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1,870 Public Reviews Given
2,757 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I give honest and friendly reviews. I try to be as helpful as I can.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, comedy
Favorite Item Types
short stories, poems, activities, images
I will not review...
I will review up to 18 content ratings.
Public Reviews
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151
Review of Sprocket  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your story.

*Exclaim* I really enjoyed reading your steampunk story, Schnujo. I found it to be very entertaining, and it held my attention throughout.

I felt that you touched on the personalities well, in the limited space. Mr. Alexander, though a brilliant airship racer, tended to be absentminded and lacked confidence at times. The determined Sprocket kept him on track and filled him with the confidence which he badly needed. You made that clear, as the motherly character calmed the racer's fear, told about other ways in which she helped him with his daily tasks, and assisted him with keeping his appointments.

The smooth flow of your story made it easy and fun to read.

Great story line. I liked that you wrote about the prompt, or I would have wondered what the bold words were all about. Well done.


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by Maryann


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152
152
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Lady Elf . You're touching poem brought tears to my eyes...Only such well written writing could do that! *Laugh*
I also lost my dad, though in recent years, rather than you did as a kid. My dad and I were really close, and I guess I thought I'd have him forever. Here's a picture of us together: "Words of Comfort for Maryann
Your poem brought back sweet memories of him, as any child close to their dad would relate to all of the things you mentioned.

Great start to your beautiful poem, with a Carousel of thoughts! Truly a poetic way to begin, and made me eager to read on.

You gave us a 'vision' of your dad in the next stanza, where all of our sights and sounds were opened up...hint of your dad's cologne...jingling of coins in his pocket...tobacco essence...fur collared coat...Nice descriptive poetry there.

The next stanza gave me chills. I remembered my dad teaching me how to ride my bike when I was little. You described your experience well, and did it with perfect rhyme, which I loved so much. (My dad taught me how to fish, too!)

The humor of your next stanza was delightful, and probably had my favorite line in your poem - "The faster he drove, the more it shook/ We had more laughs than a comic book." Very nicely done, and showed the great times you enjoyed with your beloved dad.

Toast and tea...Breakfast is, I think, a great 'quality time' to be shared with family. My dad used to make us muffins every Saturday. You went on with more stanzas in your long 'story poem', which made it pleasant to get lost in. Toward the end, you brought us back to how it began, with the Carousel of thoughts coming to an end. It was a great way to add closure to your poem.

So sorry to hear that your dad passed on Christmas Eve. We had my mom's funeral on Christmas Eve, so I can relate to what you went through. Nice work with this piece. You're a very talented writer. Good luck with the Quills on it! *Delight*



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by Maryann


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153
153
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your story.

*Exclaim* What an awesome story! You added a really creative twist. In fact, it gave me the creeps! LOL
I normally don't read horror stories, but I neglected to look at the genre before I read it, so you could imagine how much the ending twist was a surprise to me! *Laugh*

I felt that your story was very well written, and I could understand how well deserved the award placed on it was. Nice work. Did you win the contest? I hope you did.

You gave a good idea of the character's personalities, especially Rick's...He had too much pride to admit that he didn't know how to get out of the woods.

I loved the light humor with Kevin thinking the back woods brothers reminded him of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum! So funny! LOL
Who would have expected them to be so nuts!*Laugh*
I liked the way you added the way which they spoke to their voice.

Nice work with putting together this very entertaining story.


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by Maryann


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154
154
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your cnote collection.

*Exclaim* Hello again, SciFi! *Smile*

Even though I commented though email, I wanted to send you a few comments in review form as well. *Smile*

So far, I showed this to a few friends. They really love this item as much as I do! *Smile*

You certainly did a great job with this, and I can hardly wait to show it to more members. I plan to add a link to it when I send out review raid notes this week, and I already added it inside the heading of the "November Power Raid.

I truly like each of the colors in these planet images. You chose well, with the word colors.
The variety of cNotes is really nice so far. You have so much covered...Birthdays...Anniversaries...Welcomes...Etc.

