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151
151
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello to you Tinker .

I am 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson and I am happily reviewing your collection of Cinqku poems. I find I like this style much more than the typical haiku poems with their 5-7-5 structure. I had to look up the link you gave in the notes - I do so appreciate it when that is done. I find I learn a lot that way. I am part of the Poet's Place Café as well, but I often don't get to try out the various forms as often as I would like.
I enjoyed reading your wee collection. I particularly like number one - about the coffee (I raise my cup of brew to you!) and number 4 - about the weather. That one allows me to experience the poem through my senses. We need rain here and I long to feel the fog and the calming chill.

I am not sure if this is a contest per se, but I loved reading all you had to share. If you are writing, that is the important part. Knowing this is allowed, makes me excited to try my hand at a few of the upcoming forms of the week. Happy writing and may your week be productive and pleasant. *Bigsmile*


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152
152
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ruwth ,

It's carly67. I get to review your piece this week for the I Write In 2018 forum.

Overall, I would say it was a pretty powerful piece and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
It made sense to me - inferiority being the spirit to hold the main character back. It really does have a way of wrecking havoc and we don't fully realize how much of our power it takes. It drains us in ways we would never expect.
I know that God's Power is strengthened whenever two or more pray together. I was listening to a program the other day that talked about Christians having slipped into this idea that they don't need others to be Christians, but God made us to work together for His Glory. We are his hands and feet, the body of Christ. We are not meant to be alone or to suffer alone. We are to come together.
I remember my mother saying, when I was only a child of 7 or so, that "we didn't need to go to church to believe in God", but I have come to find there is a lot to be said for being surrounded by like minded souls working for the betterment of those around them.
I can also understand where she was coming from... at the time I did not know the story. Now that I am older she has shared some of the pain she was going through at that time... it was much like your character. But she pulled away and so did I... for a long time. But age and experience has brought me back, though with my own marital breakdown I am in transition. Time will heal and I too will find a new church to call... home.
Best of luck in the contest and God Bless.


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153
153
Review of Failing Love  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to I Write in 2018.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit. I found this piece before mine in the I Write In 2018 forum.

Overall Impression:

I always enjoy your poems Ken and this one is no exception. I really like your take. You took Love to be more than simply the romantic kind. Instead you took it as that which binds mankind together and that resonated with me. The whole poem resonated for me. I will be returning to read this one again and aging.

Form:

I like that you wrote down the form in the dropdown notes at the bottom of your piece. That lets me learn a new form.
The Quintilla is a 16th century Spanish Quintain form of eight syllable (Iambic Tetrameter) lines. The rhyming scheme can vary in presentation, but only two consecutive lines may have the same rhyme pattern.
The second, fourth and fifth lines of each stanza are rhymed.

Techniques:

Enjambment is employed to give the poem an easy flow.
Excellent choices with your rhythms.

Favourite Lines:

Do I have to choose... I love it all. I have always been a fan of the concepts of dark and light and this poem speaks to that very well. For that reason I would have to say the first stanza is my most favourite... it sets the tone and pulls me in:

"Only in silence will you fail love’s test.
Love cannot flourish when kept from the light.
Ignoring our feelings about those oppressed,
we watch silently at our brother’s plight,
turning a blind eye to hatred’s dark blight."


Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar issues and you have used punctuation very well.

Additional Comments:

You so nailed this.... I am already considering what to write next month with your last line! *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of Her Nose Knew  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ♥tHiNg♥ ,
It's Carly. I found your entry before mine on the I Write In 2018 forum.

I just read your funny, yet gracious poem about a Basset Hound. I love those sweet dogs. We had one in the neighbourhood I used to live in and she was always happy to greet anyone she passed, even if she looked sad and mopey.... the happy tail told a different tale.

I enjoyed your poem. I think you captured the wonderfulness of these dogs. Always aware, but not too fussy about having to explore. She just noses. *Bigsmile*

Good luck in the contest.


