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76
76
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(He interrupted her. "Now just beyond those two boulders is a trail that will take you back to your friends.")
I don’t know why but this line jumped out at me. It sounds…well, very nostalgic. I think the tone reveals the mannerism of Dinwiddy in a very sublime way. Great job with this!


More than anything, this was very audibly and visually engaging. You had good fairy talk and the reaction from Caelum was believable. I also commend you for how easy this was to follow – something essential in any story. I think fantasy could be a thing you would excel in. This was very good. Moreover, your piece was almost grammatically flawless; I did see a few miniscule blips. Happy WdC anniversary!





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77
77
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(I had to wear my best dress, put on my full make up, I had to be the perfect woman that day.)
Here, the second comma should be a semicolon or a period.


(I ran to the hotel, passed through the security, and finally I reached to the reception where the party was held.)
Above, the transition from the security check to the reception is too fast. Maybe you could show her saying hello to people as she rushes down a hall and enters into the room where the reception is held. It would also helpful to describe the room briefly.


(Once I entered the lights went off and the Owner went up to the stage to congratulate the managers and of course me the Editor, but when my name was announced the lights didn’t focus on me like the rest of the managers, I raised my hands, jumped but no body realized maybe because the lights were off. I thought.)
With this you first have to put comma after “Once I entered.” Next, a period goes after “…the rest of the managers.” Finally switch things around to something like this: ”I raised my hands then jumped but nobody realized it. I thought it was because the lights were off.”
More importantly, notice I broke the two sentences into two other ones. It makes things easier. lol.


(I went directly to greet him and congratulate him for being the number one magazine, but he just smiled, he didn’t even look at me. I went to the managers to drink and celebrate with them, they all were happy and drunk.)
Here, first a semicolon after “…but he just smiled.” Next, do the same thing after “…and to celebrate with them.”


(I hold the telephone headset and was surprised to know that I can make a call without paying a penny.)
Here, “hold’ should be “held.” The next thing is a rule of thumb to always remember. Usually the article “that’ can be omitted without offsetting anything.


(“hi, there Hun, I need your help, can you come and get me, I am in a deserted parking lot near the hotel, please come fast.” I rushed the words, I was scared, alone in the middle of the night and what’s worse in a deserted place. I heard lots of crimes happen in such situations.)
You seem to be confused when to use semicolons in place of commas. Whenever clauses can operate as a full sentence by themselves, begin it with a period or a semicolon. There are three such instances are in this paragraph. I’ll let you spot and change them.
The final paragraph has the same issue.



This needs some work. Did you proofread it? My biggest suggestion is to address the “comma-in- the place-of-a-semicolon” problem. This is short enough to go over with just a few look overs and correct things. In any case, keep writing and getting better. Practice makes perfect! Happy WdC anniversary!







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78
78
Review of Pumpkin  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was good but it may profit to put some poetic elements like metaphors and similes. I see this was labeled as “other” but it would improve your piece a little. Also give it an abstract twist. For example you could say in the first line-

“Playful pumpkins coyly lurk and pretend to be alluring round and orange things that dazzles the eye.”

I unintentionally personified the pumpkins but you could use that too. Nevertheless, this was a fine poem that tickled my fancy. Happy WdC anniversary!






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79
79
Review of A pencil  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Sometime when I'm scribbling or doing homework,…)
“Sometimes” should be plural.


(On TV/schools etc.. . people usually tells you that you're special,…)
Since with a TV there is a picture on the screen that you watch, you would say “On TV.” But with a school you’re inside it. I would change it to smoothing to “On TV and in schools etc…”


Very compelling comparison. Life is what you make of it and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A pencil is a very simple thing but it has worth as long as you make it so. We’re all different and we are inadvertently the same as well. I’ve only reviewed a few articles but this was stimulating and unique. I loved to comment and contemplate over it. I really liked this brief little nugget of appealing content. Happy WdC anniversary!





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80
80
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(One day, a terrible explosion has occurred.)
Here, omit “has.” It sounds awkward otherwise.


