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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Annie ,

This is an enjoyable and fun story told in very few words. Despite the restriction on the word count you have still managed to tell a full story, complete with a twist! The characters are well defined and the dialogue is natural, helping to move the story along. I like that the narrator, fully confident in his knowledge (and rather smug with it too!) was taken aback for a minute by the fake Santa. The ending is very satisfying. There isn’t much more I can say except thank you very much for a great read!

~Jess.

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Review of Thoughts on life  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Garnet ,

I think this is an inspiring and thought-provoking piece of writing that urges people to discover and accept their true selves. There are some interesting ideas and phrases—I particularly liked the first line of the third part.

I have a couple of suggestions that you can use or ignore as you wish! I think you need some form of punctuation at the end of the third line, maybe a comma or dash? Also, I don’t think you need the dash after the word ‘play’. A comma would probably be fine but if you do decide to keep it, it should be two hyphens like this: -- or a longer dash like this: — Plus you might want to replace the comma after ‘destiny’ with a dash too. However, I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to punctuation!

The flow of this poem is pretty uneven in places and I think you could remedy this by putting some thought into the line lengths and line breaks. The long, drawn out lines in particular really impede the rhythm so it might be a good idea to try and contain these a little. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a strong and interesting piece and I really enjoyed reading it.

Thank you.

~Jess.

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Review of Silent Seduction  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello WEB-WITCH:MONK Happy24th WDC ,

I think this is a wonderful, sensuous poem about a moment—just a look and a smile—between two lovers. You use alliteration to great effect, giving the poem a strong sound. I think a lot of thought has been put into the word choices, which are strong, though the overall effect is very natural. Nothing in the imagery or emotion of this poem feels forced or artificial.

I found the punctuation a little confusing in this poem and sometimes felt it hindered the flow rather than helped guide the reader. The first stanza, in particular, is quite muddled. As it is at the moment, it reads as one huge sentence and the reader barely has time to pause and savour the images you have created. I think this could easily be resolved by inserting a full stop (period), after the word ‘warmth’, for example. The last line of this stanza is quite choppy and I can’t help but feel that some rewording/restructuring could help here. This part, ‘--I’m caught in mid-blush’ feels tagged on. Is there a way to connect it more fully to the rest of the line? Also, the use of both ‘I’ and ‘I’m’ in the same line is quite jarring. Of course these are just my personal opinions!

But overall I think this is a strong piece of writing. I particularly like the last stanza, where the reader finds out this man is not just an object of the narrator’s lust and desire, but someone she really loves and cares about. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Music of Love  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola ,

I think this is a beautiful, sensuous poem. I really enjoyed the soft tone and simplicity. The flow is mostly wonderful and I like how the pace of the poem builds to a crescendo, just like the moment you are describing. The only thing that stood out to me really was the usage of the words ‘Love’s’ and ‘Lover’s’ so close together. I thought it was a little jarring. The only thing I can think to suggest it to change ‘Love’s’ to ‘Lust’s’ but I’m not sure that works either! Sorry I can’t be more helpful than that.

Overall I really enjoyed this. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ElizabethHayes-DaughterofIAM ,

There is a lovely serene tone and mood to this poem that I found captivating. I am not a very spiritual person but that did not stop me from enjoying the message of this piece. The flow is quite nice but I think it could be enhanced by punctuation. I know punctuation usage in poetry is a personal thing but I think it is a useful tool for helping to guide the reader through the piece. I often didn’t realise where the pauses should be, causing the lines to ‘run’ on from each other and therefore disrupting the flow.

Overall, I think this is a lovely poem and I particularly liked the first two lines of stanza two. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Slow Rush  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sam U. Elle ,


I think this is a beautiful poem. I like the clever word play of the title. There are many striking language choices and you have created some beautiful images—I particularly love the part about the clouds. The flow is mostly wonderful but I stumbled at this part:

‘—— I shiver,

you brush hair off my face’

I just think the pause after ‘shiver’ is too big and the poem doesn’t flow easily into the next part. Maybe the word ‘as’ before ‘you’ could help? But I’m not sure that works either. Sorry I can’t be more helpful than that!

