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Review of Hold the Pickle  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Chimpy.

This story is great! You have real talent.

The low key comedy is good, I could see this scene clearly. Two bored employees, trying to get through their shift. You have developed these two well, three actually. Although Kinsworthy was a minor player his role was major. You did very well showing the reader their personalities.

The storyline was funny and interesting. The first line hooked this reader in, and the writing held my attention.

I found no errors, but be aware I may have missed something. Double check your work by reading aloud.

It was complete and I was left with a pleasant impression of having read a funny, well written story.

Well done!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow! This is emotional!
If this is a feeble attempt, I would like to read a serious effort of yours.

I can feel the emotional loss of faith eeking from the page. You did good in expressing it!

When you go into edit to fix the spelling, place the content rate on it. Leaving it blank prevents many from finding it.

a few typos and things,
recieve receive

You could even say I say I sold my soul. You could cut the bolded words. They seem to be left over from a rewrite.

ever wnated was to love typo - wanted

Can I help that I am selfish
Should I ever trust you again.
Why should I These three are questions. You forgot the question mark.

Here I am again half done in an upstream fight.
The shepherds you gave me have missed the mark worse then I. These are beautiful lines! Imaginative and creative.

Rates are flexible and are raised as the work is polished. Let me know when it's ready and I'll look at it again.

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Review of Retirement  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com

You need to go into EDIT and place a content rate on this or you won't get many readers.

This is an interesting article, but it left me slightly confused.

But if we do not have a “schedule” or “routine” to follow, what keeps us motivated? What is the enjoyment of “being retired?”

If this is your opinion, this is fine; but if it is an article to convince, it didn't.

I don't agree with the notion that you lose motivation without a schedule. This seems to be the main point of this article.

You have written your thoughts pretty clearly, but I believe if you went through and took out some of the repetition it would be a tighter, more enjoyable read. Keeping the thoughts in order would help the clarity too.

Are you saying we need to follow a schedule while pursuing our hobbies, or we are wasting time? You have some interesting points that just need to be made clearer for the readers.

I wouldn't want a schedule any more. I even hate Dr. appointments because I must be on time. *Laugh*

Well done, I enjoyed reading about the other side of this.

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Review of Tough Love  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, Silverhand.

I enjoyed your other story so much I decided to take time to read this one too. I'm glad I did, it's good too.

I do think it needs more work though. I have listed a couple of suggestions for you to take or leave.

My only intent is to help, please keep that in mind.

He hid away from Jani to conceal his frantic breathing. It was a power move, standing half hidden by the corner post; letting his ice blue eyes flare in contrast against the white-chipped paint. Was he consciously aware of his flaring blue eyes contrasting with the white wall? You may have just a bit too much detail here to be realistic.

It stopped the belief that he was nervous What stopped the belief? Being hidden or letting his eyes flare?

when you were fighting with you family. I was here through your feeble attempts to earn my trust. A typo - your

He had come to her house to fight. Do you need this line? This is the only reference to her house. The setting seems to be at his. This caused this reader to expect something more to happen at her house, and all of a sudden we are at his house. Confusion.

There was no cost too high to indulge his chaotic emotional state in these moments, which is why he had asked Jani to come to his one room apartment to discuss their relationship. Is this a particular invitaion? Later it says she went to his house weekly. This sounds like a continuation of the weekly talks, with nothing new. You might consider taking these lines completely out, and using one of the weekly talks as the setting.

He barely heard the whisper as she walked away. “I loved you once. May you find the happiness that I could never offer.” I don't think offer is the word you meant here. She did offer, didn't she? She said she loved him. Maybe ",,, happiness you couldn't find with me". Or something of your choosing.

The character is developed well, he is very paranoid and I feel sorry for him, but impatient that he can't just accept love. I can see his actions clearly.

