Howdy, Norma Jean! This is a cool little story, but it’s also a sad commentary on how far we’ve come and how far we’ve gone with technology these days. I love how you used the prompt phrase, and the ending couldn’t have been any better. Reminded me of an old Twilight Zone episode! But getting back to what I was saying about technology. It seems everywhere we look these days we see robots doing the jobs we humans used to do. That’s had a major effect on unemployment, but sadly, robots are only as perfect as their creators, and we’re not perfect! We’re at the point now where one single person could blow up the world with a simple push of a button, and that scares the bejeesus out of me! Anyway, I did enjoy your story! Normally I can see those kind of endings coming, but I missed it this time! Kee ponw ritin gon, Norma! Have a great evening, and good luck in the contest!
Hi there, Paul! I like this! What I noticed most of all were those excellent descriptions you used, especially 'a rodent palace'. But I guess it was worth the 2 weeks to reach the house, eh? Talk about finding a 'diamond in the rough'! Great spelling and telling, and great use of the prompt words! Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and have a fantastic day!
Aloha, Normajean! I like this. It reads like a nice little children's story (which I'm sure you meant for it to be), and I love the way brought up those 'gorilla' terms ('a deep low gorilla-like voice', 'gorilla money', 'gorilla moment')! That's what really made it stand out, and it even has a sweet ending. You still had a few words to use, but I wouldn't change a thing! I think it turned out perfect! Bravo! The spelling and grammar were flawless, and you did a great job with the prompt words. I'm a little surprised this didn't win the contest. Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and have a wonderful evening/tomorrow!
Hello there, Itchybarn! For having written some thing like this for as young as your were (age 5?), I'm really impressed. You've got a good start in writing, as well as keen talent for poetry. The words rhymed well, and the meter (the syllable count) was excellent! And you even ended it with some comedy! At least I hope it was comedy! Ladybugs in your hair probably wouldn't be too cool. Keep on writing on, Itchybarn! You've got some of the neatest parents and family in the world, and I look forward to reading more of your items on here!
Howdy, Abby Olson! As a lover/reader/writer, and judge of horror, I thought this was pretty good! The spelling and grammar were flawless (thank you!), you did a nice job with the prompt phrase, and you kept the action moving all the way through it. It didn't quite end the way I though it would though; in other words, that's the way most stories like this end. But I know you had very limited word count, so I can't really fault you for that. Kee ponw ritin gon, Abby, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-It's good to see somebody your age 'dipping their toes into the writing pool!' You obviously have talent, so I encourage you to keep at it! PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
PSSS-You might already know this, but if you want more exposure for your items you can put them on thePlease Review Page orThe Shameless Plug PageunderCommunityon the left hand side.
Greetings, Scholl Writer! This is a really neat piece, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! It says a lot about the human spirit during one of this planet's worst times, and you couldn't have done a better job of writing it! Bravo! I've read hundreds of pieces in this contest, but I think this is the first one I've read about anything dealing with the Holocaust. I was seriously a little worried when I first started reading it cuz I wasn't sure where it would lead, so I was overjoyed to find that this 'Herr Schmidt' was pulling off that ruse! Flawless spelling and grammar, great use of the prompt words, and the whole piece flowed smoothly and naturally! Kee ponw ritin gon, Scholl! Have a wonderful evening/tomorrow, and good luck in the contest! (But if this doesn't win, I'm going to have to have a talk with Arakun the Twisted Raccoon! )
Ahoy, Sarah, and happy 16th 'birthday' on here! This is pretty neat, and I'm assuming it's based on an actual ghost story from your hometown. I like the idea of this girl who was so ashamed of her own bad performance that she took her own life, even thought that seems to be the reason for many a ghost tale. Regardless, it makes it sense, and as a 'believer', I can see her haunting that opera house, even if it is playfully. I think a lot of small towns have their own ghost stories, but I'm not sure how many are based on fact and how many were just made up to get some recognition for their town. In my small town, there was supposedly a young lady who fell through the ice while skating on a pond years ago, and its rumored that on a certain night with a full moon she can still be seen skating on the pond during the winter. Well done, my friend! A couple of tiny niggles you might want to check:
'The devastation pver her bad performance...'
'from the top of the bell tour...' (tower) Kee ponw ritin gon, Sarah! Thanks for sharing this bit of ghostly history, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!
