*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fyndorian
Review Requests: ON
1,378 Public Reviews Given
2,823 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Not only was David Rath cool, so was Mr. Torres (10th grade lit) who had us immersed in 'The Man Who Laughs' by Victor Hugo. So too, was Mr. Connoly, he also of tweed and elbow patches (was it, I wonder, a costume?} who regaled us of lost loves while insisting we write of the pathos of a misplaced book rather than pontificating on any form of love as we hadn't had a clue, as yet, of what 'being in love' even meant.

Only a couple of suggestions as grammatically, the piece is fine.

I'd consider playing with the second sentence from the end . . . - ...proof enough that Mister Rath, was indeed, a Master Instructor of Literature.

And in that moment of cool, those moments of abject dismay, he did what writers do ... hooked you all, reeled you in such that the lofty professor, was indeed human under the tweed, was cool to the point you all actually listened, absorbed, and remembered! Now, one must ask, and wonder, did it indeed happen at all? *grin*

My second suggestion is that you don't need the notes. If it being published is important, I'd put that up at the top or a simple note at the bottom. You'd already told the reader that this was something he did. The other thing in the notes, I had, and I expect others, as well, not a clue what the periodical was. Associated with the school or what? Confuses at the end of a most satisfying read.

2
2
Review of Sustaining  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
The pond always looked like a rich woman’s finest jewels had been stolen and all her brightly colored gems and bobbles strewn across the water by a careless highwayman. <---- wonderful line! Evocative on numerous levels.

I like the way you express yourself! Layered. Nuances. Yes!

Great ending as well!

One thing I've noticed in your writings -- each has so much more 'story' just waiting to be unearthed. It would be fun to see you write some longer pieces!

Well done! ~fyn
3
3
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ohhhh YES!!!! It ABSOLUTELY does! I'll never forget being in Pearl Harbor bright and early one morning. We were there when they raised the flag for the day, played the National Anthem as they do every single morning. People stopped in their tracks, saluted, or stood there respectfully. I had shivers!


Using this in my poetry newsletter this week!
4
4
Review of The Voice  
Review by fyn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Interesting! I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter! ~fyn
5
5
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Yes. Well done! I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter.
6
6
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love the theme here!!! I'm using this in this week's Poetry newsletter, even though it isn't poetry, because this is WRITTEN POETICALLY!
~FYN
7
7
Review of Your Touch  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is great!!!

I do think (?) you meant 'thumbing' in the line: could no longer feel the thunbimg of footsteps approach me

I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
8
8
Review by fyn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The echo got me! That and:The very pieces of my existence strewn all around to show
that perhaps they can only be pieces in the end


This line is particularly good!


I echo further and further ahead only to shout at my reflection

I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
9
9
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter.

Great lines:No yoke - bad temper explodes - your (torn) wonderhood -
your starcourse - step choice yours

and this

~*we completely fail to realize*~- *~it is just one big karmamic illusion.~* ~Real only to the beings~ ~*which believe it so thoroughly,*~.. ~it becomes their only reality~... €and so they end up living a mazed 3rd eye projection life€... instead of their own active lives.

The asterisks were a tad confusing, but all in all, I found this a great almost 'stream of consciousness' piece!

~fyn
10
10
Review of The Missed Call  
Review by fyn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OOOPS! Good point with the 'crying wolf' analogy. Wonder if Sis learned anything from the episode? I had a big brother. I get it!
I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter even though it isn't poetry! ~fyn
11
11
Review of The Devil  
Review by fyn
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my! This was really good!!! Great twist! And you nailed the characterization! Well done!


Using it in my For Authors Newsletter this week! ~fyn
12
12
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know the feelings well! I rather like the way you write as well. Any of your work out in the world where one can find it?

Using this piece in my For Authors Newsletter this week!!! ~fyn
13
13
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
This -- this is what it is all about!!!

Take up the fluency of ink
And bring to life whatever
Is in your own being

I'm using this in this week's For Authirs Newsletter ... it fits!!!
14
14
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is super and perfect for my Poetry Newsletter this week!

Were you in a place where you could see yesterday's?~ fyn
15
15
Review by fyn
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Perect for this week's Poetry Newsletter! As you'll see...I experienced something quite similar! !fyn
16
16
Review of Ellipses Eclipsed  
Review by fyn
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh! I needed a good giggle midst doing three things at once! I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter! ~fyn
17
17
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love history in poetry!!! I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter.~fyn
18
18
Review of Eclipse  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ohhh...this is really good! Great angle on it! Setting the table for eternity--excellent image. I'm using this in my poetry newsletter this week. ~fyn
19
19
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my gosh!!! So, so, SO good!!!

THis:
Game pieces sliding on concrete tables,
re-cementing checkered lives
with silver-white tactics,
cantankerous grins,
and hierarchy's strategy.

Brilliant on numerous levels! Well done!!!

Using this in this week's poetry newsy! ~fyn
20
20
Review of Layers  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes ... on a plethora of levels! (pun intended!)

This! He knew it would, but he had to hold on
People needed him to hold on
Some people are too important to let go

Using this in this weeks poetry newsletter ~fyn
21
21
Review of Shed No Tears  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Of course you'd have something that works for this week's Poetry Newsletter!!! ~fyn
22
22
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good layering (of a different sort than is on the surface of this poem! Well done!

Curious, did you mean 'thee' or 'the' in THEE me scares me

I'm using this in my Poetry Newsletter this week. ~fyn
23
23
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ohhhh!!! Got such a kick out of this!!! Going to send it to DRSmith as he'll get a kick out of it as well!!! ~fyn
24
24
Review of The Letter  
Review by fyn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good one! Using this in this week's Authors Newsletter! ~fyn
25
25
Review of Reality of Words.  
Review by fyn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Using this in this week's Authors Newsletter! ~fyn
507 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 21 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fyndorian