*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ion_7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
1,587 Public Reviews Given
1,588 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of The Dragon  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Excellent poem! I love poetry that is not overly obscure and weird. It did not follow the “classic” form of a poem like from the legends of the art. I loved the tale and the meter was on key. I loved your rhyme scheme. It sounded great! This poem was full of emotion, action, and reflection. Kudos for that! Finally, what you have is simple to follow and a delight to the heart. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
102
102
Review of The Tree  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great work! It was flawless as far as spelling and punctuation goes. You really put in a lot of emotion and internal dialog as well as contemplative content weaved through out the story. I was left with a forlorn sense with the tree and what it represents. I loved the melancholy beauty of this. It’s almost enough for me to shed a tear for the daughter. By the way, I didn’t catch her name. All in all, it was touching and it lingered in my mind. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
103
103
Review of Dreams of Sand  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Michael was in Egypt on a trip with the archeologist proffesor, it was here that they had found this new pyramid.)
Here, it sounds better if you say-“…the professor of archaeology.” Also notice you misspelled “professor” and that I put a period after “it” then capitalized “it.”


(Michael was reluctant to head there to him it seemed it was already cursed and the inside of the tomb gave micheal the chills in the first place.)
Above, A period after “…to head there” Then capitalize “to.” Next you misspelled “micheal” which should be Michael.”


("Maybe we should head back." Michael had said to the professor. "Nonsense this will be my discovery of a lifetime."
Here, a comma should go before the second quote mark. Next a second comma should go after “Nonsense.”


(…a lifetime." The professor had argued.)
With this, a comma should go before the quote mark and then put “The” in lower case.


(Michael then had let the professor have the horn…)
What you have above should look like this-“Then Michael had to let the professor have the horn...”


(The professor then had blew threw the horn jokingly. " What are you doing professor?" Michael asked worriedly. The horn had made a sound that only the two of t hem could hear at that time. " It's probably just some small toy, no need to panic." the professor had toll MIchael.)
This entire paragraph segment has some errors. Rather than pointing everything out to you I’ll give you the corrected version of what you have above.

The professor then blew through the horn jokingly. "What are you doing professor?" Michael asked worriedly. The horn had made a sound only the two of them could hear at the moment. "It's probably just some small toy, no need to panic," the professor had told Michael.


(…had came and asked. "Michael, have you seen the professor, he was around the tomb last time, but no one's seen him since.)
Here, “came” should be “come.” Then a colon should go after “asked.” Next a question mark should go after “…have you found the professor.” Capitalize “he” next.


(…worried of the professor's well being nad wanted to look…)
Above, “well being” should be a compound word. Then “nad” should be “and.”


(…which would be unusual since he had to eat once in awhile.)
This is a little stilted. Just say-“…since he had no food.”


(Michael and his girlfriend ventured deep into the tomb, with Michael's help thanks to the professor's earlier assistance he as able to easily dodge the hidden traps within the tomb.)
Above omit the comma then put a period. The rest should look like this-“With Michael’s help, thanks to the professor’s earlier assistance; he was able to evade the hidden traps within the tomb.” Notice I changed “dodged” to “evade.” What of there were closing walls, dangerous animals let loose or the infamous rolling boulder that you have to run from?


(…body lying there with his neck twisted and sweat leaking from every inch of his body.)
Here,” leaking” is awkward. I would put “dripping.”


(It was oddly enough that then the professor had untwisted his neck and stood up.)
This sentence makes no sense. I think you mean to say-“It was odd enough when the professor untwisted his neck and stood.” Also “odd” is too weak. Use a word that reflects the frightening occurrence. Maybe you could use “shocking” or “repulsive” or what have you.


(Then the professor had oddly yelled, "Blood can you hear me? Blood can you hear me?" MIchael and his girlfriend were both spooked and worried for the professor at that time.)
Again, sue another word than “oddly.” Next omit “had.” Then, correct the spelling of “Michael.” Lastly, use better words in place of “spooked” and “worried.”


(Hte professor then turned swiftly and in an a voice that sounded as if he were possessed told Michael. "Leave me Alone!" It was at that moment that Michael had took his girlfrineds hand and ran out of the tomb with her. "What happened to the professor?" She had asked Michael. " I'm not sure." he had responded. Michael had figured the professor was posessed, but was unsure how to do anything for the moment and so he did the only thing he could do after a long day and slept.)
As before, I will show how this paragraph segment should look like.


