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1226
1226
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Joy Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
An emotionally inspiring piece that brings out the patriotic appeal of peace and harmony.

I find this free-stlye poem to invoke a spirit of calm in myself. As I flow from line to line the words paint a picture of stability and peace for me.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
The flowing of the colors as they float on the breeze spreading emotion and fulfillment through the presence of the steady stability and fight for all was very moving.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:

In the beginning I was thrown off balance by the first word. It took me a few times of reading to find the value behind Hope

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1227
1227
Review of Galway Bay -  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am planning a trip to Ireland. I have always had some weird fascination with it. I have never been there. Have never studied or looked into it before. Now I have found the strength and purpose to drive me to search out what may lay ahead for me in Ireland. I have seen a few pictures of Galway Bay now, and none compare to your picture here. Thank you for sharing.

If you have any travel ideas or suggestions, please let me know

Jenny
1228
1228
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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J. A. Buxton Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A contest prompt turned into a joy of sunshine. Actions speak louder than words and often have a ripple effect in life, that many will never know. What you say or do now can change lives, for better or for worse. This is a good modern day fable. A tale that has a lesson to teach to all.


*Star*Suggestions:
Though this writer is great at writing novels, I find her short stories intrigue me just as well, if not more. The prompts Judy takes and uses turn into fascinating stories for the reader. I would like to someday see these fashioned into a collection.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I started reading a story, only to find myself seeing a lesson in life that all should keep in their mind.

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1229
1229
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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C.E. Thieroff Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
An insight to another way of living. Having it all, yet having nothing at the same time. This poetic piece, though not my normal rhythmatically rhyming style, was a pleasure to read. I found myself wrapped up in the emotion as well as the picture this created.


*Star*Suggestions:
Originally I had a suggestion to alter this format. Use the less is more concept. The more I read it, the more I realized, it was perfect how it is. I couldn't imagine it being said any more clearly. That being said, the only other suggestion would be to add this to the pile for publishing.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the last verses. How looking back, it didn't start out with these intentions, this is how it ended though. A reflection on how it came to be.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
The last two lines, kept me stumbling. I had to read them several times. Perhpas if you add a comma after the words, waysand sadly it would flow a little smoother.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
I kept stumbling. I did read this multiple times, but the last part kept tripping me. Maybe it is just me though.

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1230
1230
Review of once more...  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Tina Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A beautiful poem. I could sense the love within, as well as the loss.


*Star*Suggestions: Though this is well written, the voice of the poem to me seemed a bit rushed, when reading it as it was originally formatted. I took your lines and re-formatted them. To me, this reads with more emotion. With a pause at the end of each line, there is a sense of longing that follows. Try it and let me know what you think. Keep in mind, this is your work, I am only commenting on what I see, and you the author are the artist of this portrait. I may see a smiling woman, you may have a Mona Lisa! Do not change what you feel should remain.

If I could see
your face,
I could smile
once more.
If I could touch
your arm
I could lift
the heavy burdens
Off my shoulders
If I could see
your beautiful smile,
I could speak
without guilt.
If I could hear
your sweet voice
Telling me you loved me,
I could love
and feel once more.



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1231
1231
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Thought Particle Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Since you are writing a novel which takes place on Mars, it is great that you can miss it so. It makes for better writing when you can take a break from the story. Not only do you give this information to us, but you share that your time here is valuable to you and you have no regrets about it. Also the fact that this may have been written from work comes across almost like a laugh or flaunt. As if to say, "I may not be able to spend my time writing of my Mars travels, but I can drop in and say hi".

*Star*Suggestions:
With this being a free-style poem, I am not sure the ideas I have would benefit this poetry. To me, it seems broken and filled with laughter as if sharing a secret joke, all the while complaining that you were dragged away by the prior commitment of work.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I especially liked the next to last verse where instead of deleting a word, the line-out is used. To me this helps with the humor part of the piece.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
It took me a moment or two to break myself away from the habit of trying to put this into a rhythmical piece. I wanted to rhyme myself through this poem, however, that is not the intention of this piece. The freedom of the lines are shown within the free-style format, as well as with the choice of showing time passage.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
I found this a fun piece to read. I read it a few times to get the feel for it, then read it again to understand and enjoy it. A very clever write.

