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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"I Guess This Is Goodbye." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

This a free form poem about love lost. You clearly bring out these emotions in this piece. I think my favorite lines are; “No more sweet dreams and good nights. No more kisses and play fights.



What I didn’t like was how you broke up the line in the 2nd verse.

“You leave me in this world to fend
For myself, on my own.”


I feel that you should have re-worded differently to continue it as one thought before starting the next line with-“for myself…”

Good night should be one word, [goodnight] These are just some things to take a look at. All in all, I think your poem is good. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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Review of Shining Star  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Shining Star." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


“Shining Star,” is a nice poem and a fine tribute to your mother. This free form poem has feel and mood to it. You’ve chosen your words well and brought out nice imagery. My favorite part is; ”As I continued to watch in amazement, That one single star shining so bright, I thought to myself, All must be well with the world tonight.” Nicely done!

I didn’t see any errors except maybe for [breathe] I think it should be breath. And I also felt that the word [beautiful] in the 2nd line, isn’t needed. That is just my own opinion though. Thanks for sharing this lovely poem with us and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Here go the animal..." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Here go the animals,” is a nice poem depicting nature, the seasons, and most of all, the animals. This piece has very good imagery. I like the rhyme and you kept it constant throughout the piece. Nice job!

The first thing I noticed was that the title was too close to the body of the poem, making it look as if it was the first line of the poem. Even though you wrote it all in capitals, I still feel it should have been separated. Also, I would recommend that you separate your lines into quatrains; it would make for a nicer presentation and easier read. Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of Winter Picture  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Winter Picture." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Winter Picture,” is a perfect title for this poem because that is what the reader sees when they read this piece. The imagery is great as is the word choices. The rhythm, rhyme, and overall tone of this piece are good. Nice job! Thanks for sharing your poem with us. Keep writing
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "From Here to Hialeah." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“From Here to Hialeah,” Is a very good poem of which you have managed, with your well chosen words, to paint some very good imagery-taking the reader down the streets of Hialeah. This reader, for one, can truly relate to that scene since my home is in South Florida. I too have walked those same streets before.

However, in essence there are many Hialeah’s. Some are well known while others are not. It is not so much the place as it is the condition of the people who live there.

Throughout my life I have at one time or another, been in many of these places. There’s South Philadelphia for instance, and areas of Brooklyn, Detroit, and DC. However, I have also been in a small suburb of upstate NY which proved to be just as dangerous for me as any of these other large urban areas. It is people and the situations they are in that are making the difference, but I digress.

Some of my favorite lines in your poem are; “On the left is a store-prison covered in iron bars. Broken bottles litter the parking lot. Earthquake bass rumbles under the street.” These lines put the reader right there.

The poem has a nice flow and rhythm and the mood came across as stressful which is very fitting for this type of piece. I can almost write a score that fits the mood of this. If I may be so bold to say-it’s a great piece of urban poetry. Very nicely done! Thanks for sharing your poem with us. Keep writing.
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Review of ONLY IF ICOULD  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Only If I Could." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


It should come as no surprise that I love this poem. I am a lover of cats and have one of my own. I can totally relate to this piece and I think that it reaches a special place in a cat lover’s heart that maybe can’t be felt by others. The flow of this piece is good and the words that were wonderfully chosen brings out some great imagery and mood. Very well done! Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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Review of My Poetic Mind  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about" My Poetic Mind."Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

My Poetic Mind is a good poem expressing the emotions and mind of the poet. You made use of some well chosen words and were able to express the emotion which you intended. I didn’t notice any errors in this poem. Well written!


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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Martyr - Potential Query - Revised 9/23" Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

I don’t know too much about query letters only that they should be short and to the point which yours is. To me, everything looks pretty good on this letter. The only suggestion I will offer is that you add a little information about the author. Also, if you are still having some uncertainties I recommend that you take a look at several example letters. This may help you too. I wish you the best of luck in all you’re your endeavors. Keep writing.
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Review of Feel  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about "Feel." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

"Feel;” Is a nice poem displaying love in a wonderful way with your well chosen words. The poem flows well and shows a lot of emotions. My favorite lines in this piece are; ” Feel the warmth increase between us Hold together don’t let go.” What great lines! I think they are the ones which made the whole poem for me. You’ve done a fine job. Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing.



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Review of Abiku  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Abiku." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Abiku;” I found this piece to be a bit interesting and a little odd as well; at first anyways. I didn’t know about Abiku and had to look it up afterwards of which, made your story a much better read for me. I would suggest for you to add a note to the reader about Abiku so that they may gain a better understanding of your story. I really enjoyed the ending. I like endings like these.

