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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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Review of I tremble  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Adore lol♥ Author Icon,

I like this poem. The Haiku happens to be one of my favourite poetry forms and I think you have done a great job sticking to the form requirements. Though technically I think this a Senryu as it is about emotions rather than an element of nature. I may be wrong about this though! I think you have a good, strong opening line. It is sharp and intriguing and made me want to read on. The next line did not work so well for me as it seems unfinished. I was left thinking: arms wide open to hold what? It feels as if a thought has been cut-off in mid flow and I was unclear of your meaning. I do really like the final line though, which I think is strong and effective.

Overall I think this is a nice piece. It has a gentle tone and romantic atmosphere. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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327
Review of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Erika Author Icon,

I read several of your items before selecting this one to review and I have to say, I think you have a wonderful imagination! I chose this one to comment on though because it had the most impact on me emotionally and I like poems that can stir my feelings.

It may be a short piece but it certainly packs a punch. You seem to have chosen every word very carefully and the overall effect is a poignant poem that flows wonderfully. It is a beautiful, subtle poem that kind of crept up on me, if that makes sense. I read it through several times before it hit me. But I'm glad I didn't give up on it after the first read because it was well worth the effort! It has a quiet sadness about it and for that reason I did not understand how the title was connected to this poem. I could not detect any hope in it. The last part is my favourite. I think it really has an impact.

Thank you very much for a great read. I think this one is going to stay with me for some time.

~Jess.

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328
Review of Force of Nature  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Davy Kraken Author Icon,

I really enjoyed this poem. I love the unusual structure and am now feeling tempted to give it a try myself! You stuck to it well and have a great rhyme scheme. I like your use of colour, which I think is visually appealing. The message of this piece is clear—nature can be very frightening. The only small issue I noticed is the second line of the last stanza. Technically I think it would make more sense for the word ‘it’ to follow the word ‘expect’. It sounds a little odd without it, as if it has been left hanging. This is a very minor thing though and overall I think this is a great piece. Thank you very much for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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329
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello pennman Author Icon,

This is a delightful poem about freedom told in a very creative way. There are some very striking language choices which create some beautiful images. I particularly liked the thirteenth and fourteenth lines. The atmosphere of this piece is wonderful—there is such a sense of boundless fun and I couldn’t help but feel uplifted!

The main ‘problem’ I found in this poem was the capitalisation of words when it wasn’t really necessary. I didn’t get the point of this and found it quite distracting. I also found the many exclamation points distracting and unnecessary. Your words are very strong and have a lot of impact, so I do not thing you need all these exclamation marks to create emphasis.

I think the flow of this poem is lovely but I stumbled at the sixth stanza. The word ‘So’ seems superfluous to me and I think it disrupts the flow.

One last small point, should the word ‘Shimmer’ in the second line be ‘Shimmers’? I think this would make more sense.

Overall I think this is a fantastic poem. I just think it needs a little polishing. I really enjoyed this and think it is a piece I am going to want to read again and again!

Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
330
330
Review of Zucchini  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Wolfwalker Author Icon,

I just had to open up a column entitled ‘Zucchini’! I doubted anyone could write anything of interest on the subject, let alone anything comical. I was wrong of course! This is such a fun piece. Zucchinis are called courgettes where I’m from and I quite like them but I didn’t realise they were such a... problem! I really enjoyed the humour of this piece and particularly liked the idea of placing them in baskets and leaving them for neighbours. I love the originality of this article. It put a smile on my face.

Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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331
Review of Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sophy Author Icon,

I think this is a wonderful little poem. It is subtle, in a good way. The opening stanza is simplistic yet effective, easing the reader into the poem. It’s a nice, lucid description of the moment. It builds up beautifully to the final stanza and the last part, which is my favourite part of this piece. What an ending!

Overall the poem has a lovely, gentle flow and soft tone. The imagery is understated yet still striking somehow. I think this is a charming, romantic poem and I really enjoyed it. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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332
Review of Perfect Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello silenttears Author Icon,

I think this is a beautifully written metaphorical poem. There is a lot of emotion in this piece, making it a poignant read. The rose symbolises love and the narrator recalls how they held the rose so tightly, they ended up killing it. It really is very well expressed!