I like the messages, too! What a nice message to get...That the sender might be back to visit and review their port! Very thoughtful. Great work, and thanks again for making this very impressive collection.


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by Maryann


My animated bird sig
155
155
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your 'Amazing' cNote item.

*Exclaim* Wow! I'm in awe at the organization of this item. This gives 'all occasional cNote shop' a whole new meaning! Anyone can come to just this one place, and find whatever sort of cNote they might be interested in. All one needs to do is simply click on a picture, and they will be redirected to the cNote shop of their choice.

The images used to redirect are stunning! I love the look of the 'gifts'. It gives your item a friendly, party atmosphere, as one would see in a real life party/greeting card store! *Delight*

I found the information to be clear, and user friendly. I had no problem clicking around at all of the great areas. This one is going into my favorites for sure, and if there wasn't already such a pretty ribbon on it, I would give it one...Thought is there! *Heart*

Congratulations on this one being a quill nominee, btw. Well deserved. Good luck! *Smile*

HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY


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by Maryann


** Image ID #2060110 Unavailable **


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156
156
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your college appication.

*Exclaim* Britt, congratulations on your decision to continue onto college. After reading your inspirational story, I can see that you are strong and confident. I wish you all the best! *Delight*

I found a few things which might improve your story. First, I would leave lines between the paragraphs to give it a more reader friendly appearance. You want to make them want to read it, and also to make sure people will give this awesome story a chance.

I noticed that you switched tenses a few times. I also have trouble with this, but you want to make sure your application is as good as you can make it.
Here is an example:
You wrote: "I quickly realized that..."
And here, you wrote: "My brother and I are upstairs..."

I'm not sure I like that first sentence. I would make a different 'hook' sentence, such as:

The first time my Dad decided to confide in me about the disturbing problems which my mother was having, didn't come as a shock to me. I sensed something was wrong my whole life. One ordinary day while my brother and I were playing a board game together, my Dad and Stepmom called us downstairs....

Watch out for 'run-on' sentences, such as what you have here:
"I know what separates her from other “normal” parents: drug use, stealing, and living without caring whether or not you have responsibilities; but the question of why she acts like this is a mystery I haven’t been able to solve, but always wanted to."

I would break that up a bit, and add in a few more words in order to make it flow smoothly.

Here is an example of what you could do:
My mom's issues with drug use, stealing, and living without caring about her responsibilities certainly separates her from 'normal' parents. The question of why she acts like this is a mystery I haven’t been able to solve, but I always wanted to.

I'm not a fan of beginning a sentence with the word, because, as in this one:
"Because of her I have an innate curiosity of why people do what they do."

Perhaps you might tweak it up to something like this:
My lifelong experiences left me with a passion to find out why people do what they do.

Good luck with your college experience. I hope you find great adventures in your bright future. *Smile*


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by Maryann


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157
157
Review of The Land Of Ons  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your satire.

*Exclaim* Hi Sum1 , and happy 6th WDC Anniversary to you!

I'll have to be honest...I'm going to be telling lots of my friends about your terrific fantasy story! *Laugh**Laugh**Laugh*

My husband and I watched the movie, Idiocracy, again this week, so your story couldn't have come at a better time. In the movie, an average guy, who could have been a less-on from your story, accidentally wakes up in the far off future. I won't tell you any more in case you ever wish to see it...

I didn't know what to expect from your story when I first started reading it. It should be listed as comedy, but the 'surprise' of it adds to the fun experience. *Laugh*

You're a very talented writer. Your writings are always clear and reader friendly. This one is no exception. Nice work. *Delight*


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by Maryann


My animated bird sig


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158
158
Review of Friendship  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Sunny, I'm stopping by on your Angel Day to visit your port again.

I had to express a few words about this wonderful cNote! It was a marvel to look at, because it's very pretty and different.

What a nice quote from C. Pulsifer about friendship! The idea that the colors of a rainbow reflect the colors of friendship is a very beautiful concept.

