*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ion_7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
1,587 Public Reviews Given
1,588 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review of The Spider Boy  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…, much bigger and much larger than him…)
Here, bigger and larger are the same thing. I think you meant to say “taller” and much larger.


(He went to school gathering up all the courage, met his friends and his classmates.)
Above, “then” should be in the place of the comma.


In the second paragraph, put each new dialog quote in a separate line.


(…she always felt that dreams are not real, they can never be true.)
Here, you say the same thing twice and moreover you state the obvious. Also, dreams being real are a fact not an opinion.


The beginning of this story was awkward and had lots of quirks. It was cumbersome to read. But towards the end, I was quite charmed at your story. I realized this has potential when I finished. Just go back and rework it a little. Doing so will be quite simple. My final suggestion is that it is always advantageous to break large blocks of text into smaller chunks. It’s a lot more readable. Keep writing and happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
52
52
Review of My love  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Spend another day in this love, just hoping that this love will revive from my love.)
Two lines above, you have called the love you once had a “skeleton.” With this line, the repetitive use of love is confusing. I would use the term like false love or feigned love at one point. What you have is still beautiful but it would ring clearer with some specifying.


The desperation of the narrator comes across very succinctly. The different modes of love are very clever and full of emotion. You wrote this quite well. Great job! I thought every line correlated with each one to create the picture of a struggling destitute soul longing for true, dependable compassion. I wish I could do justice to show why this is so good. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
53
53
Review of A Small Detail  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Hmm…this is very short and I kind of like it that way. The brevity makes it easy to grasp and picture. I don’t know what to call this in proper technical terms. Who knows, it may be correct as a summary. Nice job of finishing this with a question. (oh, and a question mark goes at the end. Also, “losed” should be “lost.”) This was quick and concise with a hint of intrigue. Nice job and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
54
54
Review of On Suffering  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


To reflect on metaphorical use of trees and roots, an individual can be stuck in rock and a hard place. I feel the use of trees and roots works well on a few levels. For one thing, it shows how sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a bad situation and we just have to deal with it. Also, it reflects how we envy what we don’t have in regard to your second paragraph. Furthermore, we at times get too comfortable and grafted to the ground we’re growing from. This was a nice poem. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
55
55
Review of How It Feels  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!

This piece really reminds me of the metaphor of overcoming your mountain and climbing over it. It’s different for every person but we can all relate because we all have them. My faith in Jesus greatly helps me to tackle my mountain. That doesn’t mean I don’t stumble or falter at times but He is always there to pick me up and help me along. Like you pointed out, self-help therapy doesn’t do the trick so well – at least not for me. lol. Anyway, you raise a good point that we can all relate to. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
56
56
Review of In The Heart  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


There is a scripture verse that comes to mind with this poem. It reads (paraphrased) “As water reflects something, so the heart reflects a man.” Ah, the many facets of love. lol. Love is blind as they say. Anyway, I can’t give you any suggestions as stories are more my forte. lol. I can compose good poems but when it comes to critiquing other poems, I’m not so savvy. Nevertheless, I know how to spot good poetry like yours. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
57
57
Review of Love is ....  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was very well written and cleverly portrayed. Each line was succinct and it caused me to ponder the concept of love in a sublime way. I thought the first line was the most unique and creative. Love is like fire; it’s pleasant from a certain distance but too much exposure will sear your soul. It’s also like fire because it can die down if not given enough fuel. This was a splendid poem! Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
58
58
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


There is a verse in the Bible that says “Knowledge puffs up.” That’s not to say being intelligent is bad in any way shape or form, but that it can be detrimental if used in the wrong way. You raise a good point indeed. That is something we writers must be wary of. Do we write to impress others with our “skill” or do we seek to enlighten and entertain others? As the Bible says again “Let others praise you and not yourself.” I paraphrased that verse. lol. Anyway, you make a good point that we can all learn from. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
59
59
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Its there to catch you from a fall from joy)
Here, “Its” should be “It’s.”


Nice poem! The third stanza was powerful. It was a description of where the mind may lead to. It was brutally potent. But honestly I think the time in between happiness and sadness is very brief. I can’t recall a period when I was stuck in the middle for a prolonged duration. That’s why I really love your poem; it focuses on such a unique and sublime state of mind. The third stanza reminds me of how sad it was when Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader-If you remember that part of the Star Wars Saga. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
60
60
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(This seemingly innocent piece of trash represented so much that was wrong with my life these last few years: just lying there waiting for me to clean it up.)
Above, the colon should be a dash I think.