I have a couple of suggestions. Firstly, ‘it’s’ in the third line should be ‘its’. Remember ‘it’s’ is a contraction of ‘it is’.

Secondly, I personally feel you could lose the ellipses. I found them distracting rather than effective but that is just my personal taste.

Overall I think this is a lovely piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello SteveS22 Author Icon,

Wow! What a great opening to a story. It is intense and filled with action and suspense. I think there is just the right amount of intrigue—I was left with questions without feeling frustrated. I wanted to find out what happens next! The only (picky) suggestion I have is to watch out for repeated words, which are sometimes quite jarring when used too closely together. But otherwise, I think this is a strong piece and I really enjoyed reading it.

Thank you.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello irishlass Author Icon,

This is a wonderful poem which has a mystical, almost eerie atmosphere. It is a story of loss and grief, told in an interesting and original way. The imagery is very striking and I could clearly picture the tragic, grief-stricken wolf in his harsh world.

I have a few suggestions. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish! In the eleventh line, you say ‘I listen...’ This is the only time in the whole poem that you use ‘I’. I personally think it doesn’t work especially well and that losing it would enhance the poem. This is because it takes the reader out of the moment, reminding them this is “your” experience and not theirs. I felt disconnected from your message for a moment if that makes sense.

Another thing, some of your lines end with weak words, such as ‘of’ and ‘in’. I always think it’s better to end lines with good, strong words if possible.

One last thing, I’d suggest watching out for repeated words. I know some are unavoidable but in a short piece like this, they seem to stick out a lot. Maybe varying the vocabulary a bit could help to strengthen this poem?

Overall I think this is a lovely piece of writing. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon,

This is a lovely poem, filled with emotion which shines from every line. I like the simplicity and the gentle tone. The words are sincere and I’m sure this is a poem that anyone with a heart can relate to!

I have a few suggestions. Firstly, the flow if this poem is a little uneven and I sometimes find that keeping a consistent syllable count can help to enhance the rhythm.

The second stanza is a bit confusing and I think either changing the punctuation or rewording the third line could help with this. I think the full stop after the word ‘way’ needs to be a comma or semicolon. Or alternatively, you could place the word ‘It’ before ‘whispers’ and remove the word ‘love’ in this line. This will make the last two lines read as a complete sentence, connect them more directly with the preceding lines and remove the repeated word.

One other thing, in the third stanza, the word ‘grew’ should technically be ‘grown’. I know this affects your rhyme scheme but the word ‘grew’ sounds odd. Maybe you could change the second line of this stanza to something like ‘Tell me that you love me; my heart belongs to you alone’. Then you’ll have a word at the end of the line to rhyme with the grammatically correct usage of ‘grown’. Of course this is just a suggestion!

Overall I think this is a charming poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Fiery Red Hair  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon,

This is a lovely, evocative story about a courageous lady’s last moments. The story describes what is going through her mind as she lies in hospital, which makes for a very poignant read. The character of the red-haired lady is well-defined and there is some wonderful, striking imagery in this piece.

I’m not sure I fully understand this story. In some ways I couldn’t match up the lady’s “flashbacks” or “imaginings” with what was happening in the present. They seemed like totally different times and I’m not sure if I have somehow missed an important aspect of the story. I’m sorry if I have failed to grasp your intended meaning!

I have always thought that using dialogue in a story was necessary to keep it flowing and move the story along. I guess I was wrong as your story is absorbing and fast-paced despite the lack of dialogue. I love the technique you use of beginning each new section of the tale with the same sentence and feel this really helps to keep the story moving. It is an interesting technique that could become cloying but I think you kept it contained and subtle.

Overall I think this is a wonderful story and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Stirred Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello Muskaan Author Icon,

This is a short, sharp, to the point poem about memories. I think this piece has a wonderful flow. I find it very difficult to get free verse to sound smooth and natural but you have made it seem effortless here. I think the use of assonance throughout really helps with the flow and gives the poem a strong sound. The message of this poem is clear and conveyed effectively to the reader, with lots of emotion. I particularly liked the ending.