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155
155
Rated: E | (4.5)
Most excellent of quizzes. Point of view tends to make me stumble. Thanks.
156
156
Review of Solitaire  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi. I quite like this. An OCD secret you say. Well, we all must do what we can to make each day worse.... and I like playing solitaire. Especially playing with real cards and not the computerized version. There is a real grounding to playing the game - a single, solitaire moment that allows you to find peace for a time. There is rhythm in the movements and in the cards... and that feeling of accomplishment when you manage to win.
Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading this little gem. Thanks.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Jeanie  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Genipher .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write 2018.
I have just read short story "Jeanie" , which I found when posted my own entry on the I Write forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I liked this piece very much. Both characters are drawn out, especially Jeanie herself.


Characters:
Jeanie and Ben. She is the genie from the bottle and he is an admirer from 40 years in the past.


Setting:
Having come out of the genie bottle she goes into the routine of telling him what he may not wish.


Plot:
Ben gets her out of her bottle and only wants one thing... when she will not give it, he asks to go with her. The pacing is done well.


Favourite Part:
I like how she wants to fuss over her appearance making her seems real, in a way.
She has a quiche that is burning and shows to watch. *Laugh*


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues of concern.


Additional Comments:
Good luck in the contest. It seems a clear winner to me.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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158
158
Review of Fashion Statement  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
Hey Ken, it's Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in 2018"  [E].
I have just read poem "Fashion Statement" , which I found when I posted my own entry to the forum for I Write in 2018 and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
As always Ken, you have a way with words and crafting them so divinely. A kind of literary 'fashion statement' of your own. Like the garments and accessories you describe, you use more than just mere words to piece together a 'look'. You always manage to create something unique and strong with something to say - it does more than simply look good, it has substance too. You can almost hear the haute couture within the words... particularly if you read them out loud.


Form:
Well, there are six stanzas of four lines each, They hold to the AABB pattern of rhyming. The form is strong and makes a statement, just as the fashions would. The words cling to the strong structure, yet they has a graciousness within the haute couture of the piece.


Techniques:
Enjambment is employed to give the poem a flowing cadence as the poem seems to converse with the reader.
I can almost see the poem speaking to me.
The rhyming words you have selected are strong and vivid. I had a wee laugh at (Like in tents) -which I could also read as 'intense' - something this 'character' of the poem embodies.


Favourite Lines:
Oh to choose, to choose... the last verse holds the most haughtiness for me and makes me smile.

Visionaries know I’m more
than boots or dresses in a store;
my glossy pride has no abatement –
I’m proud to be a fashion statement!


Suggestions:
I see no spelling of grammar issues of concern. You make good use of punctuation.
You nailed this!


Additional Comments:
I enjoyed getting a chance to review your work this week, Ken.
Loved this, each reading gave me a little more and I loved the voice of the poem - it had that 'ju ne se quoi' that many designers have.... and yes, I do love watching 'Project Runway'...

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review of An Early Morning  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Angel .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of I Write "I Write in 2018"  [E] and "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].
I have just read your poem "An Early Morning" , which I found when I posted my own entry to the I Write forum a few moments ago and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
First of all I like the picture. It looks quite cosy and I would love to climb back in... although I am not a fan of having my bed right at the window.I think I would prefer the view... but that is just me and has nothing to do with your poem.
So to the poem, whoa, not what I expected. No easy sleeps... they are jarred awake by something just not right. Sirens, lights and chaos. Seems today is a day of darker ideas because even my own piece I wrote turned darker.
Dark secrets hide behind the facades of other people's lives... things we generally never know unless something like this brutal act come out.
Overall, I would say I am left unsettled by this poem... must like I would be if I, too, had heard such a sound.

Form:
The pem is laid out in quatrains with the second and fourth lines rhyming.
Many of the rhymes work for me, but a few, like sill and quilt and soul and cold do not quite hit the mark.
Given the disturbing turn of this poem, I would say those rhymes that don't quite hit the mark are there to emphasize the situation. It is not a smooth, languid morning, but one of violence... the rhymes are meant to put the reader in a sense of juxtaposition... to throw them off balance.


Techniques:
There is enjambment used to give flow to the poem.

Favourite Lines:
The last three stanzas make things clearer for me. I feel the dis-ease of the day coming too soon and the bed being left unmade.

Suggestions:
I see no spelling issues. Grammar looks fine as well.

Additional Comments:
Good Luck on the contest you are entered in.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review of Contradiction  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angel ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of I Write "I Write in 2018" .