“Why are you saying these things, honey,” Jani choked out the question as tears slid down her face You forgot the question mark.

she had the audacity to be studying him. He was angry that she could see the turmoil racking his soul. He needed to crush her hope; otherwise he would lose power and cave under the guilt. This is very good! It shows his state of mind very clearly. Good!

Jani is more difficult to see and that's okay since she is not the main character. She serves her purpose well.
He barely heard the whisper as she walked away. Again, this shows that she has quit, given up. Good stuff!

I won't apologize for the rate I've given you, I believe it's fair. Average on a site this large is not bad! If you're curious, I have included a link to my rating criteria for you to look at. I always come back to read again if asked. Rates are flexible and can be changed by the reviewer.

You are a good writer, and in a week or so, when you read this story again, you will see things to change and wonder why no one pointed them out to you. I guarantee it. The more you write, the better you become.


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Review of A Freezing Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

I enjoyed reading this very much. It's written well of course, but the message was told in an interesting way.

Calif. wasn't prejudiced as openly as southern states, but it was scattered through. I'm thankful that our parents showed us early on that people are people. I now am blessed with a rainbow of grandchildren. *Smile*

I always enjoy your writings.
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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Christina.

I like this, it makes sense! *Smile*

It is written well and reads smoothly, no bumps at all. You did very good here! Welcome to Writing!

I agree with all of this except for one thing,

Some dreams are small: a garden patch, a rose bush, the crafting of a simple thing. Some dreams are grand: a great journey, a dangerous feat, the winning of a Kingdom. And the greater the dream, the greater the reward

I believe the reward is just as great for small dreams as for large. Any dream realized is precious.

I know what you meant though, and I agree.
I find nothing wrong with this one, I can tell you proofread well.

Well done!

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Review of Best Friends  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Terri.

This is a delightfully told story, I enjoyed it very much!

The imagery is perfect, you write well. The character is well done too. I could see the little girl in pigtails (my vision) was my grandaughter. *Smile*

I would suggest you place space between the paragraphs. The page would look much better, and it would be easier for the readers. Just hit the enter key once between them.

Well done!

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Review of Simple Words  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Skmdragon.

Yes, I think most of us still feel this way.

This is written well and clearly, this seems to me to be a piece you've written to 'test the waters'.

If you go to the top of the screen and click REVIEWING, you will be at the Public Review page. Read some of the reviews given. All are encouraging and honest. Some rated low, some rated high. Study them and it may help calm some of your fear.

I too, just want to write stories my family will enjoy. You are not alone. If you have any questions, just ask. We are all here to help each other learn to write better.

I found nothing wrong with this piece.
Well done!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello, Dawn.

Welcome to the site of Writing.

This is a good first draft, it's coming along pretty good. I like the story theme, very interesting and it held my attention all the way through.

The character is being introduced well, I think I'm going to like her, you're showing her determination well.

At the sound of the cock crowing in the inn courtyard below, Mistral sat up with a start. She tossed aside the threadbare blanket and hurriedly dressed in her best gown
This is good imagery! A good opening line, it shows action right away. Excellent!

She held up a tiny silver hand mirror I think this line would work better at the end of the paragraph, after she fixes her hair. The way it is now, it sounds like she is holding the mirror at the same time as doing her hair, and that would be impossible. She would check it afterwards.

one of her few nice possessions It is her ONLY possession, along with the comb which goes with it. Keep consistent. You could just say, the set is her only possession. Her work dress wouldn't count.

a legacy of her dead mother, You could cut the word in bold. The word legacy tells the readers that her mother is dead.

She slipped quietly down the stairs, and then paused, seeing her cousin Jack sprawled in a chair at the bottom of the stairs You might cut the bolded words here too. It is known what is meant by the words 'at the bottom'. You don't want to overtell. The readers will use their imaginations to see the scene if you continue to paint it this well.*Smile*

You see nothing, I am not here, Mistral thought frantically. The pain in her head was near blinding now.
Another good piece of imagery! You're showing her fear and her pain very well! Blinding is a good word. Everyone has had a blinding headache so will know exactly how she feels. Emotions, that's the way to show a good scene.