The professor then turned swiftly and in a voice that sounded as if he were possessed told Michael: "Leave me Alone!" It was at that moment that Michael had taken his girlfriend’s hand and ran out of the tomb with her. "What happened to the professor?" She had asked Michael. "I'm not sure," he had responded. Michael had figured the professor was possessed, but was unsure how to do anything for the moment and so he did the only thing he could do after a long day - slept.


This needs a lot of work. As you can see, there are lots of issues. Nevertheless I gather you’re a teenager at the oldest. In that regard, I will give leeway. Just pay more attention to your spelling and punctuation. I can really see this being an entrancing, action filled adventure with some tweaking. I was fascinated with how experiencing this dream must have been like. Happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
104
104
Review of Silver Tear  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great prose! I like how you so beautifully portray the emotion with short, succinct lines that each give a subtle action and description. Kudos also for keeping each line so brief; that really helps transition poetic flow and comprehension. I also thank you for not making this a monologue broken up into lines and stanzas; anyone can do that. lol. Once again great job and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
105
105
Review of Forty Years  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was very bold and gritty. I love how you subtly weave a story made up by each stanza. The meter was a little off at times. But that easily happens with lines that are more full of content and with stanzas that are extensive. Nevertheless, it really didn’t disrupt anything. I also thought your final line finished things very well. Great work! Happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
106
106
Review of Blindsided  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


( Mitch felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. How could he have done this to me?... We were best friends and business partners. How could he stab me in the back like this? He buried his face in his calloused hands and sobbed.
Sitting across from him at the kitchen table was his wife, Martha. She had never seen Mitch like this. Something horrible must have happened; but what? He had to be talking about Myron, but what could he have done that would be this bad?)
This is head hoping. One moment you’re in Mitch’s head than in the next paragraph you’re in Martha’s. Now it is possible to transfer POV but there must be a note that you’re going into another POV. Some people use a bullet line, an asterisk or whatever will fit. I would have Mitch say his thoughts since the start is the only part we see his thought. All in all, nice work. Happy WdC anniversary





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
107
107
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


What a way to honor the heroes now past. It almost read like a eulogy and it makes me feel respect. I was delighted in the way you composed this; the lines were short, it was easy to follow and I thought the repetition of the last line of each stanza was a nice touch. This is not quite a complete ABAB rhyme scheme. I think it would look nicer with a consistence format that follows the complete form. Nevertheless, I loved this poem. My heart goes out to the fallen in battle. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
108
108
Review of Keeping the Peace  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Mandy felt despair flood her soul.)
Here, I would use descriptive words to show Portia’s despair.


("Release that woman and give yourself up!" SuperMiss shouted…)
Since SuperMiss insinuates more than just a simple name, I would have her say her name herself. Next, threaten the kidnapper with a superpower. For example you could say: My name is SuperMiss. And I am impervious to bullets. I’m also quicker than I look.


(…the Super raised her left arm and pointed a finger at the kidnapper.)
Above, use something else than “Super.”


How exactly does Supermiss kill the kidnapper?


I kind of question the realism for the end. Think of all the things that would entail such a blatant act. How would the rest of the US respond to such an occurrence?-how would the entire government respond? It is not so cut and dry. Perhaps you could have an identical android take the place of the president. All in all, this was a good couple of stories. I noticed that you almost always begin with the action of a person – just an observation. I think you hashed out pretty good sequence of accounts. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
109
109
Review of For Either Of Us  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Those guilt filled, unregretful, heartless EYES!)
Great composition!


(Preimpact, I noticed a shudder in the victims body,)
With this, “Preimpact” should be Pre-impact. Then, “victims” should be possessive with an apostrophe. Finally, I believe a colon should go after “Pre-impact.”


(I reached for my glass and took a swig from my drink.)
This sounds awkward. A “drink” is what you’re taking in not what you’re drinking out of. Put something like this-”I reached and took a swig from my glass.” Notice also there are fewer words too. Always put what you want to communicate with the fewest words.