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1232
1232
Review of My Love For You  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Just Chilling Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:


*Star*Suggestions:
~for the first line, if I could just make one suggestion: the last word needs adjusted. Instead of awake it should be wake{/}.

~The alternate rhyming scheme works real smooth until the last verse. Though the rhymes are flawless, the first rhyme in the last verse is in rhythm with the previous verse. To me this through off the poem. I would consider a different rhyme for the last verse.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
What I liked about this is that I could envision this two ways.
~I envision this as a love story with the love growing and blossoming.

~I also envision this as a heartbreaking piece.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Mentioned above in the suggestions.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
A well written piece.

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1233
1233
Review of Dream Catcher.  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Gothic Angel gone Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
From the beginning, I saw this as a poetic piece. Thoughts trapped on the screen spiral downward into depression only to find the catcher of all that we hold sacred. The dream.


*Star*Suggestions:
This is full of inspiration for writing a poem. I could visualize it as I read each line. Begin with the dark and despair, ending with the light shining on the dream catcher which brings it all into perspective.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I saw this as exercising of a demon. I saw this as a metaphor for life. I saw this as a work of art and a way to work through life.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Absolutely nothing.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
A well deserving piece.

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1234
1234
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Legerdemain Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Dream or reality, sometimes it is just too hard to distinguish until the waking moment. By then it is too late, the fear has taken over. This is an intense piece. As I read it each time, for it was so good I did so more than once, my muscles tightened as the tempo accelerated. I had to get up and walk away, roll the neck, flex the shoulders. A very powerful piece.


*Star*Suggestions:
I could find nothing to add or take away from this piece. I sit here now tense with tight muscles, getting a headache from the anxiety I felt as I put myself into the character. A writing so good that the reader morphs into the character. My only suggestion would be put this piece into print.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
The acceleration built along with the anxiety to an intensity without repeating ideas or actions.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
I had to go get two Tylenol to help release the tension that built up in my own muscles as I became the character.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
Any piece of writing that can transmit the emotion and words into physical attributes deserves a five star rating. Bravo my friend. Thank you, a great read.

*The headache will pass, but now I fear that when driving at night, I will forever be reliving this dream with you. I hope and pray the outcome is never the same. I travel 7.9 miles from work to home, in a rural area, where at any given night if it is bright enough due to the moon, or early enough in the evening, you can count 30-50 deer along the route.*

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1235
1235
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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COUNTRYMOM Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A superb poem of comfort and rhyme that carries a great message of the place she truly wishes to be. Sharing warmth and love for this special place, the voice speaks of why this place is dear.


*Star*Suggestions:
How do you improve or give suggestions for a piece so well written, other than to suggest it is put into print.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked how each rhyming verse ended in a statement. The non-rhyming exclamation each verse ended with brought the reader back to the beginning, and set forth the message with all clarity.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Absolutely nothing troubled me here.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
A well deserving piece.

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1236
1236
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Funnyface is happy to be back Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Lessons passed on through the generations, from parent to child are ones memories and legends are made of. An alternate rhyming poem of a spiritual lesson is taught within the confines of this poetry.


*Star*Suggestions:
There two different spellings for the name Jenny. You use them both here. It is a tad confusing. I however am partial to the spelling ending in "y" for that is my name. Jenny. I would use one or the other, but not both.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This had a great rhyming scheme and stayed true to that all the way through. There were no forced rhymes and this told a clear and easy story with a lesson for others to follow.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
The name issue listed above, but only for personal reasons. Perhaps I should write about it one day.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
You tell me. Read this everyone, a great poetic writing, ready to be shared with all of the public.

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1237
1237
Review of empty parking lot  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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tc_davis Author Icon

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*Star*Brief Summary:
I have pondered this poem for many a day now. The only thing I can come up with, is it is as it states, thoughts that wonder randomly and aimlessly through the mind while sitting in an abandoned parking lot.

I may have tried to over-analyze this. I have now read it ten times. To me, a couple of things stand out.