My rate applies to first drafts, the rate goes up as the story is worked on. Let me know when you've revised this and I will be glad to read it again.

I look forward to reading the next chapter, my curiosity is caught. You're a good writer, and you're telling a good story.

Well done!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Whoa, I loved this!

Real life stuff is the best! You told it very well. Too bad though that they still called it a violation. even if dismissed, it's on the record as a violation.

I saw another review on the Public review page, and it sounded good, and it was. Too bad the story has been taken down from the link.

Well done!

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Review of Eve  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, Matt.

I hope you're finding your way around the site okay?
I found this on Request a Review page. You're looking for feedback, great!

I like this, it's a good beginning. Suspenseful and exciting! It isn't finished I know, but you should add a short note to the readers advising them.

I found a few things for you to consider as you continue to work on revisions. Nothing major. I found no spelling or grammar errors, but I may have missed something. I'm looking at the story itself.

Sitting up, she yelled, “ Who is it?” This sounds sort of childish, what about 'she called out'?

Bill and the kids were supposed to be away for the weekend, up in Albany They ARE away, that didn't change. You could cut these words for a tighter line.

Her father had always told her to look out first before opening the door for strangers, even if they claimed to be police. It was a habit that was reinforced living in the city for a few years, and had continued since. This makes her sound like a child obeying her father. I don't think any of the bolded area is needed at all. I suggest cutting it all, most people look out the peep hole before opening a door now-a-days. The readers will know why she does it. It doesn't add to the story.

She giggled to herself thinking about how paranoid she acted This may be picky but, she wasn't acting paranoid. It would be a natural fear to think first of her family. She may have giggled out of relief.

Lying back down, she picked up the novel and flipped back to the page This isn't needed either. It will be assumed by the readers as she picks up the book that she isn't reading standing up. It is telling instead of showing.

patter sound of drops hitting hardwood floor was audible This line isn't smooth. Either say 'hitting THE hardwood floor', or, 'hitting hardwood was audible'. BUT, realistically, I don't believe anyone could actually hear the blood hitting the floor. It just wouldn't gush that forcefully, would it? He wouldn't have been able to walk anywhere.

sit, “he must have been hiding next door
This whole paragraph doesn't sound realistic to me. I don't believe an officer would tell her this. He would have said call the station or ambulance, lock the door; but they just don't offer information to the public. They are very tight-lipped.

I’ll call 911 like you said and This isn't needed. It sounds like she wouldn't have thought of it if he hadn't told her. She is an adult.

front door was Officer #2. This could be used once if you had a need to show a difference in the officers, but I don't think you do. You could just say 'one officer' the first time, and 'the officer' after that.

door walking slowly and carefully. Taking baby steps to get there she If you're trying to show her fear to getting close to the officer, this doesn't do it. Why is she walking this way? She may be in a hurry to get out of the house, but wouldn't she worry about someone being outside?

This is a good thriller so far, but still average. I assume she runs into something outside (according to the description she will need help from the police). I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Let me know so I can read it too if you wish to after this review. *Smile*

Further revisions are needed, and as it improves, the rate also improves; if you notify your reviewers.

You're a good writer. Keep practicing, you can only get better with plenty of practice (and reading.

Well done!

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Review of A Heart's Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Elli,

You're a pretty good writer! You know that, don't you? I enjoyed reading this very much.

You don't have any characters, but you do have an emotional narrator. The sadness comes across clearly. I had the feeling I was reading a letter, you did good.

You have a tendency to write 'wordy', if you're like me when I first joined this site, you have no idea what that means. Some of my reviewers explained it to me, so I'm learning. You will too.

If you did a word count on this, you'd be surprised how many times you wrote the word even The Word programs have the tools to help you with it too, if you're using Word.