(It caused the cabin to be on fire, killed Luke’s parents.)
Here, it seems like your referring to the cabin as if it’s been already mentioned. Next, turn the comma into an “and.”


(Luke got down, and prayed to Arceus, the Pokemon that created the Pokemon World, that he would watch over his deceased parents.)
Above, omit the first comma.


(Luke was very weak from the accident, but he went walking in the woods even though there are wild Pokemon in there.)
Here, the last part of the sentence should read “…even though were Pokemon there.”


(One Pokemon was watching the boy, and is very curious about him. He was hiding in the darkness of the woods, and was secretly following the boy.)
With this, the word “is” should be “was.”


(…he fell to the ground, and lies unconscious.)
Here, “lies” should be “lay.”


(Lucario walk on his two black feet towards the boy.)
Here, “walk” should be “walked.”


( He hold the boy close to his furry, yellow chest, carefully not against the spike on his chest.)
Above, it should read, “He held the boy close to his furry, yellow chest, careful not to get pressed against the spike on his chest.” You could come up with something else instead of “pressed” like “pierced” or “poked.”


(There was a fire in front of him that keeps him warm from the dark, cold night.)
Here, you mix tenses with “was” and “keeps.” You could have-“There was a fire in front of him that kept him warm from the dark, cold night.”


(. Lucario gave Luke the blue one, and have him drink it.)
Here, “have” should be “had.”


(Luke doesn’t know why Lucario shrunk him. Lucario picked him up with his paw as he sits down. He sets the boy against his feet. Luke touched the pink soles to find that it was soft and warm. Luke then realized that Lucario was helping him. Luke assumes the red one to be a growing potion.)
Here, you sue the Luke’s name too repeatedly. Just use “he” or “the boy” or “Lucario’s shrunken child” or what have you.


I am assuming you’re very young. So I’ll take that into regard. You need to practice more with spelling and especially time tense. Show your teacher your stories and let he or she help you out and show you how to correct your mistakes. You are young and you will get better as you get older anyway. In light if that, I wish you a happy WdC anniversary! And keep writing too!





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81
81
Review of Away  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. It had good meter and I loved the couplets. It was beautiful portrayal of a surreal vision. I really loved the last stanza. It was succinct, and I love the element of the angel. It added a real truly dreamy affect. And with all short poems, it lingers in the mind more so. This was a great poem! Keep up the good work! Happy WdC anniversary!





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82
82
Review of Fat Cats Unite  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


What a cute story. It was short but it made me want to giggle. I would suggest splitting up the two blocks of text into smaller paragraphs. It will make the reader comprehend what you’re saying more and from getting lost. Also, I would like to see Dharma in a real live act. Narrate a specific action for her. Maybe describe her on the computer or walking. All in all, good read. Nice work and happy WdC anniversary!





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83
83
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(They stand “head and shoulders” above the average little village person and are called the “above-average” people.) Great puns! Very funny!


What a treat for the intellectual mind! You kept me festinated and amused through the whole thing. Very funny for a very good writer! Congrats! This was solid as far as flow goes and that is one of the most important elements needed for a good story. And thank you also for not making all this in one block of text without spaces. I hate that! It overwhelms the eye. Once again, well done! Happy WdC anniversary!





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84
84
Review of Verse as Inverse  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was subtlety interesting. Short prose like this always makes me contemplate. Likewise, I’ve never attempted such a thing. lol. Usually I have to read prose such as this a few times or so to take in the beauty of it. After a couple of rereads I really came to admire this poem. It is quite sublime. This is a true gem. This poem speaks to the mind as well as the heart. So how long did it take you to compose this? You certainly deserves the four-and-a-half star average rating. Happy WdC anniversary!





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85
85
Review of Dragonfly  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Short prose pieces kind of get me sometimes. At times I really have to let my mind simmer and read it over twice or so for me to enjoy its gorgeous glow. Congrats for the awardicon too! An average of four stars after nine reviews shows how nice this is. Sorry I have no suggestions for this poem. Honestly I don’t see how poetry can be “corrected” at all. Who can criticize the outpouring of the heart? Nice work! Happy WdC anniversary!





