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I do a lot of reviews. I try to honestly assess both pluses and minuses. Not a grammar champ, but I try
I'm good at...
I really like essays and non fiction
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History, spirituality
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long novels
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Public Reviews
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1126
1126
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of Rising Stars Member-to- Memeber

Overall impression of piece: I am not sure how far you go back from looking at your bio, but I get this. I love history and though I don't go back to orignal old time radio broadcasts, I have heard many of them. the Mutual bradcasting network was put together to air Lone Ranger episodes. There was a fascination in not having to have all the scene set out for y ou. You could see it, on the radio

Grammatical and spelling errors: itself is it itself a possessive. You don't need an apostrophe

What I liked? This is kind of written in a blog kind of style, which is good in that it helps us see this as an informal, and non-pretentious piece. I am sure we are talking an old tube radio here. You have a lot of detail here but I would go even further.

What I disliked? This kind of wanders about and I am never quite sure what the reason for writing is. Is it Rock music--a tangent? Is it a relationship with old time radio or with a Father that y ou were in the outs with. Can you get on his wavelength even in his death? You even end on a digression. Never really answer the question of why this piece.

How the piece made me feel? A movie uses an old time radio to pass information from one generation of firefighters in a family to another. We are all a part of an ether that changes, but doesn't go away

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of review today.


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1127
1127
Review of GOLGOTHA!  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Never had the pleasure of doing your work before(I think)

Overall impression of piece I am a Christian and this definitely resonates to me. I am not much of a poet per se. I write what I feel led to do. The story is all here. It is correctly interpreted.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Well punctuated. Reads well

What I liked?*Smile* You have enough rhyme in here to make it quite readable. Meter seems to be functional. Our decisions are for eternity, not just for what we think and feel now. Pretty amazing?

What I disliked*Idea*: YOu have a lot of religious verbage here that would go over the head of most. Lion and lamb are from Revelations and for many believers even it would go over their heads. This is the basic story, but it doesn't seem personal in that it is written to a hypothetical them. I think you are meaning for a testamony here. Why not do it? Most know the basic story. A lot don't get what is involved on an emotional level

How the piece made me feel Well meaning poem with a fair amount of talent in construction. I am not sure it would make me change my mind if I needed to

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1128
1128
Review of Lilian Gish  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Interested.

Overall impression of piece: Hamlett to Horation: " there are stranger things in Heaven or Hell than are dreamed of by your petty philsophies

Grammatical and spelling errors: Honeymoon is the correct spelling I think. Ellipses ... three dots. Otherwise ok

What I liked?*Smile* I like titanic stuff, and hadn't heard this one. You have told a lot of inbteresting vignettes in a short piece.

What I disliked*Idea* I think you are being a philosopher in this one, but you don't exactly do it. Elie wouldn't have been on the ship because it never reached New York. I guess I don't get a clear perspective on why the piece was written. Maybe we are not supposed to fool with fate? I would make a decision, even if it is tongue-in-cheek

How the piece made me feel There is one case where a person got a transplanted heart from a murder victim and was able to lead the police to the killer. her evidence was not admissable in court, but it did get them to look at a possible suspect.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1129
1129
Review of The Magic Shop  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Reviewed your bio and I think we are partially hit with the same hammer.

Overall impression of piece: I have grandkids and I know how they talk. I get this and they would too. Obviously from an adult point of view, the situation is pretty well assessed. We know what is going on, even if we can't say.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems ok

What I liked?*Smile* Women do manipulate. At least this is tastefully done. I think it makes a point through humor that easily goes across the generations

What I disliked*Idea* I would never give anyone a poisoned apple needs some other communication to drive your point home. Something else would have happened. Maybe the X over the heart should be capitolized. The mans reluctance to come into the shop can be brought out through body language. I am sure it isn''t something he would do every day

How the piece made me feel I smiled as I read this. Pogo from the 60's would say, "We have met the enemy and he is us." Few things really change.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1130
1130
Review of Little Tree  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Who doesn't like Christimas?

Overall impression of piece: Kind of a perky little bit. I think there is a mystery of the season. Reads well

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems intact.

