Initial thought---won't go where? Away--in general? Hell, no. The Corps go where they are needed. Please fill me in on what I'm missing here. If I am, (and I'm an Army veteran and a boomer) others will be too.
From the perspective of the writing, didn't see any errors etc. and it is well written.
Excellent short story full of lines like: No birds sang for him this dark morning, no clouds strolled through the sky, and no hope built itself a fire in his heart.
I only wish you'd given the reason for the following: Ikaw ang puso ko.
Did I miss something??
Using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter. ~fyn
Enjoyed this poem, the words, the feels. I especially liked the lines:(whole verse, really) Innocence is stolen, yet courage takes form,
She carries life through life's storms.
I'm using your poem as an editor's pick in this week's For Authors Newsletter.
As a boy I would play with toy men in the back:
Army men would endure my relentless attack
from the limestone and pebbles I lobbed at their rank
as they stood by the road or on jeep-rutted bank.
and this just tied it all together ...
‘Round the school was an army with mortar and gun;
(there are many a battle that have to be won.)
Modern Army event shames the armies of then
though I still reminisce about my Army men.
That's the chair alright. I did wonder though the mom's reaction to a missing kid. There would have been some sort of a reaction I expect.
Little nitpicks...
I’d still be all well.<---perhps 'things still would be well...
“Oh yes, yes you will, <---comma after 2nd yes.
not been so head-strong <---period after strong.
I looked at my hands and then looked at my feet<---colon after feet then
I no longer could move, and no longer could speak.,<--- I could no longer move, could no longer speak or I could not move! I could not speak!
Those little things aside, I enjoyed this. It made me smile. There's a whole short story in 'The Boy Who Became A Chair.'
While this didn't fo where I thought it would - at all(!) I loved it! But now I want to write my own version of it. (May I borrow your title (giving credit, of course)?)
Great opening line!! Uress woke up with his head feeling like a blocked drain, stuck with lumps of ancient pudding and bits of chicken legs pounding against his skull. I remember feeling like that and it pulled me right in!
Loved the ending 'smirk' of a line as well!
~fyn
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