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Review of God Only Knows  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*




Hi Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon;
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short story "God Only Knows" Open in new Window.. I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
This story brought tears to my eyes. This girl is clearly in over her head and she wants to break free from a bad situation. At the moment she needs it the song comes on her Spotify account.


Characters:
A seventeen year old girl is trying to break free from a bad situation.


Setting:
A late night diner - a greasy spoon.


Plot:
A young girl, Beth, goes into a late night diner to get some food and be out of the elements. She is fighting an addiction to crack. She's doing so to make a healthier way for herself and her unborn child.
She encounters music that gives her hope... and later, after she closes herself off into the bathroom she finds a phone number for a woman who is willing to help.

While she is at the diner, Ken strides in. Her 'fragile peace' vanishes and dread envelops her. I like the contrast of the characters here.

He tires to convince her that he can protect her and that she is better off with him, but she knows he is only lying

when he doesn't get his was by being charming, he turns cruel and tries to scare her into coming back with him.

Feeling ill sends her to the washroom - away from him. And this is where she finds the card to contact Jody Schwartz (may the schwartz be with you - sorry that's my own weird sense of humour)


Favourite Part:
The song - I love the version done with Dolly Parton - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFiyEFmIXvA


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.


Additional Comments:
I appreciate the link to the song and the bolded links to get help.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!






-💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon, judge for the "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "Arcobia's Mistake" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author IconMail Icon;

It's 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your Protagonist's backstory as you entered it in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I still have to write mine... though I am still working on the same novel as last year so I have to generate an new scene from my character's history.

Acrobia is an interesting name. I have an image of a rather small dragon - this is my impression only because my mind kinda rhymes it with Microbial. Crazy is my middle name....

I believe this OctoPrep assignment is to share the protagonist's background story. You have told yourself the story. And I believe it is important to tell yourself the backstory to know where you are going when you write you novel.

But for the contest, I would love you to show me more of the story. Let me get to know your character in the scene you create. Bring it to life with details and emotions. Don't try to tell everything. Focus in on one part and bring it to life.

Does that make sense?

I find when I do the assignments for OctoPrep I do them for me. So if your story is new and blossoming, then telling the tale is where you are at. I applaud you. Keep going. You have something special here.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Giving Thanks  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games Author IconMail Icon;

It's 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as I pushed the Read and Review button on the side of the site and your item popped up.

Thank you for giving the explanation for a Huitian with its eight lines and eight syllables per line. That makes it easier to give a review - as I am not an expert of poetry - though I do love it so.

You managed to get the eight lines to convey your thanks for being free. The rhyming pattern also works, but I found I had to say money a little differently to get it to rhyme with free. But it works.

Thank you for sharing your work. I look forward to reading more.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Once Upon a Time  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Twiga Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your "Once Upon A Time" piece. I found your piece when I pressed the read and review button at the side of the site. You get extra gift points this month if you do this. Curious if you are still writing with the site or on hiatus? I do hope you are still writing.

I was also curious if this was about a very depressed person who just can't manage a day.... or is it 'story' about not a thing really not happening. A sad tale really because the day sounded like a fabulous day and they missed it all. You do an nice job describing the details of the day.

Wishing you an awesome 2024 and hope you keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jo Paynter Author IconMail Icon;

Welcome to Writing.com. I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as I clicked on the button on the side panel (its a great way to earn extra gift points *Bigsmile*) Your poem popped up with a 45 minute time period to read and review - that's how that button works.

I really liked this piece. I can feel the yearnings of the boy and his mother waiting and watching for the lobster fishing boat to come home... to make it through the foggy mist.

I love the last stanza:

The boat take shape
The motor rumbles
As it slips into the sheltered harbor.
Daddy's home again.


You craft a poem full of sensory details that bring the image of your telling into my mind. Well done.

I notice you joined only a bit ago, but you have several pieces already in your portfolio. Well done. Don't hesitate if you have any questions.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Unseparated  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Bodhisattwa Parekh Author IconMail Icon;

Welcome to Writing.com. I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I found your review using the read and review button on the side panel of the site.

Overall, I found your story heartwarming in its charm.

