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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/17
Review Requests: OFF
1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello care_a_lot ,

I found this to be a light-hearted, humorous piece of writing. I think you have done a great job telling a story in so few words. The characters, Herbert and HDR542 are clearly defined. I like how you show the reader what kind of person Herbert is through his dialogue and thoughts. He obviously doesn't have a lot of patience!

I noticed a few awkward sentences and parts in this story. Did you mean to use the word ‘is’ in the first sentence? I think it should be ‘was’ but I’m not sure if you did this intentionally! Same with the first sentence of the eighth paragraph; should this be ‘I want to eat!’? In the second paragraph, I think you could combine the last two sentences. I think this would make more sense and read more smoothly. It might work better to put the words ‘YEARS’, ‘SO’ and ‘NOT’ in italics rather than capital letters. To me, entire words in capital letters means shouting (like the way you use this later on) but I think you just mean to emphasise these words.

Overall this is a fun and entertaining story with a great ending. I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Do you love me?  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Paperandpen ,

This is a sad and haunting poem. I think the short, sharp lines work really well to get your message across to the reader.

I noticed a couple of things in this poem that might need some attention--the fourth line reads a little awkwardly in my opinion. I think the question should begin with ‘Don’t’ rather than ‘Do’ as it seems to make more sense. Also, in line thirteen, ‘en’ should be ‘an’. One other thing, some striking language choices could really make the darker elements of this poem stand out in my opinion. For instance, you describe the stare as blank. Eyes and stares often get described in this way, so maybe a different descriptive word would really make readers sit up and pay attention. There are a couple of other places where some fresh language choices could really bring this poem to 'life'. I hope that makes sense!

Overall I really enjoyed this. I liked the part in the middle, lines 10, 11 and 12. I think this part is quite creative. Thank you very much for sharing this. I hope my review has been helpful but please let me know if you want me to clarify anything.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of To My Son  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BRENNAN ,

This is a beautiful and poignant letter to your son. Emotion shines from every single line and this obviously a deeply personal piece of writing. You have done an excellent job of conveying your emotions to the reader. I had tears in my eyes whilst reading the final paragraph.

The only things that seemed a little odd to me in this piece is that it seemed to start off as a poem and then morphed into something else! Perhaps you did this for a reason? I don't know! Also, you used punctuation inconsistently. It might be an idea to add punctuation to the first part too. One other thing, I couldn’t get my thoughts around the final sentence of paragraph four. It reads very awkwardly and I was pulled out of the story for a moment as I attempted to make sense of it. I don’t think the word ‘When’ needs to be capitalised in this sentence either.

Otherwise, this is a heartfelt and powerful piece of writing in my opinion. It really moved me. Thank you for sharing it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of A Home At Last  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello peggysue ,

I think this is an interesting start to a story. I was immediately caught up in poor Abby’s situation and felt very sorry for her. I can’t even begin to imagine the terror and loneliness someone in her situation would be feeling.

I stumbled a few times whilst reading this and think that maybe playing around with some of the sentence structures could help to improve the flow. I’ll give a couple of examples. The second sentence is a little awkward. Does this read more smoothly?

‘Prison guards were no longer watching her every move.’

Or maybe you can come up with something else if you agree with me! For the sentence about the newspaper, how about this:

‘She bought a newspaper from the stand on the corner’

This sentence is sharper in my opinion and cuts out the repeated word. There are several other sentences that might work better with a little re-structuring. Maybe reading your story aloud will help you find the awkward places?

One other suggestion I have for this story--it might be a good idea to let the reader know some more of what Abby was feeling. You say at the beginning that she is confused but elated too. How would someone with this mix of emotions behave? How would they be feeling physically? Maybe Abby’s heart is racing/pounding? Maybe she’s looking around in every direction, trying to get a sense of things? Do you see what I mean? I think extra details like this could really help bring the character to life.

Thank you for sharing this; I enjoyed reading it and I think this is an intriguing opening. I hope my review has been helpful. Please let me know if you want me to clarify anything I have said. Good luck with the rest of your story!