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I can so relate. I long for a nap now, but know I have far too much to do to let myself give in to curling up and letting myself slip away.... and even if I did manage to curl up my mind would play on what needs doing instead of letting me drift off into oblivion. That bit of rest I know could be refreshing and help to make the work I need to do go a lot easier, but I can't. I am far too stressed to let go. This poem captures that frustration.

Form:

You have chosen to write your poem in 5 quatrains with a rhyming pattern that follows the ABCB structure.
The first verse has beat of 8 in the first and third lines and 6 beats in the second and fourth lines.
The second verse is 7 beats in the first and third lines and 6 beats in the second and fourth lines.
The third verse follows neither of those, although the second and fourth lines are still six beats.
The last verse is similar to the first verse in terms of beats.

Techniques:

Enjambment is used to let the poem flow in a natural way.
Excellent word chose with the rhyming.

Favourite Lines:

The first and last verses sound the best to my ear.
I like the images that last vere conjures.

Suggestions:

When I read it, I pause after my brain and my life in the first verse... i wonder if there should be commas after brain and life.

Additional Comments:

I think you did an excellent crafting of this poem. Good luck in your contest.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration
161
161
Review of Thief of Hearts  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff masquerading as Deadpool ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to I Write for 2018 and "Poetic Exploration" .

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I enjoyed this lovely poem. Dark as it is, it tells a story that I am able to see and experience. This piece resonates with me. Well done.

Form:

You have chosen to use the Quatrain poem and you have held to the rhyming pattern (AABB) in a way that lets the story be told. A sad story, but one with universal appeal.

Techniques:

Most lines keep to 8 beats peer line and the rhyming is natural and unforced. You employ the double couplet of AABB as your rhyming pattern.
You use repetition to you repeat 'The cruel beast that stole her heart' and each rhyme that goes with heart is varied.

Favourite Lines:

I like the third stanza as it resonates with me. It strengthens the story of all going well and then the bottom falls out of it.

Suggestions:

This may only be me, but the second line stops me up... I am inclined to read it as "He's funny, so charming, and smart." I realize that is only a slight variation of what you have done, but to me 'so charming' is what pulls her in more than 'so funny'.

Additional Comments:

I believe it is a quatrain poem, not a quatem poem.
I wish you luck in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration ** Image ID #1939850 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Neva,
It's Carly. I get a chance to review your piece this week for I Write and it looks like we both wrote a flash fiction entry for the same contest. You had an interesting take... using twins and having one write a story while the other did his brotherly best to annoy her. Funny.
You did a good job getting the words in and remembered to highlight them... I had to go back and highlight after I saw yours.
Good luck on the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
163
163
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in December-January-February"  [E].
I have just read short piece "I Fell Down Yesterday" , which I found when I posted my Week #13 entry to the contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
This is lovely, Neva. I can see it clearly as you make your way through this land of rhyme. At first I thought it should be a field of time, but then I saw that I was wrong and the dimension you travelled to was truly one of flowers that rhymed. Hypnotic and captive was how I felt, just like your character.


Characters:
This piece is written in the first person. In a mere 326 words, we learn that this person has travelled through space and time and although she is lulled by the beauty of where she is, she is determined to get back to Earth and her own time and place.


Setting:
Your setting is beautifully described. Though your limited in your word count, you make a marvelous effort to convey a place that sings with life.


Plot:
The character has fallen through space and time and must find her way back to planet Earth. The place is beautiful and tempting to her senses but she manages somehow to find her way home.


Favourite Part:
"This morning a nightingale woke me up. Its song reverberating through my dreams. I listened to its melody while dawn's warm rays caressed my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes to the newborn day. I knew I had to find my way home. I had to find a portal back to earth, back to the planet of my birth."
The sensory aspects of this verse really speak to me - the song reverberating, the warmth of the sun.
I also love the freshness of the morning - having it be 'newborn'
I also enjoyed the rhyming of earth and birth as the place itself seems to seep into your system.


Suggestions:
My only stumble was when the Nightingale sang:
"I would lay upon my back listening to the stories that the rhyming roses told. I would listen to the nightingale sang while back on earth bees and birds were dying for the lack of unpolluted air."

I would listen to the nightingale sing or I would listen as the nightingale sang.



Additional Comments:
This is really a wonderful piece Neva. Good Luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️😎convalesce .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in December-January-February"  [E].
I have just read short story "Show up and win! " , which I found when I posted my own entry to the third week of the I Write contest forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Well, now I really know I never want to get a tattoo! A gripping wee tale.


