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Review of Instant Karma  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Kristi Author Icon

A new and wonderful in and out activity, this sparks creativity as well a spreading good deeds throughout. This is to inspire good thought and good deeds to be shared with the community. The thought that Karma is alive and "What Comes Around Goes Around", is the possible inspiration behind this event.

Newly created, this activity craves new additions to the event.
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1077
Review of Deal With It!  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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warriormom

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a poem written in support of Adoptees, and their inalienable rights to OPEN RECORDS. This is a two part poem which has a declaration from those opposing this movement, and then an answer from those fighting to get their records opened. This is a highly emotional piece.


*Star*Suggestions:
How can one offer suggestions to such a strong piece? This is well written with great emotion and stability. This is strong enough to stand on a flyer in support of this movement.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the way the rhyming couplets ended with a strong statement line afterward. This completes each verse with a compliment as well as a declaration.



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Review of BUTTERFLY WINGS  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

Once again, stumbling along, I found another beauty lying in wait of viewing, in your port. This free-style poem has a rhythm all of it's own. The fairy and her message of love travel on butterfly wings. What does this signify to us? Is this a mystical person, is this a live person, or is this an idea spred from one to another?

Though this image and poem speak of butterflies and faeries, this can very well be a metaphorical piece as well. Poetry is up to interpretation. It is emotional and often affects the reader on some level.

Here is one level of interpretation. Faeries, or anonymous members of society, go around spreading love and showing appreciation to the fellow man. They do this under anonymity. This could be the Santa Claus at Christmas, traveling in his red suit on his red sleigh. This could be dear Cupid, spreading love and joy in February. This could be our own members of this very site, spreading love and friendship through reading and reviewing, anonymous or public. Whichever the case may be, this is well written, and I enjoyed reading it.
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Review of HE WATCHES  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

This is a free-style poem of spiritual basis with beautiful images to help create the ambience of the moment.

The first verse is of the Father and his foregiveness. Watching ever over us, he knows what is in our hearts and he does see all that does transpire.

The second verse is a little more in-depth. Through this verse we learn of salvation and damnation. Those who freely accept those into our lives will have the blessing of his unending love. Those who do not will be forever with an empty void.

This is very well written and delivers an important message.
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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

A wonderful acrostic poem written by a dear friend, simply_complex , in your honor. This poem is not only a line by line to match the letters of your name, but also each line compliments the next, giving a detailed character reference of who you are.

Line one: How true this line does read. Taking in strangers, making them friends. Becoming a mentor to many. Leading the way through example.

Line two: Healing and restoring through mentorship and leadership, she takes you by the hand and guides you through the forest.

Line three: Through Simply Positive alone, it is seen how her encouragement inspires others to stay the course despite the obstacles.

Line four: Reaching out through her various groups in addition to taking a one on one approach, Sherri is always there for others.

Line five: She is a true friend who will stick with you through thick and thin.

Line six: Finding another like her, impossible. These are shoes that can not be filled.

In summation, though each line does describe certain attributes she has and carries well, we will never be able to capture her whole spirit and being. There is so much more to her, that when she is absent, she is sorely missed. We are glad she is back with us now.

This is a great poem residing in Sherri's port, written for her.
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Review of Ghetto Head  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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C.E. Thieroff Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Once again I find myself traveling through your port. I have found another poem. This one, a free-style format. I found this to be a very interesting poem.

The first two times I read this to myself. Then I decided to share this outloud. Reading this outloud, it takes on a whole new life. You must pause for effect and emotion at the end of each line. Giving break for the information to sink in. This way, punctuation is not needed. In fact, I feel to add it would simply clutter up the tapestry of this artwork.

The depths of clutter stored within have accumulated over the years. Now out of the mess demons have arose to stake claim. What do they claim, not you or I, but a life unto themselves. The demons live on our fear.



*Star*Suggestions:
The only suggestion I had is to either italicize the dialogue, in the fourth major verse, or set it off with quotes. I believe italics would fit best in this piece. Though free-style is not my forte so I will leave that up to your transgression.



*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This creatively tells a tale of the origins of fear and how the clutter we take in add to that. Whether these fears are real or imaginary, they all are derived from the clutter we take in from our everyday lives.