What I liked?*Smile* It is out there. It stands as a smbol of something that was originally Germanic and not American. It certainly is ours today. Rhyme and rhythm definitely augment the readability. First and last stanzas kind of mirror each other.

What I disliked*Idea* I wonder as I read this. What mysteries are involved? How many 2 years stared in awe at the lights shining on them and hoped? Hope springs eternal at times like these. If you are poorer, you are more easily satisfied.

How the piece made me feel It really didn't say anything. I guess it did hit some chord in that it made me think of somethings. Maybe that is enough.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1131
1131
Review of Life  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Newbie review.

Overall impression of piece: I don't thinkl I can dispute one thing about what you have said. Who knows what is going to happen,l unless you are God and I don't want or need that kind of power. Betting on things and always being right would certainly put you in the limelight. I think we, in time do know, the reason for somethings, but certainly not always. I see in your pen name a call by God. There really is no getting around it. Mostly folks need the care and uplifting by the Father.

Grammatical and spelling errors: This half of the sentence is missing a noun. I would add you to keep parallel construction
Two spaces after a period.

What I liked?*Smile* Can't dispute anything. People are created under pressure. Diamonds are created under pressure but it also takes a lot of time

What I disliked*Idea*: A lot of platitudes here that really don't add much. Why should we believe you. Are you an expert? If you are play the expert card. I think you have experiences you have not told us, that need to be brought out. I think we cahn help each other

How the piece made me feel Laertes in Hamlett is quoted numerous times as beoing wise. If you read the play, you find he is kind of a senile old man. Establish you have wisdom. Don't just tell it.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1132
1132
Review of The Wind  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Part of the spiritual newsletter.

Overall impression of piece: The love poem is a staple of poetry since the dawn of time. To write somthing new that hasn't been said already is a challenge. Interesting ideas of true love and wishing on a star. Neither idea is new, but together, they kind of become new.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems intact. Reads well

What I liked?*Smile* Definitely a variation on star-crossed lovers. Does the universe put us together? I think there is some validity to that. Love is a dream, especially in the beginning. After that it is kind of hard work. There is a way to make the dream come real. It takes committment. It always takes that and perhaps some starluck

What I disliked*Idea* I think this could be taken a little farther. They met with star dust in their eyes and now gazing at tars perhaps they are looking at the same magic and attraction to bring them backtogether.

How the piece made me feel It is not often I get pleasure reading of a love poem. Why not have magic in the universe? Why not let it work?

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1133
1133
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Like essays. Have a family section on my port.

Overall impression of piece: Wow. Does this bring back memmories. Of course my father couldn't fix an unplugged toaster, but my grandfather was another manner. I still have a clock he made and I now am a grandfather hoping to leave the world something. The words in this are well crafted

Grammatical and spelling errors: drenched and uses seems confusing in the same sentence. More like child hood memmories are permeated. I delight you had a good childhood to remember.

What I liked?*Smile* This is a tight well crafted tribute. We think that perhaps we aren't making a difference, but nothing could be further from the truth

What I disliked*Idea* Can't think of anything

How the piece made me feel There is a smile that comes to my mind and heart reading this. It is designed as an emotive piece and does succeed. We are what we build, in one form or another.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1134
1134
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Like psych. Like science

Overall impression of piece This was probably a pretty good academic paper. I have to read it as an interested layman. I do some bible teaching and have a background in Pathology. I know science

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems intact.

What I liked?*Smile*this is a pretty clear, concise well referenced piece. Anyone reading it would see that y ou have a baackground in academic work and you know mu ch better than to just say things without substantiation. the education is definitely worth something. the summary of years of research is almost breathtaking. References are ok, but don't have them the prominent feature of the work. If you want to read more, than list the references

What I disliked*Idea* Unfortunately, part of the breathtaking part is that this is written is kind of a boring way without engaging the reader. I am sure that if you wrote this in College, it was an A paper. Laymen want to know two things. Why is this important and why should I read it. Addictive behavior is probably a huge drain on our national and personal economies.