Characters:
Ryan - willing to enter a contest for $1000
Lila - Ryan's wife
The strange man with the tattoo fetish... that he is willing to kill his victims to collect his tattoos.


Setting:
This is a dark tale.
The apartment Ryan and Lila live in sounds depressing - beer cans seem to be the only 'Christmas decorations'.
The address of 1 Drive Rodeo Side is beneath a subway with the lampposts flickering each time the subway passes - creepy and dark.


Plot:
For a contest, Ryan goes to see if he can be the 'winner'.
The tale is well paced and grips the reader. I was held, wanting to know what would happen.


Favourite Part:
I am not a huge fan of horror, but in small qualities, like your piece I can appreciate the tale.
I think you did a fine job painting the scenes and creating a dark tale.

Suggestions:
"It was then when he felt dizzy in his head." I don't think you need the words 'in his head' - the dizziness implies that.
I saw no spelling or grammar issues of concern.


Additional Comments:
This was a cool little piece - dark and tragic. I wish you well in the contest.
Have a merry Christmas... and don't entry any scarey contests that take you out of your house on Christmas Eve. *Bigsmile*


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
Review of Blog @ Work  
for entry "Letter to Cancer " 
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️😎convalesce .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR].
I have just read your blog entry "Letter to Cancer "  from book
BOOK
Blog @ Work  (18+)
Daily scribbles on writing and living. How to get rid of cobwebs in my brain. CLOSED.
#2086593 by WakeUpAndLive️😎convalesce
, which I found when I posted my own entry for week 10 of the I Write - August, September, October contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Oh, my. A powerful blog entry that personifies Cancer and its deadly grip. I am hoping and praying that it will not visit you this year for your checkup - or ever for that matter. Your fears are very real and I feel for you... I would do the same thing - putting it off, but I also know getting it over with may alleviate the unknown. Dealing with the reality of it is better than worrying about the unknown - no matter how hard it will be.
You say you have no support system and that saddens me.... I want to give you a hug and reassure you that you are not alone in this. I am also glad you shared this in your blog so that those of us who know this side of you can be there for you at least as words on the page can be sent and felt. Knowing someone will listen can sometimes be better than being around a ton of people who may be there, but don`t care.
You are strong in your decision to not have chemo. But I think it best to make that appointment and go because the worry is wreaking havoc on your system and you don't need that. Worry can be very debilitating - don't let it zap you.
Face this challenge with the strength I know you have... and you will come out of this knowing you can do this - no matter what the result.


Favourite Part:
I love the fact that you are speaking to Cancer like it is a person - personification is a great way to handle this and vent your thoughts and worries.


Suggestions:
Seeing as how this is a review I will point out one thing....
I see no spelling issues of concern.
"I am that of a chicken" is missing a word - "I am that much of a chicken"


Additional Comments:
Thank you for sharing this in your blog. Please keep us informed as to the outcome... prayers and good vibes are coming your way. Know that those of us reading and sharing our blogs are there for you - because we care. You are not so very alone after all. *Hug* *Heart*


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
166
166
Review of The Bush House  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️😎convalesce .
My name is 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in August-September-October" .
I have just read your short horror story "The Bush House" , which I found after I posted my entry into the I Write - August, September, October contest for Week #8 and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I am not a huge horror story person, but I enjoyed this little story. The knock knocking did make me nervous.

Characters:
We have two little girls - Cora and Vinny and their Teddy Bear.
I believe the girls are friends, but they could also be sisters - I am not sure about that though.
Mommy is discussed - "mommy won’t mind, she is entertaining that ugly Mr. What’s-his-name."

Setting:
The girls decide to leave their own rooms within the house and slip off to the Bush House or cabin.
The Bush house has an odd mirror in it - that is the point of entry between the two planes of existence.


Plot:
The pacing is well handled. The suspense ramps up as the story unfolds, but I am unclear as to what happens with the girls at the end. Are they safe? Can they go home? Where is mommy in all this burning of the cabin?


Favourite Part:
I like the knock knock part - that was scary.
I like the fact that the Teddy Bear is to protect them.