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86
Review of Starting Anew  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I liked this. It is easy to follow and it ends wonderfully. I also like how you use couplet form; that’s the only form I use. lol. I particularly like these two lines-(My chance to walk through that mystic door/ To see what life may have in store.)
It’s very nostalgic and captivating to me. The shortness of your poem amplifies it rather than diminishing it I might add. Briefer pieces tend to linger in the mind as well. I kind of surmise you came up with this quite swiftly. I’m the same way. It doesn’t take me much to generate a good poem. All in all, a very good read! Happy WdC anniversary




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87
87
Review of Housework  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I congratulate you for making such a complete story with all the needed elements in a small word count. You really got me with the dramatic scene at the end. I suppose a real murderer would have been over the top. lol. You really built a very nail biting growing climax. Kudos for that! Moreover, it was easy to follow and enjoy. Great work and happy WdC anniversary!





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88
88
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice job! This came across very eloquently and you really sound like you know your stuff. And how funny. This was both informative and a delight to read. You tickled my funny been quite effectively with the fairies being sock stealing culprits. But you do have point; where do those missing left socks disappear from? There is the poltergeist theory and the sucking dimensional wormhole idea. lol. This was very entertaining and educational. You should be a fifth grade teacher. Kids would love this. Happy WdC anniversary!





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89
89
Review of Butter  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Man love short poems! They shine like jewels. This is a prime example. Your poem makes me salivate with emotional drool if you would. This poem creates the image of a placid lake bathed in golden sunlight. I kind of envy authors like you. The prose like you did is something I have never attempted. All in all, a great read! Happy WdC anniversary!





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90
90
Review of Freezing Cold  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This story was nice. Keeping track of who was saying who was a problem for me. I’d think that a four man conversation would be hard to sustain. Trying to keep the premise and all the element of a story, with multiple characters would ebb cumbersome – be it a super short story too. Maybe it’s just me but maybe not. For the extreme brevity, you did a good job. Oh, and I did think this created a vivid picture of the cold scene. Kudos or that too! Happy WdC anniversary!





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91
91
Review of Dead Poets  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was a great poem. I honestly don’t know what else to say. I like how you kind of put the fourth stanza differently than the others. It really centers the loneliness and desperation in an ironically beautiful way. I also like how you used God as an encompassing element. I believe that ultimately all inspiration comes from God. And I thank you for the brevity of the lines and stanzas. It makes the poem to linger in the mind and contemplate it. Great poem and happy WdC anniversary!





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92
92
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…with the pocketed flexible shaft of the oh'ona strapped crosswise o…)
Here, say what an “oh’ona” is.


(Passing the toh'ahk, usually made…)
Again, tell us what the word “to’ahk” is.


(Right to the edge of the mother forest from which he could see, if he climbed to the topmost branches, the plains rolling far into the distance.)
Here a dash is needed where the second comma is. At first glance, it looks like an unfinished sentence.


(He could smell the rain coming in the air, and felt the electric tingle that was the tell tale of a storm sure to be accompanied by the booming, cracking sky fire.)
This is the first use of the senses to communicate and show what Ai'Liel is experiencing. I hope there is more.


(He began to move lower down the levels of the trees, while also making his way back towards the motherwood.”
Here it would look much cleaner if you said-“He moved down the tree levels as he went back towards the motherwood.”
See how shorter it is. In fiction, say what you want to say in the least amount of words. The only exception I suppose would be description.


(He took his scythethorn blade from its sheath, and began to cut hanging greenmantle vine.)
The “scythethorn blade” just comes out of nowhere. Mention he has it early on.


(For an interminable time, Ai'Liel rode the storm, in this manner, whipped, flayed, scoured by wind and rain, and the small debris carried on each in its maddened rush.)
Sometimes it’s a good idea to shorten sentences. Also you tend to overuse commas. It would be easier to comprehend if it were broken up into smaller sentences .


(The storm seeming to draw more and more on the pure and raw energy of the Brown Father, from whence all life grew and to all returned, in some form, to be born again, anew and different.)
This is a very sublime and nostalgic sentence I thought. Good job with that! It was long but succinctly composed.