I think if you wanted to work on this piece some more you might want to give the punctuation some attention as it is a little muddled. As an example, I don’t think there should be a comma after the first word. And lines five, six, seven and eight are pretty confusing. It might make more sense written like this:

‘Why is there no control
Over something invisible,
With no shape, size,
Colour or smell?’

Or maybe even use a dash after ‘invisible’? I’m not sure!

But overall I think this is a good poem. I just think it could be enhanced by an edit and polish! Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Blue the Red Dog  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello ImagineTryingToLearnToBeSingle Author Icon,

This is a lovely, fun little story that I’m sure any child would enjoy reading. I love the character of Blue, who is actually a red dog. He’s a hard worker and even after a long day, he’s still willing to help somebody else out! This piece has a nice, easy tone and I like the simplistic style. I think young readers will be able to follow the story very easily.

I noticed several grammatical errors so I think this story could benefit from some editing. The most noticeable error was with your apostrophe usage, for example, this part:

‘His leg paused in it's work’

This should be “its” as “it’s” is a contraction of ‘it is’, whereas an apostrophe is needed in this part:

‘Blues eyelids drooped’

This should be “Blue’s”. Remember apostrophes denote possession as well as contractions.

There were a couple of other things I noticed. Firstly, the bit in brackets in the first paragraph reads a little awkwardly. I think you need to find a way to integrate this part into the story. It kind of threw me out of the story for a moment. Also, this is probably a cultural thing, but I have no idea what ‘Boomers’ are! I realise they are creatures of some sort but it might be a good idea to describe them so your story makes sense to a wider audience. Though perhaps it’s just me who has never heard of them!

Overall I thought this was a sweet, light-hearted story and it put a smile on my face. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Dark Music  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon,

This is a wonderful, atmospheric poem. I really love this form. I haven’t come across it before so I appreciate the explanation underneath. I’m quite tempted to try it out myself but it looks very challenging!

The story you tell in this poem is intense and dark. The language choices are striking and create some strong images—I particularly liked the opening three lines. Once I'd read the contest prompt you followed I was even more impressed with this clever piece!

Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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340
Review of Normal  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello juliakaye Author Icon,

I think this is a very intense and emotional piece of writing. It certainly isn’t any read because of the content but I think you have handled it skilfully. It is even more shocking and effective because of the way you have told this story—through the mother reassuring her child we learn that actually everything is not okay or normal, far from it in fact. This poem really stirred my emotions.

As for the structure of this piece, I think the rhyme scheme is great. The rhythm is a little awkward and could probably be enhanced by sticking to a consistent syllable count. I often find reading a poem aloud can help me identify more easily which parts do not flow so well.

But overall I think this is a good poem that deals with a very tough and sensitive subject. Thank you very much for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dorianne Author Icon,

This is a wonderful, light-hearted poem. I recently tried using anaphora in one of my own poems so it’s nice to read a different take on it. I’m glad I can say I know what it means too! I am unfamiliar with the form so I appreciate the explanation underneath. This is a fun piece about a dog anticipating and then enjoying his walk. It may be a simplistic poem but it certainly has an impact and any dog lover/owner will read it with a smile. I certainly did!

Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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342
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lawrence Author Icon,

I think this is a beautiful and captivating piece. It has such a serene, almost hypnotic tone and the flow is absolutely wonderful. You have created some striking images. I particularly love the image of the shadows on the lake’s surface. I enjoyed the mystical feel to this piece. It is so good to be able to read your poetry again!

Thank you

Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review of My Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Southern_Star Author Icon,

This is a very hard-hitting and emotional poem and I think you have a lot of courage for sharing it. It is obviously an intensely personal piece, written from the heart. For that reason, it is quite hard to review!