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello kristen_pfaff ,

This is an intriguing piece! I think it is a good start. The first sentence is very striking and made me want to read on. You start to give a sense of what the character Jessica is like, but there is also an air of mystery about her, which is very captivating. You also start to build intrigue and mystery around the narrator! I’m certainly interested in who they are, what their relationship with Jessica is and how they figured out that she isn’t as perfect as she first seemed. The last sentence really jolted me and has left me wanting more. Thanks for sharing this. I hope you add to it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Truth  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Luky549 ,

This is an interesting poem. The tone is almost harsh and quite hard-hitting. The opening grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. This seems to be a personal piece, which was written from the heart, and that makes it a poignant read.

I couldn’t follow everything you were trying to get across in this poem. Some parts at the beginning seem disconnected to parts at the end. I like the rhythm and rhyme that emerges towards the end of the piece and wonder why you didn’t use this throughout? Maybe some consistency could help with the overall flow and cohesion of ideas?Also, I noticed a couple of typos/errors: I believe ‘kitchens’ should be ‘kitchen’s’ and ‘guys’ should be ‘guy’s’

Otherwise this is a captivating poem. The short, sharp lines and simplistic style really have an impact. I disagree with your description that this isn’t any good. Don’t be so hard on yourself! I think it is a strong, heartfelt piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it. *Smile*

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Homework VS Sims  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello care_a_lot ,

This is an interesting piece of writing and I think it has an important message. I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to take it seriously though or if it’s supposed to be a fun, light-hearted write! I like the first paragraph--it caught my attention and made me want to read on. I bet a lot of people can relate to this piece too. I know I can! There are plenty of things I’d rather be doing than my homework!

I think this piece could benefit from a little clarification. Firstly, it might be an idea to explain what Sims is. I know a lot of people already know it is a computer game but some may not know this, and then they would not understand your message. I got a lost in the second paragraph and became quite confused. I just felt things got a little muddled here and I could no longer follow. Do you think this part could be/needs to be made clearer? Also, the first sentence of the third paragraph is very wordy and I found it hard to get my thoughts around it. What are you trying to say here? Is there a simpler way to get your message across?

Overall, I think this is an original piece. It was refreshing to read something a little different! Thank you for sharing it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Voices  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello VictoriaMcCullough ,

I think this is a wonderfully atmospheric poem. The flow is nice and the language choices are striking. You create some lovely images. I like your many unusual and original descriptions. I’m afraid I do not understand everything in this poem but the mood and tone really captured me. I felt like I was being carried on a mystical journey!

I feel more attention to punctuation or maybe the phrasing could help strengthen this piece. I got lost just in the first stanza because I could not get my thoughts around what you were trying to say. How is the last line of stanza one connected to the line before? Should there be some punctuation here? I found stanza two equally confusing.

But overall I think this is a beautiful piece of writing. I just wish I understood it! Then again, perhaps I’m not meant to understand it! The mystical, almost eerie tone of this poem is going to stay with me for quite a while, I think. It is a poignant and haunting piece and I really enjoyed it.

Thank you,

Ghostranch.

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Review of Mary  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello lureeasygoer,

I enjoyed reading this poem. It is filled with emotion and that makes it a poignant read. I like the rhyme scheme of this piece and it has a lovely, soft rhythm. I love the first line. I think it is very clever and it grabbed my attention, making me want to read on.

I noticed a few errors in this poem, for instance ‘pave’ should be ‘paved’. I’m not entirely sure what you were trying to convey in the fourth line. Maybe that should be ‘children’s’? This line could use a little rephrasing in my opinion as you use the word ‘burden’ and then the phrase ‘heavy load’, which mean the same thing. I think the final word of the first stanza should be ‘strife’. I’m afraid I didn’t really grasp the full meaning of this line. In the final stanza, should ‘bless’ be ‘blessed’? Or did you perhaps mean ‘bliss’? And maybe 'challenge' should be 'challenged'?

I think this is a lovely poem that could be greatly improved with a careful edit and perhaps a little clarification in places. I particularly like the first two lines of the second stanza. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ♥tHiNg♥ ,

I like this poem a lot. It has a nice, soft rhythm and is written in a distinctive style, which often works very well. The emotion in this piece is intense, making it a poignant read.

I have a few suggestions/points to make. Maybe remove the comma from the end of the first line, and maybe even the fullstop at the end? There is no punctuation in the rest of the poem so it might be a good idea to remain consistent. In the fourth stanza, I think the second line reads mores smoothly if you remove the word ‘the’. I think this also helps keep the style and tone consistent. I found some of this poem a little hard to follow because of some of the phrasing, particularly the last line of the first three stanzas.