Suggestions:
I would be inclined to add in more spacing to give your piece more white space. Readers are more inclined to read your work if it is spaced out. Packed in dense like it is makes it a challenge to read... especially when I am tired.

Spacing would also allow the reader to breath into your piece.

I like the ending. Well done. Thank you for sharing.

Keep writing.

Another suggestion and this is pure opinion on my part, I would not say a group of rapists. It could be one rapist, but then I don't see rapists going to the trouble of breaking in to someone's house to rape them. I would be inclined to say a group of burglars with nefarious intentions... but it can be as simple as a burglar.

The fact that they cat protected her from invading bad guys works for me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Of Dreams  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi No Sox with Sandals Author IconMail Icon;

It's 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short piece of prose as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

Well, that was rather a hot read... and then it ended. Dang it.

It looks like the contest has a word count of up to 969 words. You could easily go on and not leave this poor reviewer starved for more.

But I enjoyed what I read and I wish you luck in the contest.

My only suggestion and this is only my opinion, is the 'baby hairs' at the edge of her hairline. That tossed me out of the story for a bit, but I quickly made my way back and found myself intrigued.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi JACE Author IconMail Icon;

Wow. The imagery you create is very dramatic and authentic. I loved your take on how depression affects a person's partner. I am a child of a depressed mother. My experience is different from yours. I found your poem's experience to resonate at a level of deepness.

A child is at the whims of a parent with depression, but a partner. That has its own shattering effects or is it affects... both I suspect. I never wondered what my father experienced - it was the seventies in Northern Ontario - things weren't discussed. Therapy if you could get it was 30 minutes once a month and my father refused to go when things got rough.

But reading this poem's account of such a situation breaks my heart - as now I am an adult looking back and wondering at all that went on and why my Father may have become unfaithful... things seemed to fall apart after I was born.

This is a beautiful poem. The emotion drips from each anguished word. It is poignant. Thank you so much for sharing it and I wish you all the best in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Yes, redbuds sing  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon;

I hit the read and review button on the side of the site and your poem from 2005 came up. It's often nice to be reminded of these little gems you once created. When you read it over now does it seem like your work or are you stunned by the potency of something like this being in your portfolio. I am always stunned and pleased that these little gems are there. Looking back I can think 'hey, I am a pretty good writer'. Rarely do I cringe at the pieces that have stayed so long in my portfolio.

That said, I will say I enjoyed this... and I didn't realize you had been here on this site so long.

Your poem has a distinct ryming pattern of the first two lines of each stanza rhyming, but the last does not.

I enjoyed your word choices and the images you portrayed.

I took the time to lookup the Redbuds as I was not sure what it looked like. It would be nice to add a notes section with a link to the tree's picture. It would also be nice to have a note regarding the type of poem you crafted. These are things you probably do now.

Having seen the picture of the tree the poem seems that much sweeter than when I first read it. Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more of you work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden Author IconMail Icon;

I pressed the read and review button on the side panel of the Writing.com website and lo and behold your piece came up for me to review.

So here I am, 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon.

I found this an interesting wee piece. Jimmy and the bean... I wonder what adventures he has way up there in the sky, but this story is about how he found that seed and how he planted it.

It was an interesting read. I enjoyed the style you chose to use to tell this story:
"And now it’s up to you. I can confirm that, the next morning, when Jimmy went to check on the bean, he was confronted with a beanstalk that reached up to the sky. And I can tell you that he climbed up that beanstalk until he disappeared with it into the blue of its immense height. And I also have to report that he was never seen again.

But this is all hearsay. It’s up to you whether you believe it or not. And that, of course, is entirely a matter of choice."

It has a newspaper reporter kind of vibe to it.

It looks like this was written to a prompt during the Game of Thrones Challenge. I do hope you did well with the piece.

Hope your enjoying the Birthday Celebrations going on this week.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Viral Lovers  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Spud Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your 500 word dialogue piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

Once I got over the 'oh my God am I too old to understand this' thought and read the piece all the way through I got the idea and had a good chuckle.

On a second reading it made a lot more sense. Your mind works in curious, fun ways. Never thought of AI and viruses getting it on before. I have a whole new view of that sort of thing.