One is that loneliness is apparent in each verse. Whether it was the lonely nights, the empty parking lot, or nobody near, it is made abundantly clear that the voice is alone. This haunted my thoughts. What was the voice trying to tell me? Alone, I am alone. I get that part, but it seemed like more was trying to creep out. Was it being alone in a crowded subway type of alone?
As in I am surrounded by many people, yet nobody sees me? Or are we talking, I am alone in this world, with nobody to share my dreams?

Secondly it was the glowing. Glowing stars, glowing lights, and a glowing sun. Just what does the glowing represent? Here there is no imply of the word glowing, for it is used outright. So that too bothered me. Again, am I reading too much here. Am I trying to create a metaphor when none exists? I will break it down line by line and see.

12 lines here and I will start at the top:

1-reading this line gives me the impression that there is no other significant other to turn to when the strange dreams awaken the voice.

2-It is a bright night out, for there are many stars visible in the sky. I am not sure if this places the character inside city limits, for I fear viewing that many stars, one would have to be away from some of the other city lights.

3-The reference to concrete and emotional mind bring to thought the metaphor. What here makes the voice connect the two? Have we now traveled to the garage and the cement is cold? Relating this to feelings and emotions from the strange dream that woke us in the first place, are we saying that we are emotionally hardened to life? If so, why?

4- The reference to others here and their activities show us that something out of the normal is happening. The character or voice shouldn't be up at this hour.

5-Here we start a new verse. Have we now walked, or are we driving? We are traveling down memory lane asking questions of the choices in life. Simple enough. We can do that from just about any vantage point.

6-The reference here now to the glowing lights and the position of them lead me to believe the voice is walking at night or driving aimlessly. Insomnia induced thinking. The lights then take on a new meaning. They are the sun of the evening for many.

7- Simple enough here, we are witnessing the weather.

8- Alone again. Or is it still? Has the voice walked, drove by car, or simply using metaphors. Either of the three can apply here.

9-Another new verse here and we begin it with a derivative of depression combined with hope. Leading me to believe that although we are experiencing, what I believe is insomnia,we haven't given up yet. There is enough energy to still hope.

10-The glowing sun, brings to light we have now been out all night. It is early morning and the glowing may be hurting our sleep deprived eyes.

11-Yes, the eyes have been open far too long. What they see as they wander through the night through the memories and choices made, still somehow leaves room for hope. So,,, all is not lost.

12- Heading for home.

So this was my break down of the poem. What I get out of this , and this is purely my interpretation, is this:

Being single, dreams often awake me in the middle of the night when most sane people are sleeping in their beds. This happens often (not mentioned in poem), and when it does, I tend to go for a drive, knowing that sleep will elude me the rest of the night anyway. I often drive to an empty lot or parking lot and glance up at the sky, going back over the paths I have chosen in life, and where I will go from here. As the sun comes up, I head back home, once again able to close my eyes.


*Star*Any editing comments:
I saw nothing to comment on as far as editing goes. This is a well written piece. The part that stumped me for so long, was myself. Trying to complicate it. Trying to see the metaphor. What didn't occur to me for quite some time was that perhaps there wasn't one to see.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
To me the glowing reference in each verse represented a light. A light of comfort. With the light on, you are not alone. You are protected from the darkness. The darkness being depression.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Opening my eyes to see what was really here before me. Even the capital letter at the beginning of each line was trying to create a hidden word for me. I was looking for more hidden messages. They weren't hidden though. I just merely had to open my eyes and read.


*Star*Suggestions:
Keep writing. You write great poetry, and I have enjoyed reading each piece I have come across. Keep up the wonderful work.

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1238
1238
Review of Foggy Revelations  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Fyn Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a contest entry with three sides to one event. A cloud filled morning with a clear incident lead to three altercations with the fog.


*Star*Suggestions:
~Paragraph one: The word fog or a deviation of it is over-used in the first paragraph.
Sentence1:*instead of the word very perhaps early would fit more in tune with the stories. It all started one early foggy morning. Then again that makes it sound like it is the beginning to something which occurs over and over, or a tale that goes on for a while. It is mis-leading. Lets look at this again.
It was an early foggy morning..

