*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/carly1967/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
755 Public Reviews Given
755 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi somojo,

I am still chuckling!

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short piece about a world without coffee as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

Nice twist at the end!

It was a cute wee story that held my interest and kept me reading to the end. The silly thing is I can see something like this happening. I live with my mother and she does crazy-ass stuff all the time. Thankfully, she has most of her marbles... she's just got a logic all her own and she has been like that all her life.

The characters are believable, as is the situation. I was willing to suspend belief that a woman with Dementia would be living alone without care... though I think you may have mentioned it was mild, memory loss. The beginnings of dementia.

I wish you luck in the contest. Thank you so much for sharing and bringing a little humour into my morning!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good morning Jeff masquerading as Deadpool ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson and I have the pleasure of reading your blog post this morning as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I really loved this entry and the song has an awesome message... and a great beat. Thank you for sharing this artist with me. I have a feeling I may have to check out more of her work given that she has a message I love. I am grateful for artists like this who share a message of empowerment for women. I feel it raises us up as a whole, if we allow everyone to reach their potential.

I am glad to know there are Dads like you wanting this for your daughter and for your son. You are a great Dad. My hat is off to you. Raising kids is a huge commitment and something not to be taken lightly. Guiding and molding young minds within a safe, secure, loving home is essential in this day and age. Kids need that and they need to know they are accepted and loved as they figure out what there goals are and what they want for themselves.

Being able to stand firm in your dreams makes you a better, more committed person all 'round. Everyone needs to bring something to the table, not be a lay-about princess type. Barbie is just a plastic doll... but even she has dreams.

Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum. I am also pleased to see you have entered the same contest as me. It really is wonderful to see what kind of work materializes from a prompt. Each of us heard the same song and yet what we have written is different. I love that!

Your poem depicts a moment, a special moment in time captured during the pandemic - a wedding with virtual Zoom guests. Mine followed the full life of a person.

You employ free verse to capture this moment. I love your word choice for 'splendorous'. That word has all the senses wrapped up in it. I can see, taste hear, taste and feel what that wedding was like without even being their - live or in Zoom.

I'm curious if you got a chance to experience a wedding this way. I am almost hoping my friend's daughter will do this next summer so that I don't have to fly to England. Time will tell... but now that we know it is possible...I can only hope. We did her baby shower this way - and that was almost 3 years ago.

I love that the wedding is outside - in the freshness of nature. That too contrasts against the Zoom meeting, but it also seems to uplift that meeting as well. There is so much energy and love in those first 4 lines.

I wish you luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Review of My Friend Mike  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good morning Mastiff ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in the 2020 forum.

I really like this poem and the form is something that flows well. I like the repetitive nature of it and appreciate the notes of what a Trimeric form is.

My only qualm with your poem is in the title - Friend is misspelled.... Unless you intended to do that, but since you didn't misspell it in the body of the poem I figured it was an unintended error.

Even though there are no rules about meter, length or rhyme, you hold to a pattern of ABAB in the first stanza and ABB in the other three verses. I loved the consistency of that aspect.

Great topic. I am glad the person in the poem found a friend so dear.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of I Write in 2020. I have the pleasure of reviewing your sonnet as it falls before my entry in the I Write Forum.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I love the topic you have chosen for this piece.

Form:

I appreciate that you included the form and its parameters in the note at the bottom of your piece. This allows the reader to learn something new, but it will also remind the poet what style they used.
You did an admirable job following the parameters, but my only comment is regarding 'passionate' and 'great' they are to rhyme and I find it a bit of a stretch. Unless you say passionate differently it would not work.

Techniques:

You followed the parameters laid out in your notes... and chose most of your rhymes well.

Favourite Lines:

"My talents honed, which God has loaned" I am a believer of God's bestowed gifts.
I understand the flip side:
"There can be flaws in passion's jaws
and focus narrows vision's tracks."
As writer's we tend to get so wrapped up in our stories and passions we tend to forget the other's of our lives. But I also see that this passion can be more of a beast, particularly when competition and wanting to get ahead jumps in. A good caution.

Suggestions:

Other than the rhyming of passionate and great, I see no issues or concerns. Not sure what I would suggest...

Additional Comments:

I think this is a well crafted Slide Sonnet and I appreciate learning about another poetic form.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

It's 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem as it comes before my entry in the I Write in 2020 forum.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

Lovely. I get to learn about a new poetic form and see the beauty of words crafted wonderfully.

Form:

I appreciate the fact that you included the information regarding the form. I like doing this as well as I then have a record of what kind of poem it is. I also have an example of one that I myself have done.
This is a Syair. I am not familiar with this type of poem. I love the word choices and it seems to follow the pattern, but the last line only has 7 syllables instead of 8 - but I didn't seem to mind when I read it aloud.