I love the beauty of nature which explodes out. The rainbow softly splashes across the rock cliff and it's greenery, while the water splashes below. Very nice. *Smile**Dropb*


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by Maryann


Click to go to the WDC Power Reviewers
159
159
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Oh my gosh! What an amazing picture! How lucky you are to have one like that. Someone in your family kept photos really well.

I absolutely loved the 'old' look of it, and the triangular edges, which make me feel as though I were looking right into an old and cherished photo album.

The picture tells a lot of history! I love the wagon with the big wheels, the horse, and what the people were wearing. Gosh, that was your dad on the horse! How amazing!

If I could suggest anything at all to add here, it would be to add a tiny bit more about the experience. What area was this taken in? What time period? Do you know where they were traveling? Are the others here your relatives as well?

Thanks for sharing this item. I've been trying to track my relatives on some ancestry places, and it can really be frustrating sometimes. I am always impressed when someone has such really fine pictures. *Smile*


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by Maryann


Animated image on share for Premium Members
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160
Review of Twenty Wishes  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Megan! Gosh, I'm so glad Gabriela gave you such a beautiful awardicon for this amazing item, or I would have! I absolutely loved it, and now I want to read that book which inspired you to write this. Your item is an inspiration for anyone who ever wished for a 'bucket list'! *Bigsmile*

By the 'numbers'...
Your number one is that you wish to visit England and Ireland. What are you waiting for!!! Keep an eye on those airfare prices. To buy a round trip ticket from the east coast of the U.S. where I live to England can cost over a thousand dollars. If you keep an eye out for specials, you will easily find tickets for way under that price. I actually saw a rt ticket to Bath for about 300 dollars, but at the time I needed to fly my daughter (she was 16) to London, so I couldn't have her traveling all over England.

I liked how you mentioned that you want to see castles and things of the medieval flavor. You wrote those thoughts so beautifully...I especially liked how you imagined walking where royalty, peasants and gypsies have been.

Your second wish to visit Transylvania is sounds so exotic! It makes me want to google all about it!

Your third wish was to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle. My husband and I also owned a motorcycle in our early years. I could never imagine getting on one again now. You and your husband would have fun, indeed.

Four and five about about new houses. I smiled at how sweet you are...To wish for a new house for your son and his wife! That was such a nice thing to write!

An animal rescue center for your sixth wish really made me smile! I love animals, too! Wouldn't it be nice to save all the animals you could!

Scrap booking classes, your 7th wish, sounds like something that is very possible! I wonder if you might be able to get started at your local library? Would they let you meet with a small group in one of their rooms? You would be able to see if you like it - Why wouldn't you! -- And maybe you'll get a following. Have some cards made up, and before you know it, you'll be advertising on local bulletin boards. *Smile*

The 8th is to get more books published. Wow! You have two already. Very impressive...Maybe you might make up your mind this Nano season to write another one which will be published.

I found your nine, ten, and eleven all very wondrous. You made me close my eyes for a moment and imagine that flower garden where one could read in serenity. A Nascar race is always seen on TV. I never thought about actually going to one. What about a famous horse race, too! The cruise to Alaska is something which I've always wanted to do. I will never get to do that, because my husband absolutely hates the cold.

I'm not sure about your number 12. World peace might be something you'll have to write a fiction story about. Maybe that might be a great nano story for you to get started on! A society where there is world peace!

Wow! Your number 13 is to stay at the Walt Disney Suite in Cinderella's castle. Could one really stay right in the castle? I never knew that...

You're 14th was to have the Thomas Kinkade Cinderella Castle painting. I used to love Kinkade paintings. I have a castle painting by him. I wonder if it's the Cinderella Castle. *Confused* I was on a cruise with my husband years ago. We attended an art auction there, and the castle was one of the items. I absolutely fell in love with it! No one bid on it, so after the auction was over, my husband negotiated and got it for me. I had no idea, until it was delivered to our room when we were about to leave the ship.