But even though I haven’t read the story, I picked up that this poem is probably about an internet relationship. I hope I’m right! I like the ending of this poem and I have been left feeling curious about the two characters.

Thanks for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello aralls,

Wow! This is such an eerie and intense poem. I’m not sure I have entirely grasped the meaning but it is such an atmospheric piece of writing and I enjoyed the strange, dark beauty in your words. There are some very striking language choices. I love the second line. I don’t exactly know how one would ‘saunter awake’ but I do love this description! I really like the first line of the fifth couplet too.

I think the rhyme scheme is excellent but the rhythm wasn’t quite there for me. I feel a more precise and dramatic rhythm could really add to the intensity. Then again, I realise not everyone is as obsessed with writing in metre as I am!

Overall I think this is a strong and creative poem. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Ambience  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jaya ,

Wow! This poem is so beautiful. The flow is impeccable and there is a gentleness in the language choices that give this piece such a serene atmosphere. I love the subtle use of alliteration and the sounds of the first three lines of the third stanza are absolutely wonderful when read aloud.

The only suggestion I have for this piece is to use the words ‘Softly stirred’ consistently throughout, rather than just in the first two stanzas or use a different description in each stanza. It seemed odd to me that you used this as the third line of the first two stanzas and then abandoned this pattern in the third one.

Otherwise, I think this is an incredible piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for an excellent read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Girls Night Out  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Diane ,

I like this story because I think it’s light-hearted and fun. The book titles fit easily and cleverly into the story; I particularly like how you used one to name the club! It certainly sounds like an interesting place! The characters are easy to identify with and the situation is realistic and probably something a lot of people can relate to.

Some sentences read a little awkwardly or are strangely worded, in my opinion. For instance, the first sentence of the ninth paragraph and the second sentence in the last paragraph. Also, some of the dialogue is a bit stilted. I think in the fourth paragraph you need to clearly establish who is speaking, maybe by separating the different speakers into paragraphs?

I’m not confident when it comes to tenses, but it seems to me you change tense a few times. For example, in the fourth paragraph should that be ‘smiles’ and ‘responds’ rather than ‘smiled’ and ‘responded’? There are a few other places (e.g. paragraph six) where you seem to slip into past tense when most of the story is in the present tense. Sorry if I’m wrong about this! I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to the technicalities of writing! In the eighth paragraph, I think the word ‘more’ is missing before the word ‘bizarre’.

Overall this is an enjoyable story. I like casual style, which draws in the reader and the light humour makes this is an entertaining read. Thanks for sharing it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Storm-story  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello fyn ,

I enjoyed this short tale. The casual, conversational tone really adds to the piece and drew me in. I like the short, snappy sentences, especially at the beginning of the story. The part about the flowers surviving made me smile. The small details such as this one help to define the main character in my opinion.

I think the writing is very good but I just feel that this piece is lacking that extra ‘sparkle’, especially during the storm. Maybe some more emotion could help liven this part up? The mostly sharp sentences help build up the suspense but maybe injecting some emotion could make the situation feel more real to the reader. I personally would liked to have known more of what was going through the protagonist’s mind during this moment, especially as at the beginning you state how uncomfortable they are with thunderstorms.

I like the part after the storm and the sense of community spirit is conveyed well in my opinion. The ending is nicely satisfying and upbeat. Thank you very much for an enjoyable read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Maryann ,

I love the imagery in this poem. It’s an incredibly vivid piece and there are some striking language choices. I particularly liked the first line of the second stanza.

I found the flow of this poem to be a little awkward, especially the last line of the first stanza. I think this is because of the use of the word ‘incredibly’—it doesn’t read smoothly in my opinion. The last two lines of the second stanza do not really seem to fit the rhythm either. Maybe this is because the lines are quite long and drawn out? I’m not entirely sure! But perhaps if you agree, playing around with the wording could help with this?

In some ways, the simplicity of the rhyme scheme works quite well. But I found the rhyming of ‘away’ with ‘Way’ and also ‘delight’ with ‘light’ to be a bit distracting. Having said that, I can see that the choice of rhymes was quite limited and I think you have done a great job under the circumstances!

Overall I think this is a beautiful, effective piece of writing and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Breathless  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! ,

I really enjoyed reading this and I think it is quite a creative piece. The rhythm of this poem is fantastic--I was swept through at such a pace and didn’t stumble once. I like the subtle use of rhyme at the end and think that aids the flow. I especially love the first part of this poem.