Hi, Sonali! This is one of those stories that once you start reading it, you just have to keep reading until the end! I don't know if it's the mild (and a bit warped--by the way, I think that should be 'giver-upper'! ) humor you've dropped in it, slipping in those paragraphs of poetry, or what, but I just had to find out how this King was going to get his doughnuts cooked! But alas, after having spent all that time reading this and having to endure some very bad jokes and silly rhymes, we come to the end where we find the king and queen's efforts were all for naught! And why was this story written? For we know not what! OK. Enough of that. Seriously, I really did enjoy this, Sonali! I've written and read a lot of nonsensical pieces in my day, and no matter how bad they might be, they always seem to put a smile on my face. And this one certainly did that! Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and have a really groovy day!
Bon jour, Normajean! This is neat! I like how your mind works to come up with something like a glass floor with an aquarium underneath it! I wonder if something like this actually exists? I know there's a catwalk kind of floor on some sky skyscraper that runs from one fire escape to the next that's made of glass, and another on a mountain side, maybe? Anyway, I guess all those lost souls should have listened to that old lady with the cane! Oh well, at least they're names will be immortalized in that now 'permanent' shrine! I wonder if there were sharks in that aquarium... Kee ponw ritin gon, Normajean! Thanks for sharing this, have a wonderful night, and good luck in the contest!
Hello there, Kass! Wow. This is pretty dark for your first piece on here, but you did an excellent job of writing it, especially for using so few words (I know you had a word limit). And as a lover/reader/writer and judge of horror on here "SCREAMS!!!" , I thoroughly enjoyed it! Your descriptions of what your poor clueless victim is going through were nice and vivid, as was the description of your satisfaction of watching this dude take his last breath! Kinda freaky, but like I said, I love dark pieces! Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot one tiny niggle (sorry to be so picky, but grammar's a pet peeve of mine!):
"...on your way here(.)" I said nonchalantly...' (should be a comma) Kee ponw ritin gon, Kass, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course. PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
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The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
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Wuzzup, Laurie? Interesting. I don’t doubt that some conversation like this could actually take place in Central Park, including the shooting! Georgie seems pretty protective of his granddaughter, and I can’t really blame him. But I in this instance I think he was barking up the wrong tree. Or was he? The spelling and grammar was flawless (as usual!), and the dialogue flowed smoothly. You even added a few touches of comedy to it with Jimmy worried about his coffee leaking out of his stomach and ruining his date with Cheryl! One thing I noticed in this is that regardless of how much Georgie pretends he doesn’t like Jimmy, the reader can tell that they’re still old friends and he cares about Jimmy. But that’s understandable, cuz at that age people want to hold onto as many friends as they have left! ‘vintage allure’? I wonder if that would include a decrepit 54 year-old fart like me? Kee ponw ritin gon, Laurie! Have a great day, and good luck in the contest!
Hello, Addie! This is good, and I can see how it won the contest. Congratulations! I honestly don't know of a family where one cousin (usually cousins, anyway) didn't have a crush on another cousin, myself included. OK, maybe not a crush, per se, but at least having those same thoughts that your character did! I've only been to one family reunion, and I wasn't too impressed. Everybody tried to put on a false front, like we all had everything in common (other than blood) and we all enjoyed each other's company, when in reality none of us ever spoke to one another! I think the only the reason we did get together was so my aging grandmother could see all of her progeny together one last time! I think that's kind of what you were implying with this piece, albeit maybe not so much. Anyway, well done, my friend! Kee ponw ritin gon, Addie, and have a great day!
Ahoy, Jamie, and happy belated 3rd ‘birthday’ on here! A glimpse into the afterlife, eh? Near death experiences have opened up many eyes to make people live every day like it’s their last, and you did a good job of showing that with this piece. Most folks (myself included, sadly) take life for granted, not realizing that they could be killed in a car crash just by going to the store for a loaf of bread! Hell, I should have died several times already; been shot at 3 times, been in two rollover car accidents, and fell out of my Jeep and wound up in a coma for 2 days with a blood clot on my brain. The doctors said if I would have hit my head on the pavement a mere ½ inch to either side, it would have killed me instantly. Sorry, I digress. I don’t know if this is a personal experience of yours or not, but regardless, you’ve given a good description of what it might be like to be on the cusp of death. A lot of people speak of seeing that ‘white light’, but I personally think everybody’s version of going into that ‘great beyond’ is different. That’s not to say I believe in an afterlife, nor does it mean that I don’t. I do believe in something though, and whatever that ‘something’ is, I guess I’ll just have to wait to find out! Great spelling and telling, but I did spot a few tiny niggles (sorry to be so picky, but I’m a grammar Nazi! ):
‘Those are answers I shall not receive(,) however as the man’
‘Or at least, it would of been.’ (have)
‘...planning on surprisingly my girlfriend’
‘...next time, Mr Smith(.)"