There was one place in the story where I wasn’t sure if you made an error or not: ”He froze, plate falling forgotten to the floor...” I thought that ground would have been the word to use. Never-the-less this is a fine story. Nice job! Thanks for sharing it with us and keep writing.
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Review of Love No More  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Love No More." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Love No More;” I thought, is a fine poem and you’ve done a wonderful job with it. You use some very good word choices to convey your feeling and emotions. The rhyme, as well as the overall tone of this piece is good. Good job! Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing.
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Review of Moon  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Moon." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Moon,” has a nice flow and tone to it. You were able to bring out some great imagery throughout this piece. I can appreciate the fact that although man has been to the moon, it still remains to be a mystery to many. Nice job! Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of The Crimson Angel  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "The Crimson angel." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


The Crimson Angel, quite honestly, was a rather hard read for me. It has no paragraph breaks and the dialogue needs to be separated too, so that the reader knows which person is speaking. Some of your sentences are not really sentences at all, but rather sentence fragments. I suggest you look at this piece again and make the necessary edits.

However, on a positive note,you have a great premise going on and I feel you should run with it. It is a good story. This piece has some good lines in it too. Lines like; ”If you don’t have the money, you can’t have the power.” Also; ”It’s not the poorhouse, but it’s not fancy town,” and then there is my favorite one; "I’m on the midnight train to home.” I don’t know why I like this particular line so much. Maybe it is because I feel that it would be a good line to add to a lyric of a song. At any rate, I think that your story is a good one but it is in need of some more work. It certainly will be worth your effort. Thanks for sharing your story with us and keep writing.
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Review of Goodbye  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Goodbye." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


“Goodbye,” is a story about break-up. Break-up is seldom ever pleasant, at least for both of the parties involved; however, I have known it be a pleasant affair for at least one of them. But, the key word here is “seldom” and in your story it is plain to see that this was not the case.

Your opening sentence, especially its first clause;"I'm sure this is going to be harder for me than it is for you,” is what drew me into the story, making me want to read on to the end. How cliché, yet true as it is authenticated by the many times which they have been spoken by someone. They are very relatable to almost all of your readers, since I’m sure that like I, they too have heard them spoken at one time or another.

Another one of my favorite lines that you wrote is; “She knew his heart was bleeding from her words.” I thought that this was worded nicely to convey how she was feeling at the moment.

What I didn’t like about the story is that the reader, at least this one does, gets the feeling of being dropped into an uncompleted scene that’s somewhere in the middle of a story. It leaves me with unanswered questions, both about the characters themselves, and the reasons for their separation. “They could never be. Why? “There was no future for them.” Why? “Coming from opposite worlds” So what! Don’t opposites attract? I’m sure at least one of these characters had asked the same questions.

Another thing that I wish to point out to you is that you wrote;” "Coming from opposite worlds, only their passion for each other uniting them.” This sounds like an incomplete sentence to me. You may want to take another look at this. Also, a typo was noticed-misspelled away. All in all though I think you've done a good job. I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Have a great day and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The Woman Behind The Mask." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


“THE WOMAN BEHIND THE MASK,” is just what your sub title say it is-a fairy tale told in thyme. Of course I’m going to like this poem! No big surprise there; since I love, and mostly write poems that tell a story myself. Two of my favorite lines are:"
To give the eldest an equal chance,
The youngest avoided every glance."


This piece is straight forward, clear and concise. All of your readers know exactly what it is that you’re saying. There is no need for any interpretation-what’s there is what you get, and what you get is a well written fairy tale told in rhyme. Good job!

I didn’t see many errors. There is a small typo in V2 L2 you used double periods after the word witty. It’s a slip of the finger, I’m sure. The only other comment that I have is that in a place or two the rhythm kind of changes, but just a little. In V3 L6 I think that if you leave out the word [the] it would give the line a more smoother sound. I hope you have a great day and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"When I First Met You." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


“When I First Met You,” is a poem in which you express the love that you have for that special someone. It tells the reader how this person is forever on your mind. You brought this out quite well in this piece and the subject of the poem should feel lucky that there is someone who cares this deeply about him. My favorite part is; “Even if I may; Stay with you till' The day.” Nice job!

As I read through this piece I noticed a few things that I believe could make your poem better. In the first five lines you are too repetitive with the word [My]

When I first met you;
My heart filled;
My eyes popped;
My ears perked;
& now you're on my mind every hour of the day.


