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176
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked this poem. Irrational fear of a toddler... has me thinking of my friend's fear of spiders... and she's fifty today! Some things we just never get over... they may diminish or we may be able to copy (like my fear of bees) but they are always there below the surface ready to take our sanity in a moments notice. Well done. Keep writing.
177
177
Review of Write Stuff  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dave ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to "Poetic Exploration"  and The Poet's Place (not sure if there is a discussion forum or not).

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

Your portfolio is packed with lots of wonderful poems. I choose one on the more simpler side tonight as my head is feeling a little wobbly. It is also one that speaks to the writer/poet in me. I can so relate to the obsessive need and persistence to follow your goal.

Form:

Three verses with a rhyming pattern of AABBA. You hold to the pattern... though I find the second and third verse to have more variety than the first. There is just a lot of 'stuff' in the first verse.... though it works just fine.

Techniques:

I am forgetting some of my poetic terms....

Favourite Lines:

The second verse is my favourite. It deals with the emotions that all writers and poets face... struggling to make our stuff good enough.

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar issues.

Additional Comments:

I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



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178
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem! I can feel your love as I read the piece. I wish you both well.
Your bio said you don't write as much anymore but enjoy reviewing. I appreciated the review you gave me and popped into to appreciate some of your work. It is lovely. Stay happy.
179
179
Review of Book Club  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Professor Q .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - September, October, November.
I have just read short piece "Book Club" , which I found when I posted my own Week 12 entry to the forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I love the tone and style of this piece. Mystery and a twist. You held me wondering as I read it... what is Book Club? I enjoyed what you made of it. Curious what the prompt was... I will definitely be checking it out.


Characters:
Robert (Bobby)
Marsha
Zach
G - the anal leader of the group.
All the characters were crafted very authentically even within the confines of 1000 words. Well done.


Setting:
Going from Bobby apartment across town to another place where Book Club with meet. I enjoyed Bobby's dislike of the subway and your word choices - staying topside.


Plot:
The mystery of Book Club is revealed in slow trickle that captures the readers interest. Am I right in assuming they are writing a television script for some really popular show with superheroes and such. I think you moved the plot along very well. Holding the reader.


Favourite Part:
I like how you painted the characters - G: What happens in book club stays in Book Club. Marsha: written notes are kept in a safe. Bobby's computers. The only one not as defined this way is Zach, but that is okay.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. I believe it is a well told tale.


Additional Comments:
Good luck on the contest... I am not sure what the actual prompt is but I am intrigued enough to go have a lookie.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


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180
180
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi weirdoe28.
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - September, October, November.
I have just read short story "The Wonderful Gift" , which I found when I posted my own entry to Week 4 of the I Write contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Curiousity had me going to check out the picture prompt. I have to say you did an interesting job following the prompt. I felt a sadness that comes with girls feeling like they need to do something so radical for their weight. I was also pleased that she came to her senses at the end.


Characters:
The Princess Esmerelda - who gives the gift of the finger and all it encapsulates.
Regina - the youngest sister who saves the day and encourages her sister to be more active - a much healthier way to maintain and lose weight.
The main character is Maria. It is her birthday.


Setting:
The castle which is home to the three girls. Within the castle, Maria's room, the kitchens and the party are accented.


Plot:
The plot had elements that disturbed me... but that was your intent... painting the dark side of an eating disorder. I found I did not like Esmerelda... she needs help, but I get the impression that the staff see her as all high and mighty - grateful she dos not stay for the party.
I thought the plot played out well.


Favourite Part:
I like the hiding element of opening the gift from Esmerelda in private. I also like that Regina saves her and gets her back on a healthier track.


Suggestions:
¨Look who´s here,¨ said Esmerelda rolling her eyes. Perhaps because they were so far apart in age, Esmerelda and Regina had never gotten along well. And now that Esmerelda was away, they hardly spoke at all.
I like the beginning of this... but I find you can stop after rolling her eyes. I prefer to learn about their relationship as it plays out in the dialogue versus the telling part. Your dialogue does a good job of painting their relationship.
Also one space was missed after Esmerelda speaks and Regina speaks... it tripped me up because I had to reread to make sure they were two different speakers.