I'm having way too much fun with your list item, so I'll end this now. Thanks for sharing your well written list of twenty wishes! It was very entertaining. *Smile*


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by Maryann


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161
Review of Caught Up  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your story.

*Exclaim* I enjoyed reading your great little story. I love stories which show good values, and yours did, indeed. I thought the guy was in the police station because he did something bad again, but he was there for his son. The ending was especially nice, and I felt that you tied it all together neatly.

The conversations felt entertaining and believable. Nice work.

I would suggest leaving space between the dialog. It will make your story more reader friendly. Right now, the words look like one block. You might, for example, make it look like this:

“Well,” He laughs, “I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“No, he’s not anything like me. He’s a good kid.”

“So were you. You just got caught up in bad situations.”


Also, this seems like just one part of a larger story. If you posted what the contest prompt was about, it would help the reader to understand what you were trying to accomplish. ...Flash fiction about a person sitting in a police station..., for example..

Great work with the dialog in this well written story. *Smile*


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WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


** Image ID #1900404 Unavailable **


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162
162
Review of Leah's Goat Image  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* *Chicken* Oh my gosh, Jeannie, you have goats!! What a lucky granddaughter you have, to grow up around so many wonderful animals. My kids (and myself *Blush*) always loved to go to petting zoos in order to see and play with the goats. You have your own! Very impressive!

*Zebra* I loved all of the names which your granddaughter thought of for the goats. She is very creative. I think mine would have all sounded like 'Snowy'. *Laugh*
Again, I'm glad that you write things along with your images. Sometimes it's said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but you told so much more by writing along with it.

*Owl5* Your granddaughter is beautiful, and the goats are so cute. I bet she had a lot to do with how friendly they became.

*Duck* You should add a link to Leah's goat stories in this item, too. *Delight*


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by Maryann


Shared reviewing sig for Power Reviewers to use.
163
163
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* This is a very pretty image, Jeannie. I like the contrast of the orange against the black.

The flowers really give this a delicate look, and the font with your name is pretty, too.

I like the quote. I felt that it's perfect for friendship, and it's so true!

I really think it's nice that you wrote something along with the image. So many people simply put an image into an item with little or no words. You explained a lot along with this one, and I agree that the flowers are eye-catching. Very nice. *Smile*


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by Maryann


Shared reviewing sig for Power Reviewers to use.
164
164
Review of Angels Among Us  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi Minja! I'm just getting around to giving your amazing activity some pretty stars! *Bigsmile*

I really like the uniqueness of this contest. Not only is it a great tribute to a fantastic group, but it offers the opportunity to write some fun and inspirational poems.

It's rare that I enter any contests, but I couldn't resist entering this one with a fun poem. I'll have to get around to visiting the others who have entered...

You set this activity up well. I loved the tribute introduction, and the images sure do look pretty. I especially liked the one above the nice Luciano de Crescenzo quote. It's so beautiful. Blue is one of my favorite colors!

You have it all set up well. I liked that you listed the entries right on the forum heading. It makes things so much easier to see. The prizes seem very nice and well thought up. The rules also seem very easy to understand, since they are clearly written.

Excellent work! Have fun with your great activity! *Smile*


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by Maryann


Shared reviewing sig for Power Reviewers to use.
165
165
Review of Chapter One  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your story.

*Exclaim* I think you have a great start to an exciting story. I enjoyed reading it, and I feel that it really shows promise. You seem to have a creative plot beginning.

I liked how you began the story with action and intrigue. It made me wonder why the mother was so agitated. The next paragraph added to the suspense with the sound of pounding on the door.

I noticed some parts which could be easily improved. I see that you mentioned this is a rough draft, so the following are a few ideas.

First of all, I would change the title to something exciting. ...Luke's Change of Heart...Anything other than 'chapter one'. You already wrote that it's the first chapter in your brief introduction.