How the piece made me feel Your job is to prove you can be relied on to deliver information in a readable way. I am pretty sure you were a great student. I think there is more to this art. You might look at my medical section of my port

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1135
1135
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review

Overall impression of piece: This is major league clever. The rhymes go together quite well and it reads well. Upon reading this, I see some wisdom in here. It isn't all just cleverness.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems ok

What I liked?*Smile* Blank verse in invisible ink is quite clever. A lot of folks say they can't write and than say something extraordinarily poetic. Sometimes I steal it as they can't write. We kind of live in a society without passion so a lot of this does make sense. Fitting in is the watchword

What I disliked*Idea* Some of the lines don't quite seem to go together like love and spies. Ermine and blank verse in invisible ink. It is a minor stumbling block. Maybe it isn't supposed to go together. I can accept that.

How the piece made me feel Definitely pointlessness in sky writing in clouds. I can't communicate. Try again

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1136
1136
Review of The Coin  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of showering acts of joy

Part of the SAJ garden;

Overall impression of piece: Interesting. As a grandfather, I can identify with this. It is kind of hard to evaluate a contest thing because I don't know what the rules were. I can judge basically only on what I see and feel

Grammatical and spelling errors:Seems ok

What I liked? *Smile* This is kind of down to earth and homey in its outlook. Seems like it would appeal to differing generations and that is unusual

What I disliked. Something to think about. *Thought*: This is kind of devoid of a point. I think what is going on here is that like his relationship to the grandkids , the coin reminded him of something positive and worthwhile in his life. Monetary value--not so much. There must be a story here to make it valuable. Whose story is this? It is told with a point of view of child and gradfather and kind of suffers.

How the piece made me feel: This is really a story about memmories. They can be stolen as in the case of the rabbits...or can they? Should the kids give the coin back. I think that is possible. Incarate Peter Rabbit to keep him from a life of crime? Possibly silly, but it is something a grandfather might do. I havae a kids story I wrote for my grandkids called the gnome trail

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of reviewing today.
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Michaelfrom Mountains
1137
1137
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Like essays. Newbie review

Overall impression of piece: I am always of the opinion that Alice in Wonderland is some kind of a drug trip> Maybe it is a parable for our age afterall. No one ever worries about whether something sounds real. Different laws and visions are the law of the land

Grammatical and spelling errors

What I liked?*Smile* Interesting issues about knowing who will take you down the rabbit whole. At least compan ies on this side of the world send a picture of the technician. Woody Allen has said,"I don't mind death. I just don't want to be there when it happens. You are very conversational and open up interesting questions

What I disliked*Idea* It is special for them in death. As a Christian, I truly believe that. I can't say why things happen the way they do. Perhaps God should give me a try at running the universe. I think this is a main theme of what you are trying to say, but you really don't build in any supporting evidence. Frankly an Alice in Wonderland afterlife is more reminiscent of the other place than heaven. How he changed your outlook isa lso kind of muddled.

How the piece made me feel You really never make a decision about what you believe in here and I think things suffer. There are a lot of things to allude to in this story. Things are not as they seem. Death kind of is like that. We want answers that aren't readily apparent. What can we pull out of the hat? There has to be a better way.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1138
1138
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Spiritual newsletter and interest.

Overall impression of piece: You are so right on. You have rightly devined the word of truth. God wants to be with us, even after the fall. He had a plan in place immediately how to put us again in close intimacy with God. We don't have to be religious in praying and regimented, but it is a relationship

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems ok

What I liked?*Smile* Very good compare and contrast in just a few verses. Daniel did the prayer time because it was important to him.