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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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J. A. Buxton Author Icon

This is a well written story about strength and determination. At one time I had a suggestions, but I see now that it has already been taken care of. The story looks at change and the voice of the story is not sure at what point the change took place, but is aware that freedom is now at hand. This great story differes a bit from some of the authors other pieces. There is no defined conflict other than the disease, which can not be fought outright. Unless that is you consider the fact that changing of a lifetyle could be considered as a way of fighting back.

Judy is a great author and I enjoy reading each of her stories.

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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Redtowrite Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Christine's family has suffered much, and they are about to go through a rough Christmas. She has taken a job at the local store in order to help the family out. This is a small look into the Christmas event of the year.

*Star*Suggestions:
~towards a directional movement or action. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being words of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterward, outward, and upward, to name a few. This is used a couple of times throughout this page.



*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This is a heart warming piece. The caring and depth of emotion shared here is a great Christmas story.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
~ Theresa wanted to make at least two or three dollars on her~I don't quite follow this. We know that Christine wanted the doll. We know she covetted the doll, and that she didn't know how much the doll cost. Is this attempting to say that she wanted to put a down payment on the doll?



~*Balloon5*~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills
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Review of Demoness Supreme  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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neilbco Author Icon
Poetry is up to interpretation. Each and everyone of us will come up with something different when reading poetry. The reader's views will inevitably differ from the authors. This by no means makes one or the other wrong.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles.
I feel that in this instance, dropping but from the beginning of the line keeps with the integrity of the emotions, and improves it in my eyes.


Verse One: Awakening from a dream with an insationable hunger, the voice devours what she can from her lover until he cries out for her to stop.

Verse Two: Again, this is repeated until the lover is consumed.

Verse Three: A new lover replaces the previous. A demonic presence that fulfills all the wanton desires.

Verse Four: The demoness arises from the ashes of the fire of love.


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Review of Horror  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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ragefire2000

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a collection of short stories all with twisted and unexpected endings. Cleverly told so as nothing is given away until the end. A wonderful folder to peruse through.


*Star*Suggestions:
The picture and the subtext below it all give off a dark reflection of what is to come in the stories.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I was captivated with many of the stories. I left ribbons on a few, but wish I had gps enough to grace the walls of all of them with ribbons.



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Review of Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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ragefire2000

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a story of a cat and mouse game that plays over and over. Having to escape, the young boy races for the woods, but he has used this path before. Will he get caught once more and be forced to return?


*Star*Suggestions:
~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles


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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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ragefire2000

*Star*Brief Summary:
Another mystery surprise coming your way in the form of a review and an awardicon.

This short story is one of terror and despair. This story is a nightmare many who work with the public fear. I really don't know how to review this without giving too much away to the reader.

Dr Carmen works at the morgue and often puts in late hours. She is feeling a bit distanced from her family as of late and so sends her husband a text when she is going to be late coming home. When her last text is sent as her last few patients are brought in for the night, she gets the unexpected surprise that will change her life forever.


*Star*Suggestions:
~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles

~When thoughts are in a story, often the author will put the thought into italics so as to be able to better identify a thought from actual speech.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
The surprise ending is one that will have you gasping for breath. There is enough drama to make your hair stand on end.


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Review of Eternity  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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ragefire2000

*Star*Brief Summary:
As part of your mystery surprise package you won in the auction, I am giving you not only this review, but also a nice ribbon to go along with this short piece.
This is a well written piece, warning those who wish to be careful what they wish for. This is an adventurous piece that ends with a dark twist, or should I say it continues on...


*Star*Suggestions:
~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I liked the twist that the end has to share. Without giving away anything I will say that the subtext sums up the story all in one.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
None, this is a well written piece. The story sequence flows and the events are captivating.



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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Redtowrite Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Lee Anderson had a good life. Finding his nich in life when he found his love of his life, he had it all. He studied and practiced, and when others had to struggle, his natural talent kicked in and playing music came easy to him. The life of a musician began to take it's toll and Lee turns to a friend for help. Once he started down that dark road, then his life spirals downward from there.

This is a well written piece. I only had a few questions, as listed below.


*Star*Suggestions:
~humidly humidity

~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles

~The majority of this story is told through a narrative point of view. Though this is a good story, I feel it lacks the punch that is suggested in the subtext. Told from a first person point of view, with showing, instead of telling, this would be an emotional piece with depth and sympathy.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This story takes a look into a life of good intentions. Though a road was chosen that took Lee through some bad times, he still has good in his heart. It brings up the question, if we make a bad choice in life, does that one decision define who we are? Or does it all depend upon the choice made?


