Good attempt. I only think that this is a very technical piece and lacks inner feelings.
I think perhaps you could use more paragraphs as it's
one block of words.
My suggestion is that grammer and punctuation could need some polishing up.
A very sad piece .
I found your poem in this weeks' 'Poetry NL'.
I enjoyed reading and found it very sad and touching.
IT'S TERRIBLE WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE BEATS YOU!
Too often this happens to women who haven't got the courage to report the incident and they're so scared
that they remain with their husbands even if they live
an outrageous situation.
I think it's better to live alone then to be beaten myself, don't you?
Hi Ridinghood,
I liked this modern day version of a poem.
I also found the ad description amusing and sad at
the same time.
The male's description was quite normal, but the woman's one was sad and sounded as if she had rather a lot of problems during her life.
Finally she managed to taste some bliss.
I loved the last phrase, it really sounded as if she was having a whale of a time.
Hi Flower,
A very touching piece of work!
Your words portray the unhappiness within a family of adopted parents.
These two twin girls didn't live a carefree childhood
life the way normal children do. Instead they were given chores to do and no tenderness at all.
I wonder if when Beth got married, her adopted mother
sent her those towels as a peace token? Maybe she was sorry and perhaps Beth has misinterpreted her intentions!
This story was well written with good description and
grammer. Well done.
Hi Bird,
You write very well and the topis is an interesting one. One which I think touches everyone more or less.
I disagree in some parts.
I think love is the completion you feel with the other person. I don't think love is disparing about a lost love or a love which wasn't to be.
Love should be happiness and fulfillment and should not bring feelings of sadness. If someone makes you dispair , it's not love.
Love is loving someone unconditionally, even if that means leaving him to allow him to be happy with someone else.
If you love someone you want their happiness whatever happens!
Thanks for sharing your opinions on this magnificent
and heartfelt subject!
Hi Bird,
This is quite a difficult piece to judge.
Very spiritual and personal, full of emotions and
introspection.
We all have to come to terms with different stages of
our life and how to react to them.
Feeling like a vegetable, still and fruitless, is because one feels helpless and in need of someone to lend them a hand.
Depression or sadness in some cases help us to mature
and prepare us to accept responsabilities or mourn the
departure of our loved ones.
Everything happens for a reason and our Lord is always present, even in times of trouble, when we think he's abandoned us.
A very sweet and touching piece full of emotion.
A grandmother is a very important role in life and
funnily the emotions are almost stronger than for your own children. Different attitudes and feelings, perhaps
more freedom and less responsability.
Enjoyed reading your poem.
The only suggestion I have is perhaps in the lay-out.
Some paragraphing would help to make it look nicer!
Other than that lovely!
I loved this lyric, really great!
it sounds like you've written lyrics before.
very emotional and the words flowed smoothly with rhythm and rhyme and rock and roll!
I seriously think you could also sing it as a soul song too!
Good luck for the cometition, I'm sure you'll do well.
Take care and keep writing,
AuntyNelly
Your words portray how the mother is distraught after the loss of her son. The fact that she can see him
and that he can say I love you for the last time filled her heart with joy.
Now she knows sje has her Angel watching over her always!
Hi James,
Yobear pointed this poetry out to me and told me it was a masterpiece.
I agree with her. Very touching and emotional.
Yes a mother should never have to experience the loss of a child. It's too traumatic!
I loved reading this story. It was emotional and very romantic, almost the kind you only see in films but would love to happen for real.
The way you described Mattie was so detailed that I could almost picture him.
A spoilt girl who falls in love with the servant.
It sounds like a fairytale but with skill you turned it to a real life drama.
I could feel and imagine the characters , especially the father ,daughter and Mattie .
Sad that only after the father's death brought happiness ever after!
I really enjoyed this poem.
Your words portrayed the emotions of a person who is
reliable and will always be there in good times or
bad times.
I particularly liked the stanza where you say,
''I have my umbrella ready etc''.
By the way I noticed you haven't written anything in your bio block.
You should do as this communicates a little more about you to the people reading your work.
Well done. A good try!
Well written with good rhyming and display.
Your words portrayed that dreams are the best illusions in life , to sweep away the bad times and
start again with the new.
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