Additional Comments:
Overall it is a good piece. Good luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


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181
Review of time to unwind  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Impressive Rhyssa ! You managed to use all 10 of the phrases in a way that makes them all sound good. From reading this, I am thinking you may have had another rough day... either way, your poem is wonderful and I applaud you for a job well done.


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182
Review of Ysangra  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh Rhyssa I quite like this poem. You speaking about your planet was a cool way to convey the images and description. The only thing missing was your name. I think we were supposed to put that in... for me it was an afterthought... kind of a hiccup in my poem, but no worries. I put it in my description to start.
I was over at the Steam room and noted you were writing this with low blood sugar... hope your feeling better today, but I found the poem was well written and conceived.
Your capture many senses in your description - taste, smell, touch, sights... I don't think hearing was used but the use of dill brings definite elements of taste and smell - well done.
Your last stanza is an interesting one... it captures that level of understanding your alien has had to learn to fit in here. I thought that was brilliant.
I look forward to reading more of your poems for this challenge. Good luck with today's - it's going to be tough!
Thanks for sharing and definitely keep writing!


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Review of silent huntress  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely. A free verse that flows very well. I was thinking cat during the first verse, but the second verse had me rethinking... to some kind of rapture or bird of prey... "watching for the stars to light my way" brought it into focus. Well done.
You made yourself into a wonderful little owl. I see you as tiny, like the barn owl my grandfather shooed out of the granary one summer. He should have left it there... to hunt for the mice that lurked within the bending boards.
I really liked: "dappled cloak" and the last verse.
You did an excellent job of working in the words and you made the animal you. Well done.


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184
184
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
My favourite stanzas are the first and third. I felt a connection to this poem as I am currently dealing with a 'stranger' I have known for many, many years. These two verses resonate with me.
I think 'specially' needs an 'e' at the beginning. I had to laugh at the cap - it almost seems like you forgot about that word and had to work it in... it works. It just caught me off balance... probably because that last verse is so short.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing it and I wish you well on your month long poetry journey. I am taking the challenge of the Construct Cup as well.


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185
185
Review of my tower  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wanted to give back and seeing as how you have reviewed some of my poems, I felt I would honour that attention with some of my own.
I picked this one because I loved the prompt - and I am glad you attached as a dropnote (those are truly wonderful things).
You do an excellent job crafting your poem and painting a picture of your crystal tower. I love that it is your 'studio among the trees'. My dream space is similar, but not a tower. Being around nature always inspires.
I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest... a month of poetry. We can do this!


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186
186
Review of Calvary  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi noblecrowns .
I have just read your poem " Calvary"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. This review is part of the Game of Thrones challenge.


Overall Impressions:
An interesting poem. I loved how you tried to capture the greatness of this mountain. I really like how the poem follows along the passage of time - first it is 'waiting for her time in history', the bellows of war, then Jesus's crucifixion, to now to be remembered as the 'prince of all mountains'.


Form:
There are 4 stanzas of 11 lines each. I do not see any rhyming pattern. I am not sure what this form is... I would say free verse, but there is a structure to this piece... in its repetitive aspects.


Techniques:
Alliteration - sweet scents, remembered redemption
Repetition of the last two lines -
'How i love to see thy face
My Calvary'


Favourite Part:
I love the contrasts of the stanzas - from before the crucifixion to after.


Suggestions:
How I love to see they face - should this be thy face or should it repeat as 'your face'. I think it would be stronger if all four verses repeated as either 'thy face' or 'your face' - keep the consistency.
Not sure what is going on with punctuation. I would at least put a period at the end of each stanza.
'Where all humanity were saved' this line causes me to wonder... is it were saved or was saved? To me 'was saved' sounds better.
I see no spelling issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:
Powerful poem.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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187
187
Review of Nine Wishes  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating .
I have just read your poem "Nine Wishes"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
At little chuckle at you opening boxes in your living room. You did a nice job of following the prompt. I had to laugh at this being a random review and it is for WDC Birthday celebration of number 9! Cool.
I like the rules you put in place - giving some wishes to someone else and not screwing up the Earth's history.
I think you have some great wishes... though I would have asked for a lifetime premium membership to WDC and many prosperous years to come. Thinking big.
Many of your wishes are quite general but it is the thought of good things that matter.


Form:
I would think this is a free verse poem.
There is some rhymes... lots of 'you' and 'do' - but they work as this poem tells a story or sorts.