Techniques:

You follow the rhyme scheme. Four lines of the same length - the last line only has 7 syllables instead of 8, but I don't see that as a problem.

Favourite Lines:

Interesting to say 'the aroma of gratitude'. I had never considered any smells associated with gratitude.... makes me think and consider. What they might be. I like the unusal combination of a sense I would not normally associate with it.

Suggestions:

I see so issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

Good luck with little gem.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
for entry "Listen to the Wind" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem this morning as it falls just before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I really like the flow and rhyme of this poem. I like how it moves through the seasons... my favorite verse in the last:
"Listen to the wind
whispering secrets to the stars
on a cold winter night."

I really like the repetitiveness of "Listen to the wind" as it moves through the poem - ever present, just like the wind is.

I like how the wind - sings, chants and whispers. The many ways the wind shows itself... an invisible presence.

My only suggestion is in the verse of moving the leaves... all the other verses have an action that is lovely. I would be inclined to tussle the leaves or tickle the leaves or some other such verb that moves the reader more than the verb 'moves'. That way the verb also brings an element of sound to the mind picture your create.

Beyond that I think the poem is wonderful and wish you luck in the contest.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review of Bananas!  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your yummy entry to the I Write in 2020 contest. It comes before mine in the forum.

A cute wee poem it is, complete with the little icons of bananas and bread. It is very enticing and makes me want to go "Smooshing. Mixing. Baking." Except I have no overripe nasty bananas. I don't even have regular bananas at the moment, but you have the same recipe as me... and I can see it in my future. Thanks for sharing.

Good luck in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of The secret  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo ,

I really enjoyed this story. Such hope that comes from despair. A guiding push from beyond the grave. Those are the little miracles of life that bring such richness into the world. I thank you for writing such a tale and sharing it here.

I love how you worked this story from Mary Shelley's quote. Lovely.

I noted a one little things:
"it seemed to Fiona she was the only visitor at the cemetery today." Isn't there supposed to be a comma after Fiona? I am not positive on this, but when I read it aloud, I pause.

I wish you well in the contest. I just posted a poem to it just a bit ago.
I got the impression that this month was poetry, but I could be wrong. You may want to look into that, though I think this piece has real merit.

Thanks again for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
for entry "Uplift" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff masquerading as Deadpool ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your blog post as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I am glad to see you are taking this experience with a positive light. Having quality time with your family is wonderful. I think too often we go through life just getting by. This pandemic has made us stop and consider things. It has made us appreciate what we do have and not what we are missing. Or at least those of us that are doing okay seem to be doing that.

I am a teacher as well. My students are special needs, so learning is different from the mainstream. My team creates learning opportunities for our students each week and our families get to experience their child on that experience. We are not expecting them to do everything, but we are providing opportunities for learning and we are also keeping the lines of communication open so that families know we are here for them. It is a challenge, but one I am certainly up for.

The fact that you are getting an opportunity to really get to know your son is fabulous. In our usual fast paced world, we lose sight of what is important. Family and relationships are important. Be are social beings after all.

I've also found I have gotten to know some of my neighbours better. We call out across the back fence or road, smiling and waving. People are looking out for each other. That is kind of nice.

I am also glad you are looking at the positives of this situation. Life is too short to get dragged into the negative.

With any luck your also getting more creative things accomplished. I know I certainly am.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I appreciate the notes section and the explanation of the type of poem - Englyn unodl union. This was definitely a new one for me.

Your prompt had to do with sound and I think you did an excellent job bringing that element into the poem and choosing a topic that is very current. A positive spin on a difficult and stressful time. Writers definitely bring light to the world around them. Capturing the times in words that move us to feel and think. I appreciate your work.

I wish you well in the contest and look forward to reading more of your work as the year progresses. Happy writing and keep safe and healthy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review of DGZ Manual  
for entry "April" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi MirandaCookies IS IN COLLEGE ,

I am a fellow goal setter with the Destination Goal zone and also a mentor - I am here for you if you have any questions or concerns. I apologize for not contacting sooner.

I see you have done a fabulous job getting your DGZ manual up and running. It looks impressive. The only thing I noticed is that your completion check marks are grey instead of green - all you need to do is take off the 'r' from the 'checkgr' to get green - 'checkg' and you are wonderful.

Having only started you are rocking this!
Any questions or concerns please feel free to ask. I have need here at Writing.com (WDC) for over 7 years. If I don't know the answer, I will at least know who would.

Good luck on your A.C.T. test... what is that by the way? It looks pretty involved.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review of Footprints  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ♥tHiNg♥ ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I have read your poem over several times over the last 24 hours. My brain is feeling foggy and I have put off doing the review because I am feeling rather cognitively challenged.

