Fear can have a powerful impact on us. It is ultimately our decision whether to let it rule our lives or to defeat it. It sounds like after a rough upbrining that you have mastered yours.
While I agree that grammar is important, I feel it doesn't really follow the prompt of parenting. Education perhaps.
Schools anymore set their curriculum in order to pass state's test in order to get more funding. Our kids are not even learning the basics now which I think is a shame. Just my two cents.
Love this, Sonali! My best friend refuses to celebrate her birthday so we call it our special friendship day. I buy her a friendship card and we let it go at that.
I love the way you led me along the journey of the previous birthdays and your decision to make this one different. I also completely related to the logic of cooking the pizzas in such a manner. It sounds like something I would do.
I did catch the names of your guests. Very clever.
melodious strains of Sheryl Crow's "Strong Enough" sounded from the *bowls of Elle's purse as she loaded groceries into the back seat.
*bowels
This story hits home for many in the current economic crisis.
I know there is a word count but I was left wanting more. While I did see how Elle was handling her situation, I wanted some kind of closure. Did she get the job at the fancy boutique? That angle alone would have been a great entry. I was also hoping the man who gave her the bike would come back into the picture. I admit I'm a sucker for fairytale endings.
Your characters are very believable as well as your dialog. But, as I said, I wanted more. I think you could go wild with these characters once you are freed up from a word count.
The way you blended the action of the game with the inner turmoil that Charlie was going through brought to mind the movie For Love of the Game, which I loved for that same blending of game and character turmoil.
I also loved the way you tease your reader with drawing out the final pitch and result. Good work!
The reaction of the team and fans reminds me of the Dallas area sports fans. They love their teams when they win and turn away when they lose. Charlie realized that very thing as the game ended and the same people who had berated his playing were now lauding it. It's a false sense of praise when the team/ or a player isn't "up to par."
You followed the prompt very well and your characters are very real. I enjoyed reading this story.
This is a well told story! Your characters are believable and the dialogue is realistic. It flowed nicely...until the end. I read it a couple of times yet still didn't quite get it. Perhaps it is just me but look at it again and see what you think.
I do hope they found what they were searching for in the end. I realize the story wasn't dependant on that detail but I thought of it all the same.
What an inspiring story! It's amazing what love, and a new baby, can achieve.
Being a fiction writer, at first I was thinking, "This isn't consistent with the prompt." Then I realized that non-fiction "characters" are very relevent.
I thank you for sharing your story. It made me smile and left a good feeling in my heart.
Wow, I didn't see that coming! I read this twice because I was confused a bit the first read through. After the discovery at the end, I reread and it made so much more sense.
The writing comes across in a rush and a sense of urgency. It fits well once all is revealed.
First, leave a space between paragraphs. It makes reading much easier.
I like this. Kana and Linear are interesting characters with an interesting past. You could run with this story once the word count restrictions are lifted. There is much to tell here. Not only the sisters but there is a slight glimpse of Ray and Sam.
Dialogue is great and the hint of the story behind this particular scene kept me interested. Nice work!
I really enjoyed this piece! I love fantasy as a rule.
I felt you did the genre well. Language is believable as are your characters.
I really liked the back and forth to the present action and the past action that brought the brothers to this moment. It kept me in the story and kept me informed as to the brothers' relationship.
I also liked how his words, and his father's words, came back to haunt Aelrik in his final moments. Well done!
In one paragraph, you didn't use the right punctuation marks for indentation. My only notice of any mistake.
You have the beginnings of a good story. Readers can easily identify with the loss of a loved one and will feel sympathy for your characters.
However, the words come across as a report. You tell your readers what is happening rather than showing them. Description and action verbs draw readers into a story.
Also, you need to leave a space between paragraphs. This will make it easier for your readers to follow your story.
It just needs some work. Rewrites are a part of a writer's life.
I always look forward to reading your work, Bill. I love the way you write! You do your craft proud.
“My whole life, Poppa, I’ve always tried to fight for what I loved. I love you.”
I've fussed at other entrants for not elaborating more on the past decision that affects the character's present. In this one simple line, you managed to do that satisfactorily.
Your work flows well, your description is vivid, your dialog is spot on.
An all-too-common, sad tale. You brought Danny to life by sharing his past and the action he decides to take with the priest. Readers will relate to feelings of hopelessness and the need to stop abuse from happening.
Your characterization and description are very good. Dialog is easy and believable.
I very much like this story! It is well told and the complicated relationships of not only Jared and his brother, but now the new relationship with his orphaned niece are strong.
Great plot and dialog. I liked and felt for both Jared and Cass.
You doubled up on the contest theme of past affecting present. Jared is dealing with his past and Cass with her own recent past, both of which will affect them.
The idea of this contest is to get a total picture of a character through an interview. Not necessarily what they look like but the gist of the character behind the physical description.
I feel you did this to a degree. You dwell a lot on Zena's sexual preferences and her abuse as a youngster. Yes, I agree it shaped her character as she is in the present. I wish that you had dwelt more on the workings of her career and life on this planet that is unfamiliar to your readers. I was able to envision vague pictures of those things but would liked to have had a clearer picture.
Bring your readers into her world more. This will engage them into your character and make them curious about her and her life in what is a strange place to them (your readers). As a writer, I believe you would also discover more about her than you realized. Characters tend to be forthcoming with details if you let them run wild a bit.
The writing itself is very good. I found nothing out of place there. The interviewer didn't ask a lot of leading questions but prompted Zena to elaborate quite often.
I think that Zena is probably a very interesting individual. She probably has an endless supply of stories to tel. Let her tell them and your readers will want more!
This is a fun entry! I've never heard of futurists before and have learned something new.
The dialogue is believable. Gunther's skepticism shines through in the interview even though he made his fortune based on Keller's advice. Keller is informative and steadfast in the face of the skeptic.
I really enjoyed this piece! It flowed well. The personality of Kate shined wonderfully. I was intrigued by the direction of questioning and the story presented itself nicely.
My one comment is that you leave a space each time you switch between the person talking. It will make this so much easier to read.
This is a fun entry idea! It makes me wonder if he is crazy or the rest of us are just misinformed. I would have liked to see more of an in-depth interview. You could have gone crazy with Rodger's idea.
Watch your plurals. Some words here should be plural and aren't and vice-versa.
This is very powerful! You captured the dilemma that our soldiers face everyday once they are back on our shores. It's heartbreaking.
I like that the reader gets to see into the psyches of both the interviewer and interviewee. Both have powerful motivations for their actions. Their exchange is believable.
An interesting interview. I like the idea of a publisher interviewing characters in a book before making the decision to publish. That might actually be a good tool for writers to use in order to see if their characters are interesting or not.
You do need to watch for spelling errors and punctuation errors. There are quite a few.
This is a very interesting and thought-provoking entry. All we see on the news are the overall stories of the high seas pirates but never that some may well be children.
I like how the interviewer builds the trust of Chapatti. It makes the piece more believable than if the boy easily answered the questions.
Two things: Watch punctuation and you've spelled Chapatti's named differently in a few places.
Other than that, nice job! Thanks again for entering!
I have to admit, I had a hard time following this story. The thoughts/sentences run together and made it difficult for me to follow.
I do see bits and pieces of it that are good bones for a story. I want to be able to understand the main character's thoughts and ilness.
Give some thought to working on this to make it easier for your readers.
Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed the prompt!
~Nikola
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