Techniques:
Enjambment is used to let the poem flow along as it tells its story.


Favourite Part:
The poem ends with you opening boxes in your living room.


Suggestions:
In the last stanza... disappear should be disappeared, I believe.
I see no other spelling or grammar issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:
What would you wish for now if you had to do this poem again Neva? Would you choose similar things or go bigger? Well done.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

Signature for 2015 Game of Thrones Challenge - Dark Drreamscapes Group
House Baratheon image for G.o.T.


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188
188
Review of Happy Accidents  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nixie🦊 .
I have just read your short piece "Happy Accidents"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
Wow. I really enjoyed your story. Only a little over 900 words, but it was compelling and had me hooked from the very beginning. You made the impossible seem possible.


Characters:
Valarie Chapman... it even sing songs in my mind. Unknown at the beginning, but foreshadowed into being.
The main character, Donovan Whitmore (who we don't learn his name until the end when they meet)


Setting:
There are two main settings. The first is the parking garage where he finds the lost gift. The second place is his home - a rather large place.



Plot:
Donovan find a wallet in his parking spot and it belongs to Valarie. They must meet by happy accident... a 'meet cute' of the olden days. Both are widowers and their spouses belonged to an organization that helped to link up spouses left behind.


Favourite Part:
Foreshadowing in the second paragraph? I believe so.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar or spelling issues or concerns.


Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed the concept of this story. It was well crafted and pulled the reader in from the very beginning.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

Signature for 2015 Game of Thrones Challenge - Dark Drreamscapes Group

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189
189
Review of Whispering Walls  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nixie🦊 .
I have just read your short fiction piece "Whispering Walls"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
Very interesting and intriguing way to attempt that prompt. You did an excellent job. It sent chills through me. I was pulled in from the opening paragraph.


Characters:
Flint Trent - a man who wants to prove to his friends that Friday the 13th is just 'Balderdash'. What he does not realize is that he is part of a curse he created and is doomed to repeat.


Setting:
The main focus is the thirteenth room on the thirteenth floor of this old museum.
We are taken with Flint as he moves through the city - on the thirteenth of everything to get to the old house of Gustov Matheson who build this house of horrors. This journey builds the tension and pulls the reader in - the pacing is well done.


Plot:
A man, Flint Trent, wants to prove his friends wrong - they think Friday the thirteenth is a 'cavalade of doomsday legends' - or rather, bad luck.
He makes his way from his rising to the thirteenth room on the thirteenth floor of Gustov Matheson's house of horrors.
I get a little confused when his great grand daughter Kathleen, who runs the house asks for his friend's names and he asks how she knows his name "I never told you.' - I get confused because aren't they related.
When he goes looking for the room it disappears and then reappears so that he is able to go in.
In the room the walls welcome him and he is reminded that this is where he killed himself and his friends in a horrific fire. His friends resent that he is able to get out only to return each Friday the Thirteenth. My question is how does he get out in the first place - they mention is brain... so does he really leave physically or does he only leave in his imaginative mind?


Favourite Part:
I like that part where he is searching for that door.


Suggestions:
The story brings up a little bit of confusion for me... but I think that is me more than the story itself. I am not sure how Flint gets out... or does he even get out - is his 'escape' all in his imagination?
I see no spelling or grammar issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed this story. The concept is well crafted.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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190
Review of Dark Run  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Smee .
I have just read your short piece of fiction "Dark Run"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I realize this is an older piece but I was drawn in.


Characters:
The full information about the characters is not clear at the beginning and for a very good reason. We are thinking a person is running from a monster and he is protecting something precious... but what is really happening is two brothers are pretending and their world of make believe is blown up for us in 'full colour' so to speak. I loved it. A story in less than 500 words... no wonder it won.


Setting:
We are made to believe our character is in some kind of awful place running to escape a monster. The scene is painting in technicolour and we are drawn in... running with him to make sure he gets to safety... Then we realize, at the end, that we are in the boys house - running from the bedroom to the kitchen. Loved it. Well done.


Plot:
We are drawn in to the story and follow the high impact running. The pace is quick - like we are running with the character... release comes when we realize we are safely home.


Favourite Part:
The realization that we are in the imagination of two boys. Loved it. I was carried along. Totally engrossed.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.