Suggestions:
I am curious about this line:
"In the center of the cabin Vinny was working the fireplace."
If it is a small place wouldn't the fireplace be against the wall or do you mean a wood stove - that could sit anywhere in the room.

I noticed a few typos:
the door handle did not butch - I believe 'butch' should be budge.

trying to open de door - 'de' should be the.

Inside the cabin the fire turned higher and higher" - I think 'turned' should be burned.

I am also not clear as to whether the girls and the Teddy Bear are okay? I know the cabin is gone, but are they or are they stuck in the mirror? Can they get home?

Additional Comments:
This is an interesting story. It does have some scary bits that are well paced. I wish you good luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi ZombeeLuv ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts"  and I Write - August, September, October.

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own writing voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your story is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I like the beginning - definitely a good hook into your story. You want to know who these people are and what happened to get them to this place.

Characters:

Shoshana - main character, a shapeshifter or werewolf? She is hurt and in the hospital after defending Teagan.
Teagan - has just learned she is a shapeshifter - a wood dragon? Also a princess.
Shay - office Shay - Shoshana's partner - I believe she is a witch.
Vales - comes to get Shoshana and Shay to take them to see Queen Raina
Queen Raina - Teagen's mother
Helena - Teagan's aunt?
The characters all seem interesting, but some of these connections are a little unclear. I almost feel like I am coming in on the end or middle of a story. "Unguardable Chapter" also makes me feel like I am missing something.

Plot:

The story begins after some kind of battle and Shoshana is hurt. Teagan is upet because she feels Shoshana has lied to her. The characters are clearly defined and the section is well paced.
In the second section we learn a bit more about Shoshana and her partner Shay. The pacing is well done.
The third section is meeting up with the Queen so that she can thank them for saving her daughter. Teagen confronts Shoshana to see if she means more than just a job. They seem to make up.

Favourite Parts:

Good hook.
I enjoyed the getting dressed while talking to Shay - going and talking moves the piece forward.

Suggestions:

I would say Shoshana and Shoshi are the same person but to be clear, I wouldn't shorten it down unless another character is saying her name.


"Shoshana could tell he smell just like Teagan" - smell should be smelled.

I didn't see any other spelling or grammatical issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

This is an interesting story with a great hook. Good luck in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


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168
168
Review of Tomorrow  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back! ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

The concept of 'fickle promises of tomorrow that hold us back from today' pulled me in while I was trying to decide which of your poems to review. It reminded me of something Shakespearean with the use of old language (thous dost). I found myself having to read it aloud to make my ear hear it rather than simply read it - which is often the case when I read anything similar.

Form:

There are six quatrains with a rhyming pattern of ABCB in all verses but two - the second one - for that the rhyme lands as ABCC, but it is with 'vain' and 'remains' with is a little off for me - but better if I read it out loud. And the last verse has each word rhyming.
Most lines have a beat of 8, except for 'From bowls inlaid with jade and silver' - it has nine and throws it off a bit in beat. The rest of the poem flows without issue or concern.


Techniques:

You personify Tomorrow so that she is a betrayer of things you long for, but don't get.
Alliteration - 'fickle friend's frivolous'
Enjambment -
'For thou hast delivered sweet lies
from bowls inlaid with jade and silver.'


Favourite Lines:

I particularly like the first verse:
"Tomorrow, thou dost betray me
For thou hast delivered sweet lies"
Tomorrow is personified.
I also like the fourth verse - as yesterday is also personified and leaves in a hasty way so as not to give the poet any comfort.


Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern.

Additional Comments:

The last verse reminds me of a saying my grandmother used to say:
Tomorrow never comes.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


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169
169
Review of Wonderland  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff masquerading as Deadpool ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I liked the effect of this poem, with each verse and the farther into the rabbit hole you traverse the darker and more ominous it gets - at first it's okay, then it's asking you to give up control and then you eventually give over your immortal soul.... chillingly sweet.

Form:

The rhyming pattern seems quite simple at first AABB, but as you move deeper into the poem (and down the rabbit hole) is gets more complex....
AabB ccbB ddbB AB
Oh, it's a Kyrielle sonnet ( I noticed at the tippy bottom) I do love that form. Nicely done.
The pattern also follows that the bB is dark and the Aacc are all light-hearted - but dd is twisted from shadows to dark...
"Arriving's easy to achieve,
Just don't expect to ever leave."