Also you should replace the symbol, [&] with the spelling out of the word [and] You again overuse [my] in lines nine, ten, eleven, and twelve.


My heart looses beats;
My eyes shut;
My hearing stops;
& my body drops


Now, all of this repetition is especially noticeable because you started off the lines with the word [My]. Repeating words or phrase at the beginning of lines (anaphora) can work in poetry, just like repeated words in music can add melody to make strong an image. However, in this piece, it doesn’t do that. What it is doing, in my opinion, is making the verse sound choppy. It doesn’t flow smoothly.

I would consider changing some things around to avoid this. Add some words, move some words, play around with this a bit more. You will be surprised at how much you will be able to do. Sometimes setting a piece aside for a while and then coming back to it, makes it better for you to come up with creative ideas. This is one of my downfalls. I will sometimes beat a piece it into the ground until I reach the point frustration. That isn’t wise.

I also noticed some punctuation errors but I won’t get into that. I’m sure you’ll be able to fix those easily. In fact, I am confident that you will be doing well with this poem as you continue to edit. After making the changes I would be happy to read and rate this again for you. Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of PURPLE HEART  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Purple Heart." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.



"Purple Heart," is a story about your uncle Chuck who was a warrior, probably with either the sixth, the third, or one of the other Marine division that were deployed to Guam. Guam was a hot spot in the Western Pacific at that time, and I’m not alluding to the temperature-it was literally hell, and a place I would not want to be.

Apparently he earned the Purple Heart and other medals. I never know why people say that… he earned. It seems to me that it is something that one doesn’t aspire to do at the time. They have no intent of earning this; they just bravely do their job and try their best to stay alive while doing it. They are deserving of so much more than just a medal; they are deserving of our respect for all of the sacrifices that they made for us and our country.

Your uncle never talked about his years in the service, but you can bet, it was still in his memory along with the images that he’d wish would just go away. Sometimes the war goes on even after the person is home.

Uncle Chuck had been through war, returned home again to live his life, and eventually had to fight a different war; Alzheimer's. God bless him.

The ending to your story is really an emotional one with that fellow marine, a brother in arms, saluting him and walking away with a tearful eye. It takes another warrior to truly understand.

I really like your story, but with all due respect, I feel you didn’t give it justice. Your intent was good, however, it needs to be told in much more detail for the reader to truly grasp the feeling of what you intended to bring across.

I noticed numerous spelling errors throughout. Some of these are: [mothing] I think you meant to write nothing. [sence] should be sense. [received] should be received. [amoung] should be among. [hoor] I think you meant honor. There were others also that need to be corrected.

As I have just mentioned; I like your story. I think that if you put some more work into this piece it can be a real good story. I will be happy to read and re-rate this again after you make the edits. Thanks for sharing your story with us and keep writing.

Semper fi
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Review of Dreamland  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Dreamland." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“Dreamland,” starts out pleasant, peaceful, nice, and then it is contrasted with a different side-a darker dream. “But not all of this place is, oh, so nice.” Then the dream is over, you wake up to your world of work and school, but still you rather be in dreamland.

This is a nice poem and the imagery is good. My only suggestion is that you may want to consider separating this piece into verses. Basically three sets of them. The first set telling about the pleasant nature of dreamland and the next set telling about the dark side of dreamland. Finally, you end with the third set, which tells about waking up to the morning sun etc. It’s just a suggestion and my own opinion. I feel it would emphasize the contrasts better. Thanks for sharing this poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of The Wolf  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The Wolf." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

“The Wolf,” presents some wonderful imagery throughout its five verses. My favorite part is,” With the prowess of a lion and the countenance of a king the silver gray tipped creature stands and begins to sing.” You’ve done a fine job on this poem.
I like the feel of your first stanza. The rhythm and flow is quite good and the words just flow off the tip of your tongue. I wish that you had stayed with the tercet stanza pattern throughout this piece. In the 2nd verse I notice that the rhythm changed noticeably. Verses three and four, rhythmically speaking, go along much better with the first verse than did the 2nd one. The last stanza lines are good ones, but the stanza needs some more lines added to it.

This is a very good poem. I like it. I feel though, that it can be worked on some more. It just needs a little polishing up. I would be happy to read and re-rate this piece again after you make some edits. In fact, I would be quite interested in reading this again. Good job! Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Letter of Eviction." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

This is an epistolary piece written in form of a letter from the Stinger family to the Raccoon family. I found it to be an amusing read especially since I know just how destructive raccoons can be. They are indeed crafty creatures. You’ve done a fine job bringing this out in this particular format.