Overall, I like the poem and its rhythm and flow,but I can't seem to wrap my mind around the meaning. I have a feeling it is based on our current situation, but I am unsure. I apologize for my blundering. Your poem deserves a better review than I can currently give at this time. But I need to get this done before the end of the day today.

My favourite lines:
I am drawn in by the first first. Intrigued.
In the second verse, I enjoyed these lines:
"Our feet fell in line with what they demanded
and we counted on fairness
they also tended to reward the faithful rather than the compliant"

I wish you all the luck in the contest. I think it is a strong contender. Keep writing and thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Sumojo ,

Having just read and reviewed your first assignment, I decided to make yours my first review for the second set of assignments.

You handled the assignment quite well. I feel the build up between Milly and Marcus to be gentle, but also passionate. Their relationship is deepening, but I can still see Milly holding back just enough to make Marcus a little off balance, Just enough to make it intriguing.

You also show Milly's life as she has exams and Marcus's care of her. I also love her pet name for him.

They seem to hav gotten to know each other quite well. I look forward to see how their relationship develops.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review of To Stand  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi 🪽intuey🕊️ ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I really like this poem. And the contest is not one I am familiar with, but would love to enter in the future. *BigSmile*.

I am not sure if this follows any particular form, but I like the way it flows. I also like the italicized lines that stand out and add punch. The last line isn't, but it could be to add even more effect.

The only think that really caught me up was 'short wiring my brain' I would think short circuiting my brain, but that's just me - and it has the same syllables as wiring.

I like the sensory aspects of these lines:
"Feeling around in the dark
My fingers land in the sticky web
Of piled up crumpled hopes"

I love this personification of sunlight:
"Sunlight fights to creep
through the cracked window"

I also love this bit:
"Determination floods my soul
Now is the time to breakout
Of this life-sucking prison
No more traveling through
Your dark passages of pain"

Well done.
I am curious which prompt you used for your piece.
Thank you for sharing your piece. Keep writing! Stay safe and healthy.

I wish you well in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Review of Prohibition  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I quite liked this piece and it is very current to our times. I especially liked the first four lines. I am lucky that my mother and I live together. We have shared many a good laugh. I feel for those who are living alone or are in families that are facing stress being stuck together all the time. I am also grateful that I have two cats. They are not very good at practicing social distance, but that is okay because they only see us.

I can relate to the last lines. I have never really considered how often I touch my own face.

I had not realized this was an acrostic until I noted the link at the bottom and then looked back up to see the acrostic part - well done!

I think this poem will resonate with a lot of people. It really is hard to keep your distance.

Keep safe and healthy. Thank you for sharing your work and good luck in the contest. I hope to get in on it as well this month.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review of Date Night  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Angelica- Black Beauty ,

Hey, we are taking this wonderful class together and I wanted to give you my impressions of your story.

Your characters sound interesting. You play their name off of what they want to be when they grow up. Braille is an interesting name.

You told most of your story instead of showing it. The dialogue was good, but I wanted to get to know these characters and see their first date. Consider delving into it to explore what happens and see where it goes. Evoke the senses. I got a tiny glimpse, but I wanted more.

Don't be afraid to use the 1500 words. My problem is I overwrite... and I had to cut about half my piece. (It's still too long!!!)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review of Nerdfest  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Odessa Molinari ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece of flash fiction. It falls before my entry in the I Write in 2020 forum.

As I read this I expected him to get some toilet paper added to his 'nerdy' movie choices. *Bigsmile* But that probably would have been the expected choice, so go for you.

I did wonder if taking the Swiss army knife from his batpack was meant, but given the nerdiness of these three guys, it's probably right on track and not supposed to be a backpack after all.

I wish you luck in the contest and tip my hat to you as you used this concept of the panademic for good. One thing about this time of concern, is its ability to create great ideas in the mind of creatives like us.

Use your powers for good my friend and keep writing to maintain your sanity. I wish you good health. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "March 10, 2020" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your short poem as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 Forum. Keep in mind I am not a professional so any comments I make are as an amateur. Please keep in mind your poem is your own and my comments are only suggestions.

You have 13 lines of free verse.

I can feel the worry in your words. I included a poem in my poetry blog written by Justin Farley. It is called The Fight - A Poem about Conquering Fear. You may find some comfort in his words. I know, I did.