You are right on 500 words. Well done. I do like your take on the prompt: SEPTEMBER PROMPT/ You're infected with a virus that does not harm but talks to you for 2 weeks. This could generate some very cool dialogue stories. I may have to check out some of the other entries and see how they tackled this prompt.

I don't think I will take on this contest. I am trying to tackle the Writer's Cramp, daily blogging and the Masquerade Party. I have been enjoying your entries over on the Masquerade forum. It is my first time tackling that one.

I did not see any spelling or grammar issues.

I wish you well in the contest.

Enjoy the birthday celebrations to your heart's content.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Timeframe  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon;

I noticed that you won the Writer's Cramp contest and wanted to read and review your piece to see what a winning piece may contain.

I really enjoyed your piece. I loved the idea of getting those 10 hours back. I think you handled the prompt rather well and applaud your work.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Enjoy the rest of the birthday celebrations. Congratulations.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Emptyness  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi law Author IconMail Icon;

I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece.

Welcome to Writing.com. I see you only joined our merry band a couple of days ago. Congratulations on posting your first piece. I remember doing that... 11 years ago now. This is a fabulous site to test your writing mettle. Read others, review others and get your own stuff reviewed - that is how you learn. I believe there are groups within Writing.com that can help guide you. I believe there are also groups here that are focused on fantasy writing.

I do hope you will take advantage of the birthday celebrations going on. That's how I got hooked. And don't be afraid to ask questions.

Just a note. If you leave spaces between your paragraphs it gives white space that allows the reader to breath. When the piece is compact like you have it, it may be overlooked as being to much to read. Does that make sense?

Point 1: There is a lot of information packed into this small paragraph. Being one who does not read fantasy and is not familiar with such big names I will give my opinion only. Please take what resonances with you and discard anything else. I was a little confused by who is who to start.

There is a lot of telling in this story. I would slow down the pace and open it up by showing. You can do that by using dialogue. Instead of telling me about the discussion, show me with the dialogue and character cues that tell me more about the uniqueness of each character.

I think you have the premise of a good story here. It is very densely packed with details. It is too big to be a short story. If it becomes a novel, I would say these details are more for you as you get to know your character. Your reader doesn't need all the backstory all at once. Break it up.

I am curious about the numbered editing on your piece. I have never seen that before and I find it interesting.

I do hope you will stay at it and keep learning. I have grown in confidence and in skill ability over my time here on Writng.com. I hope you will take advantage of all it has to offer. I'd stay with the Newbie groups to get your feet wet, then branch out from there.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with my review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Strychnine Author IconMail Icon;

Welcome to Writing.com. I noticed you joined not even a month ago. I do hope you partake in all the Birthday celebrations have to offer. It really is the most exciting time of year here as WDC.

That said, I am here to provide a review of your poem Labyrinth of Shadows. I was very impressed. I was bound by your words and pulled into that confined space with the poet. Luckily I could escape.

I am not a professional so please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything that does not resonate with you. This is only my opinion as a creative who loves to write.

I believe your poem to be free verse. That is my favourite kind. It follows the mind of the poet and goes where they go. There is no rhyming pattern that I see.

That first verse really sets the stage for the piece. It draws you in and the sensory details make the room come alive so that you are there within that space, feeling all the coldness.

I love the language you used.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work. I do hope you enjoy your time here at Writing.com. I have been here since March of 2013. Don't hesitate to ask any questions. If I don't know I can direct you as best as I can.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Manic Monday  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Purple Catching Up Author IconMail Icon

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I really liked this poem and found it flowed and bounced along nicely until the last line. There was something in those last two lines that jarred me out of full enjoyment. I couldn't quite figure it out until I changed it in my head:

I changed the last line to 'don't you?' in order to hold with the rhyming pattern and the flow of the piece.

When I did that it sang.

This is only my opinion. I also noticed you snuck this in at the last minute... I've done that too. Well done for getting the 160 characters. I would suggest putting that detail in a notes section at the bottom of your poem... that would explain your use of like me versus don't you - 6 versus 8 characters. When I put in into my word counter it came out at 159 character. Sweet!

What a cool challenge - 160 characters. I'm sorry I missed the poetry week at the Writer's Cramp.