‘...since I lasted set eyes upon her(.) In the distance’
‘...higher the city raised?’ (rose) Otherwise, nice job! Kee ponw ritin gon, Jamie! Have a really gnarly day, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!
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The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Sorry. I just thought this would be the appropriate sig for this review!
Hello there, Innocent/ebuka! For such a short piece, this really says a lot about who people who stutter/stammer or have a hard time speaking to an audience, and I can totally relate to it. You don’t come out and say, but I get the feeling your character is talking about being in school, and they’ve been doing time after time because they’re constantly going to new schools due to their family moving all the time. That’s a hard thing for a kid, especially a young one. Being the ‘new kid in school’ is rough, having to make new friends and adjusting to new surroundings. It’s hard enough for some to get up in front of a crowd, even when it’s their friends, let alone when you’re trying to do it in front of people you hardly even know! I know! Been there, done that! I like how wrote this in the first person as you try to prepare yourself for this frightening task, and it really shows. Well done, Innocent/ebuka! I did spot a couple of tiny niggles, but considering the style you wrote this in, I really don’t think they even matter. It’s more of a ‘free-style’ form, anyway.
“you screwed it again(.)"
‘God(,) must I always do this,’ Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here! PS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
Hi, Norma Jean! I’m reviewing this as a "The WDC Angel Army" Angel and to thank you for all the reviews you do on this site! I'll admit I was somewhat raised on video games and the like, but I'm not proud of it. I'm to the point now where I can take 'em or leave 'em, but to watch today's kids spending their youth staring at the cell phones and playing games (or whatever they're doing!) for hours on end is a sad commentary on our society. They're not getting any physical exercise, not going outside, and not really socializing like 'normal' people used to do. They think texting back and forth is socializing, but what happened to old fashioned 'talking' face to face with another person? Aargh! I saw this coming. They said that cell phones and computers and Facebook and all that other &%$@ would bring us closer, but it's done just opposite as far as I'm concerned! Sorry. I digress. It just hits a nerve with me. You did a good job with this, and you showed exactly my point! NO PHONES! NO TEXTING! Just sit down and listen to some music, or better yet, go to the park and see life for what it really is! Oops. Sorry. There I go again, digressing. Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a fantastic weekend!
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The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Hi there, Chris! I can understand your frustration with people using the wrong words, and believe you me, after reviewing more than 12,000 pieces on here, I've seen it all! One of the worst and most common ones, (besides the two you've shown and even though they're not used too often) is lighting and lightning. What really gets my goat is even after I correct them they continue to do it! Aaargghh! I wish they had an emoji on here showing somebody pulling their hair out! Suffice it to say that that's those aren't the only ones, but I wish people would stop counting on their spellcheckers! As far as I'm concerned, they're worthless. If they want to be sure, why don't they just pick up a dictionary? Again, Aaargghh! Anyway, kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! I'll continue to enlighten the world on the spelling and grammar mistakes, even if it is all in vain!
Hi there, SandraLynn! This is great! It’s so funny it almost makes me cry, because sadly, there really are older folks who have conversations like his because of their hearing impairments. A perfect example would have been my grandparents! But regardless, it is kind of funny as the two of them misinterpret each other's words and start taking the conversation down whole different roads. Going from Beryl to barrel, from intents to in tents, from miss steak to mistake! Well done, SandraLynn! Great spelling and grammar, and of course the dialogue was natural and discombobulated. Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Have a great weekend, thanks for the laughs, and good luck in the contest!
Hello there, Paul! Dang! This is a pretty heated discussion between a mother who worships her house almost more than she worships her family, or at least her son! Well, maybe I'm exaggerating, but she sure isn't Carol Brady! You know, like from The Brady Bunch? Seriously though, you did a great job with the dialogue, as well as using the prompt words. The spelling and grammar were flawless (thank you!), but it's just a shame that mom had to get her own way! Mean ol' lady! Kee ponw ritin gon, Paul! Have a great weekend, and good luck in the contest!
Howdy, D! First off, congratulations on the victory! This isn't bad. It's different, anyway! I like the idea of Janet travelling through time to steal gold. I'm a little bewildered by her use of blowing 'blowdart' bees at them to render them unconscious, though. Unless, of course, they were killer bees and she wanted them permanently 'unconscious'. Or...was she just saying the darts were bees to be facetious? Yeah, now that I think about it, I'm sure that's what it was! Regardless, she got what she came for! Great spelling and grammar, and nice use of the prompt words! Kee ponw ritin gon, D! Thanks for sharing this, and have a gnarly day/evening!