This was a good chapter – a little cumbersome to get sometimes but full of pristine, effervescent imagery. As I said, I think you could shop sentences from a lot of what you have. Nevertheless, what you have is thorough, rich and really gives good depth. Nice job and happy WdC anniversary!





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93
93
Review of Seeker  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. It was a good idea to stick to the brief lines. Most prose, haikus, cinquains and most other forms have short lines. It was very clever how you assigned a person for all three animals and use them to describe human traits. The most intriguing one to me was the laughing Hyena that is playful and happy. Honestly, I can’t say much more of this poem. It is what it is – and that’s a good thing. I would have chosen a different title – something that reflects the whole poem and not just at the end where it says “Can be mine if I seek.” I’m sure you can come up with something. Finally, this was a smart, creative little poem! Happy WdC anniversary!





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94
94
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice story. I would have liked to have seen a climax at the and where the mystery is solved. Perhaps it could have been ghosts taking the people or some kind of wormhole that pops up in various places, sucking them in. Or maybe it could be that Correlation Street was cursed by a wizard. Then you could delve deeper. Or you could use the ocean as a template for a climax like a ship wrecked vessel where ghosts have come to steal people away. In any case, I’m just brainstorming. I’m sure you could come up with something. All in all, this was a tantalizing tale that caught my curiosity to the end. I do have one other suggestion: break the big block of text into smaller paragraphs. It would be much easier to read what you have here. Good job and happy WdC anniversary!





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95
95
Review of Ring Ring  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


For a poem with such long lines, this was easy to follow. Poems generally have shorter lines. But I loved all of this! It was so heartwarming all the way to when the girl gives the phone to the boy in plaid. I think you used the format prompt quite well. I would probably struggle in composing with this poem style. I just do couplets. lol. You definitely deserved the win in the contest! Wrote on and happy WdC anniversary!





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96
96
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


First of all, I congratulate you for having no punctuation errors; I saw none! In all honesty, this was nicely composed. It was easy to follow and you have a good hook with being in the mind of an annoyed student. It’s always good to start out with struggle or tension. Another thing I liked was how the narration geos from moot, teenage issues to what you have at the end – wide scale cataclysmic state of emergency. I did not see that coming. Nice work with the questions at the beginning – it is thought provoking. I wish you a happy WdC anniversary my friend!





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97
97
Review of etchings  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem! I liked how you used the dashes to pause and emphasize things. The thing I like about shorter poems lie yours is it lingers and sticks with me. I get time to ponder the meaning and message of your piece. It is interesting how you came up with this good poem on an early morning fly. It came out pretty well. I also think this as gritty and brutally honest. It is etched in my mind, not to be redundant. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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98
98
Review of Carbon Cowlings  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I really think this was very much a sci-fi tale; that much is obvious. lol. But a little, just a little explanation would have pulled me in and make this flow easier. Your piece is made of sentences too full of techno composition that is very sporadic. Slow down a bit. Also, the ending didn’t feel like an ending. It sounded more like another description or exposition. I know this is a short story but it still needs to have a beginning, middle and an end. I can really see this being very fascinating and futuristic as well. Happy WdC anniversary!





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99
99
Review of First Steps  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I totally got caught in each moment of this precious soul‘s early life. It was so sweet how the narrator cherishes and embellishes his son’s accomplishments. I think this had a unique format. In your port you put this under “Other.” Did you make the style up yourself? Anyway I can’t give any suggestions; I am in no place to critique it. Happy WdC anniversary!





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100
Review of A Candle  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


A great deal of classical poetry is not my forte. I’m not stupid but I think that simple couplets like those from Mark Twain appeal to my poetic muse. I don’t emulate any famous poet. I just go where my mind and brain take me. And a lot people like my style and content. I honestly have a hard time dealing very short poetry like haikus and cinquains. But I know how to enjoy them – much like what you so lovely put here. It’s very mysterious and cryptic to me. It feels very dreamlike – that comes quickly then makes you wonder about it when you wake up. Great work here! Happy WdC anniversary!





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