You have several phrases which are repeated. I think your story would read more smoothly if you changed some of that repetition. For example, in the first paragraph, you spoke of a 'brown wooden door'. You repeated that same phrase once again in the third paragraph. Your readers already know the description of the door. You might, instead, focus on the action. I would change that to something like, 'My head swam with nervous thoughts as I reluctantly eased the door open'.

I would suggest tweaking the part about the young man's description in the mirror. At first, I thought this was a supernatural tale, where a mysterious being was somehow looking back at the guy. When I looked at the genre which you listed, I saw that it was a Crime story. This allowed me to understand that you were using a clever way to describe the main character. I think it's very creative to do it that way, but I would make it clear that the guy was looking at his reflection. Perhaps you might begin with something like, 'As I walked toward the door, my eyes caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, and I really didn't like what I saw...'

Also, I would change up a few of your adjectives for variety. For example, you mentioned that the door was brown. Perhaps you could say the eyes were 'chestnut'. ...Or, say that the door was Oak.

I hope you'll polish up what you have so far and add more! Keep those thoughts flowing! *Smile*


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by Maryann


My animated bird sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
166
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Review of Keziah  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* What a beautiful daughter you have! ...And she's so very talented! I happened to click on this album, and I was so glad that I did! I had fun looking through the truly unique photos.

Gosh, she's such an artist! Were those her creations in the sketch book? I loved the photo of the theatrical hand, too. The face paint is amazing. She's only still a teen! Does she plan to be a make-up artist for film or theater someday? My daughter is an actress in California. I am always amazed at the stories she tells me of make-up artist talents. Your daughter seems to be a natural.

I loved the mockingjay feathers. Was she in a play?

I'm glad you included a few pictures of her without the theatrical make-up, and the graduation shots, so that we could see the incredible difference. She could be a model because she looks so sweet smiling for the camera!

I do like the look of your photo album. You put it together well. You have a nice introduction, and a good variety of photos of Keziah. Keep it going! *Delight*


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by Maryann


My animated bird sig
167
167
Review of SpaceWitches  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I found your story to be very entertaining and exciting. The names were great, and the dialog was clear. I never had a problem with knowing which character was talking.

You showed your talents with creative 'magic spell' usage and other ideas, such as the lightning-flashing space battle.

I felt that you did a great job with the ending, as it hinted of a sequel!

I did come across just a few small issues, which you could easily polish up. I'll go over some of them here...

It was a perfect idea to write a description before the story began. However, in it you mentioned that, 'most space witches are bad'. This clearly contradicts what you wrote in this item's brief introduction. This is your brief intro: "SpaceWitches are supposed to be good Witches. But are they all good ones."

I think your story could use a really good 'proof-read'. I came across several typos.
Here are just a few of them:
"It looks could kill then that Witch is..."
I'm sure you meant, 'If looks could kill...'.

In this example, you have: "When you first came in her you accused me of..."
This, of course, should read, 'When you first came in here...'.

Here: "You’re lucky the only used a..."
'The' should be changed to 'they'.

In this case: "A battle that had been going on for the that several hours."
I would simply say, ...for several hours.

I noticed a few sentences which would work better if they were combined together.
Here are a few examples: "A spaceship sailed through Space at Super Speed. Using the air in Space like water on an ocean, lake, river etc."
These two would work as: "A spaceship sailed through Space at Super Speed, using the air in Space like water on an ocean, lake, river etc.

In this example: "I don’t think it will do any good. But I will try to speed us up." I would change these two to: "I don’t think it will do any good, but I will try to speed us up."

One more: "He was on his way to Detention. And he was mad."
This could be combined to: "He was on his way to Detention, and he was mad."
Another idea would be to change it to something like: "He sprinted to Detention. His flustered, red color, and his aggravated frown gave away his mood."

There were a few instances where commas were either missing or out of place. I will show just one example here: "The sooner she is off the better I will like it."
Could be: "The sooner she is off, the better I will like it."