Additional Comments:
Well done. I can see why this short piece won. It is very good. I will have to explore more of your writing. This was only my introductory taste.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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191
Review of Reflections  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read several of your blog entries "Reflections"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I see this year you have ventured into the realm of blogging. I, myself, started last year and have found it very rewarding... especially since I have joined several of WDC's blogging communities. They have provided prompts to get me thinking and writing and also given me a readership and allowed me to deepen my friendships with many wonderful people here at WDC. Not sure if you want to go that route, but it is rewarding. You have a strong Writer's voice and it comes alive in your entries. I was very moved by your retelling of your accident and I do hope you and your lovely wife are feeling much better. That had to have been an awful experience. I tend to agree with your wife on her religious view of it. Crazy things happen.


Suggestions:
I did not see any grammar of spelling issues, but then I was not focusing on them.
I would love to read more. Consider the blogging communities here at WDC - for friendship and readership and connection. We are really a wonderful, mixed bag of writers. I do love this site!

Additional Comments:
I hope you keep at this blogging thing. It is good to share these bits and who knows they may generate some more story and poem ideas for you. I enjoyed reading your poetry. Check out Blog City for a blogging community. It is a fabulous group. Support is always welcome and it may get you blogging a bit more... because I would love to here more about what you have to share. Your personal experiences are definitely worthy of sharing... don't hide them away.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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192
Review of Dreams  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read your poem "Dreams"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I love the feelings this poem brings out in me... a feeling that dreams are always there. They bring us comfort and guide us on. They may change and alter but they are always part of us. That resonates with me.


Form:
10 four line stanzas with a rhyming pattern of ABAB. Your word choice is well done and the poem is nicely crafted. Most follow the pattern of beats per line - line one and three are 6, line two and four are 5 - the first verse does not follow this pattern, however... or it could be me - Is The tickling streams 4 beats or 5?


Techniques:
Alliteration - cloud covered.
Repetition of dreams.
Enjambment is employed to give flow to the piece.

Favourite Part:
Strong word choice - urgent, resurgent. Your rhymes are not bland, instead they sparkle with freshness. That is apparent in one of my favourite verses:

"To cope with struggle
Of everyday life
To balance and juggle
The contests, the strife"


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. The poem flows flawlessly.


Additional Comments:
Trying to carry this form for 10 stanzas is impressive and applaud your craftedness. Well done. I look forward to delving into more of your poems in the future.
I see you like the line "time thunders past" as you have used it in this poem as well as the last one I reviewed - I agree it is a good line.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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193
Review of Lifescape  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read your free verse poem "Lifescape"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
A free verse exploration of movement through life is what you have listed as your description of your piece. I found the piece very powerful and emotionally charged. Poised on the edge of moving forward... I get the felt experience, even if the first reading does not give me a full sense of the piece. I do not think that is the poet's fault, but my own as I am feeling a bit foggy at the moment. More readings are necessary for me today.
I like the title - Lifescapes.

Techniques:
Alliteration is employed - willing to wait. Darkness and damnation.
Encampment is used to move the poem forward as a thought provoking pace.
There is no rhyming pattern.


Form:
This is a free verse poem of 22 lines.


Favourite Part:
A favourite line is:
"while time thunders relentlessly past, not willing to wait for me." - I love the imagery this line creates as well as the language choices that employ alliteration (time thunders relentlessly; willing wait).
I also like the feelings this poem emote. I think it is well crafted.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. Everything seems to flow in a manner that is pleasing to the reader.


Additional Comments:
I enjoy this type of poem. Free verse and a meandering of the poet's thoughts as they decide on the course of their life.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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194
Review of My Angel  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi blue jellybaby .
I have just read your short piece "My Angel"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
A very emotionally charged story. I was drawn in from the beginning; held their by the description of the accident and the fact that Christian lost his life trying to save her. I love that he saves her again. He could be her guardian angel. I really enjoyed this story.