What I disliked*Idea* I am all for short devotionals, but maybe you went a little to short here.. There is more here. Why is God asking "Where Adam is?" Doesn't he know? I think we need to be asking ourselves where we are in terms of God. It is easy to fall in the trap of complacency as deen in the Church of Laodicea in Revenlations 3:14? This happened after eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Being apart from God sucks. I guess he found that out too

How the piece made me feel Good track for this. It is simple and basic. Mostly, it is what we need to learn

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1139
1139
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review. Always a pleasure to review your work

Overall impression of piece: I know predators pretty well. At the zoo, carnivores are kind of my specialty. They are pretty much the most endangered across the species. The Amur Leopard is down to about 25 in the wild. Most are in zoos. Man kind seems to be the most arrogant of the predators. Technically, they are an omnivore as they eat just about anything. The act like a carnivore with the biggest and baddest riding to the top

Grammatical and spelling errors Chalk full. I am pretty sure you mean chock-full

What I liked?*Smile* You certainly don't let us get around our animal roots--which you should not because they are truth. This is visceral like the anmal world . Business says we are a dog-eat-dog world. that was true in the caveman era. I hope not today. I think there is a paradigm for coperation. Unfortunately, we are still cavemen wanting to drag hom dinner by the fur. Good repetions of lines.

What I disliked*Idea* Nothing major. See grammar.

How the piece made me feel Predators are the first to go in evolutionary change. Animals don't change. Everything below them changes. We have caused most of it. This seems to go together. Everyone of us affects everything.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1140
1140
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece I am trolling essays. I am struggling to find anything of note to review and this nicely fits the bill. I am an ecologist and a zoo volunteer.

Overall impression of piece: You have a good sense of the intuitive nature of the problem. People really don't do complicated.

Grammatical and spelling errors Vis-a-vis with hypens. Are instincts are not more complex follwed by a comma isn't right. You could use a semicolon or perhaps a dash. Really have two complete sentences rammed together with a comma. Let's with an apostrophe

What I liked?*Smile* This is a simple basic view of the issues and problems here on earth. There isn't a lot of jargon or technospeak. It is definitely down to earth. I appreciate the point of view expressed.

What I disliked*Idea* Too much thinking and not enough reacting? We kind of react that we are the only animals on earth and no one else is important. We can't make right decisions without thinking. We have lost our animal instincts being too cerebral to know how fragile we really are. It is a call to action, but the action is never really said

How the piece made me feel We have to make decisions based on the best information we have available. it is the nature of man, not to make decisions, often to his own peril. I think you are right though. We do have to do something.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1141
1141
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Random review.

Overall impression of piece I don't go back to the rumble seat era. I was part of the crowd in the 50's that wondered around the back seat without seat belts. We were told it was dangerous to be belted in. Pretty weird.

Grammatical and spelling errors nightmares is one word unless it is horses.

What I liked?*Smile* Certainly a vivid memmory. It is said that we don't remember things unless we have the words to describe them. Early childhood recollections are often of the fear and not the event. good explanation of rumble seats. Not everyone would get that.

What I disliked*Idea* I think I would start with the nightmare and go to the recollection with your sister. Can you imagine the nightmares Alzheimer patients might have not being able to describe things even to themselves. I would add sister to Norma the second time

How the piece made me feel What do we learn from this. I think you have more to say. What should the reader get out of it.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1142
1142
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of showering acts of joy

Part of the SAJ garden;

Overall impression of piece: I certainly get the pain in this piece. Not all our dead and wounded died in battle. Unless we have been there, it is almost impossible to know.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems intact.

What I liked? *Smile*Last post footnote is really valid and you shouldn't have to explain this for everyone, except by footnote. As a Yank, though I do appreciate it. There is more going on than we can imagine on superficial inspection. Like an old car, they are falling apart. This is a picture of pain that people have stopped caring about and just is. I like capitolizing pain. It is right on.

What I disliked. Something to think about. *Thought* Second through fourth paragraphs run together and are a bit confusing. Hard to separate them

How the piece made me feel: I am wondering if there are children born of pain. Even adults can be children. Pain is the great equalizer that can crush us and make us very small. I would think you are talking of an accident that perhaps wasn''t exactly that. I think more detail to bring that home, even if it causes you pain, might really drive the piece home. Mostly people want to know if someone cares.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of reviewing today.
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Michaelfrom Mountains
1143
1143
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of showering acts of joy

Part of the SAJ garden;

Overall impression of piece: I think this is pretty good. it is a sketch of a character that is rich in sensory detail. I get some feeling for the political situation as the assassins guild could not keep their own house in order and ordered outside help. this was not a place without intrigue.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems intact.