Sentence 2: totally delete the second sentence. Everything contained within it is repeated again in the third sentence, thus making it not only repetitious but confusing.

~"I did not like the fog. It scared me. I was always afraid of getting lost in the fog it and never finding my way home or getting lost and ending up in some other world that waited on the far side of the fog it.


PARAGRAPH 2:
~a small insertion is needed in the first sentence to let the reader's know that we are still speaking of this early morning incident.
I was not very happythis morning"

~our dog had dug his way out of the doghis kennel.

PARAGRAPH 4:
~around our house. But the fog played around our house, but the fog...

Gary's Story:
~ here I find it unlikely that Gary would turn to Billy and Call him twinners. He is too scared to refer to anything familiar, something more along the line of "hey" , something short and quick.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked how the author took three sides of the story. There is always more than one way to view an event. This was a clever work of art.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
The title. It didn't cut it for me. My alternate idea: Foggy Revelations or Foggy Events. I shoot for the first one though.


*Star*Why I rated this so: This is well written. I would however include a small link at the bottom to the contest so that others can see the limitations put on the work. Is there a word limit and so forth? Also I had a bit of trouble though mainly with the first paragraph.

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1239
1239
Review of seek it2  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there my friend, I was trying to link one of my auctions and kept mistakenly linking this item instead. So since I repeatedly linked it, I had to go see what I was linking. The curiosity had me by the throat. Well lo and behold, here is a knick knack shelf containing two items I would love to have, oh wait I see a third *Laugh* but I am sure I already have a $20 bill or at least I did on payday *Laugh* This collage of items is very interesting. I can't tell what the bottle is though. So here is my question, is this a personal picture??? What purpose does this link serve??? Is it a hidden treasure we must find?? So many questions sparked from a picture. Thank you for sharing.

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1240
1240
Review of My hands  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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tc_davis Author Icon

"This is a review in connection with "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.."

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a very physical and emotional poem. The pain is the constant in each verse.

~Verse one: The voice of the poem speaks of washing the hands of emotion while weathering the storms of destruction.

~Verse two: The voice now washes away the physical while remaining alone or lonely.

~Verse three: Sweat and tears are something we give of ourselves. So it is as if the verse is washing away your efforts, your achievements, things you have accomplished.

~Verse four: Secrets and thoughts, something nobody else can take away from us. Yet the voice tries to get rid of these as well.


*Star*Any editing comments:
I could find nothing to comment on as far as editing points.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
It is as if the voice is trying to erase itself, yet as spoken in the last verse, all in vain. For the voice realizes that life must go on. Though secret wishes are to end the life, the voice realizes in the end that this life is normal and it should proceed as the fates and destiny decide.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
In the first verse the voice washes away a crush. So at one point another person was involved with the voice, at least as far as a link in the mind of the voice. In verse two the lonely free air gives us reference that the crush is no longer in alliance with the voice. Giving all of that, this could very well be a poem of depression or re-birth. (just my interpretation)


*Star*Suggestions:
One line in verse three troubled me. The use of the word "Normally" seemed off for the structure of the verse. Perhaps the single word "normal" would fit a little more smooth for the readers.

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1241
1241
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Mara ♣ McBain Author Icon

"This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.."

*Star*Brief Summary:
Ean is learning what it is like having a family to take care of. Out of all his life experiences, nothing has scared him like Erin and Nick seem to. Especially his little Erin.


*Star*Any editing comments:
I did find one contradiction in this piece. In chapter four, even though Rosie is considered "in his emply" it is implied that Ean has a little fun at Annabelle's expense (pounding reference). Yet in chapter seven Rosie is considered off limits due to the "in his emply". This was confusing. I had to go back through the chapters to be sure I hadn't confused the facts, after all it has been a week or two since I had read the first six chapters.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I like the story as it is unfolding. I couldn't say for positive what has captured my attention, perhaps it is the Cinderella, Pretty Woman, like theme that seems to have lured me into the storyline. What ever it is, I am enjoying this adventure.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Stated above as confusion with Rosie.