Hello again, Addie.Cass! This is a pretty good, and having lived around railroad tracks my entire life, I can really relate to this. I can't say I've ever walked the tracks in Charlie's inebriated condition, but apparently he was going to do it no matter what. You did a great job with the prompt phrase, and that ironic ending was perfect. And so was naming that road 'Destiny Lane', although the reason for Charlie's demise wasn't because of the road's legend and/or purpose. Flawless spelling and telling, and having the road 'chortle' at the end, even if it was only figurative, was great! Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Have fantastical day/evening/tomorrow, and good luck in the contest! PS-You now have your first fan!
Howdy, Mitch, and happy belated 15th 'birthday' on here! For a short FF piece, I though this was pretty neat! And a little wild! I like the idea of getting a tour of Heaven, and showcasing that castle as a tribute and home for the innocent souls who never got their chance was a great plot idea. But the best part was what happened to the ones who didn't belong inside the castle. And apparently, if I understand this correctly, you might very well have been one. In other words, I'm pretty sure it's YOU that didn't belong and was the one that the 'angelic guide' was referring to at the end, right? Even it wasn't, it's still a really cool piece! Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot one tiny niggle (sorry to be so picky!): 'ego centric' is one word. Otherwise, bravo! Kee ponw ritin gon, Mitch! Thanks for sharing this, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC! PS-Thanks for teaching that new world,'pulchritude'!
Howdy, Guerovar, and happy belated 3rd 'birthday' on here! This is definitely a philosophical piece, and what’s strange is that given my current situation, I can totally relate to it. I’ve spent my entire trying to achieve my dreams(s), and some of them I accomplished, only to feel the short bit of satisfaction that came with that, and then realizing there was more. So was I completely satisfied? Of course not. Was I really happy? Maybe for a short time, but then there was always more to it. In other words, could I ever be really ‘happy’? There’s nothing wrong with people having dreams and trying to fulfill them, but why don’t they realize that’s not what true happiness? That’s what I get from this piece. Why don’t they just realize that they should just be happy with what they have and be satisfied with that? I have roof over my head, food in my cupboards, and a loving family. Many people in this world don’t even have any of those! I always wanted to be published, and I have been, more than once with short stories. But now I want to write a book. Will I accomplish that? Who knows? But even if I don’t, I’ll still be happy. Well done, Guerovar. I wish more people would read the words you’ve written with this. Sorry to be so picky, but I did see one niggle, I think:
‘The point is that no matter (what?) your dream is...’ (there’s also a few other spots missing words, but they’re not entirely grammatically incorrect, if at all, so I’m surmising that’s the way you intended it, right?) Anyway, nice job. Kee ponw ritin gon, wherever you are, and I hope to see you back here soon!
Ahoy, Wiesblaze! This is good for a short FF piece. The idea of these renovating their house and stumbling upon this body was cool concept, and the simplicity of the monster casually replacing them into his own grave was even a little humorous (even if you didn't mean that way). That ending, although also simple, was nice. I guess he liked the green paint to match his slime, eh? I can see why it won "SCREAMS!!!" . One tiny niggle:
‘The figure juggled itself out of the hole in the ground(,) leaving splatters of green slimy stuff on the floor.’ Otherwise, nice job. Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! 'Twas a pleasure to read, and have a fantastic day! By the way, I see you edited this. That might explain why I could have swore I reviewed this once before!
Hi there, Brandiwyn, and happy belated 12th 'birthday' on here! I’m reviewing this as a "The WDC Angel Army" Angel and to thank you for all the reviews you do on this site! I'm no expert on poetry, but like this cool little limerick! Mainly because I can understand it and it says a lot about the struggles writers have to go through to see their name in print! The rhyming was great, as was the meter, and the ending was perfect (and hilarious!). When I look back on how many times my fingers have punched a keyboard, it blows my mind! Same goes for all the rest of us! Millions and millions of times! Heck, I've already punched this keyboard 587 times just writing this review at this point! It's not wonder every single one of us doesn't have tendonitis or carpal tunnel syndrome or some other painful malady! Great job, Brandiwyn! I can see why GabriellaR45 put that ribbon on this! Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!
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The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Greetings, Addie.Cass! This is pretty good for one of your first pieces on here! Your descriptions were excellent, and you kept the action moving nicely as you let the reader know how worried you are being trapped with this 'filthy' being! And that surprise ending, although telegraphed a bit early, was great!That's one thing Arakun the Twisted Raccoon loves and looks for in this contest! Flawless spelling and grammar (what should I expect considering your former professional occupation? ), and the whole piece read smoothly! Well done, Addie! Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write (and according to your port intro, you have a novel just itching to get out!), then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course. PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
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The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on thePlease Review Page orThe Shameless Plug PageunderCommunityon the left hand side.
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