Characters:
The main character is Joanne, though the story is told in first person. That kept the reader connected and close to her. There was an intimacy that was apparent and it heightened the experience as I read the piece.
Christian was the main character's boyfriend - the love of her life, killed in an accident when he tried to save her from a runaway bandit in a silver Cadillac. (Great detail)


Setting:
You paint the settings very well.
The opening scene is the introduction of our characters and death of the girl's boyfriend, Christian. It is very emotional and the girl's anguish is palatable.
The current scene, six months later takes place in her own house. An intruder has broken in. You do an excellent job building the tension as you draw your character into the impending doom. Doom that she is rescued from thanks to her loving Guardian Angel, Christian.


Plot:
The story unfolds and uses the forshadowing aspect of Christian being a protector - what he does that gets him killed also saves her in the future when he is her guardian angel.
Tension builds as we go with Joanne downstairs to confront the intruder - though I was inclined to yell 'call the dang cops first' but that is only me. The story worked without that happening - was probably more intense because she didn't.
Christian saving her is a comforting end to the climax. My only concern is him waiting for her in heaven. I am worried she would do herself in to be with him... maybe if he said: 'I love you. I'll be waiting for you. Be strong my love.'


Favourite Part:
Christian saving her. I would suggest adding in his scent to pull as many of the sensory aspects into the story as possible.


Suggestions:
sickening thud as his head impacted against the floor - I would write ground instead of floor as they are outside.
I refused to be let go - I would write 'I refused to let go'
I would add the sense of smell at the end - a faint fragrance of Christian's cologne or waft of his scent sending chills or tremmors of awareness through her. Very sensory - especially since sight is not an option.

Additional Comments:
As I said before, I really enjoyed this story and I am intrigued enough to want to read over your rewrite of the original - so I appreciate that link at the bottom of your piece. I have done a few rewrites of my own and I like that you have provided the link. I may just be inclined to follow your good example.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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195
195
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh yeah! I can see why this won. Well done, Ken. You captured and held my interest, telling a tale in only a few words. Impressive. When I saw your name with an entry I knew the odds of winning became smaller, but losing to such a well written piece is okay.


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196
196
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi TJ Marie .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - December, January, February.
I have just read your poem "Who Are the Yule Lads?" , which I found above mine when I posted my entry for Week 5 in the I Write contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I loved the story this poem told. I was drawn in to know these Yule Lads and thought it a good story... one that could be a traditional tale told each year around the Christmas season.


Technique:
Enjambment is used to move the poem along so that it flows more like a story than a poem.
I would have to say it is free verse as there is not apparent rhyme scheme. I am not so overly familiar with poetic forms - though I want to learn more. I expect, as this tells a story within the poem that it must be some type of poem that does that. You do an excellent job telling the tale and drawing in your audience. I was captivated.


Favourite Part:
You paint wonderful images as you tell your tale. I like how you talk about each lad and their particular fetish.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
I am left wondering what is in the sack she carries, but then I am probably left to guess at that and not be told.


Additional Comments:
I quite loved this poem. I wish you well in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
197
197
Review of Endless  
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jellyfish~Happy Birthday WDC ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to Dark Dreamscapes and the I Write - September, October, November contest.

I have selected this poem "Endless"  as it was the entry before mine in the I Write contest.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I love the feelings you evoke in your poem. The despair follows the reader. The imagery you create is well crafted and appropriate.

Form:

I am not sure what the form is, but I would say as it is not rhyming that it falls into the category of free verse. It works well with this dark, rambling topic. It takes the reader on a journey with you.

Techniques:

Enjambment is employed to give the poem a flowing, endless movement forward. That is excellent for this poem.
Alliteration is used - 'heavy hearted' 'stale scenery'
Consonance is also used - 'to practice their polite applause'
Sensory aspects are drawn in including reference to taste - 'my taste unconvincing' reminding me that in the heaviness of despair all things leech out - vision is grey, taste is flat and so forth. Well done.
Images are vivid and compelling. Powerful.

Favourite Lines:

I like the imagery of the stanza that begins "We are all actors on the stage" - not only does it give a visual but it permeates with an emotional impact.
"Shedding expanations like Broken skin" - great imagery!

Suggestions:

To me the line "The ferryman has taken the wrong turning" seems odd in that turning could just be turn - but I think you are following some pattern with 'unconvincing', 'waning' 'turning' and 'nothing'. In that case it is no bother. But it sticks out a bit and messes a little with the flow.

I like how the poem ends but the ferryman just doesn't sit well with me. What if you have taken the wrong turn and met with the ferryman. I don't know.
You could almost leave him out and end with:
I have nothing left
To believe in
I am nothing.