Again, these were some examples of minor issues which you could easily fix with proof reading. Aside from any of that, I really enjoyed this fun and entertaining story. Nice work!


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168
168
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* You are indeed a master story teller. Your opening descriptions of the witch and her cauldron scene, allowed me to imagine it well. Everything was described in a stunning way. I especially liked this line: "...Latching onto what looked like a jar of rotted frog floating in it's own juices." LOL The bit of humor was just enough!

I liked the smooth transition from one scene to another. In fact, your entire story flowed smoothly, was reader friendly, and was captivating.

My favorite part was the scene where the tale was told, about how the witch was burnt and that's why she was angry. These small details added up to make the total story great.

I loved the ending! The last line said by the witch was so funny! She almost had a happy ending, but she was up to no good after all. Nice work in putting together a well written story.


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169
169
Review of Ashes to Ashes  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I felt that this wa a very unique story. It was creative to use the subject of spontaneous human combustion, and I found no errors, with the exception of a missing comma here and there.

I found the first part of the story to be a bit long and drawn out. Half of the story time was spent building up the information about the children. With that said, I liked the suspense when the action finally started. It was chilling to read that everywhere on the planet, people were burning.

The end was abrupt in comparison to the lengthy beginning. You could probably continue this story, perhaps writing an, 'end of world' survival story, in which the children are immune some how. You did spend a long time talking about their history after all. They have boats. They could travel to different lands in search of others who might be immune. ...Just a thought. Nice work here with your creative writing.


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170
170
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* This amazing story has the potential to be great, if you polish it up. I really enjoyed reading it, and I felt that it would be a favorite novel of mine, if it were ever turned into a book.

I really liked the creative language which you made up. I had hoped that you might have translated the phrases which you wrote, or added descriptions which might have allowed your readers to have clear understanding of those phrases.

Much of my captivating experience with the enjoyment of your creative story, was interrupted by slight confusion. I often had to go back to reread things twice. I think this could be easily fixed by adding more involved descriptions. The paragraph, for example, where the 'five directions' were explained, seemed rushed. I didn't find that I understood it, or what it had to do with the story.

Some of the sentences, in general, seemed rushed. I wished more time might have been spent on them. Here is one example: "Obsevious turned back with a fierce look on his face and held the throat of Sementua."
That could have been turned into an entire paragraph. Perhaps, something like: The muscular arm of Obsevious was a blur as his hand plunged into her throat. Her words of doubt hit him with the same intensity as though she had slapped him in the face, and now it was all he could think of while he squeezed at her throat. Sementua's gasping for breath, brought his mind back to the reality of the moment. He needed her for more important matters at this time....

Another scene example in which more 'story' might be added, is during the journey to Cutunia's place. The 'journey' took place in two short sentences: "Obsevious and Sementua reached the place of Cutunia within no time. They got down from Humponious and started walking angrily into her place."
What did they see along the way? What thoughts went through the mind of Obsevious while they traveled? Did he and Sementua talk? What was Cutunia's place like? What was the day like? Did Obsevious drive the Humponious by himself, or were other servants involved. Did they help him down from the chariot? Did they hand him a sword? ...His cape?

So much more could be added here, and elsewhere throughout the story. Adding more descriptions and information will give your awesome story clarity and it will allow your readers to share what you imagined with more ease. So many characters, places, and information was given. Slowing the pace down will help your readers 'know' everything well. Keep your creativity flowing! *Smile*


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171
171
Review of Muses and Writing  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi there! I noticed your item listed in our latest Newbie newsletter, so I thought I'd stop by. Gosh, I guess the newsletter was my muse this time, because it lead me here! *Bigsmile*

What a very interesting article! How we often take the word, muse, for granted...Really, there is a bit of legend as to where this originated from, as you just displayed...