You did a great job with using the senses and thoughts to display emotion. It was short and gritty – nice touch. You made a good quick glimpse of a desperate individual. Once again, great job with this!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
110
110
Review of Clown Face  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. I like how this is so brutally portrayed. You express so much pain from putting on false persona. I was the class clown in Jr. High School only so people would like me. I still do it sometimes as an adult. I especially like these two lines-“ I pray that one day I will wash away this blush that hides my stained tears,/ Removing the stains and removing these fears,.” Your use of the word “stain” is a powerful way to say the pain is permanent and deep. With this line-“But one day, Love, Strength, Honesty and Myself I will find”-I love how capitalize the personal attributes that you desire. It amplifies the meaning. Happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
111
111
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I didn’t think something so simple could have such variation. Your narration is quite inductive. LOL. I always get the mild Pace Chunky Salsa. I’ve never tried the medium or hot. I recall this one time when I tried jalapeno bacon from the butcher block. I was surprised! The flavor really came across more than the spiciness. My stepdad likes the Cholula kind the best. I might just try some of it on my eggs tomorrow. This was quirky but very fascinating and informative. This was quite a convincing argument my friend. Happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
112
112
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Suddenly, he felt that he didn’t know his wife at all.)
Just a heads up; you can usually omit the word “that” to make things read more succinctly.


Man! Talk about a shallow, thoughtless brute! Your ending was a surprise. I liked how you depicted the apathetic, callousness of Darren. The shock was nerve wrenching seeing him kill his wife in cold, non-hesitant manner. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great short and sweet tale! happy WdC anniversary




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
113
113
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


( The Captain's voice froze Harry in mid type.)
“Mid type” is awkward. Just say…in the middle of his typing.”


( Opposites attact but can they work together,)
Here, “attact” should be “attract.”


One thing I noticed was your story had short concise sentences. I think you could have used more though. Every story must have a beginning, middle and an end. But at the last paragraphs you leave a loose end. This is when the Delaware Avenue gym case gets announced. Unless you plan to do a continuation right afterwards, I would make a proper ending. I would also put more emotional friction between Harry and Bill. Nevertheless, I did enjoy this story. You really painted a vivid, busy police precinct to the T! Happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
114
114
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(“I know what you are. I know what you are doing. I want in.”)
It’s a good idea to put dialog in italics where the speaker is not indicated. With this in mind, I will leave the rest for you to correct.


(Quickly, it stopped.)
Above just put “It stopped quickly.” It just flows better.


(Laughter again. Deep, malevolent, very satisfying.)
Here a dash is need in place of the first sentence. Secondly, the space you put between this line and the following paragraph is better done with a pound sign “*” or bullet lines like this-“……. ……. …….”


(Dave took a seat. “Just as well.” he thought…)
Here, thoughts go in italics too.


the opening For some reason, this was very vivid. I loved the exchange of words at the beginning. I did have to read dialog few times to comprehend it. But that might have been just me or maybe not. Vampires in places of power is a classic premise. You composed a great rendition here. If you ask me, David got what he deserved. He only had malicious intent. Considering the length, this was quite succinct





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
115
115
Review of Life  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


You have a very tender heart. I loved the personification and your emotions towards them. I liked the first two stanzas. It was very powerful and it sets up the rest of this piece. In regard to this line part- (Sci the spy, the brit…)-what does the “Sci” mean? Anyway, this was well written and it shows the diversity and wide range of your affections. And, like you state in the first stanza, all things are orchestrated by God. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
116
116
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(In my own world I was a black dragon, living in bliss deep within my swamp.)
“Bliss” should be “blissful.”


(And so after taking horrific losses,…)
The space between “so” and “after” is too big.


This was a pretty good story man. I liked it. It was a veritable fantasy tale. Your choice of POV is unique – seeing through the eyes of a dragon. Very original and entrancing! One thing I will suggest is to put Miotisea’s “voice” in Italics. That is how dialog thoughts are written as well as voices that do not have an indicated or revealed source. Another thing is to shorten your sentences. Always try to put down what you want to portray in as few words as possible. Happy WDC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
117
117
Review of Beyond  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem. I loved how you used old English kind of writing. It is very nostalgic and sublime. It’s a short poem, but it really lingers in the mind. Although it sounded cool, I missed the message. My favorite line is the first one. It seems to allude to Seraphim in the Bible. I loved reading it but I would like to know what it is talking about. Once again this was done in a very unique tongue and it all flowed like a leaf in the wind. Happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie

118
118
Review of Works In Progress  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


One thing I find unique about your poem is the relative complexity. And it is totally easy to follow and enjoy! I love the bittersweet ending of things becoming plutonic. To me this is kind of like a story in a poem to a degree. The tale is one of the heart. You go from one state to another with a good narration as to who you arrive at that other emotional place. It’s a short story but it is very strong and concise. Happy Wdc anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
119
119
Review of The Written Man  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


