Fyn here to fulfil your review request. !st read through gave me one true pause which I'll get to in a second.
Little-things wise-- Natures beauty his inspiration-->> Nature's Commanded by its humble form-->> by whose humble form? Nature's? The canvas? If the canvas then the painter's commanded. Might need some clarification because ambiguity does not work well here. A sketch revealed in charcoals wake--> charcoal's
The true pause--not sure if it is 'my' perspective or ... but the line With brush in hand he tells his Lies stopped me cold. Not in a good way. Is not the artist painting their truth? Their vision? Kind of like saying that all fiction is nothing more than a pack of lies. Which, given the rest of the poem, sits at odds with the methods, processes, thinking, and care the writer put into the ways of describing painting. To have it be a 'L' vs 'l', makes more of a case for art being nothing, worthless. I don't 'think' this is your intention. (?) Followed later by That humble calling we call art. again negates it.
On the positive side-- I really liked the ideas and images in
With every stroke the subject bends
Like time itself it never ends Excellent!!!
Had I just happened upon this piece, I expect, hitting the 'Lie' line, I'd have clicked away. You asked for a review so I'm being (perhaps) brutally honest. If you choose to do some revisions on this, email me and I'll rerate.
This reminds me of something I wrote years and years ago---
(cut paste) Overhead the Canada geese were shaftless arrows
shot from some instinctual bow
piercing the morning sky
with their raucous goodbyes. Your poem put me back in those moments! Thank you!
And he can write poetry as well. Why am I not the least surprised, ridiculously happy, and bowled over as well. This is what I would term 'an important piece of poetry.' And this to erupt when buried in pre-finals studying. Seriously well crafted. ~fyn
Annnnd...he does it again. Surfaces from resistors and transmogrified wires to write this. I love the way your perspectives see so differently, how you see to describe things the perfect way beyond what most might see. How one thing becomes several, completely different, and yet, and yet interwoven, intertangled as to make points abundantly clear and focused, especially in a character who may be merely rain or, perhaps, so much more. Kudos!
Sunflowers dancing on a highway! LOVE it! Have you ever seen the TV show - 'Life After People'? I'm using this piece in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
Wow. This is especially good. Your use of language is stellar! Lines like the first 8 are exceptional! I'm using this as an editor's pick in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
This is very new and different! Welcome to WDC! I'm using this piece as an editor's pick in my Poetry Newsletter this week even though it isn't 'poetry' per see. Written very poetically in places!! ~fyn
Hi and welcome to WDC! I'm using this poem in this week's Poetry Newsletter as an Editor's Pick.
Why? You have some original and awesome lines in this poem. Aside from the truth of the poem, you have expressed yourself in unusual and fresh language! For example, 'you carry a stranger’s shadow', you never knocked on the door of my side of the story, and to sift honey from the sting. There are more, but you get the idea.
The Weight of Almost--- what a phenomenal book title that'd be. Time pooling, Adobe building bleached into bones...a library with books no one has authored whose spines sigh. OMG! But there is so much more to this than brilliant sentences that require, demand much of a reader; jumping up and down in a sideways manner as if to say, 'Look here! Dig Here! -- but be carefully reading only the blank side of your mind.
The author is a brilliant writer. These gems (his port) sparkles! ~fyn
I liked this. Sometimes writing a letter never meant to be delivered is a most freeing experience! I'm using this in this weeks For Authors newsletter. Welcome to wdc and I look forward to reading more of your words! ~fyn
Went searching on site for rabbit holes and fell, (happily!) into yours! You use some ingenious wordplay in this piece! I'm using it as one of my editor's picks in my Poetry Newsletter this week! ~fyn
Poking around the site searching for Rabbit Holes, and fell into yours! Loved your pulling in the windmills! Excellent addition!!! I'm using this piece as one of my 'editor's picks' this week! ~fyn
These words: in morning's silver silence ---such an excellent phrase, image, vision. Really good observations! Well written poem! I'm using it in this week's For Authors newsletter. ~ fyn
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