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Lee turning to Heroin. That choice doesn't seem to fit with the rest of his story. According to the story, the choice with that is that it was an intense feeling better than sex. However, Lee's choice of pills tends to be those that lift you up, not intensify feelings. He is looking for that high to keep going through the night, would methanphetamines or speed have been the choice he would have made in sticking with his purpose?



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1090
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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InkWellspring66 Author Icon

This is a wonderful alternate rhyming couplet which cascades down the page with love and praise for a special person in the voice's life. The voice of the poem is strong and dedicated to this "Southern Gentleman"  Open in new Window. by InkWellspring66 Author Icon

I didn't have any trouble with this piece, it is well written free of grammar, puntuation, or spelling errors. Great Job!
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Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Fishy Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
An itneresting look inside of one's search to find the answer of self defining. At what point in time do we finally complete our definition of who we are? This is a self analasis and the conclusions the author comes up with.


*Star*Suggestions:
~thought though part of your intertests


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
An interesting thought provoking piece that is sure to spark debate among many.


*Star*Additional Comments:
Our choices in life as well as what we don't choose often helps to influence and define just who we are. Since the complete time we are alive, we are continually bombarded with choices in life, it seems to me we will always be defining and redefining ourselves.



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Review of Poor Ice Cream  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Charlotte ~ Chasing Rabbits Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
A sweet and humorous piece on a harmless day with the family. Stopped mid stream of making an ice cream sundae, she goes out to help her mother and leaves her sweet sensation on the table. Her younger sister then comes in screaming and raising a ruckus, but you must read the story to find out why....


*Star*Suggestions:
This was a work of perfection, I could not find anything to comment upon as far as grammar, spelling, or punctuation. This is well written and I would love to see this in publication.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
I see this as one of those moments in life you wish you could have captured on camera. This will be one of those memories this family will pass on from year to year at family gatherings.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
None.
Are there more stories like this that you could throw together into a compilation of humor.




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Review of Masks & Makeup  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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C.E. Thieroff Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Poetry is often left to interpretation. As I read the first couple of verses, I found myself identifying with the voice of the poem. Hiding behind masks, weather make-up or glasses, you can't see who I really am, only who I want you to see. This is true in everyday life. As I read further I lost the personal connection with the poem, in so much as the way I was viewing it. The poem took oon a new meaning for me. Read through several times, I could relate this to many different situations in life.


*Star*Suggestions:
A well written poem, the only suggestion I could find would be to submit this one for publication.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
The masks, though there, can be lifted, but are easily replaced. So true in life.




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Review of Heaven  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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tblaine Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Written a while back, this hidden treasure has sparked a pattern of thought for this reader. What does it sound like in Heaven?
The gentle notes that float down through the sounds of the birds have created a tranquil setting.


*Star*Suggestions: An alternate format:

I hear,
as in
a dream,
your soft
and gentle voice,
floating among
the flowers
As the song
of birds.

Oh!
To be
young,
And
in love,
Is Heaven
itself,
And I
am in
Heaven.



*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
The formatting for me didn't fit the body of the poem. I envisioned it differently than it is each time I read it. After the fifth try, I altered it to the pattern above in the suggestions, and this worked for me. This does not mean there was anything wrong with the poem as it was, it just means my interpretation was askew.


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Review of Pieces  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Inspired8 Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
This is a look at love, from another perspective. Love isn't all blissful emotion. Love is a combination of emotions which spark that special feeling we have toward someone. Describing love or the degree of love is akin to the scent of a rose, different for everyone.

With this piece we see some of the darker aspects of love, yet they glow just as bright and powerful.


*Star*Suggestions:
~If one were so inclined, punctuation could be added to the piece for depth and perception. Left without, one is apt to race down the page through the lines, missing some of the intended emotion. Carefully placed punctuation, add pause and reflection, creating an atmosphere charged with emotion.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
To me this is a brilliant look at love. For what is the good, without the bad. It simply is. Taking a look from another perspective, opens the eyes so that one can see what is truly before them, before it is too late.