It was fun to read about the nine muses of Greek mythology which you listed in this item.
I was sincerely entertained, and I didn't come across any errors. I guess this was proofread and edited well by this time. Great work there. *Smile*

I liked that you added additional food for thought after you spoke about the Greek mythology. The question which you presented at the end might be a great inspiration and cause for more thought on the subject. This might possibly pave the way for, perhaps, a poll or survey, which would allow your readers to interact a bit more. I'd love to read about what muses were brought to their minds after reading your article!

I wonder if it's possible to get a muse/mythical-looking image to add to this great piece...


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172
172
Review of Group of Haikus  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your poem.

*Exclaim* Hi Michelle! I came across your great haiku collection while reading the latest Newbie newsletter, so I thought I'd stop by.

I loved your haiku grouping. I felt it was a nice subject matter, too. You succeeded in writing about your reviewing feelings in this 'story poem'. I liked that it was actually a true story about what one would see on our very own WDC site.

I carefully went over the form, and I noticed that you, indeed, put them together well. Terrific work. You kept to the form, and all the while told your story. I especially enjoyed the haiku which hinted about our most recent Power raid! (Great work there! *Bigsmile*)

Also, the title and brief introduction was fantastic! The poem had a nice, centered look. ...Great finishing touches! Your item was a pleasure to read, so I was happy that I stopped by.


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173
173
Review of Drives  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*


*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Star Trek Poetry CONTEST . THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* Nice work in putting together your sci-faiku for the contest. You did a terrific job in keeping to the haiku form. In fact, I was impressed that you actually found a way to add a bit of nature to the mix.

I liked how you talked about warp speed...Star Trek lingo...And then added in the part about Terran blizzards and snowflake stars. The imagery here, made us think of how bright those snowflake stars might have seemed. Very poetic, indeed. *Smile*


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Star Trek Poetry CONTEST   [13+]
Poetry Contest Based on Star Trek! Happy Birthday WDC! {BACK for the WDC 16th Bday !)
by Maryann




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174
174
Review of Carly's Guestbook  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Fire* This review is part of your *Nuclear* Nuclear Package *Nuclear* from "Invalid Item! *Fire*

*Leaf2o* Hi Carly! I always love to visit guestbooks. I don't know why I never made one for myself! *Bigsmile*

I loved how your guestbook looked so warm and friendly. I think it might be because of that really cute Winnie the Pooh image! It's so adorable!

I noticed right away that you haven't updated your guestbook in a very long time...

*Jackolantern* You mentioned that you are, "...new to Writing.Com."
~~We know that you have been a member for over a year, so you might want to change that.

*Jackolantern* You listed only one group. Don't you belong to a couple? Or, perhaps you've visited other favorite places in your time on WDC...Like, image shops, review shops, etc.

Other things which I wanted to mention:

*Witch* I would add some color/size to your words.

*Witch* At the bottom, you requested that your visitors tag you so you'll know that they visited. Do you have this item added to your favorites? It's a great idea to add this to your favorites...Especially if you sign on everyday. You'll be able to check on it whenever you see it pop up. *Smile*


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175
175
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Fire* This review is your *Sun* Big Bang Package *Sun* from "Invalid Item! *Fire*

*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a chapter from a fantasy story.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Though I didn't read chapter one of this story, I didn't have any trouble in chapter two's review. I enjoyed your creativity, and I found this chapter really captivating. Nice work. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked the way this chapter began with suspense and excitement.

As it moved on, I really felt that you gave a good glimpse of Torin's personality. Your readers could 'see' the children playing, and the area of the market. I liked all of the small details which you added. These enhanced the way that the story unfolded, without the feeling of being rushed. Nice work!

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Torin had real powers! I liked the way you had him fly to the market! It wasn't until the middle of your story that I realized he was a Mage.

I liked the conversation between Torin and Kenton. I thought it was a great way to end the chapter.

You chose good names for your fantasy story, by the way.

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: You requested for this review to focus on what corrections could be done for improvement. With that in mind, the following is what I found might help....

In your first sentence, you wrote: Torin screamed as he walked through the halls of the Archium "Screb bla fla bin craw".
I would at least add an exclamation point at the end. I didn't feel that Torin had been screaming. You might also consider making the Riall words in caps.

