LOVE this! Been there, done this --so get it. LOVE your descriptions! Especially: where shop signs are like puzzles and conversations are a symphony of unknown sounds. Nice when you go beyond lost to found! Using this in this week's For Authors Newsy! ~fyn
I like the way you play with words. Things like this: Now, I stand inside my own abyss,
The pain shines through, and, it seems, you've found the light again. I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter. ~fyn
Not only was David Rath cool, so was Mr. Torres (10th grade lit) who had us immersed in 'The Man Who Laughs' by Victor Hugo. So too, was Mr. Connoly, he also of tweed and elbow patches (was it, I wonder, a costume?} who regaled us of lost loves while insisting we write of the pathos of a misplaced book rather than pontificating on any form of love as we hadn't had a clue, as yet, of what 'being in love' even meant.
Only a couple of suggestions as grammatically, the piece is fine.
I'd consider playing with the second sentence from the end . . . - ...proof enough that Mister Rath, was indeed, a Master Instructor of Literature.
And in that moment of cool, those moments of abject dismay, he did what writers do ... hooked you all, reeled you in such that the lofty professor, was indeed human under the tweed, was cool to the point you all actually listened, absorbed, and remembered! Now, one must ask, and wonder, did it indeed happen at all? *grin*
My second suggestion is that you don't need the notes. If it being published is important, I'd put that up at the top or a simple note at the bottom. You'd already told the reader that this was something he did. The other thing in the notes, I had, and I expect others, as well, not a clue what the periodical was. Associated with the school or what? Confuses at the end of a most satisfying read.
The pond always looked like a rich woman’s finest jewels had been stolen and all her brightly colored gems and bobbles strewn across the water by a careless highwayman. <---- wonderful line! Evocative on numerous levels.
I like the way you express yourself! Layered. Nuances. Yes!
Great ending as well!
One thing I've noticed in your writings -- each has so much more 'story' just waiting to be unearthed. It would be fun to see you write some longer pieces!
Ohhhh YES!!!! It ABSOLUTELY does! I'll never forget being in Pearl Harbor bright and early one morning. We were there when they raised the flag for the day, played the National Anthem as they do every single morning. People stopped in their tracks, saluted, or stood there respectfully. I had shivers!
Great lines:No yoke - bad temper explodes - your (torn) wonderhood -
your starcourse - step choice yours
and this
~*we completely fail to realize*~- *~it is just one big karmamic illusion.~* ~Real only to the beings~ ~*which believe it so thoroughly,*~.. ~it becomes their only reality~... €and so they end up living a mazed 3rd eye projection life€... instead of their own active lives.
The asterisks were a tad confusing, but all in all, I found this a great almost 'stream of consciousness' piece!
OOOPS! Good point with the 'crying wolf' analogy. Wonder if Sis learned anything from the episode? I had a big brother. I get it!
I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter even though it isn't poetry! ~fyn
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