My first impression of the poem “What If”
Looks like a poem about a bad break up, in rough draft. Could be a draft for song lyrics.
This is only my opinion. I think you meant he instead of we in this line-although I know we won't
My suggestion, at the end I might write “What if he is where he thinks I’ll be” Final thoughts, a good idea but seems to be a first draft in need of polishing. This is only one opinion.
My review of the poem Ego. Very well written. The lines flow great, no grammar errors. I like it a lot, short, simple , straight to the point. I like every line I guess my favorite though would have to be the last one *Keep treating them the way you do. You'll find it's just your ego and you.* I don't think I would change a thing. Suggestions could make it a bit longer, not really needed. There's nothing wrong with short when it's written that well. Good Description of Human Nature. Final thoughts: you have done a great job.
My first impression of “all the good ones are gone”
Looks like a poem about a couple fighting. My favorite line or verse is *all is well, except I am not sure if this is heart pain is it from missing a chance or if it is wondering what could have been or what really was * Well written. I am a newbie and this is just my opinion. It stands fine as is, if I had to make a suggestion I might make it a bit longer. Good job.
Metairie Cemetery My first impression, a poem about ghosts and a cemetery I got to read this. Nicely written a very good creative idea also. I liked everything about it. I don't think I would change a thing. My favorite lines *ah ha lock out the likes of me he bought the track grounds and converted it to a cemetery.* Nice bit of humor with the men lined up to see The Madam. I am just a newbie and this is just my opinion, great job well done. Write On.
My first impression of “The Lighthouse in the Mist” Well written, Everything flowed together good. I did not notice any grammar mistakes. My favorite line * Rachel had been walking for hours, her feet numb and aching. She had left her house in a fit of anger and desperation, not knowing where she was going or what she was looking for. All she knew was that she needed to get away, to be alone with her thoughts and the endless expanse of the mist * I could feel Rachel’s emotion from this line. Naturally the last line is also a favorite ** For a moment, Rachel forgot her anger and frustration, lost in the beauty of the view. And as the sun burned off the last of the mist, she knew that she would be okay. She would find her way back home, stronger and more sure of herself than before.** Great Job, I have no suggestions.
My first impression of “I can't do it” Well written, Everything flowed together good. I did not notice any grammar mistakes. Some of my favorite lines * “I still have a few more days before I die. But the space shuttle isn’t going to return to pick us up until a couple of weeks.”* ** “That’s because they look like one. But that’s how they kill several thousand of us Kothians a year. They wrap themselves around any visible skin and stab you with their pointed poisonous scales on the side of their skin. That’s how one killed my Birth-Adult.”** *** Nanca’s sad face suddenly turned into a smile. “Maybe I can get one of them to kill you for me.”*** I really enjoyed this unique story. I am a newbie here. This is just one newbie opinion. Very Original, Good story, good job. My only suggestion, The use of the word area Seemed a bit repetitive. might consider renaming some of those areas, possibly from a Kothian language. That's just one newbie suggestion. Great job Write On.
My first impression of *Andontrimax Found This*
Chapter one. I liked it And wanted to keep Reading and see where it went. The idea is good and it reads well. I like the irony the story has with our history, And Human Nature. Well written. My favorite line was “everything had to be done the loudest the fastest the hardest every party every meeting the more grandiose the better.” Another favorite line “they once applauded the man who was able to have the most children with the most women” I am a newbie and this is just my opinion. A really good draft with a lot of information that you probably plan to spread Throughout the book. A suggestion for our Heroes name might be Midnight. I did not notice any grammar errors. It seems to hold the reader's attention well. Final thoughts Great job looking forward to chapter 2. Write On.
My first impression of *Going Crazy with you.* looks like this is a song.
I am a newbie. I love to write and I love poetry. The only musical instrument I can play is a radio. I like the words and the flow. I can't quite put a tune with it though. My favorite line is the first chorus “ it's the crazy way you say my name and it's the crazy way you play Life's little it's the crazy little things you do that makes me want to spend my whole life going crazy with you”
I have no suggestions. I am no musician. I like it because it sounds good. Great choice of words. Just my opinion, it is good, I like it. Write On
My first impression of *Heist five August Denton the Third*. Very well written and intriguing. I enjoyed it, and it made me want to see chapter 6. Was wondering if this is a Kindle Bella chapter. I like the twist of the kid having stolen art to sell. I like the way it was introduced. I found the whole story good but I believe my favorite line was-- if he was so good at what he did why did he die in prison--. I really have no suggestions. I found the work very very well written and a good flow. I am a newbie here, this is just my opinion, great job keep up the good work. Write On.
My first impression of day 8 2 3 13. I'm a bit confused about whether it's a documentary or Research paper about Galileo. My favorite line was -- For while he believed that Bible Couldn't be wrong that he had less faith in the interpreters And the Inquisition was not interested in the truth. --My final thoughts, well I'm just a newbie here learning the ropes and it's just my opinion. With poems sometimes it's easy to get caught up in structure and Building in the correct fashion Losing focus of the actual work. That is One reason I have always preferred free verse. That's just one Newbie opinion. I give it four stars because I might have missed something..
My first impression of Ghost Hunting.
Both the title and the opening catch my attention leading me to want to see what happens.
I like the modern take with the ghost app and smartphone. My favorite line is “what else don't I know?” The story flows well and I did not notice any grammar errors. Well written story, good job. Just my opinion would be to expand or add a bit more before the ending.
Very Respectfully written. This moved me to begin to philosophy; it is hard to be patient. We often expect too much From ourselves Which we are seldom patient with. I enjoyed it very much. Felt a bit preachy Might have expanded on regrets and lost loves.
Very well written. Nice comparison best of times worst of times. Great descriptive style, helping the reader feel as if they were in your shoes. I love the title because the Y2K was a very memorable time for me also. I could feel how both yours and your children's lives were changing. I like That you humored it a bit with the use of landing on my well endowed behind. I am a newbie here this is my first review. I liked the story, the Y2K in the title is what drawed me to Read this story. Very good job. Happy Writing
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