*Star*Suggestions/Comments:
I found Erin as another name of one of your characters in another writing of yours. Is this a name you are partial to?

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1242
1242
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Moni Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
This poem is an inspiration in and of itself.
Verse#1: I view the first verse as a thought or idea that is so strong that there is an overload of emotion.

Verse #2: Next we have the resource found for which to be instrumental in exploring the idea. However the new resource is such a vast environment that this new outlet is a place for exploration and adds to the overload.

Verse#3: Advice being given to take the time to explore your ideas and outlets for them.


*Star*Suggestions:
I could find nothing to suggest other than adding this one as one of the poems to add to a book for publishing at a later date.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
To me, I found this as a piece that is in reference to this site. This poem speaks to me of writing, and stumbling on to this website, only to find a vast community with a plethora of opportunity to explore the creativity of the author's mind.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
nothing really.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
A deserving piece.

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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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KatElulu Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A poem based on the rhyming couplet format with a message on growth.


*Star*Suggestions:
This poem consists of two rhyming couplets and a pause. Five lines altogether. An added space between the second and third line, as well as an added space between the third and the fourth line, would add a passage of time for the reader. I feel this would also strengthen the poem.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the journey this represents. A journey of growth and self discovery. The voice of the poem speaks of journey and improvement of the soul. Also a hint is left that there is somewhere a story of the journey.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
In the beginning, the voice is at the end of a road. Then it travels to the fork. Is it the same fork once visited, or a new fork on a different path? If it is a new fork never viewed, then the end of the line needs changed to read in the road in place of of the road


*Star*Why I rated this so:
I thought this was well written, though I did find a few things that I felt needed some adjustment or clarification in order for me to rate it higher.
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Review of By the Fireside  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Split Infinitive Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Eddie runs across something that sends his memory back 20 years. Left to re-analyze summers of youth and a friendship, he is troubled by his actions or lack there of.


*Star*Suggestions:
The last paragraph, when speaking of the remains, it isn't revealed or even hinted at, that the remains are around 20 years old. It seems like more evidence is needed or should be produced to come up with the concluding thoughts of the voice from this piece.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the descriptives used in the piece. One can easily see the two boys sneaking off to do the deeds mentioned here. The smells of summer and the nights spent outside are great visuals.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Only the one listed above in the suggestions.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
A well written piece. Though a suggestion was made this piece holds up without any additions or editing. A memory can be sparked from a smell, a word, so many various items that it isn't for me to say what should or shouldn't be inserted here.

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Review of Rupert's Mistake  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Secret Santa Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Gathering his strength on a long drive, Rupert is about to meet his princess whom he met through the internet. A relationship nurtured across the miles through the computer connection is no longer enough. Rupert is about to meet the princess of his dreams.


*Star*Suggestions:
~One small typo toward the bottom of the piece. Instead of the word he, the letter e stands out alone.

~A word count is issued at the bottom leading readers to surmise this may have been written for a contest or from a prompt. If this is the case, it is often helpful to the reviewer to know the limitations of which the author is working with on this piece. A link (if this is the case) at the top or bottom of the short story would be helpful.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the way the author portrays and describes Rupert. His human characteristics are viewable through the actions.

~Another part I especially liked is the cliffhanger at the end. A great way to lead a reader into a storyline. Will you then use this to create a novel? It does have the great makings for a good humorous story.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
NONE REALLY

*Star*Why I rated this so:
Well written.
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1246
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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bkcompton

*Star*Personal notes:
So you plug and run with out so much as a hello, leaving behind a tempting morsel for me to enjoy. A little background here. When living in Nevada 9 years prior, it was learned we would be moving to Wisconsin. I then spent a year watching every Packer's game that year.Who would live in Cheese Territory and not be a Packer fan? We ended up in Montana. Snow, but no football team. We have never watched a football game since. We turned off Television 4 years ago. This year, I LISTENED to the Packer's final game of the season. I was on pens and needles for every play. Now he retires.

*Star*Comments:
~I had heard that Favre was leaving the beloved team. I hadn't heard that it wasn't quite official yet. So, thank you for the update. As you state, he HAS been a part of the team for 17 years. His name will forever be as much a part of the Packer's team as Lambo field. You do bring up some mighty important questions. Who will be running the show. The media or Favre??? Do you feel a cover up? Isn't the fact that he has played so well for this long enough to earn him a quiet retirement?