A couple of things I found here,

close enough. Oh sure there’s will be e-mails, the occasional call; but how does that even begin to A typo

I didn’t even realize that’s what was happening. I didn’t even realize they were there, but somehow he did. This is something else I didn't know until a reviewer pointed it out to me in my work. Repeating the same words too close together is noticeable. You don't want your words to be noticed, if they are cut or change them. The scene is all the readers must see.

I wouldn’t talk. Even then he did’t give up, but instead he made me stay. A typo

So often we loose our joy because of the things in our day, or week, or year that we don’t
spelling - lose

Hit the enter key between the paragraphs, leave a space. The page looks better and it's easier to read. A large block of text is very intimidating to read on screen. Make it easy for your readers.

There's not a whole lot wrong with this. Once you know what to look for, you will notice your work becoming better and better. Read it aloud as an outsider, are there extra words you can cut? Doing a word count will show you which words you tend to use the most, try to cut most of them. You want the piece to read smoothly and make sense. It takes a lot of practice.

Another tip; if you'll visit the Public Review page by clicking REVIEWING at the top of the screen, and read some of the reviews, you will learn too.

I don't know how long you've been writing, but I sense a natural talent here, that just needs honing.
I will read this again when you're ready and I hope I can change my rate at that time. It can only go up.
*Smile*
Well done!

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Review of Crying  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello.

I saw another review of this on the Pub/Rev page and decided to read it. I'm glad I did. It's beautiful!

That illness is so sad, my mother had it, which means I may too.

The only thing I would comment on is the amount of times but the tears couldn't come. was used.

The words are emotional and powerful but I thought there were just too many, it took away their power (for me), and the poem was less enjoyable.

Don't change it because of that though, please. I don't even like to watch a movie more than once!

Well done!

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Review of Normal  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sunshine!

Oh my, you've been a member of this wonderful site for a week and no reviews! I'm so sorry!

I saw a review you did on the Public Review page; it was well done and I decided to check your port. See, getting your name out there brings the viewers in*Smile*

I like this article, you've written it well. I see no errors or mishaps, which is unusal because everyone has typos. You must be an exceptional proofreader!

I think you have a little punctuation (comma) errors, but I'm not knowledgeable enough to advise you there. Someone will though, everyone has their own special area of expertise; and no one knows everything.

I like the topic, but it's something no one can answer. What is normal? Philosophy, I love it!

You need to plug your work for people to find it, and if you have any questions, please ask. We're all here to help each other. A couple of forums you could visit if you haven't gound them yet are;

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Enjoy the site, and keep writing!

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Review of Louisville  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, rojukiel.

This is a good scene, well written.
The descriptions are great, I could see the action clearly.

Why do they always say, "talk or there will be violence", then the violence begins anyway? I didn't like the way it went, the poor man was given no chance. You're a good writer!

It is a bit wordy and could be tightened up by removing the words that aren't needed. There are several 'then's that could go; I'm sure there are others. Read it aloud.

I believe it might make more sense to the plot if there was a bit more about the music. One short line is almost missed.

You raised my hackles with this, stirred my anger, and that's a good thing for a writer to do!

Well done!

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Review of Post-Postism  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Alexy.

Another new one! You're busy.

You're right, your brief description says this is 'beyond description' and I agree. *Smile*

I read it and thought I knew where it was going but I was wrong. It didn't go there, but, it was interesting and well written.

Is post-post-post-post-ism If one of the post words were gone, it would read smoother. I think it has one too many.

Don't let my 'not getting it' stress you, I don't write poetry and this has hidden meanings.

Well done!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello again.

This is good, I am just confused on how to review it. *Smile*

Format and punctuation again. I gather it is your style of writing, so I will mention this only so you will be aware. It is difficult to read like this.

You can write, I like the two items I've read; but there is so much more to learn.

Enjoy the site, and keep writing!

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Review of Ah, progress  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello, Alexy.

This has some good imagery, dirty, brown, muddy water; patchwork terrain. Good stuff! With more practice, you will be able to write some great stories.