Additional Comments:

I really enjoyed this poem. It is dark but not scary. The emotional impact is amazingly well done and I salute you.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



** Image ID #1991970 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
198
198
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and the I Write - September, October, November contest.
I have just read your story "Theseus and Ariadne" , which I found when I entered my own poem to the I Write contest - yours was the one before mine and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I really like the concept of this story. Mythology has always fascinated me. It was well written and held me captive.


Characters:
Theseus and Ariadne and their father's - King Minos of Crete and King Aegeus.
Minotaur


Setting:
A banquet is being held at the palace of King Minos in Crete. His daughter and King's son, Theseus are bored and Ariadne invites Theseus up to her room afterward.
The third setting is that of the Labyrinth where the Minotaur resides.


Plot:
The story is broken up into parts that serve the story well. The boring feast is the shortest but allows for the introduction of characters.
Ariadne's bedroom is longer as she tells the tale of her half brother and his entrapment in the Labyrinth as he is half man and half bull. The tale stirs the teenagers to act on their own urges and that places them within the bowls of the Labyrinth.
The pacing is well handled.


Favourite Part:
I like that Theseus comes to admonish Ariadne's father for putting her down - calling her a 'silly' woman. It had a satisfying ending.
I also enjoyed the adventure within the Labyrinth itself.


Suggestions:
I did not see any grammar or spelling issues but I was too drawn into the story to notice anything amiss.


Additional Comments:
Good luck with the contest. I thoroughly enjoyed the story.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
199
199
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ANGEL-WITCH-MONK Happy24th WDC .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].
I also chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .

I have just read your poem "Reflections Revealed" , which I found when perusing the list of items in the Symposium vault of alumni items to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I love the peaceful ebb and flow this piece evokes in my soul. I share your enjoyment of those reflected moments - the reality and the reflection ignite a passion of letting nature seep into your soul and forever lift you as well as make you remember, whether reflected or real, nature moves through its way in the necessary path.


Form:
Although I love reading and reading poetry, my knowledge is quite basic at this time. As I do not pick up an obvious rhyming patterns, I am going to say this poem is free verse. I so enjoy the freedom this form allows. Creating imagery and using word sounds that flow appeal to me and I think you do a fine job crafting your piece.


Techniques:
Enjambment is employed to curl the lines and move the piece forward in a flow that resonates with the reader. I am carried along like a breeze taking in the whole beautiful scene.
The imagery you craft awakens the sights in my mind's eye. I am able to see the world you paint - in the trees and birds and their luminous reflections.
My own experience pulls at the sounds - the urgent flee of birds, the lapping of water, the peace that a breeze brings yet only warps the image, not distorting it too much with wind.
Your use of words to paint the images - "sun-lit majesty", "colourful crowns'
The words you use to calm - "pacifies the soul" "eye feast"


Favourite Part:
I love the imagery here:
"They stand, those pencil-like sentries of evergreen,
saluting the handiwork of the Creator."

I also like the connection to the spiritual Creator.

These lines awaken sounds and sights for me, resonating with my own experience.
"There is an urgent flee of birds.
taking delight in their flight"


Suggestions:
I see no spelling issues. The poem flows well so I do not see any other concerns.


Additional Comments:
I like the feeling of calmness this poem awakens in me this morning. My senses are satisfied. Thank you for that. This is a good sample of your writing and I look forward to peeking in at other pieces that I sure will move me just as much. Keep writing.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
200
200
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi regal .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and the WDC Senior Mod. Contest.
I have just read your monologue "Invalid Item" , which I found when searching for a Newbie to read and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. You are welcome to use or disregard any of my advise.


Overall Impressions:
I was moved by your content and found it resonated with it. I thought it interesting that you started with a story of a man suffering with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome and how he rushes to get back to the 'noise of life'.


Favourite Part:
I enjoyed the content and it resonated with me.
Quietude.
Noise of life.


Suggestions:
Oh of the things that gave me pause was the layout of your piece. It is a monologue which is going to be packed with your thoughts but I think for visual relief if you put spaces between your paragraphs it would help to open the piece up. It is so word packed it is a bit overwhelming - word noise.


Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed your piece and the content. Keep writing.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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