(Tiny, our St. Bernard dog, was apparently attracted to the commotion, must have thought that a vomit covered candy wrapper would make a tasty snack, didn't realize that a large fly had already landed on…)
Here, simply put a “but” after “…a tasty snack…”


(He managed to spit out the candy wrapper, now covered in cat vomit, dog spit, a soggy traumatized fly and several drowned tiny ants and oddly still only inches from where it had first appeared.)
This was a very funny line!-traumatized fly-makes me laugh.


This was a compelling story. The narration was easy to follow and it held my interest to the end. It was funny in a way but still retained a serious nature. This was well written indeed! The narrator might have gotten PTSD from all of this happening. lol. Nice work and happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
61
61
Review of Puzzle of Life  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I thought your title was quite fitting. It is odd how such opposite things go together – very ironic if I use the word right. lol. I liked how you came up with all the elements of life and how they relate and differ from one another. Kudos also for the brief lines; it brings out the rhyme scheme easily as well as with meter. Anyway, I loved this a lot and I hope you continue to compose such clever poetry! Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
62
62
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


("You know, you've been hanging out with this boy alot and I havent met him yet, When am I going to get meet them?")
Here there are some things that need changing. First “a lot” should be “a lot.” Next, “havent” should” be “haven’t.” Then the comma after “yet” should be a period. Finally, “them” should” be “him.”


("haha beat you again, just not your day i guess"
With this, “haha” should be in caps. “I” should be in caps too. Finally a period should go at the end.


Hmm…you’ve really got me curious as to who the friend who seems to be imaginary really is. Good narration. What you have makes me want to read more. Kudos with that! This is really short but you did justice with how small this was. And a simple reread should catch those little blips above. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
63
63
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Able to see far, the. boy climbed the hill, looking for his girl friend.)
Here “Able to see far” is a bit stilted. You could put something like-“The boy climbed the hill and used his excellent vision to look for his girlfriend.” Notice also notice that “girl friend” is one word.


(She had a fangdemon on her, a wolf or fox that could change forms, or creatures.)
Here, the sentence needs to be recast to something like-“She had a fangdemon on her, that existed as a wolf or fox that could change shape into objects or creatures.”


(As soon as he got to the top he seen a villiage.)
Above, “seen” should be “saw.” Next, “villiage” should be “village.”


(His girl friend was leaned against a foutian, smirking.)
Here, “girl friend” should be “girlfriend.” Next “foutain” should be “fountain.”


(When he least expected it, the fangdemon devoured him, and he was squeezed into a ball and deposited into it's stomach.)
With this, saying that the character is devoured first is out of order. Recast it to something like-“When he least expected it, the fangdemon opened its mouth and chomped him into a ball. Then it swallowed the poor person into its stomach, devouring him.”


("So I guess you don't beleive me..." Mason said. "Mason, I'm not stupid. My fangdemon would only attack you like that." She told him. "Does that mean I can get out?" He asked pleadingly. "Let's see, No." Angole said.)
Here, to not confuse people in this case, put name tags after every person that speaks. I would also put each dialog on different lines. Then, “beleive” should be “believe.”


This has potential but it needs work to bring things out and clarify your content. Perhaps it needs a simple proof reading. I also suggest breaking dialog and paragraphs into separate lines. The block of text is overwhelming to the eye. Just go back and rework things some. Happy WdC anniversary.





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
64
64
Review of Finding  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem! I especially liked this stanza-It took fate/-or was it God?!-. It makes one think of the true meaning and cause of every hardship we go through. When you say “Morning Sun” are you referring to Jesus? I love the way you derive all your strength from all those sources. To think of all these things in the face of mental adversity is exceptional and brave. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!




Anniversary Reviews email siggie
65
65
Review of The Search  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I really liked how this was derivative to fantasy. Now if you could only could turn this into a short story! That would be really cool! This reminds me of jacket cover of a book. Anyway, I loved the whole narration of this – quite a jewel. I could see this as part of a longer poem that concludes the story. All in all I thought this was very unique and clever. Happy WdC anniversary!







Anniversary Reviews email siggie
66
66
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice job with this. It was easy to follow and I saw no punctuation or grammar issues. The descriptions were quite vivid and vibrant. I think some of the dashes could be commas like this sentence- (As the father moved on the last tree—the tree of autumn—he became overwhelmed with her ingenious artistic visualization of autumn.) But I’m no grammar expert so what you have may work. lol. The thing I like about short pieces like what you have, is that it’s easy to make sure it’s neat and engaging. Have a happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
67
67
Review of STARMAN  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Excellent poem my friend! It gives a good likeness of the saying “Reach for the stars.” I thought the brevity lines under “Dreams” worked in sublime simplicity. Last stanza under “Death” was by far my favorite one. I like how it modifies the experience and concept of death. It’s cool how death is illustrated when it says “goodbye.” Finally, you paint a serene, nostalgic image of the heavens in its entire splendor. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
68
68
Review of I Never Knew  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(You took me in the dark so that you can light your my heart,)
I think I meant to exclude “your” from this line.