Overall I think this is a lovely piece of writing. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of crumby steps  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Johnny cue ,

This is a very surreal piece of writing. I don’t think I really “get” it, though I want to. It’s a fun, nonsense piece but I think it needs quite a lot of work. There are many grammatical and spelling errors/typos in this write so I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit. (The words ‘i’ and ‘im’ should be written as ‘I’ and ‘I’m’. ‘Probally’ should be ‘probably’).

I know that ‘idk’ is an abbreviation of ‘I don’t know’ but not everybody will realise that. You really need to write out the proper words in my opinion. I don’t think many people on a writing site will think that such “text speak” is acceptable and your tale will probably be rated down because of it.

One other thing, you seem to have written in two different tenses, and I think it would be better to stick to one. I’m not an expert when it comes to tenses so sorry if I’m wrong! I’ll use this sentence as an example:

‘the chicken ate the last crumb and we reach the end’

The first part of this sentence is in the past tense (ate) and the second part is in the present tense (reach). Therefore, it would probably read more smoothly written as ‘the chicken ate the last crumb and we reached the end’ or ‘the chicken eats the last crumb and we reach the end’. Do you see what I mean?

Overall I think this is an interesting piece of writing and you obviously have a creative mind! I just think you need to work on the basic errors to make it readable. Then maybe you could look into expanding it and making it a little less vague in meaning so that readers can connect with it. I’m not saying you need to spell out every single point you make, but as it is at the moment, the piece is just a little too bizarre and incomprehensible.

I hope this review has been helpful. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Retaliation  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I think this is an interesting poem about heart break and revenge. The language is striking and effectively conveys the strong emotions to the reader. It is quite a dark and intense piece.

I think this is a good attempt at the form prompt but unfortunately some of the line syllable counts are incorrect. The third stanza is a little muddled: you only have six lines here when it should be seven. The final stanza also has incorrect syllables per line.

I found this poem quite hard to read in places because of your use of enjambment. I think that cutting lines in the middle like this can sometimes work very well to enhance the flow of a poem but can have the opposite effect if overused. That seems to be the case with this piece so that might be something to work on if you agree with my point.

One other thing, I think the first part of stanza four should be ‘wipe that smirk off your face’.

Overall I enjoyed this poem and I think you have done a great job of getting a certain tone and atmosphere across to the reader. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess

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Review of The ocean  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 3.

You successfully followed the prompt and I think this is such a beautiful poem! The imagery is fantastic. I especially adore the first two lines—the language is striking and creates a strong picture in my mind.

I feel the first Whitney in this chain is the strongest. The flow is wonderful and the use of alliteration is very effective. I still think the other two are very good. I just enjoyed the first one more!

Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SummerLyn Guthrie ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I really enjoyed this poem and you successfully followed the prompt. The theme you have chosen is huge and I like the way you have approached it. The poem is very nicely presented too, giving it lots of visual appeal!

I had a little trouble with the flow. I think with short, syllabic forms like the Whitney it is very easy for the flow to become choppy and for ideas to seem disconnected from each other. Is there some punctuation missing? Maybe that could help with guiding the reader through the piece more easily?

Also, a little more description would be nice. I want to be able to see this sunflower as it goes from ‘standing tall’ to withering away but those descriptions are just a little too vague and general in my opinion. I realise there are not a lot of syllables to play around with, but I’m sure you can give the poem some more ‘zest’. If you want to that is!

But overall I think this is a nicely written poem. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I really enjoyed this poem. You used the prompt well and the poem is light-hearted and fun. I particularly liked the part about the less than perfect looking cake! It made me smile. The structure you used for this poem is effective and adds to the fun, making the poem bright and bouncy, if that makes sense. The rhyme scheme is good and the rhythm mostly is. I stumbled in a couple of places, for instance the first line of the final stanza. This line seems to be one beat too long, to me anyway, and I would suggest changing ‘wrapping’ to ‘gift’ to remedy this. Of course this is just my opinion!