There was one thing I noticed, in the fifth line you wrote ‘breath’ when it should be ‘breathe’. I didn’t think this was word play as it sounds a little odd. But sorry if I’m wrong! Also, I’m not sure the second question has quite the same impact as the first. It might just be because it is a little unclear. The first part of the question makes it sound as if you are asking does or doesn’t living get harder. But then the second part assumes that it does and the ‘focus’ of the question changes. I’m not entirely sure it makes sense and I’m not sure I am making sense either! I hope you get what I mean.

Overall I think this is great and I like that it has got me thinking. It may be short but it certainly has an impact. Thank you very much for sharing it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Adriana Noir ,

I really enjoyed this. I think it is a great article with an important message. I have a bad case of perfectionism and a rating below 4.5 without any explanation can ruin my day. But the next time it happens I’m going to read this article to remind myself not to place so much importance on those stars. I like the way you have put forward your opinion in this piece. It is clear, concise and there is a touch of humour. Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Earning It All  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Joy ,

I enjoyed this short story and I think it has a great message that is conveyed clearly to the reader. I feel the writing is quite sharp for the most part and I think the dialogue is well written and natural.

I felt the plot had a few weak spots; the main one being why would the lawyer hire such a distinctive looking man? Wouldn’t he tell him to keep away for a few weeks afterwards, just in case he was recognised?

The part beginning ‘Janice didn’t quite remember…’ confused me. Why didn’t Janice remember? Did she get knocked over? I think you lose some of the tension from what could potentially be a dramatic scene by not providing enough detail.

Also, I like to be able to picture characters but I couldn’t ‘see’ Janice. She seemed a bit flat. Maybe some extra details about this character could ‘liven’ her up a bit? I liked her strong work ethic but otherwise this character didn’t really capture my attention.

One more (rather picky) thing, in the paragraph beginning ‘She walked to her car…’, you use the words ‘The man’ in three sentences in a row and it sounds a little odd. Could ‘He’ be used as a replacement in one of these sentences?

Overall I thought this was a good piece. I really like the ending. Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of The Hunter  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello billwilcox,

Wow this is chilling. I love the almost clinical tone. The story is so matter-of-fact and I think that works really well. I am disturbed to find myself on the side of the narrator! (Well almost on his side anyway!) I enjoyed the dialogue—it is natural and smooth. I think the characters are well defined and I could picture Cletus very clearly.

There was just one thing I noticed, the second from last sentence reads very awkwardly. Something seems wrong with the tense, I think. But I’m not entirely sure. It's just this line threw me out of the story for a moment.

Overall I think this is great and I absolutely love the ending. I think it is clever. And pretty maddening too!

Thank you for an enjoyable read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello turtlemoon-dohi ,

I absolutely love this! I’ve read it through several times and love it even more with each read. It is eloquent, creative and beautiful. I felt there was an element of fun too, with the use of words such as ‘bounce’, ‘dance’ and ‘tease’. I like the originality of this piece. Your language choices create some very striking images and I enjoyed the subtle use of alliteration.

The only suggestions I have are for very minor things. There seems to be some grammatical confusion around lines 13 and 14. I think the full stop at the end of line 13 needs to be removed. If not, then the first word of line 14 needs to be capitalised. In the last line, is the word ‘and’ necessary? I found this line a little awkward.

But those things are not going to stop me from rating 5 stars! I enjoyed this poem very much and am sure I will be back to read it again. Thank you for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello angel of God ,

I’m reviewing this for the "Invalid Item

I enjoyed this short poem. It is simple yet very effective. The message is clear and conveyed with emotion to the reader. This is quite an inspirational piece of writing.

I have a few suggestions and points to make. Please take what is helpful to you and ignore the rest! I’m not entirely sure the exclamation point is necessary in the first line, especially as your thoughts seem to run onto the second line. I think the first word of the second line should be capitalised, as the first words of all the other lines are.

The ellipses in this piece do not work for me. I found them quite distracting. I don’t think you have used them correctly either. I believe an ellipsis is made up of three full stops, like this: … I’m not entirely sure if there should be a space before and/or after the ellipsis though!

