My Impressions of; Poem #4: Synaptical Kiss
A nice flow.
My favorite lines;
It is a surrender of words
Of hanging bubbles of burdens
Of luggages that spasmidises our shoulders muscles
Into the godliness of a music between us
It is a transformation of beggars
Of tired vagabonds
Of loaded soldiers
Into a really happy kin
Suggestions ; I might open with this line - It came to my dream and I forgot all about it -
This is only one opinion; Read’s well, A good poem expressed well. Good job.
Write On!
My Impressions of; A Tale of My Father
Thanks for sharing your story. I can really relate. It sounds very similar to my childhood.
Great description Nicely written and well done.
My favorite lines; 1- At the time, he was little more than a symbol of authority, used so often as the threat behind the order: wait till your father gets home
2 - I might not have the kind of father who took me to sports games or taught me to fish but I was left alone to develop my own interests.
3 - As teenagers we knew all the words, of course, but were also expert at the game of feigning complete ignorance of them
This is only one opinion; Read’s well, A good story expressed well in a few words, Keeping it short and straight to the point. That seems to be what today's reader likes most. Good job.
Write On!
My Impressions of; The Platinum Card
Nicely written and well done. A great idea. I love That you were able to incorporate and use all todays’ annoying customer service messages.
My favorite lines; 1 - Scrooge felt the pull to the dark side but refused to submit.
2 - Scrooge stood up and paced then quickly sat back down and read her the numbers, slowly and carefully.
This is only one opinion; Very creative Thinking and Writing making for a realistic story, Fun to read. Great job
Write On!
My Impressions of; Chapter 1: REM Wakes
Well written with plenty of realistic defined detail. A great opening line. Keeps the reader interested through the whole chapter. Well done
My favorite lines were; 1 - “I can do this. It’ll be revolutionary. The world won’t be the same. I just need a little more money and time,” This is a great opening line, I think most readers can relate to it.
2 - She wondered aloud, “Why’s that man so anxious every time we speak?”
3 - “It’s a Legal/Marketing conspiracy!”
4 - This will revolutionize humanity, not the pipedream you’re obsessed with.” Arinya grumbled to her husband as she walked by him and went to the kitchen to grab some food. He did not notice that either.
This is only one opinion; I have no suggestions for this great work, wouldn't change a thing,
Write On!
My first thoughts of the poem” B12 poetry”
Interesting work. Who is Mike Shinoda ? A lengthy work. My favorite line is * OL' GLORY IN RAIN, I'M AFRAID I'M DEAD, BUT IT HIT ME, BEFORE MY TIME!
DON'T GO, YOU SAID, TO MY SOUL AS IT SPIRALLED, OUT INTO THE DUSTY SKY! NOT AGAIN! ROCK ON! ONE LAST FLAME! *
This is only one opinion, it flowed fairly well at first then lost me in the middle to end. Seemed to get off course and Emotional. A lot of Well written work. Rock on! Write On!
“Facing the Gloom in America” my first thoughts
Well written Point comes across good. My favorite verse is * Egotists so lodged in positions of authority
Attempt to alert extremists about right versus wrong
In a disparate ideation so vacuous and unreal
That success is completely unattainable. *
This is only one opinion. Nice flow well done.
Write On!
“ Meanwhile Back at the Ranch” my first thoughts
Well written with a good flow, I can feel the emotion.
My favorite line is * raising the children we should’ve
raised together * This is only one opinion, a suggestion for the last line changing My to your.. *cursing your loss*.. Good writing, a powerful read.
Write On!
My thoughts and impressions of the intro-poem for "A Broken Mind is a Stronger One" .
I appreciate your feedback. After reading your description and mood set for the poem, It flowed so much better For my second read. This is only my opinion. Would your Reader benefit from your description to set the mood? As I did.
Again this is just one opinion and suggestion. Only trying to help. Good work. Is the book going to be about the demon That was born? Write On!
The poem had A very good flow. Well written and structured.
My favorite line is * To go where no man had gone before.
Was their mission, like days of yore.
With Doc McCoy and Eng. Scott,
Sulu, Uhura and Chekov,
It was a show I really adored. *
This is only one opinion. I like it. I am a trekkie myself so naturally I have to like it.
Really classy last verse remembering Lynyrd Nimoy. Well done. Write On!
My first thoughts about My "Shrunken life-Aunt Betty"
A good flow could find no flaws in the punctuation or grammar.
Very realistic Descriptions.
This is only one opinion, Kept waiting
for a twist, like For Tim to wake from a bad dream. Or the curse that put him in this position. I guess that would be my suggestion: a curse or bad dream coming from circumstances yet to be revealed. To what end is the story heading toward.
A lot of good work Whereas bits and pieces could be used in other works.
This is only my opinion. Write On!
My thoughts about the poem *Trust*
Well written and so true, trust and Friends are hard to come by these days
My favorite lines were just to have someone who will
be open and honest, even
though the truth may be harder to bear,
This is only one opinion, A little short but you Made your point.
It didn't really jump out at me but I like it. Well done. Write On!