You should change the format of this story, it is set up like poetry and is confusing that way. I tried to read it as poetry, but that didn't work; so I decided it is a story. Am I correct?

there's not much difference between here and there I like this line!

You're going to have to get into the habit of using capitals, I found this difficult to read and make sense of the way it is set up, and the lack of punctuation. If you want to work on it, let me know when you've finished. I will be glad to read and review it again.

Using basic paragraph format and punctuation, this would be a good piece. The words are good, the imagery is pretty well done, it needs more work though, too.

Getting lost in your own home town is strange, isn't it? It happens more and more.

This is well done, keep writing, it's good practice!

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Review of Just a Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello, emuznkix

I found your story on the forum and decided to read it. I like it, it's good. Very romantic and sweet.

I have a few suggestions for you to consider intended only to help you make this even better.

I like the theme, it is clear and doesn't stray. There is no dialogue but it works without it because the narrating is good. The emotions are felt, though they could be stronger. I know you will continue to work on it though as you learn, we all do.

She had tried to comfort herself with the thought that they'd still be friends, had is used a lot. I suggest cutting this one. read your work aloud and decide if you can also cut some of the others. It is usually an unecessary word.

she figured she might as well just accept it.
She just figured she'd let him sort things out in his own mind, and take a Cut 'just' for the same reason. It's an extra word, it causes wordiness in a piece. -- you repeated figured very close together. It makes a word noticeable, not a good idea. If a word is noticed, the imagery is gone.

She had been going about her daily life, as usual, but with a sort of stiffness This line is not needed for the theme, in my opinion. It's awkward. You could cut it all.

Right when she stepped into the car
she stole a quick glance over at him examples of wordiness. Read these lines without the bolded words. You don't need them. You want the lines to flow like poetry.

he had turned on the radio so as to fill the awkward silence. As you read your work aloud, you will begin to notice the words you don't need; it takes a lot of practice and feedback.
and each were comfortable doing whatever they felt like should be 'was'

then realized how thirsty she was and began to drink it faster. Once she put the drink down, she realized that See how the word is repeated closely? Try to choose a different word for one of them, or rewrite to get rid of it.

then looked at her for just a second longer -- then they both recovered Then is one of those words that seem to slip in without notice, but it is noticed when read aloud. Try to cut as many as you can.

calmly shimmering lake which reflected the clear, dark purple sky, and the thousands of tiny stars that shined in the distance.
This is beautiful imagery!

and lead her to a bench led

As their lips peeled softly apart again this imagery doesn't match the beauty of the writing. What about cutting it and rewriting the remainder to fit. 'lips softly parted' or something similar.

It had been almost a month since they broke up.

He said they shouldn't see other for a while, because things might be awkward You haven't hinted at the reason they can't be together, and that's okay, but if you're going to end it with this line:
trudging towards their greatest adversaries, the very things that had pulled them away from each other in the first place -- their lives. then I believe you're going to have to give a reason.

Your Brief Description says, It's hard for love to survive in a place like this You haven't explained this either. A place like what? With these questions you're going to need to detail the conflict.

Wordiness is caused by any word used too often that doesn't move the story along. You could do a word count and check for how many times certain words are used, the count will tell you. Read your work aloud, then try to cut as many extra words as possible. The lines will read smoother, you'll be surprised, I sure was!

The readers will love these characters and want them to be together, I do.
You could cut the ending lines and let them have a happy ending though. *Smile*

A great job of writing!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Good Morning, Thomaspeople.

Well, you have a fan, I like this too!

It's real, humorous, and well written. It goes nowhere, it is exactly what it is supposed to be. I write like this sometimes, it's fun.

And suddenly our happy author realizes: It's not early. And it’s not Saturday I like this great turn in his thinking. A surprise is always welcome in fiction. lol

I found no errors and I like it. Well done!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi again, lisa.

Whew, this is wonderful! I love to read good, exciting stories. This one is.