Overall I think this is a lovely poem. The last part is very funny! Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Wedding  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Koyel~writing again

I am one of the judges for the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I really enjoyed this poem. I think you have used the prompt well and the Petrarchan sonnet happens to be one of my favourite poetry forms! I think you have done a great job of keeping to the structure. The rhyme scheme is flawless and quite creative in places, for instance ‘bouquets’ and ‘ablaze’. The iambic metre is mostly good but I feel it slips in the twelfth line and particularly in the thirteenth line—the words ‘heart’ and the ‘beat’ of ‘beating’ both seem to be stressed syllables to me and I think the word ‘his’ and the first syllable of ‘caress’ are both unstressed. However, I am not an expert when it comes to metre!

I love the tone of this piece, it is quite quaint in a way but there are a couple of words that stick out a little. In the first line, the word ‘nice’ doesn’t really seem right in my opinion, especially as it follows the word ‘exquisite’ which is a much stronger, more descriptive word. I’m afraid I don’t have any particular suggestions but I’m sure you could come up with something more suitable if you agree with me. Also, the words ‘yummy’ and ‘saggy’ do not seem to fit the ‘old-fashioned’ language and tone used in the rest of the poem. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a strong and effective piece of writing that tells a charming story. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Father's Day.  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Joshua Rawls ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I love this poem! I can relate to it, somewhat (though I’m not a man!) But I also have difficulty telling the people I care about that I love them. The message of this piece is clear and conveyed to the reader with lots of emotion, making it a very poignant read.

I have a few suggestions for this poem. There is some structure here—the rhyme scheme is flawless; the rhythm, however, is a little uneven in places. I feel that some of the longer lines disrupt the flow. Sometimes it helps to keep a consistent syllable count. I feel some parts need some clarification, for example lines one and two of stanza two. It is not clear here what you are asking. Are you asking if your father is aware you love him? Are you asking if your father is aware that you are alike? One other thing, I noticed a few grammatical errors, for instance, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the first line of stanza three. So I think this piece could benefit from a careful edit.

But overall this was a pleasure to read and I love the ending. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ronnie Smiles ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

This is a nice little poem about using poetry writing as an escape. I think a lot of people on this site will be able to relate to this piece! I know I can! There are some strong lines in this poem; I particularly like the fourth line of the first stanza, which I think is wonderfully creative.

I noticed several grammatical errors in this piece, so I think it could be strengthened by a careful edit. You often use full stops (periods) where a comma would work better. For instance, I think there should be a comma at the end of the first line. Maybe reading aloud could help with this. You might be able to hear more easily where commas are needed.

A couple of other things, I don’t think ‘with holden’ in the last line of stanza four is correct. I think this should be ‘withheld’. Also, I’m afraid I don’t understand the first line of the final stanza. It seems there is an extra word here. Should the word ‘I’ be removed?

But overall I think this is a good piece of writing. It just needs a little polishing in my opinion! Thanks you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Writing Naturally  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Amber Autry ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

Your description says that this is your first attempt at poetry and that it is ‘probably horrible’. Well, it certainly isn’t horrible! I think it is a beautiful, descriptive piece of writing. I love the simple imagery and there are some very creative lines in this poem. I particularly like the third line of stanza two. I have to comment on the title too, which is something I don’t normally do! I love it! It’s great anyway but once I read the poem and the title was given meaning, I liked it even more!

I found the flow of this poem a little choppy in places. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, it reads as a list of unconnected thoughts. I’d suggest reading it aloud so you can hear for yourself where the flow becomes disrupted. You may be able to rephrase some parts then or find ways to link them more clearly so that the poem isn’t so fragmented and halting. But this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is an excellent poem. The last stanza is my favourite. I like the subtle rhyme in the first line of this part, and also your use of alliteration. I hope you write more poetry! Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Letting Go  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JOY-on LOA ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I love this metaphorical poem! The words are simplistic and few but they certainly have an impact. The flow of this poem is fantastic and the imagery is creative, but it is the emotion of this piece that is its strongest point in my opinion. It stirred my emotions anyway! I have no suggestions to make. I think this poem is wonderful as it is.

Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Sunlight Dances  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I really enjoyed this beautiful poem. The description in the first line brought to mind shafts of light filtering in between the trees in a dense forest. I don’t know of that was your intention but that’s what this unique description conjured up in my mind’s eye! I enjoyed the emotion of this piece too. It is filled with happy nostalgia and I really like the image of a message of love being carved on a tree.

I like the structure of this poem. I think you used a specific form though I am not familiar with it. I think the repeated line works well and the rhythm of this poem is pretty good. The only problem I had really was that the rhyme scheme seems a little jaded. I can see this is quite a restrictive form, but the repeat of the word ‘mark’ didn’t work so well for me.

But overall I think this a lovely poem. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review of Rains of Peace  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I enjoyed reading this dramatic poem about a fight between two elements of nature. The opening lines grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I like the strong descriptions throughout, which create some striking imagery. I think this piece has a nice flow too, which makes it fun to read out loud!

I just have a couple of suggestions. Firstly, I think some punctuation is missing from the second part. Maybe a colon after the word ‘climax’ could work? Or even a full stop? Secondly, I think this would work better if you kept the whole poem in the present tense, so use ‘reaches’ instead of ‘reached’ and ‘engulf’ rather than ‘engulfed’, for example. Of course this is just a suggestion. But as the first stanza places the reader right in the middle of the action, I think this should continue in the following stanzas.

Overall I think this is a strong piece of writing and I love the original ending. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello WEB-WITCH:MONK Happy24th WDC ,

This is a fun poem. There is so much “doom and gloom” poetry around that it’s quite refreshing to read something so light-hearted and just plain silly! I like the story you tell in this piece and I think you have created some... er... unusual images!

I think the rhyme scheme is good. I like the occasional use of internal rhyme. The rhythm, however, wasn’t quite there for me. Some of the lines are very wordy and this disrupts the flow in my opinion, for instance the third line of stanza two. I’m not really sure what to suggest for this line. There just seems to be too many syllables, so maybe a word could be cut or replaced or something? I’m not sure! There are a couple of other places where the poem doesn’t flow. Maybe reading it aloud could help you find the “rough” parts? I sometimes find that helps anyway!

Overall I think this is a creative, comical piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of The Scream  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

This is an interesting poem. I like the eerie atmosphere. The second and third lines seemed oddly familiar to me, then it hit me—are they from that poem “The Highwayman”? If so, I really think you need to credit the original author…

I love the conclusion of this poem. It is extremely creepy and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I’m not sure what it means, if anything, but I like that it has got me thinking. It is a very disturbing image that lingers for a while after reading! I’d suggest that you watch for clichés in the rest of the poem. Chills down the spine and blood-curdling screams are a little jaded, especially in comparison with the fresh, creative ending.

The flow of this poem wasn’t quite there for me and I think this is because some of the words are unnecessary. For example, the phrase ‘sleeping peacefully’ in the eighth line is redundant in my opinion seeing as what proceeds it tells the reader you are asleep. In the last line of the first section I think it makes more sense and reads more smoothly to say ‘except the hooting owls’. Otherwise, you seem to be implying that the hoot, rather than owl, isn’t still and it’s a bit of an odd description in my opinion.

In the next section, could the word ‘right’ be cut and maybe ‘I move’? I think this part could be more intense and ‘active’ without those words weighing it down. Maybe some of the words in the final part could be cut too, for instance the word ‘anything’ and the phrase ‘a bit’? They slow down the pace in my opinion.

Overall I think this is a good poem. The idea is great but I just feel some of the writing could be a little sharper to have more of an impact. I hope this review has been helpful but please let me know if you need me to clarify anything.

Thank you for sharing you poem.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sticktalker ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 4.

(I'm afraid this isn't going to match embe's creative review!) I really enjoyed this poem. It is refreshing to read something so light-hearted and fun. I like the humour! I like the casual tone and simplicity too. The only part I had trouble with was the ninth line. It just sounds a little odd to me. I guess I’m just not familiar with that expression! I enjoyed the ending. Thanks for a fun read that put a smile on my face after a stressful day. *Smile*

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy! ,

I enjoyed this sweet little tale! You have approached the subject in a creative and fun way, and the message is very clear. I’m studying conservation and have had to read many tedious articles and books on the subject, so I really appreciated this fresh attitude!