So is this poem about a mentally ill person? I like how the person is so wrapped up in writing that it is only avenue of self-preservation and expression. He is under the control of the pen so to speak. I didn’t get what the last line referred to. I assume it must be metaphor of some kind. I would like to know what it alludes to. I also get the sense this person is a frantic writer and there is a spirit of condemnation. I did read this over five times at last to get the jest of it. All in all, you composed a good first pome I must say. And you’ll only get better so don’t sweat nothing! Happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
120
120
Review of Aquos (979 words)  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)

This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


("The spaceship landed with a heavy thud.")
This is incorrect grammar and awkward. Maybe you could omit the quotes and leave it as a third person POV narrative.


(Think about that Mr. Daniels, liquid…)
A quote needs to be at the beginning.



Although there is nothing specific I can point out, this was a little hard to comprehend. I think a main problem is that most of your sentences are too long. Another problem is that you barely use any tags at the end of dialog. Just some more would suffice. I think the ending scene when Danial gets affected is the best partially because of the shorter sentences. Most author’s use this method. Anyway, this is easily changed if you choose to of course. Happy WdC anniversary!







Anniversary Reviews email siggie
121
121
Review of Tadpoles  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was an excellent account! Every required element was there. It was easy to follow, you kept your sentences short and concise, you evoked strong emotional moments and the ending was superb. Moreover, there were no punctuation errors. Did you do any rewrites with this or is this your original draft. If it was, you are truly gifted. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great work man! Happy WdC anniversary!!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie

122
122
Review of O-Chem Anxiety  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


It looks like a case of the pre-test butterflies in the stomach. You have a clever wit with this piece. I like the last line the best! It made me want to laugh so hard. This was a very funny poem. But if you could experience so much thought on a fearful whim, you have to be smart in that regard. How long did it take you to compose this? It was very colorful and it really showed a barrage of jitters. Happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
123
123
Review of your world  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. I loved how you show the volatile state of the person’ dependence on the other. I really get a sense of deep despair and torment. I also get a feeling of helplessness which really carries through your whole piece. Good job of brevity. I always say how short concise poems come across stronger in the mind. Splendid work! Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
124
124
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(They drag me through the streets to a gated off area.)
Omit “off.”


(In the middle of the room is a fountain, which seems to be made out of pure gold.)
Here omit everything after the comma except “of pure gold.” Why would a person surmise something in plain sight?


(The doors the guards are leading me to are pure mahogany.)
Here I would reword this to-“The guards are leading me to pure mahogany doors.”


(His midnight black hair looks as it wasn’t brushed this morning,)
Above, it should read-His midnight black hair looks as if it wasn’t brushed this morning,”


(He’s wearing salmon-coloured silk pajamas, which definitely does not clash with his caramel coloured, perfect skin. His eyes are piercingly blue, and under are a set of high cheekbones and blinding white teeth.)
Above, what you have is irrelevant and it slows down the story process. I would omit it.


This really doesn’t read like a shot story. There is no discernable plot. It sounds like an extensive scene without substance. Try putting a course of meaningful events that is complimented by your scenes. Make something happen. Remember, a story must have a beginning, middle and an end. An easy way to do this is to brainstorm scenes and then weave them together to make a story line. I hope you go back and rework this. Happy WdC anniversary.





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
125
125
Review of Step On It!  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…but the keys to thebasement lab…)
Put a space between “thebasement.”


(After a while of just speeding along a road, enjoying the view of things whizzing by.)
This is a fragment. Just join the following sentence by putting a comma after the end of “whizzing by.”


(They drove away towards the mountain in the distance. Knowing exactly where they were headed, the creatures followed behind, still after their target.)
Here just put the word “with” where the first comma is and change “followed” to “following.”


("Bearded Bear's cat got lose and opened a portal.)
“Lose” should be “loose.”


("Is that," the wizard listened closely, "Gelder?")
Above, three periods or a dash is needed after “Is that.”


This was very fast paced. But sometimes the speed makes your story hard to follow. Slow down a bit and emphasizes things. For example, you could use descriptions for actions and objects that ground the reader in the moment. Finally I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs. It’s easier to read. If you don’t know how to do this, ask me. Overall, this has great potential for a nail-biting, suspense story. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
859 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 35 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ion_7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5