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Hi
Here are my thoughts about,"Twisted fate." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.
“Twisted Fate,” is a pretty good short fiction piece. Your characters, although not named, where developed well.
You have your protagonist being interviewed for a private detective position, although he isn’t experienced in this particular area of expertise. I think that you have done a fine job in setting up your story. You also described, and brought to life, the character of the interviewer.
What I did notice, though, was that the story became a little weak between the interviewers question;”So, tell me why you want this job," and “He leaned back, the chair groaning in protest.” It may be that you are limited in words because of a contest and also the fact that it is a flash fiction piece-I can see this easily happening.
I thought the reasons given for why your character was there for the job, could have been expounded on more, or in a different way.
In my opinion, the way he gave his answer to why he wanted the job was a bit unlikely, because usually someone wouldn’t offer all that personal information (I have no girlfriend etc.) in a job interview. What I think your intention to do was to have your character convince the interviewer, that he had plenty of time to devote to the job.
"Enter," a gruff voice said. [“] is needed
I knew it was [a] stab in the dark, this interview. Or-I knew this interview would be a stab in the dark.
I took the rickety chair offered. I took the rickety chair offered me
He looked unhealthy. Would I? ,[No period needed after question mark] I wondered.
he grumbled over a half-eaten cigar. Suggestion: he grumbled, while chewing on his cigar that had appeared to be half-eaten.
He leaned back, the chair groaning in protest. [Space between here}"This job requires lots of patience. You got patience?" he asked. Capitalize [You]
"Here's your first assignment," tossing a folder at me. My opinion here is to invert this-Tossing the folder at me he said, “Here’s your first assignment.
"We want you to observe, report everything, photo's [photos] are optional."
Aside from all of the things that I mentioned to you; I still think that this is a good story. It needs a little tweaking here and there, and by doing so, you can make it much better.
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