My first thoughts of the article * A fascinating aquatic companion *
A very informative article. Did not notice any errors in punctuation or grammar. Suggestion at the beginning of freshwater fish you might say they all come in different shapes and sizes, then omitt in the next several paragraphs. This is only one opinion.
My favorite lines were: Choosing the right fish for your home can be a fun and exciting process. Whether you are looking for an easy-to-care-for freshwater fish or an exotic and fascinating saltwater fish, there is a fish out there that will meet your needs. It's important to research the different types of fish and their needs before making a purchase. Remember that owning a fish is a rewarding experience that requires regular maintenance and care.
Just my opinion, Informative article with a good word flow. Write On!
My first thoughts of the poem *A Broken Mind is a Stronger One; intro*
The title doesn't seem to go with the poem. Title Suggestions Maybe As the wind flew by.
This is only one opinion, A little lengthy and the flow Sounded repetitive, just did not flow well for me. Write On!
My first thoughts about the story Space Marines on the Deathstar
A story setting About Minor characters conversations aboard the Star Wars
Death Star. Very original idea And title that helps to draw the reader to want to read this story. Well written, a good realistic dialogue between characters.
My favorite lines are “This is not good. This is the opposite of good. This is the complete opposite of good. Every place that guy goes people die. And by people I mean us. If you thought the emperor didn't give a damn about you this guy is even worse,” Samo said.
The story reads well and holds the reader's attention. Suggestion, it's a bit hard to determine which character is talking at places.
Good job. I like that the soldiers are complaining about the Authority.
Write On!
My opinion of the poem bowling, Well written nice flow.
My favorite line is *One strike, two strikes, three, then a spare,
My teammates miss their shots, how rare.
I'm the one who's left, tall and stout,
T'was leaving me the odd man out. *
Really don't have any suggestions. Good idea very catchy I hope you won the contest. this is only one opinion, personally I like it, Well Done Write On!
My opinion of -Father and Daughter-
I do agree that Human Relationships or not always easy, Probably never.
I like the idea. True and believable relationship between sisters and father. My favorite line is
* on the other hand, she has the right to be the queen of the day.this is her day. * Well written I could find no punctuation errors, the story has a good flow.
It does make the reader want to know the father's reason for not liking Mark Steele. Sounds like most fathers that I know, they're usually right.
Can't think of any suggestions right now. I liked it, didn't really jump out but did hold the reader's interest. Well done. Write On!
My opinion, of Snuffle, snortle, little pigs.
My favorite line; -snoozing in your red brick digs.
A happy ending just for you,
dreaming of a nice wolf stew.-
Very well written. the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is an interesting prompt.
I can find no errors. very good flow.
I have no suggestions this is just my opinion. I like it, Didn't really jump out at me. Well done. Write On!
My first impression of just Out Of Reach well written flows well keeps the reader's attention. My favorite line is the last one watching him from high above following solidly just out of sight the Amazonian umbrella birds dropped a large Stone from her curved purple beak onto her dying Pursuier before letting out a mornful cry. My opinion a good story about man's determination the to his ironic death as the bird wins. A good story the grammar and punctuation is good well done. Write On!
First impression of “Two Orange Jelly Beans!!“ A very unique piece. The words flowed together well. I found it entertaining.
My favorite line is *so many regrets. so many things I could have done. I could have been an astronaut. could have been a first officer in a cruise liner(but not the captain...), I could have composed a symphony, I could have been the next Sigmund Freud. but I didn’t.*
Suggestions. The grammar and punctuation seemed good. Not used to seeing First letters of sentences that are not capitalized.
This is Only My opinion. Entertaining story with a good flow. An original idea. Well written, good job, I liked it. Keep up the good work. Write On!
First impression of “ Bleeding For You" A well written poem about love and life's ups and downs.
Only my opinion, A good flow That holds the reader's interest, brings back memories and Sparks emotions.
My favorite line is *Days passed quickly, our hearts grew near.
We were so strong; we had no fear.
Kisses and touches, so soft and carefree,
Vows of love exchanged between you and me.
Suggestions. I really have no suggestions as this seems to be a finished piece of work.
My opinion, A Very deep poem Written with emotions. A bit of a sad ending
First impression of “ May Thirteenth “ Nicely written verses.
Only my opinion, the numbers messed up the flow.
My favorite line is *
Into the fog at twilight,
we cross this one last bridge.
Behind us burns
the embers of our past.*
Next favorite line **
Where do my poems toss and turn?
In your bed?
Deep in your heart?
Or neglected, do they gnash and thrash
about in the trash?**
No Suggestions.
My opinion, A lot of good content to work with.
First impression of “The Man in the Hallway” Well written, a good flow with a nice twist at the end.
My favorite line is * Mark wasn’t sure what to think. His life may very well have been saved by a ghost.*
My opinion, Keeps the Reader's attention well. Did not notice any grammar Or punctuation errors. I really have no suggestions and liked it a lot.
First impression of the poem “The Vacation” This should be fun. Nicely written. Very entertaining and brought back some memories of past vacations.
My favorite lines were *And on the way
a level of yelling and screaming was maintained.* also ** I need a vacation from this vacation.**
My opinion, Great job, A good word flow. I enjoyed it. Write On!
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