If you did want to work on it some more, I’d suggest focusing on the rhythm of the piece, which is not entirely smooth. Sometimes keeping a consistent syllable can enhance the flow. I also find reading a poem aloud helps to identify which parts trip me up much more easily then reading the poem silently. You might also want to give some attention to the punctuation. There are a lot of unnecessary commas in this piece and sometimes I felt a full stop (period) or a question mark would be more suitable. As an example, in the third stanza you ask: ...how can I cope,’ with a comma at the end, when this should really be a question mark. Of course these are just my personal opinions and you can use or ignore my suggestions as you wish.

Overall I think this is a good poem. It is very honest and though heart-rending too, I felt there was a note of hope in it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Crossroad  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Sandy Author Icon,

This is an interesting poem that seems to be about choosing a path in life. You describe to the reader in horrifying detail the scene of a world that has gone awry. The descriptions are intense and harrowing. (I think you need to change the rating of this piece, especially as you mention certain things that are considered ‘non-E’).

I noticed several ‘problems’ in this piece. Firstly, in the third line, I wasn’t entirely sure who ‘They’ was referring to. I think you need to make this a little clearer. In the fourth line, ‘begin’ should be ‘began’ in keeping with the past tense you have used throughout. There are several repeat words in this poem too, most noticeably, the word ‘now’. Can some of these words be cut? I think varying the vocabulary could greatly enhance this piece.

I also found rhythm of this poem quite awkward. I think some of the longer, drawn out lines really slow it down. If you wanted to work on this piece some more you could focus on containing some of the lines, for instance this part:

‘My tears swelled up into my eyes, tears streamed down my face. ‘

This could be cut down to:

‘Tears swelled into my eyes and streamed down my face’.

Or something like that! I think sometimes simplicity is better but of course these are all just my personal opinions and suggestions.

Overall I enjoyed this piece. There is a lot of emotion in it which is effectively conveyed to the reader. Thank you very much for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Death is Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello sara fawad khan Author Icon,

I’ve read this piece through about five times now and I’m afraid I just don’t get it. I’m sorry if I’m missing an obvious point! It seems to me your ideas are a little muddled, or you just need to do more to get them across to the reader. As an example, I didn’t understand what you meant by this part:

‘Your tears give it the happiness you were lacking.’

What is the ‘it’ in this sentence? I wasn’t sure. Why would tears give happiness? I just couldn’t get my thoughts around that.

I’m afraid I couldn’t comprehend why people would have to wait around in life for their dreams to get broken and why this is different in death. It is unclear whether the ‘you’ addressed in this piece is yourself, someone specific or people in general. If you are talking about people in general then I think it is imprecise to say that life treats us miserably as I’m sure there are many people who love life!

I’m sure you have some interesting ideas and I do want to understand the points you are trying to make, I just think you need to work on clarifying your opinions and making them accessible to readers. You may also want to give this piece a careful edit as I noticed several errors.

I hope you have found this review helpful. Please let me know if you want me to explain anything I have said.

Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello care_a_lot Author Icon,

I don’t think I have ever reviewed a piece like this! I’m not entirely sure how to go about it, but I’ll give it a go. I enjoyed reading it and found it interesting. Jessie certainly sounds like a fascinating person. It wasn’t clear to me if Jessie is a real person though, or a fictional character. I would have liked to have known and if she is a real person, I would have been interested to know why you are writing about her!

I noticed a few errors and awkward sentences, for instance this part: ‘Jessies age and older’. ‘Jessies’ should have an apostrophe. In the eighth paragraph, I think the last two sentences should be connected to each other, maybe with a comma. Or you need to add something to the second part or reword it so it reads as a complete sentence. Something like this might do: ‘She left the business when she had children to be a stay-at-home mother’. Or words to that effect!

In the next part, the word ‘Schlerosis’ should be ‘sclerosis’ and I think in the sentence beginning ‘In 1985’ you can remove the words ‘what stage’. I’m just not sure that phrase makes sense.

In this part: ‘Jessie still wakes up at 6.30 in the morning a habit that she formed when she was working. No real dietry habits just doesn't like anything that's too hot.’ I think you need a comma after ‘morning’. Also, the second sentence, again, does not read as a complete sentence. I think you either need to connect it to the first part or add something to it like: ‘Jessie has no real dietary habits, she just doesn’t...’ (And ‘dietry’ should be ‘dietary’).