Techniques:

Repeated line of "Come deeper down the rabbit hole" almost has an ominous flavour to it.
The final rhyming couplet ties the good loveliness to the ominousness - 'wonderous Wonderland' and 'Come deeper down the rabbit hole.'
The patterns you follow with the light and dark throughout the piece is intricate and wondrously crafted.... like the poet himself is luring you into Wonderland! Well done you!

Favourite Lines:

"Release the anguish, hurt and pain,
And find your sense of awe again."
Temptation awaits!!!

Suggestions:

I see no grammatical or spelling issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

I am really impressed with this poem. The more I read of it the more I fall into its inexplicably dark beauty. I am curious how well you did in the contest. I know I entered it as well, but this one is much more than my contribution. A winner I would say.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
170
170
Review of I Wonder  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Diane ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

One decision can change a lifetime... but it must never hold you back... we must let go of the past and put the regrets to bed. They may want to haunt you, but do not give them the power to do so. You made a decision based on what was right for you at the time... my concern was if you had danced again, would you have had that bullet in you instead of him? I can feel your pain.

Form:

This poem has 14 lines. I am not certain of the form... but their is no rhyming pattern or consistent beats in each line. I would say it is a free verse poem.

Techniques:

enjambment was employed to give the good a natural flow.
Alliteration is used - time togehter

Favourite Lines:

'Our time together was over,
my dance card full.
I didn't have the energy,
or the heart to go round again.
So I said no, and shut the door,
choosing to save myself.'
I think this woman at the time was feeling like she'd had enough and needed to save herself from this dance of destruction that this man brought with him. I am glad she asserted herself... but I also know that with each time a woman asserts herself she also feels responsible for the person she has turned down - it is part of our socialization, I think. In that I can see why she feels badly for saving herself and 'hiding'. Now she is left with wondering if she could have made a difference.... and I think she did the right thing - she saved herself instead of dooming the both.
We always wonder if we can save the lost, but we can't always...

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues.

Additional Comments:

What will be will be. Taking a stand and asserting ourselves is not wrong. We all wonder if we did the right thing, but I find if we listen to our small inner voice telling us to save ourselves... then we need to listen. Wondering, but at least you live on.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
171
171
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Joy, Happy 24th, WdC! ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own writing voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your work is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I am not sure if I have ever had the pleasure of reading anything of yours out beyond your blog... so here I am and I was drawn into this article. The title appealed to me as does the topic.

Favourite parts:

"Deep-writing is more than entertaining or even establishing a conversation with the reader, because it begins by going deep into one's own being, which brings us to the subject of self-awareness. Self-awareness is veering away from our idealized selves into whatever lives inside our shadows. This undertaking is a brave venture that each serious writer needs to take on, to face his moral problems because moral problems lead to moral choices, and then, to successful work." This reflects what I mention later in the Additional Comments section - I like the idea of establishing a communication, or connection, with the reader... to make the connection one must be prepared to have something important to say. Self-awareness is key. It is looking at people and characters as full embodiments of both good and bad - the perfections and the flaws - because we are all imperfect and can relate far easier to a character that is a reflection of humanity versus a cutout model of ideals.

I also like the bulleted how-to points. They seem straight forward... but a little awe-inspiring. I think I will need to read more deeply to learn to write more deeply. Both seen to go hand in hand.

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern.

Additional Comments:

I am currently reading Nina George's book The Little Paris Bookshop. I thought it was going to be a light read... but suddenly I find myself reading with pencil in hand marking up the passages that speak to me and writing notes in the margins. This is how I read books with more depth and books that honour my needs at the time.
Her character, Jean Perdu, is a literary Apothecary - essentially he talks to people and is able to find them books that help to heal their souls. The greatness of that concept is that this book, I feel, is doing just that - healing my own love battered soul... and I am loving every word of it. Good books, ones that reach out with that kind of power at the right moment in time, have a way of touching the universal and pulling us deeper than just the basics of the story. I truly agree books can heal and support us - you don't have to read a self help book.... the right book, regardless of the genre can heal if it connects on a deeper level.
Your article addresses the issue of how an author may do that... it also has me wanting to try my hand at reading Of Human Bondage again - maybe now is a better time for me to delve into what Maugham is writing about. Sometimes a book is good, but it is not the right time for that person. The circumstances need to be just right to make the spark connect.