This was a fascinating short poem. Your last stanza wraps up things nicely and it’s my favorite one. I didn’t understand the last line though. Could you clear that up for me? I don’t really do deep and emotionally complex poems. If memory serves me right, I might have done like two prose poems in my life. lol. I do couplets. All in all, a great read! Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
69
69
Review of My little sister  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was excellent! I love how you focus on the pain of the sister’s demise from many avenues; everything revolves around her and the fading memory that seems to drift about like a rainy cloud passing overhead that fills my mind. I forget what the repetition of the last line of each stanza is called but it worked well. I did have some trouble with catching the rhyme scheme and the meter was a little cumbersome at times. Anyway, I loved this. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
70
70
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I love the child-like theme of this piece. It’s a classic rendition of fantasizing being something else. I think the repetition, whatever it is called, worked to bring on a fun sing-song rhythm to it. And I loved the longer lines. It helped to bring the artistic magic into the prose. Usually with the longer lines, it is harder to sustain consistent meter and comprehension. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
71
71
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Spending it, even if it were enough to buy coffee, is out of the question. An empty one has an annoying tendency to stay that way.)
If Tony is a friend of the narrator, wouldn’t he be shown compassion by Tony and give him a cup of coffee on the house or at least a loan?


(“Here this might help, I’m making another pot, and this is going to waste unless you drink it.” Tony thrusts a steaming cup of coffee into my hands.)
I would put this in the third paragraph to show the compassion of Tony beforehand.


(Faces full of hope and despair, love and hate, joy and pain fill the platform. I hear, smell, see and feel their stories. Slowly the fragments of the lives people show me integrate into the fabric of the music.)
I love this paragraph! It illustrates the destitution of an average metropolitan train station in a sublime way.


(I will pray for this beautiful creature,” I think to myself.)
The thoughts should go in italics as he is not speaking.


(I smile as warmly as I am capable and extract my littlest flute which…)
Since there are two flutes, you should say “littler” flute.


(I begin to play a song of warm breezes, soaring birds, and colorful flowers. The music is incandescent and pours free in shimmering wisps through my underground cathedral.)
I also love this line! it makes a very vivid, picturesque look at the scene. Your use of the object “cathedral” creates a distinct echoing sound in my mind.


(Squeaking loudly his uniform shoes speak as he walks on to roust the next loiterer hiding from the cold.)
Here a comma should go after “Speaking loudly.”


(“What to do? Is this ability a blessing or a curse?”)
If this is a thought, it should go in italics.


(I stop at a convenience store to pick up a can of soup and a dozen eggs. I limp up the crumbling stairs to my walk-up. It has been a very good day for a nearly blind old beggar man.)
Excellent ending! The brevity causes me to linger in thought concerning the whole story. It’s gritty and succinct! I loved this entire narration. It moved me into a state of nostalgic contemplation. This definitely deserves the ribbon! Great job! BTW, with some more work, I could see this being published. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
72
72
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!

This was very informative! I appreciate you encouraging manner; it really puts my personal dream into perspective. I will certainly put your concepts into action. I have a degree in creative writing. And I’ve yet to do anything with it. I’ll will try all my local newspapers and put my education into practice. Just the topic of this article is more than enough to expand upon in itself. Honestly this is the most relevant and engaging article I’ve read – besides maybe the WdC newsletters. Thanks’ again and happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
73
73
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem! I love your use of the ABAB format. I only use couplets with my poetry. The mostly consistent brevity of each line helped me enjoy the message and the rhyme scheme. The narrator brutally and openly exposes her pain. The way she took responsibility of her predicament shows great courage and fortitude – you can only control yourself. I find that the rhyme scheme allows for looser meter congruency. I have no complaints or suggestions on content. I don’t think I could I could critique the out pouring of the heart. lol. Happy WdC anniversary!





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
74
74
Review of Mother's Prayer  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)





Anniversary Reviews email siggie
75
75
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Very accurate and stimulating sentiment. Life is what you make of it. I love the last line; it wraps things up nicely and gives heartfelt encouragement. I thought this line: “Your pain is not unique” really puts things into perspective. There is a verse in the Bible that says something like-“Nothing has afflicted you that is not common to man.” I paraphrased maybe. Good job with the POV you used as well. Happy WdC anniversary!






Anniversary Reviews email siggie
859 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 35 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ion_7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3