This is exciting, emotional, and the imagery is perfect. The scene is well shown. I wish I could write like this. *Smile*

I have noticed one thing only for you to decide to leave or change.

that was so stuck in his brain now that it was maddening. When he'd turned and walked away from her, he had told himself that he didn't care; that it was none of his business.

Do you see how many times the word 'that' pops up? It was very noticable to me. You want the words to flow so smoothly a reader doesn't notice any words. It shouldn't be difficult to change a couple lof them, if you decide to.

Otherwise, no problems. I am liking this story!

Well done!

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Review of Hutchinson  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is a well written piece, it is catchy and holds the reader in well. I enjoyed reading it, it is everyone's hometown. *Smile*

The imagery is fantastic, and it tells a real story.
I found a couple of things for you to check.

On the gloaming road that connects Hutch
Is this a nickname done intentionally, or a typo?

rosy little Mexican cashier who i so needs to be a capital.
pitifully fell in love with.

I found no confusion at all, it reads smoothly all the way through. I see talent in this one, I hope you continue practicing every day, you will only continue to grow.

Well done!

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Review of Beloved Benny  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, bclintho.

Thank you for asking me to review this, and good luck in the contest!

You know, it's kinda hard for me to wrap my mind around this story, falling in love with a table is way out there! lol

It was fun to read, and it is very creative, unusual.
I have listed some things here for you to look at.

It would have been easier save for the unbalanced weight of I have heard people use the word 'save' in this context, but it is wrong. It should be 'except'.

How they must hate her so, looking in disgust at the way she wore her hair You really haven't shown this character. If you told this in a way that shows the hair, the readers would see it better. Instead of telling, show it. Did she wear it in a bun? Short, cropped? Just mention it in place of the words 'the way she wore her hair'. Take those words out.

"i'm sorry Bano, I'm just having a hard day, i didn't really mean to bring that up." No answer. Go through and capitalize every i - I

Marie hurled a handful of packaging peanuts at the table. The bounced ridiculously off, floating gently to the floor. I don't know what you meant here. Is she throwing peanuts or the paper packaging?

threw herself onto the recluse, soaking the dry wood with the tears that poured down her face. "I'VE HURT YOU, MY BANO! I'M SO SO recluse describes the character, but I don't think it would describe Bano, would it?

as no pain. There had been nothing but Bano, and now Bano was gone A typo. Should be was

All fear of dying had escaped with Bano, and now there was nothing, nothing but the fear. She could not live with the fear Which fear is she speaking of? The fear of dying went with bano.

lost so she was in a swirling world of hatred that she had forgotten to see the beauty in life.
Can you switch the order of these around so they will read smoother? It is awkward now. Maybe, She was so lost in a swirling,,,??

I believe if you clear up these few areas, the item will read smoother, and it should be fine. It still won't make sense to me though. *Smile* I'm kidding!

You're a pretty good writer, you really are! You just need to practice, like we all do.

Oh, at every paragraph, hit the enter key to leave a space between them. Makes them much easier on the eyes of your readers.

I wish her luck in her future as a flower. *Smile*

Well done! What an imagination!

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Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, Neil.

I noticed this had no views, so I decided to read it. You say it is a project from ages ago, but you don't say what kind, or what kind of feedback you're looking for.

This reads very disjointed to me, I can't make the storyline stick together, is it suppose to, or are these random thoughts of the author?

I like your style of writing, stand-up comedy type. This is not funny though, as it stands now, because nothing makes any sense. If you put a story together from this, let me know and I will be glad to read it.

I know you have a talent and an imagination; some of these lines are excellent. It needs disclipline and practice to perfect though. You'll get there if you desire it enough.

Keep writing!

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Review of It Hurts To Live  Open in new Window.
Review by esprit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello again, Jen.


There are so many poems with this theme, aren't there? I wonder why?

The emotion is felt by the reader with your choice of words, the sadness is there, hopelessness.

Keep writing!

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