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary :
A wonderful Olympic event you do host.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
Fun and excitement from several wonderful companions.
~~Over all view point:
I enjoyed the visual you created for the reader. The detail of action, as well as the play by play kept my attention riveted to the screen.
~~Any editing comments:
No editing comments for this piece. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~~ Brief summary :
Haunted or not
the house is for sale.
Trying his best
but to no avail.
The Realtor goes out
to see what is the matter.
He then leaves laughing,
like the Mad Hatter.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
A short mystery here for all to see, come on by, and read like me. Couldn't wait to get to the end. What was it......
~~Over all view point:
I really enjoyed reading this piece. The characters fit their actions. The mood set was a pull to get me in and through the story.
~~Any editing comments:
Yes, write another, I enjoy what you write! No other comments.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Coffeebean ~~ Brief summary :
A wonderful poetic piece that had me smiling all through the end. At first read I took the romantic approach, for I had known a couple to meet in a grocery store for their first date. They shopped together. The second read took me for another ride. My question would then be, is this metaphoric, or simple and true as it is? I am going with door #2.
~~Interpretation: Stanza 1- I sit on the shelf, waiting for you
Stanza 2- I was the chosen one of the few.
Stanza 3- Excitement at going home with you.
Stanza 4- What you did to me was so untrue.
Stanza 5- I brightened you life, this you new.
Stanza 6- You returned with another, how could you.
Stanza 7- I wasn't bright enough, was your view.
~~Over all view point:
Overall I thought this was a humorous poem. Creative and fun to read.
~~Any editing comments:
Stanza 4 and 5 seem to be pretty much saying the same thing. I found it repetitious and unnecessary to have both pieces in the poem.
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary : - Another entry to a wonderful forum contest
FORUM
The Writer's Cramp (13+) Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPS! #333655 by Sophy
. This contest seems to spark a lot of writing from this author. This particular piece that was inspired by the Writer's Cramp contest forum is based on a fable.
~~Over all view point: I enjoyed the telling of this tale. I especially like how the author tells so much of it without revealing the identities of the characters. It adds depth and perception to the whole piece.
~~Any editing comments: - Simon rolls into a ball while retelling the events. Is the action reversed to continue with the tale, or does he go on speaking, rolled into a ball? The visual created was unclear for me. Perhaps I am reading it incorrectly, please tell me if so. One's interpretation, doesn't always perceive the facts. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item"
staiNed ~~ Brief summary : A humorous piece written for a contest. A true story of embarrassment.
~~Over all view point: My cheeks turned pink just thinking of being in this predicament. A truly embarrassing event. One you will never live down, once certain friends here of.
~~Any editing comments: - going to bite me.
-In the fourth paragraph, the son is draped over the shoulder when he bites you. You don't mention any action with this, but in the next sentence you "hosted" him back over your shoulder. After he bites you, do you put him back down, and then pick him back up, hoisting him over your shoulder?
~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
staiNed ~~ Brief summary : -A poem written for a contest using a title prompt. This is said to be a "Pi" poem. But this reader has no reference as to what that is, so can not base any judgement on style or form.
~~Interpretation: -It appears that we possibly have many different things happening at once with this piece.
-1- Angels are listening
-2- Some one is crying (but not the angels)
-3- The angels are privy to destruction. Silent witnesses.
-4- Sadness from those in line 2
-5- The tears of the angels are filled with blood.
-6- Those from line two seek help and answer from above where angels reside.
-7- Angels listen
-8 & 9- Here it gets confusing, not sure who is hearing the sounds of death. If we are following the pattern, then the line 2 inhabitants are, but this line seems to be (to me) the angels are hearing.
-10-Here we are back to those in line 2. They once again look up for answer.
-11- Angels are frightened now? Why? What makes them shudder? Are the angels responsible?
-12 & 13- Seem to go together. If so, then the angels listen (silent crimes has me baffled) to crimes then speak out in heaven (spoke a scream is also confusing to me)
-14- A new character is introduced
-15 & 16- The angels and the line 2 inhabitants now combined as one (tears now flowed as one with the dead, is this a river of death?)
~~Over all view point:
I feel this has a good start. After there I was confused as to who and what was speaking, and as to what the topic was. Maybe the poem format (Pi) holds the secret . I would gladly come back and re-rate and re-review this once changes are made. There is a strong piece in here, I just feel it needs some work.
~~Any editing comments: -upwards upward
- put some information in here as to what the "Pi" format is. A description allowing readers to better identify with the poem.
No harm is intended with this review. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1140329 by Not Available.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1129030 by Not Available.
J. A. Buxton ~~ Brief summary :
Another addition into the "The Writer's Cramp" A fun contest that inspires writer's to write.
~~What did this piece represent to me:
A lesson in reading comprehension.
~~Over all view point:
Over all, I think this is a humorous piece. A road trip full of tension and stress due to heat exhaustion, tight confines of the vehicle, and hot temperatures. A superb ending.
~~Any editing comments:
No editing comments for this piece. ~~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills"Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whome/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/54
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.70 seconds at 10:14am on Jul 12, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
~ My Interpretation:
~Suggestions:
~How I felt after reading this:
~Any editing comments:
1st Departure-Introduction: 1st paragraph 
1st Departure- Chapter 1: 8th paragraph- 
1st Departure- Chapter 1: 18th paragraph- Un-capitalize kicking.
1st Departure-Chapter 1 : 32nd paragraph-
~ What didn't I feel when reading this:
1st Departure- Chapter 1: 34th paragraph- 
The poem starts out with four lines then at the end, it seems jumbled and rushed due to longer lines. This can be fixed by breaking up the first line of each stanza, into two different lines.
Stanza 7 and 8 seem to break away from the rhyming scheme. 
I think the last two stanzas should be reversed in order. It seems to read better that way for me.
Keep up the great writing my friend, this will be a great novel when you are finished.
This poem is constructed using five lines. I feel it would better suit the purpose with seven lines and an added space in between each line. This adds depth and perception to the poem itself.
-A poem written for a contest using a title prompt. This is said to be a "Pi" poem. But this reader has no reference as to what that is, so can not base any judgement on style or form.