In the fourth and last lines you use ‘&’ instead of ‘and’. Maybe you did this for a reason but I’d suggest writing out the full word. I also think there are some unnecessary commas in this poem. The commas after ‘Lift me up’, ‘courage’, ‘seeing’, ‘Confronted me’ and ‘Taught me’ do not seem necessary to me. Though I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to grammar!

There are just a couple of other minor things, do the words ‘Smile’ and ‘Life’ need to be capitalised? Should this line and the one above be swapped around? It seems to me that the second from last line follows on naturally from the line beginning ‘confronted me…’ and would make more sense too.

Overall I think this is a nice poem. I like the last line best. It is happy and full of hope and really has an impact for this reason. I hope my review has been helpful and please let me know if you need me to explain any of my opinions further.

Thank you

~Ghostranch.

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Review of A Journey To Love  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Joy ,

I am reviewing this as a member of the Simply Positive group and I have to admit, it is very hard for me to comment on this piece! On the one hand I can imagine how much work went into this poem and how you have carefully balanced expressing emotion with telling a story. On the other hand, this isn’t the kind of poem I would usually choose to read and review. It is a long, involving write and I usually pass by such pieces as this as I find it hard to concentrate on them.

Also, I’m not a huge fan of poetry written in rhyming couplets. Having said that, I think it works well in your piece and gives it an almost singsong quality. I think this could be even more effective if some attention was given to the rhythm. At the moment this is very uneven in my opinion, particularly at the beginning of the poem. Though maybe this is just down to a difference in pronunciation!

I’ve read this poem through several times and I’m still not entirely sure I understand everything that is going on. I do love the ending though and the last line is just lovely! Some of the wording was a little hard for me to get my thoughts around but I think I understand why you wrote like that. It gives this poem a rather quaint, ‘old-world’ tone that works so well to convey your grandiose message and the huge theme of love.

I like the rhyme scheme in this piece but sometimes it seems that you have sacrificed meaning to fit the rhyme. The main one that stuck out to me was ‘route’ and ‘suit’. ‘Strange suit’ seemed like an odd choice of words to me and came across as stretching to meet the rhyme. Of course this is just my opinion!

I feel there are a few clichés in this (but I suppose they also add to the ‘old-world’ feel!) yet there are also some very creative lines. I love the stanzas beginning: ‘A dark drop opened…’, ‘His jocular tease…’ and ‘Lofty feelings on golden walls…’ I think they are beautiful and I love the assonance in the second stanza I mentioned!

Overall I think this is a good poem and it is written quite nicely. Thank you very much for sharing it.

~Ghostranch.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Billy is away--sick ,

Wow this was an exciting and captivating story! And told in so few words! Vampire stories are obviously very common but I love the original spin you have put on yours, with the unique setting. I particularly enjoyed the description of the vampire--I could picture him very clearly.

I think there are some grammatical errors in this piece. There seems to be a few too many commas, for instance:

‘Well, it happened one night, after I’d boarded the city bus, on my way to the outskirts of town.’

I’m not sure the comma after ‘bus’ is necessary. (I could be wrong!) Also:

‘His long, dark hair,rested on his shoulders.’

I don’t think you need the comma after ‘hair’. Though if you do decide to keep it, there should be space after it.

There are a few other places were extra commas seem to have crept in, so a careful edit could help strengthen this piece.

One other thing, I’m not sure the word ‘personally’ in the first sentence is necessary.

Overall, I think this is great. You have managed to pack a lot of excitement and suspense into a very short piece. I absolutely loved the paragraph beginning ‘In his embrace…’ It’s fantastic! I also really liked the vague/open ending, even if it was a little frustrating! Thank you very much for an enjoyable read.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Stealing Psalm 40  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Elijah Jones ,

I sometimes find it hard to review items that are personal or biographical--it’s hard to know what to say! But I thought this was a very well written and inspirational piece of writing. There is such emotion and conviction in your words, making this a poignant and powerful read. The ending really has impact.

Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Ghostranch.

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Review of Springtime Nature  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rixfarmgirl ,

I enjoyed reading this double haiku/senyru very much. The first one is my favourite I love the imagery. It’s easy to picture this even without the image you have included! The only part I thought could be strengthened was this bit in the second ‘stanza’:

‘sounds of the babbling brook’

Although I like the alliteration here, the phrase ‘babbling brook’ is a little overused in my opinion. I don’t think the second haiku is quite as creative or effective as the first. But overall I think this is beautifully written. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

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