I love the image of the 'crown askew' I like the personification of panic ripping and roaring.
I like that you want help, but that you are also willing to help. That shows the reader theier is hope within your concerns. You will be just fine.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of Chloride  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi flyfishercacher ,
I have the good fortune to read and review your article about Chloride NM as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum. I apologize for not getting to this review sooner. I has been a rather hectic week.
I quite liked your article. It was very personable. I did not see any selling or grammar concerns, but I was more interested in the tale you had to tell than the errors. The story was engaging and held me. I learn a little something about a part of your country I would not have considered. New Mexico interests me, not sure why exactly, but there are a couple of writers who have spent some time living there and they intrigue me. I think place has a way of influencing a person. Your article resonated with me because of that aspect.
I wish you luck in the contest and thank you for sharing your story here. I enjoyed reading it.
Happy writing and reviewing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "December 24, 2019" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,
Happy New Year's Eve to you. I wish you all the best in the new year... and new decade!
I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem as it is in the I Write 2019 forum and I was told I could review anyone I wished in order to complete my entry for this week. I am sadly behind, but I believe with this last entry I can call myself done.
I enjoyed the poem. It got me thinking about the logistics of the actual birth of baby Jesus. Something makes me think Joseph would not be dour. As the only person around to help, I am sure God made him more than capable guiding him through the process. I also think that Mary would have been granted some leniency given that she was bringing the Son of God into the world... and she was a virgin. That is just my thought on the situation. Either way, I am glad she took on the 'mission' and gave birth to our Saviour.
I hope you had a most excellent Christmas and holiday season.
May your 2020 be as productive or more as you continue to write and share your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube

I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem, a soledad as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2019 forum.
I quite liked this wee little poem and I think you followed the form quite well. I also appreciate the Notes section of your entry. It is always good to have quick access to the form right there to behold.
I loved the Christmas theme and the coziness of the piece. In encompasses the feelings of the season and lets the reader know this family gets along very well. i think you have done an admirable job.
Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
for entry "Cold Nights--Aquarian" 
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to I Write in 2019 and "Poetic Exploration" .

I have chose to review your poem as my second review for this week.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

This is a decadent little poem so warm and cozy within the blankets on a cold winter night.

Form:

This is an Aquarian form and I love that you have included the details in the notes section at the bottom of your piece - that way I learn as I review. Always a great touch. Thank you.

Techniques:

The chosen words bring the imagery to life and I can feel the coziness within the scene you depict.

Favourite Lines:

The whole thing is lovely, but i especially like the first two lines:
"Cold nights
Wrapped in blankets."
Tonight is one of those nights here and I am appreciating the fact that i also have a fire place. *BigSmile*

Suggestions:

I see no grammar or spelling concerns.

Additional Comments:

Good luck in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration ** Image ID #1939850 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tinker ,

I'm 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to I write in 2019 and "Poetic Exploration" .

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it falls before my week's entry for the I Write in 2019 forum.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

In my muddled NaNoWriMo brain I loved the opportunity to read you poetry. I also love the witchy topic and tie in to Macbeth. I started this review yesterday, but it was too late in the day for me to even make sense of my own thinking let alone try to make sense of a poem. So I left it until the new day to try again.

Form:

The Gemstone is a 32 line composition divided into four Octaves (8 line stanzas), contrived by Lisa Morris, writing as Streambed on the Allpoetry website. The rhyme scheme is ababccba, with each stanza following the same pattern using different rhymes. Lines 2, 4, and 7 are written in iambic trimeter, and the others are all written in iambic tetrameter,
My brain is not sure if it can follow this. I find as I read it, it does make some rhythmic changes and I am assuming that that is the iambic trimester and iambic tetrameter going on. I think you follow the rhyming pattern, but the first octave was a bit off to my liking. I'm sure if I read it aloud it would be better. All the others work for me.


Techniques:

You employ enjambment to give the poem flow.

Favourite Lines:

Regarding Macbeth - I loved how you worked this in:
"Ambitions drove his moral code,
he withered into sin.
He let his noble heart erode
to gain himself a win."

I also loved this ending:
"Instead, let's care for those in pain,
give aid to victims of the rain,
and boost up those who'd climb.
Ignore the witches' brew and bloom."


Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar concerns.

Additional Comments:

I think this is an excellent example.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration ** Image ID #1939850 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Neva,

Love the new handle - Snow Vampire.

I picked your hallowe'en poem as my extra review for this week and I was not disappointed. It made me smile and appreciate the joy of this monthly season - Hallowe'en.
My favourite verses are the first three. They seem to flow as they tell their tale of the Great Zombie Pumpkin, but the last stanza does not flow as well. the first two lines do, but the last two don't make it for me. I am not sure what the issue is. I could just be me. There is just something that sets it apart. I keep wanting to read the 'very' as 'overly" which sounds better to me... but may not work with you syllable count.

I wish you all the best in the contest and wish you all the fun October has to offer - Spookilicious Delights.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
277 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 12 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/carly1967/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5