What I liked? *Smile* This is rich in sensory detail. Things like ebony knife I can see and feel what that would look like. Our hero, obviously has tools of his trade. I like the familiarity with the inn and especially the staff of said inn. there is a supposition of evil at the end that is very evil and is reacted to in a matter that can be felt.

What I disliked. Something to think about. *Thought* Same of your character is kind of difficult and I realize it shouldn't be that common, but maybe this is a bit much. I am not sure how he got his powers to do what he does. I am not sure I believe them. I would either brings them out more (Preferable) or describe better who he is.

How the piece made me feel: I think you are well read in the genre. You have described with specificty and a hint of the character of the locale. It is the start of an adventure and that is a good place to start.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of reviewing today.
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Michaelfrom Mountains
1144
1144
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Newbie review. I see some things in here that are pretty cool

Overall impression of piece: There seems to be wisdom here. Please don't tell me you are 13 or I will totally lose any faith I have in discernment. do fill in your bio. To review someone is to take a step into the great unknown, so any help as to who you are and where you are coming from is really helpful. I like the wisdom. Our age seems to like to worry about things just because they can. they want to be noncomm itted and even if they are noncommitted, there is a certain level of committment to that.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Not really a sentence. "These things that do exist will always be found, they have to be found" It is kind of a run on. You might consider a semicolon

What I liked?*Smile* I am very good at questions. Philosophers have a tendency to be good at that. Mostly they ask, "Will you have fries with that?" The universe does work to answer questions, but does require a certain amount of guts and courage to have us move forward. What you don't have is a bunch of platitudes that everyone says. I find y ou to be believable.

What I disliked*Idea*: There is a lot of fatalism here that isn't easy to buy without explanation. You are expressing a world view that would not be easy for most. This is written like an essay but has gapping holes of missing stuff to make it cling together. Could work as a poem

How the piece made me feel I have come to some of the same conclusions from different means. I may not soar for God and be a towering oak. Maybe I will be grass. It isn't up to me

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1145
1145
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece On the review page. I hope to help. I have childrens things called the gnome trail and the Prince.

Overall impression of piece This is ordinary and matter of fact. there are details to place and time that give it vividness and help the story line

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems ok

What I liked?*Smile* You have a storytellers gift for detail. I like the stuff about burning fish. It sounds like something that might be said.

What I disliked*Idea* This is very matter of fact and gives little idea how either of them felt about the story. I would make it the boy's story and let the Dad do some teaching. It sound that the boy is a bit of a wimp and wants to duck away in the first hint of adversity. It sounds like the message is hang in there, it is not so bad.. With some reactions you could really bring this out. f it is the boy's story, the Dad would be Dad, not Patrick

How the piece made me feel. Even to end saying it was ok as they huddled closer to the fire. It was a good day. As written, I am not sure what the point is.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1146
1146
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece Ging through the review pages and this seems right up my alley. I am a Christian and do have some of the same frustrations about Christians role in the world.

Overall impression of piece: there is a lot going on in the piece. The whole gospel of John is about being a witness. It is a major theme of the whole book What do we witness?I think that is the pertinent question. Do non Christians know the facts? I would argue that they probably do. If you look at how Christians are viewed it is as judgemental. (Barna Group) That shouldn't be. Our number one attribute people should identify is as loving

Grammatical and spelling errors: Seems ok

What I liked?*Smile* You give good logical reasons to do what you suppose should be done. I can't deny you are wrong. I think the number one evangelism tool we have is lifestyle modeling. People need to be able to say to us, "I want what you got. I pet 3:15 is an excellent quote. The greek word translated witness is the same root we get our word Martyr. It cost something.

What I disliked*Idea* Ezekial quote is long and kind of ponderous. I can't disagree, but I didn't find it too convincing. There is a reality that this isn't happening and hundreds of churches close every week. Society is becoming decidedly less Christian

How the piece made me feel: People do things because they feel the need. It is uncomfortable to be for the Lord. I would come along side to encourage them instead of telling them thou shalt.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1147
1147
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece I look through history on occasion and find history things.