Thank you for sharing your work and good luck in the contest. I look forward to reading more of your work as the year progresses.
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In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Purple Catching Up Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your flash fiction piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

When I finished this piece I wanted to swear... for the poor bugger and all his hard work. I can so relate to this person and their fix it job. I have always been amazed at how some people can fix anything and seem to know exactly what to do. I am clumsy and at a loss most of the time when it comes to fix it repairs.

When you do fix something and you are successful, it is an amazing feeling. But still I don't bother to try as I know I am not that savy.

At least this person had there shoes on.

I really liked how you worked in the required words.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish you luck in the contest.

I look forward to reading more of your work as the year progresses.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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for entry "Animals" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your blog post as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

Animals was the topic of your blog. I love animals too. Cats are my particular favourite, but I love all and have also had a dog at one point in time. For my family we made it 3 weeks before adding another fuzzy friend to our family. We knew we could not replace our other cats, but not having a cat around left the house feeling empty and hollow. So we went from have two old cats - 18 and 19 years old to a 5 year old black tabby.

I hear what your saying about the responsibilities. Our 18 year old girl was diabetic so that meant needles morning and night and she was a scary cat so only my mother and I could give her the needles. It meant that we could not both be gone at the same time. I loved her dearly though. When she did pass away there was a freedom in not having to do the needles or follow her around with puppy pads - just in case she had an accident.

We are lucky to have a fenced in yard and it is a relief to know the cat can go out and explore and not escape beyond the fence line. He loves it.

Animals are like family. They cannot be replaced and they add so much love and affection to your world. The health benefits of having an animal in your midst is also wonderful. I am sure that one day you and your wife will get your dream of another pet... and who knows, maybe that farm.

I live close to a farmers market and love to go talk to the animals they have in the petting area. I feel so good after a little animal intervention. And yes, I do talk to the animals like they are human.... I'm not crazy - my mother had me tested. *Bigsmile*

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Marla Drake  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Purple Catching Up Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I really enjoyed this story. I was pulled in from the beginning sentences. You did well to capture the mood and feelings of the character. I am rooting for her all the way.

I liked the feeling your generated in me as well. This character seems strong in her own right. The panther suit just amplifies her strength. I appreciated that.

I love how you worked in the prompt - As she spun around, her blood-red cape floated behind her. It had me smiling as a memory from The Incredibles came to me about superheroes not wearing capes... but that's not part of this story...

I found only one spot that threw me out of the story: taking a chance that this particular thief had been encouraged to try once again.
Only a small typo. Easily fixed.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this story. I wish you luck in the contest. It was very well written and I suspect you will do well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

This was a quirky wee tale. I enjoyed reading it. You managed to integrate the bolded words seamlessly into the piece and create an interesting collection of characters.


I found a few areas which could have been minor slip-ups in editing: A quick read aloud would catch these moments:
Into this strangeness, a car pulled up and three friends got out.
You need to get away from this place. Don't come around here around here anymore. Go away!"

I also noted a few spots that could have used some tweaks:
A space here:
"Here we go again," said the cat, "Yes, I talk, but what exactly is spectral activity?"
"Well," said Professor Venkman, if the wizard does appear again tonight. "I want to get a reading of its spectral signature."

And a deletion here:
"People," he called out in a loud voice, "depart from this place!"
,"
"Here that?" said Sam. "He wants us to depart from this place. Let's go!" But nobody else was budging

The ending was plausible, but it seemed a bit abrupt... I didn't see the police arrive, just someone calling for them to be taken away. Maybe a line to have the police arrive would fix this oversight.

Overall a good story. I wish you luck in the contest and look forward to reading more of your work as the year progresses.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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for entry "Purple Haze" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle Author IconMail Icon;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing you poem as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I love the Express It In Eight challenge. I have generated some pretty great poems with their prompts. I missed this one. You have done a wonderful job crafting things of a purple colour. I particularly like Harold's Crayon.

I also like the picture you added. It is quite mesmerizing.

My only critique is with your use of capitals. In the first line 'Which' is capitalized and it seemed odd. I could understand Majesties. And also all your lines begin with a capital except for 'shares' in the fourth line. Nothing wrong with it... it just seemed like a shattered use of them. Personally I like capitals at the beginning of each of my lines.