Thank you for sharing your article. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
172
172
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

You never fail to make me smile... or even laugh outright. I loved this poem and I am so glad you could take something as frustrating as a snowstorm and turn it into something so great to read and enjoy. Thank you so much for that!

Form:

There are ten verses of four lines each followed by a rhyming couplet. You also have a rhyming pattern of AABB. Each line holds to a 8 beat pattern as well.

Techniques:

Enjambment was used give the poem good flow.
Good images and excellent humour!
Word choice was well mastered.

Favourite Lines:

Where do I start.... I love it all.
"I stopped for gas and then for food as the radio told me "You're screwed" - that had me giggling.
"Common sense too soon departed
the moment that the first flakes started" Oh, how absolutely frustrating that is - even yesterday when a few big raindrops fell a guy four cars up decided he better creep along... we wound up doing 40 Km/h in an 80 km/h zone - I was ready to get out and go hit him... and I am a pretty calm person myself... but come on!!!! It was rain, not snow - and we are Canadians!!! We're the ones that yell "Hold my Timmies. I got this!" whenever the snow gets deep and fun to slide around in! Donuts is the snow!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/44/28/a6...

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern. Excellent use of punctuation.

Additional Comments:

You capture the moment and emotions so well. Taking a situation that could boil most people's emotions and turn it into a tale to giggle and laugh about - after the fact.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi nfdarby,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "WdC Kind Hearts" . I also wanted to thank you for being part of the Virtual Trip to Europe - it is always a pleasure with you along.

*Flowerw* This is review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*



It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I really enjoyed this poem. It combines the wonderfulness of nature with the writer's lovely muse. You did a masterful job of working the required words into the poem seamlessly.

Form:

You chose to have 5 stanzas; varying the lengths so that the first, third and fourth verses are 4 lines and the second and last verses have only 3. There is no rhyming pattern, yet the poem flows over the tongue.

Techniques:

This poem is highly sensual in that you employ the senses of smell, sound, and sight. You images are painted with beautiful strokes and I am drawn into the poem as if I am right there with you experiencing it in all its glory.

Favourite Lines:

I love the imagery you conjure - 'silver splendor of the rising moon', 'Cast grey shadows across rolling green hills', 'inhale musky aroma of centuries of fallen leaves'

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar issues to cause concern.
My only suggestion is purely that... I would change "Down my back" to "Down my spine" and catch some lovely 's' sounds as you read - 'Down my spine, raise goosebumps on my arms'

Additional Comments:

I really enjoyed this poem and the images it evoked. I love how the muse takes an adventure each night traveling across the universe. The impact is huge.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
174
174
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay O'Toole ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to "I Write in August-September-October" .

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

Celebrating a 30th Anniversary - now that is impressive in itself. Congratulations! It sounds like you had a wonderful time, despite the mosquitoes. It sounds like a wonderful, tranquil place... this Little Saint Simons Island.

Form:

There are 7 stanzas of four lines each and a rhyming couplet to end it.
I found it interesting that verses 2 - 6 had rhyming patterns of ABAB and the first verse only rhymed the second and fourth lines, while the 7th verse only rhymed the first and third lines - oh no that was me reading it as 'lissi' when it should be said L S S I and then it rhymes with goodbye.

Techniques:

"As sleepy eyelids close" is a favourite line and it also has a lovely "ssss" sound - it is not alliteration (that is at the beginning), it does not have assonance (that is vowels) and what it is I can't remember the name of... but you employ it well in this line.

Favourite Lines:

I like that whole 5th verse - I can see the people sitting about toasting each other and telling tales into the night.

Suggestions:

I see no grammatical or spelling concerns.

Additional Comments:

I do wish you well in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing. Good luck in the contest.



Sig for Poetic Exploration Image #1939850 over display limit. -?-


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175
175
Review of Sarah Finds Home  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I quite liked this little piece. A story in six lines.

There was a character - Sarah

She had a problem - To find her way home

The solution - stay in one place and wait for her Dad to find her.

I loved the sensory bits - her Dad's truck always skipping on the third beat.

I have not heard of this contest. I wish you the best of luck. I certainly the the capsulized tale.


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