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Review of Rubber-Made  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Bionic Possum Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:

A satire piece on grocery store shopping. I really don't know how to better sum this up. I had a good laugh reading this, it went from the farmer to the market, then kind of stayed in place watching people shop. It was filled with humor, wit and had me laughing.


*Star*Suggestions:
~starting a sentence with a conjunction but or and creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles

~If wanting $20 more than the total of $13.57, the total would have been $33.57.

~ A good addition to this piece would be the face of the customer in line ahead of you who is purchasing wine and a pregnancy test, as the cashier asks them "How are you today?", this often gets quite the varying response. Then there are those who get both Trojans and the pregnancy test.....


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
Being in the retail business for nineteen years now, I found this to be a very humorous read. At first I was appalled at the fact one would consider Walmart or Target a grocery store. These two retail giants have been long known for far more before ever breaking in to the grocery side of the business. These Superstores now have a small market on grocery items as well though so we will let this slide for now.



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1097
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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celticvampire Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
To me this is a short rant to another who is trying to but in and cause problems among a family. This poem appears full of anger and awareness.


*Star*Suggestions:
~Consistently throughout the three verse poem there is punctuation and capitalization, but not always where there should be. For instance, line one and two go together with the punctuation at the end of line two, therefore line two shouldn't be capitalized, yet line three should be due to punctuation in line two.
Errors like this are consistent through the next two verses as well.

~ The last line of verse two, I would suggest substituting than for then.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This to me sounds angry. I liked that this was about someone standing up to protect the family.



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1098
1098
Review of Crew Welcome  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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PoeticFox Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
The Next Generation Poet Society now has a welcome page. This is an introductory piece letting newcomers know just what is expected of them.


*Star*Suggestions:
Though the requirements ask so little, they only have to notify the group when a new poem is posted, there is no link or notification of where to go to notify the group. Is there a forum for all to post in, or do we send out an email??


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
This sounds like something I may be interested in, I request information on where to join.


*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
I didn't see a place where I could sign up.....




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1099
1099
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
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greenghost Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
Lost and down on his luck, Sam (as I choose to call him) has asked for help from some of the locals, who pointed him in the direction of the sheriff's office. The sheriff knows everyone in these parts and he is the one who can help Sam out.

*Star*Suggestions:
~ When awakened by the sheriff, and asked for Id, perhaps some added information is needed. I can think of only one instance where that is believable, and that would be if the voice of this short piece were to be a transient sleeping somewhere out in the public or where they are unwelcome. Not all people will make this connection, so something needs added to represent why the sheriff is asking for identification.


*Star*What I liked about this piece:
To me this is a story, or will be, about getting back on your feet. I see this piece as the tale of one who has suffered much and is now fighting to reclaim life.

*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
To me, as it reads, I feel this is more of a rough draft for a much larger piece. I can see this with a lot of real time information added as the story progresses from the wake up call to the old farm.

Reading it now, it is a lot of information fragmented together. You get the jist of the piece, however more detailed information would improve upon this and turn it into a real treasure.


*Star*Why I rated this so:

I felt this still needs lots of work done to it. The fragmented structure lacks depth and emotion which can improve this piece. The layout has merit and I will gladly return to re-rate and review upon further editing.
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1100
1100
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Venton Author Icon

*Star*Brief Summary:
An action packed sequence of events that end in a fight, this tale begins with a troubled youth on the run and some shadows that follow him every step of the way.


*Star*Suggestions:
~When a character speaks inside of his or her head, as in thoughts nobody else hears, then the dialog is usually in italics to better represent this and set it out from other dialog. When not using the italics and other dialog is present then it gets confusing for the reader.



*Star*Areas that I had trouble with:
~ The last few paragraphs were rough reading for me. One, though used as an expression at times, when fighting the terminology " hands tied up, literally to me meant his hands were tied with something. Therefore, when reading the fight sequence I had to re-read it another time to figure out the author intended the phrase, not the actual position of being tied together. I would suggest some alternate wording there. Or add the fact " tied up in a sequence of follow through ...whatever, punches, opposing punches, ....

~In addition, the last two paragraphs contain sentences which include the words forward and toward each used twice in a sentence. Instead of "shoving forward, he moved forward, " (an example)you could say "shoving him, he fell or stumbled forward"


*Star*Why I rated this so:
Though this is well written, toward the end there were a few rough patches that need ironed out.

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