In the penultimate paragraph I wasn’t sure about the use of the phrase ‘in precise’. Maybe you mean ‘mostly’? I’m not sure! Also, I would consider Italicising ‘LOVES’ rather than capitalising it or, even better, use a stronger word to place emphasis.

Of course these are all just my personal opinions and suggestions which you can use or ignore as you wish! Overall I liked this piece, I just feel it needs a little polishing. Thank you very much for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Annie Author Icon,

This is an enjoyable and fun story told in very few words. Despite the restriction on the word count you have still managed to tell a full story, complete with a twist! The characters are well defined and the dialogue is natural, helping to move the story along. I like that the narrator, fully confident in his knowledge (and rather smug with it too!) was taken aback for a minute by the fake Santa. The ending is very satisfying. There isn’t much more I can say except thank you very much for a great read!

~Jess.

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348
Review of Thoughts on life  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Garnet Author Icon,

I think this is an inspiring and thought-provoking piece of writing that urges people to discover and accept their true selves. There are some interesting ideas and phrases—I particularly liked the first line of the third part.

I have a couple of suggestions that you can use or ignore as you wish! I think you need some form of punctuation at the end of the third line, maybe a comma or dash? Also, I don’t think you need the dash after the word ‘play’. A comma would probably be fine but if you do decide to keep it, it should be two hyphens like this: -- or a longer dash like this: — Plus you might want to replace the comma after ‘destiny’ with a dash too. However, I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to punctuation!

The flow of this poem is pretty uneven in places and I think you could remedy this by putting some thought into the line lengths and line breaks. The long, drawn out lines in particular really impede the rhythm so it might be a good idea to try and contain these a little. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a strong and interesting piece and I really enjoyed reading it.

Thank you.

~Jess.

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349
Review of Silent Seduction  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon,

I think this is a wonderful, sensuous poem about a moment—just a look and a smile—between two lovers. You use alliteration to great effect, giving the poem a strong sound. I think a lot of thought has been put into the word choices, which are strong, though the overall effect is very natural. Nothing in the imagery or emotion of this poem feels forced or artificial.

I found the punctuation a little confusing in this poem and sometimes felt it hindered the flow rather than helped guide the reader. The first stanza, in particular, is quite muddled. As it is at the moment, it reads as one huge sentence and the reader barely has time to pause and savour the images you have created. I think this could easily be resolved by inserting a full stop (period), after the word ‘warmth’, for example. The last line of this stanza is quite choppy and I can’t help but feel that some rewording/restructuring could help here. This part, ‘--I’m caught in mid-blush’ feels tagged on. Is there a way to connect it more fully to the rest of the line? Also, the use of both ‘I’ and ‘I’m’ in the same line is quite jarring. Of course these are just my personal opinions!

But overall I think this is a strong piece of writing. I particularly like the last stanza, where the reader finds out this man is not just an object of the narrator’s lust and desire, but someone she really loves and cares about. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Humming Bird Author Icon,

This is an unusual and unique little tale. I enjoyed the simplicity and the quirkiness and thought the characters were interesting and quite well-defined. I found the dreams very intriguing—I wanted to read on to find out the meaning of them!

I think there were a few problems with the flow of this story. Sometimes this was because of awkwardly written lines, for example, this line:

‘The next morning, Usha and Shoshi discussed about the dream again:’

I don’t think you need the word ‘about’ in this sentence. Also, this sentence stood out to me:

‘The twins always had a soft corner for music.’

I’ve never heard this phrase before. I personally would say ‘soft spot’ but that doesn’t mean your phrase is wrong of course!

I noticed there are several repeat words in this piece too, which can sometimes be quite jarring, for instance in this part:

‘“You are almost there, girls. Come, the world awaits you,” a strong voice kept calling the two girls.’

The word ‘girls’ is repeated in two sentences in a row. As another example, the word ‘many’ is used several times and closely together towards the end of the story. I think varying the vocabulary a bit could greatly enhance this piece. Of course this is just my opinion.

Overall I thought this was a wonderful, surreal story and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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