I have a few suggestions. The explanation of the hydrophone seems unnecessary to me as it becomes clear what a hydrophone is in the next sentence. There are a few repeat words in the first paragraph that sound awkward in my opinion, for instance ‘someone’ and ‘up’.

In the third part, when Luke is speaking, ‘though’ should be ‘thought’.

Some of the dialogue between the whales sounds a little forced and unnatural in my opinion. Maybe reading it aloud could help you with this?

In the ninth paragraph, I think that should be ‘There are far too few of them...’ or ‘They are far too few...’ and cut the ‘of them’. Does that make sense?

Overall I think this is an enjoyable and thought-provoking piece of writing. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

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Review of Protect and Serve  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello usmc329 ,

I found this to be an interesting read. I think it is a thought-provoking and emotional piece of writing. It seems this is a subject very close to your heart and that really comes across to the reader.

A couple of things I would suggest you take a look at and maybe rethink are the way you address the reader and your narrative style. In the first paragraph you ask the reader to imagine themselves as a police officer. But in the very next paragraph you switch and begin addressing the reader as if they are a civilian and refer to the police officers as ‘they’. Then in the final paragraph, you switch again, now referring to ‘he’ rather than ‘they. This all gets pretty confusing in my opinion. I found it distracting.

Also, in your final paragraph you go from talking about police officers to talking about a soldier in the marines. I got confused again! I thought I had grasped your message but then you seemed to change it!

A few of other things, I think the part in the first sentence about family and friends is a little redundant really. Stating ‘a person you do not know, have never met’ kind of implies that they are not a friend or family member. Also, the second sentence doesn’t read as a complete sentence.

I noticed you used ‘there’ a couple of times when it should be ‘they’re’, for instance the second sentence of paragraph three. Remember, ‘they’re’ is a contraction of ‘they are’

But overall I think this is a lovely tribute to those who put their lives at risk to help others. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of My Love  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Bill ,

This is an unusual poem. Well, the format is unusual. Did you intend it to be like that? I suppose I generally think of poetry having more of a structure. I don’t know, maybe it’s okay to present it like this, but if you do, then punctuation is a must in my opinion. I found the lack of punctuation problematic and it interfered with the flow.

I enjoyed the emotion of this piece but it seemed to lack something. I think the sentences and phrases are just too general if that makes sense, and I just felt that your ideas could be expanded a little. It isn’t a particularly satisfying read as I was left wondering why you can’t be with this person and why you would be thinking of them on that particular day. I think it is okay to leave the reader guessing sometimes, but when the meaning of the piece is too vague, the reader probably won’t be able to connect with it.

Overall, the sentiments and idea of this piece are very touching, but I feel a little clarification and expansion of ideas is necessary to really capture a reader's attention. I hope this review has been helpful but please let me know if you need me to explain anything I have said.

Thank you

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I think this is a beautiful poem and I love the original, charming story you tell. You have successfully followed the prompt. I’m honoured that you chose a line from one of my poems, and I think you have incorporated it effectively into your own. I like the structure of this poem. The rhythm is quite nice and the rhyme scheme is very strong. But it is the emotion of this piece that I enjoyed the most.

I noticed a few errors in this piece. In the third line, should the word ‘has’ be ‘have’? I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to grammar and tenses, so sorry if I’m wrong! In the twelfth couplet, I think ‘begin’ should be ‘began’. I personally would have placed a full stop at the end of the first line and then capitalised the first word of the second line. I would have done the same in a few other places too, for example the third couplet.

There are quite a lot of repeat words in this poem, for example using the words ‘eyes’ twice in the same lines reads a little awkwardly. Also the words ‘fear’ and ‘evil’ are repeated a lot. I think varying the vocabulary a bit could help strengthen this piece, so we’re not getting the same jaded words over and over again. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a wonderful poem and I really enjoyed reading it.

~Jess.

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