A few to things to consider that I think would make this piece even better are:

Break it into paragraphs. This would make it read easier and present much better.

[Outmost] should be [utmost.]

In your greeting you should replace Maam with madam which will give it a more formal sound.

“…..like a pack of savage welfare kids.” I would recommend a different descriptive here for the sake of sensitivity to the ones who may find it a bit offensive, especially since this is a fun piece.

Lastly, since you already used the word shit once here-“ …ripping the shit out of…” I would use a different word to describe the Raccoon family instead of using the same word again-“… assemble your shit clan.” This way it doesn’t sound too repetitive and overused.

This is a nice little humorous piece. I feel that with a little polishing up it can become much better, and it would definitely be worth your effort making the edits. Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"around the block." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

The monotony of life is like riding around the block many times. It's the same old, same old. But still, you don’t want to give up. There is a hope that there is something different-something new. It is that hope which keeps you going. Maybe the scenery will change or just maybe, you’ll change and see that same old scenery differently. Sometimes the change we need is in ourself. Good job on this poem.

I would however, like to point out a few things for your consideration. The words [ive] and [im] both need apostrophes and also capitalization. [I’ve] and [I’m] Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writting.
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Review of The Shore  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The Shore." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


You have a nice style of writing and this story seemed to flow nicely. Some of your phrases were lyrical like. I especially liked,” I am sweating against the band of my wristwatch, but I still don't think that time exists.” Very nice!

I didn’t find anything wrong with your story-from the story standpoint, however, I did notice errors in spelling and grammar throughout the piece, that if corrected, would make this piece much better. A few noticed are:

Typo-“ …against he sunlight.”

Missed the letter [T]

“could i know” [I know]

“Now there are wrinkles and creases. Like drying mud on a desert.” This should be one sentence-“Now there are wrinkles and creases like drying mud on a desert.”

“…if the salt water I taste are from that body of water.” Verb usage, should be [is from that…]

[Chinese] needs to be capitalized-Chinese.

[Neices] should be nieces.

[scarey] should be scary.

[mesy] should be messy.

“I am laying on the shore” [laying] should be lying.

There were others also noticed throughout. Making these corrections will give your story a much better presentation for the reader. All in all, this is a good read. It just needs some polishing. All of these things are easy fixes though. Thanks for sharing your story with us and keep writing.
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Review of Sweet Nightmares  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Sweet Nightmares." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

"Sweet Nightmares," is a dark piece which uses some great imagery throughout by making use of some very well chosen words. I especially like the lines “Screaming a final, electric goodbye I sat alone to watch you die” How wonderfully dark that is. Good job! Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of My Little Boy  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"My Little Boy." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


I like the feelings and emotions that you are expressing in this piece. I certainly can relate to this. It brought back the memories of how I was feeling when my own son was born some 35 years ago. He’s still my baby, so you may be able to guess what my favorite part of your poem is. It’s the last two lines- that says it all for me. “I love you unconditionally, you are forever my little boy.” Good job!

I did notice a few things that you may want to consider. The piece would present itself much better if you separated it into four line verses. I also feel that the letter [I ]was being used too many times, especially at the beginning of the lines- I saw, I felt, I thought, I held, I looked, I love, and so forth. The rhythm of the piece, to me, seems a bit choppy and doesn’t flow too well.

You may want to try to move some things around a little to see if you can make the piece sound smoother; giving it a better flow. You can even try playing around with the order of the lines that you have, adding a few words here and there.


“I look into your bright blue eyes
As your held close to my heart
And while gazing at you for the first time
I think I'm looking an angel”



Also, look at line 12. It seems a bit too short and that also interrupted the flow of the poem for me. There are many different things that you can do. You’re the author so you decide what works best for you. I do like the premise a lot and I think that if you would polish this piece up some more, it will be well worth your efforts. I will be happy to read and rate this again for you after you make your edits. Please let me reiterate again to you that these are only my oponions. I offer them to you solely for the purpose of trying to be helpful, not to criticize you in any negative way.. Thanks for sharing your poem with us and keep writing.
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Review of The White Coffin  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The white Coffin." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

I found your story, “The White Coffin,” to be a better read than I first thought it would be. Having no paragraph breaks and being so short, led me to this first impression. I think you should expand this into a much larger piece; you have a good premise going on here. I particularly liked the little twist at the end with the coffin being white. There is much room to take this story in many different directions, so I would consider working it some more. Dreams are fascinating, at least I find them to be, and although a lot of stories have been written about them, I still think that there is a lot of flexibility in making them all different. Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing.
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