This is a great entry that is thought provoking and has me wondering all the same. Perhaps I need to check the newsbroadcasts later today to find out what exactly the news coverage will uncover!


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Review of Fleeting  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Adore lol♥ Author Icon

*Star*Personal notes:
This is a story that is real to life. Many a family is faced with the same situation, and given the same advice.


*Star*Suggestions/Editing:
~ paragraph beginning with "Zuri quickly ..." insert the word to between the words beenand find.

~towardsWhen using words of action, as in forward, backward, and toward, there should be no "s" added on to denote action since the word itself is already the action. Many of us make that mistake in speech thus making it a slang term. We then carry that with us into our writing. Many an author has shared this knowledge with me.

~outstretched to waiting to bring comfort.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
The realism this portrays is as if the author has great experience in the subject. The picture painted for the reader bring forth the smells of the fear and sadness. The emotions boil over.
I especially liked the ending due to the truth. I don't want to spoil it for other would be readers.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
None.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
There were a few places that needed adjusting, otherwise, this would have rated perfect.

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Review of The Poetry Pub  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A variety of subjects written through the passage of time, all coming from the heart.

Varying muses are working here sparking emotion from within to complete these masterpieces.

This collaboration of poetry is well written and a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing
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Review of Mixup the Mongrel  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Kaliko M~Reaching for Truth~ Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A love for dogs does not begin and end with a pedigree.


*Star*Suggestions:
Now that the contest is over, perhaps you may think about going back and adding on to this. There is a spot where the voice of the piece is thinking about "Mojo" "that night". Without detail, more thought, or mention, pretty soon, Mojo is now his. What happened. For a shortened piece I can see where this would work, but in the bigger picture, you have left room to add on. The conversation between the family as to leaving Mojo, and later visiting the family again. There are many places this story can go from here. Let me know if you do more with it.

*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I enjoyed the description of Mojo and the thought behind him. A lovable creature from many backgrounds.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
None, this is well written.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
I am trying to rate it within the context it was written. Since it was for a prompt entry in a contest, it would help and benefit other reviewers for the link, and or limitations listed, which were put on this writing. Many may not realize that a word limit is issued, and that can alter a rating, due to information or story lines which could be improved upon without word limitations.
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Review of Tell Me Today  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Effie/Rycca is back Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A poem full of choking emotion waiting to burst forth. The voice of the poem is strong and powerful.


*Star*Suggestions:
There are two lines that begin with the word and. I feel this would be a stronger piece if you just delete those two words altogether.



*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Have you thought of using a different layout for this poem. Same words, just put into a different structure. I have read it four times now. First I read it as it is. The second time around I read it, deleting the and, at the first of the two sentences of which it resides. Thirdly I reformatted the poem and read it that way. Let me show you :

Tell Me Today

Tell me today what your dreams of tomorrow may be,
Whisper in my ear the sweet droplets of words I wish to hear
And lightly lay your head on the plump pillow of my heart.
For my darling, tomorrow brings new joys and adventures
To dive into with a world of anticipation and expectation.
And whether you fall and cry or succeed and laugh heartily
I shall be there to share that moment with you.


Tell Me Today

Tell me today,
what your dreams of tomorrow may be.
Whisper in my ear,
the sweet droplets of words I wish to hear.
Lightly lay your head,
on the plump pillow of my heart.
For my darling,
tomorrow brings new joys and adventures,
to dive into with a world of anticipation and expectation.
Whether you fall and cry,
or succeed and laugh heartily'
I shall be there,
to share that moment with you.


your words, just in a new format. The added commas add pause of breath, and I imagine someone hanging on his every word. I feel his husky breath so full of emotion that the commas allow him to swallow to get the words out.


*Star*Why I rated this so:
I feel this is a well written poem as it stands, but also feel it can soar even higher if it lifts it's wings. I feel the words pour out breathlessly now, but a few areas could use some adjusting, see suggestions above.

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