I like your rhyming of list and amethyst. I like the rhyming, but I couldn't seem to get saw and galore to follow that pattern of rhyming.

Overall, I liked this cute wee poem. Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi No Sox with Sandals Author IconMail Icon,

It's 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your wee poem as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

In 12 short lines you manage to capture the essence of dreams as they trip through our minds each night as we sleep.

I liked the imagry. Discombobulated like a dream itself, yet it had me smiling as the way it played out.

"unicorns and tanks
flying on your pillow"

I know that when I wake from a dream I am off kilter as I try to make sense of the images that come at me, but is there a real meaning within the oddity of those images? There must be, but in the blink of an eye the images are gone and soon the feeling of being off kilter fades as I right myself into the reality of being awake.

I applaud you for catching that shift - "resolving into a reality
unreal but so very close"

I enjoyed reading this poem and I thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good luck in this poetry challenge.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Prodigal 2424  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi KingsSideCastle Author IconMail Icon;

I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your Writer's Cramp Earth Day entry.

It's sad to think this could be a thing... if we don't pull ourselves together and do something. I really like the concept of this story.

You did a good job or incorporating the words. It is always nice to bold them to let the judges know you have covered all of them.

There were a few times I fell out of the story: A few minor edits could tighten things up.

"They did try to reverse course once they new." should be 'knew'.

"create recycle bins to conserve resources material." I think this would be better as 'creating'.

I was also thinking that "It was a completely different time. The planet really sustained us at that point. She gave us food, water, shelter before she became uninhabitable." would be stronger if the two astronauts talked of their ancestors as 'them' instead of 'us' to put distance into perspective.
'The planet really sustained them at that point. She gave them food, water...."

Thank you for sharing your piece. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more of your work as the year progresses.



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for entry "Evening Sirens" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle Author IconMail Icon;

I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your flash fiction piece "Evening Sirens" Open in new Window. as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I really liked this piece. The concept was fun. A young man is sucked into the local folklore of the Isle. He luckily survives his fate. I would have the fisherman pull him out of the water and up into his boat instead of talking to him on shore. That would emphasize the survival part.


'I woke up on a boat shore coughing.

"Easy lad. You just took a dive... you are so lucky you didn't hit the rocks below." A fisherman who had pulled me out out of the lake told me.'

There were a few other spots that pulled me out of the piece, but they were minor editing blips - I have mentioned them below.

I did notice a few spots that were probably simple misses in the edits:
"My eyes seemed to glaze of over." This needs to lose the 'of'

"A fisherman who had pulled me out out of the lake told me." Drop the second 'out'.

"he skeptic in me wanted to dismiss his words as folk lore but it was obvious what happened." The the work folklore is one word not two.

Beyond that I saw no spelling or grammar issues.

I wish you luck in the contest and look forward to reading more of your writing as the year progresses. Keep Writing.


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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JACE Author IconMail Icon,
I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your wee story as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2024 forum.

I have wee chuckle at this story. In a 110 words you manage to pack in quite a tale that I am sure happens on a regular basis between couples all over the world. I can even image it happening in Japan, India and France.

I love the way you worked in the prompt - You did that on purpose. Well done. My hat is off to you.

Thanks for sharing your story and I look forward to reading more of you work as the year progresses.


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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sum1 Author IconMail Icon;

I'm 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon and I found your poem when I clicked on the read and review link on the side of my WDC page. I like the randomness of the picks... and the extra gift points is a sweet treat as well.

I really enjoyed this poem. It told a story that is lovely and heartwarming. Feeding the masses of those in need when your family is late in coming and when they do finally make it they add their own food and continue to share in the bounty. I love that.

Your poem follows an aabb pattern and holds through each of the stanzas. Only one stanza - the last broke from this pattern. By then the story was nearing its close so it was not something to disrupt the read.

Thank you for sharing this piece. I do hope you continue to write and share your work. I see this is written in 2010... that is the beauty of the randomness of read and review - it picks up stuff and puts it out there - reminding the readers of the wonderful writing here at WDC, but also reminding the writers of the wonderful work they have shared over the years.

Have an awesome weekend.


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