Overall impression of piece: What a fascinating story. I am a little older, but seeing a veteran from WWI never happened for me

Grammatical and spelling errors: Starting a sentence with a but really doesn't add anything. ity is kind of a filler word. I knew very little sentence has a break in the paragraph. Second to last sentence with an irregular break

What I liked?*Smile* The introduction of the picture was helpful evidence. He would have had to have been young. Only 200,000 of 7000 thousand died of gunshot wounds. You are exactly right.

What I disliked*Idea* 102 in 55 would make him born in 1853 and would have made him 7 at the beginning of the war. You have to worry about pertinent negatives when looking at a topic such as this. Most of the living veterans were dead in about 1952 (those that can be verified.) This is a personal reminiscence and you give very little about how you personally felt.

How the piece made me feel this has infinite possibilities. You might check Wikepedia and see if he is on the survivor list. There were no real post war records on the losing side. Gives more credibility

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1148
1148
Review of Hate is Dark  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece I like essays, especially about spiritual things.

Overall impression of piece: What a relevant topic.

Grammatical and spelling errors A lot of passive voice

What I liked?*Smile* Hate is a driving force in world history. Everyone hates someone else. Sunnis hate who ever the other guys are. What is a motivating force was love and not hate? think of what a different world this would be. Our news would be quite different. Politics at work are kind of the same thing. Most of the things we argue about are really pretty silly

What I disliked*Idea* Hate is inside us. We don't want to be different so we hang out with folks that are like us. We don't take a chance on getting to know others. You have a lot pf questions in here that are really kind of answered by generalities. I know you know more. I grew up in the hateful 60's. How rediculous they all seem. Hate keeps us separate and at war with each other.

How the piece made me feel I don't know who you are from a lack of a bio on your site. It is really hard to evaluate you.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1149
1149
Review of To be a patriot  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaG*Review of showering acts of joy*UmbrellaR*

Why I chose this piece I like essays. I am a patriot. I like the subject.

Overall impression of piece: Don't hold back. There is much more here. I can see some of the passion here.

Grammatical and spelling errors: this reads pretty choppy. there are a lot of sentence fragments in here. Some of them could be cleared up by making a list with a colon

What I liked?*Smile* Certainly something that needs to be thought of. How do we learn to be one. We don't teach nistory much anymore. Good use of the verb abrogate.

What I disliked*Idea* Devoted really needs more definition. People are not used to being devoted. If it is more than 5 minutes of news, I am out of here. Voting might take an hour. I don't make any difference anyway. Mass of one needs clarification. those of Catholic persuasion would see religious implications. The country of your devotion is irrelevant. Really? What about Nazi Germany? A true patriot would have ended up in a concentration camp.

How the piece made me feel Tell us about you. It is easier to evaluate if we know something of the writer.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains
1150
1150
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review of showering acts of joy

Part of the SAJ garden;

Overall impression of piece: I realize this is blog style and is fairly informal. I think that is part of its beauty. You are talking about pretty deep spiritual truths in a way that is human and approachable.

Grammatical and spelling errors: Paragraphs need to be indented or a line left inbetween. I prefer the line inbetween because it is easier to read on the screen.

A dash is two hyphens put together. Putting two parentheses and a dash doesn't make sense. You could have a parenthetical thought of a parenthetical thought but two together doesn't make sense.

Aweful is awful. (double meaning and the truth.)

What I liked? *Smile* Seems to be a journal and is very much about the nitty gritty of life.. I struggle with a lot of the same things and it is nice to know we are not all that much different.

What I disliked. Something to think about. *Thought* When you stop growing you start dying is kind of cliche. At the very least, explain the thought and make it specific. Fourty percent of what would help. I assume baskets. Don't be afraid to rewrite and give us more clarity about what you are writing about. Piece does kind of ramble. Detail about the fight it is to be alive is what will help others.

How the piece made me feel: Human and honest. Definitely a spiritual explorer. Take some more time to organize. There are things to be developed.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of reviewing today.
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Michaelfrom Mountains
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