In the second sentence, you wrote: A few people who spoke Riall turned and looked at him with shock, one girl even looked like she might throw up.
I would break that up into two sentences, or reword it to something like: A few people who spoke Riall gasped in shock, and one girl even looked like she might throw up.

I think this part could be changed a bit: It's not like he was a total lay about, he ran the school's vast library and that was a lot of work. But the truth was he delegated much of that work to the students who work there.
You used the word, 'work', three times. Also, I really don't like beginning sentences with the word, 'but'. It might read better as something like: It's not like he was a total lay about. He ran the school's vast library, which was a lot of work, but the truth was he delegated much of that work to the student staff.

I would add a comma after, 'but', in this part: The masters were always shown respect as they walked the halls of the Archium but this was different.

In this sentence, you wrote: Torin had something much different than respect, it was a mix between fear and wonder.
I think I would change that to something like: They gave Torin something much different than respect. It was a mix between fear and wonder.

Here you wrote: He knew what they said about him, he knew the stories and the rumors because he started most of them.
I would change that to something like: He was familiar with the stories and the rumors which they said about him because he started most of them.

Here you wrote: With the new term starting soon the halls were packed with students both new and old.
I would put in a comma between the two different ideas. ...Something like: With the new term starting soon, the halls were packed with new and old students.

The same goes for this: Off near a small grouping of trees he saw a young boy and girl playing.
Off near a small grouping of trees, he saw a young boy and girl playing.

And...The boy chased the girl with a stick poking her and laughing.
The boy chased the girl with a stick, poking her and laughing.

*Starb* I noticed several sentences throughout your story, where you might add a comma to separate two ideas. I will show you one more, but I'm sure you get the idea.
The main issue with your story is the lack of commas.

Here you have: The boy was bigger than her and she could do nothing but run from him.
...Might be: The boy was bigger than her, and she could do nothing but run from him. Or, you might change it to something like: She could do nothing but run from the very large boy.

Here you wrote: The sun was shining bright today and there were people everywhere. I would change the word, 'bright', to 'brightly'. It's an adverb which described how the sun was shining.

I would break this up into two sentences... His power did not reside in his legs, his arms or in anything so mundane, his power lay in his mind and in his words.

I felt that a few of your sentences seemed just a bit too long. Here is one example:
Once he came to rest, he just laid there and took an inventory of his body and found that nothing was broken and the only thing hurt was his pride.
There are many ways which you might improve this sentence. Perhaps one way might be: He took inventory of his body while he laid there, and found that the only thing broken was his pride.

*Starb*In addition to the missing commas in your story, I also noticed several run-on type sentences.
Here is one: The other fact that made them a little weary of him was his age, only Torin knew how old he really was, but most people suspected he was well over seventy despite his young appearance.
That could be broken up into two sentences, or you might reword it...Such as: The other fact that made them a little weary of him was his age. Only Torin knew how old he really was, but most people suspected he was well over seventy, despite his young appearance.
Or...
The weary people suspected he was well over seventy, despite his young appearance.

The period is missing at the end of this sentence: "Giving books a second chance at life is something I highly approve of"

This sentence seems too long, and it doesn't read quite well. She blushed even more and Torin laughed, there something so entertaining about making this young girl blush, if she was anything but an innocent and kind hearted girl it would not be as much fun.
I would add a 'was' after the word, 'there', and before the word, 'something'.

The period is missing at the end of this one as well: Sarah returned with three books, two small and one rather large "Here we are Master Tarsis, three very special finds for you"

I have a suggestion for this sentence: He had a few hours to kill before he had to go teach that introductory class... You wrote a similar line before he went to the market. I would change this to: He still had a few hours to kill...

Here is another sentence which is missing a period at the end: "I wanted to talk to you"
I won't point out anymore of those, but I would suggest that you reread your story, and take notice of other similar incidents. Remember that the period comes after the quotation marks.



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