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1176
1176
Review of Old Winds  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm GerMac. I'm here today on behalf of the Power Reviewers Group during our March Mayham Raid. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.

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My overall impression: Your poem speaks of change and sameness too caused by nature.

Old winds, waters, sounds, and leaves seem to cause movement in time. The wind carves canyons with dust. This is how change is wrought. Stanza 1 is easily visualized.

Stanza 2: "Old waters dance in cool, hidden glades...a poem of change and sameness. Water can move and it can be still.

Stanza 3: "Old sounds reverberate off towered granite....a song of the ancients". Ancient man utilized sounds with the beat of his drums or trumpets call.

Stanza 4: "Old leaves crackle into dust underfoot...pummeled into a life slurry of moments." The study of leaves is a study momentarily.

Stanza 5: Ancestors ...sound the trumpets of morrow time, still...ever dancing to the heartbeat of my soul." Ancestors play a part in a changing world.

This free verse poem has rhyme sprinkled throughout. You might want to add/subtract syllables for a smooth flow of words.

Here are some suggestions for pondering.

Time, not time.
Bringing not bringing
Carrying not carrying
A poem of sadness not a poem...
Underfoot, not underfoot
Blown not blown
Pummeled not pummeled
Refracted not refracted
Sound the trumpets of, not or sound

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
1177
1177
Review of A Candid Candy  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm GerMac. I am here to do a review of your narrative on behalf of Power Reviewers Group during their March Mayham Raid. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.

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- -*Shamrock*Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayham Raid*Shamrock*. --


My overall impression: Your narrative speaks of a customer service phone call in contemporary 2016.

The gentleman made a phone call to Swecco Support to file a complaint about some candy hearts that he purchased. He apparently got a bad batch, according to Jen, the customer service representative. The candy hearts were far too graphic and displayed messages such as 'Bite Me', 'Kiss My Foot', and far worse.

Jen told him that he should follow the Handbook recommendation to get rid of the cursed candy affliction. It stated that one should take 'the offending confection 'to bear in ranks of seven score by seven, reduce to a fine dust and form a circle under a cloudless moon. Attend within the circle until a night bird calls, and ye shall be freed from the affliction.' The conflict resolution was to buy 1000 pieces of candy or 40 boxes to enact the remedy that would eliminate the affliction.
The gentleman complied with that offer.

The characters...Jen and Gentleman...were depicted in contemporary terms. She was cooperative, pleasant and wanted to be helpful. He was outraged and couldn't imagine why he was chosen to be the unlucky. Customer service represented contemporary times and was willing to make money whether the plan made any sense or not. The gentleman was willing to correct the affliction with his purchase,

Dialogue was very effective. I didn't see any errors in punctuation. I notice you won the Dialogue Contest recently. Congratulations! Usage and mechanics good.

The description of the setting was a phone call, a customer service rep
and a Handbook.

The plot encompassed tension and conflict resolution to the satisfaction of both the rep and the Gentleman.

Thanks for sharing. Nicely written.
From
GerMac
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1178
1178
Review of Choice  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I have upgraded your rating.
Regards,
GerMac
1179
1179
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm GerMac. I'm here on behalf of the Power Reviewers Group to review your poem during our March Mayham Raid.

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-. -*Shamrock*Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayham Raid*Shamrock*. /c}--


My overall impression: Your poem paints a picture of a snowflake, a young child and the friendship they had.

This is delightful play in which personification is applied to the snowflake. The two friends are enjoying the winter snow. Skipping, stumbling, tumbling until according to the child, the little snowflake found another friend.

"I chased that snowflake 'round and 'round the white trees."
Here is an opportunity to be vivid in your description of the trees. How about this?
"I chased that snowflake 'round the snow-laden trees," (comma needed)

There is very good imagery, rhyme pattern throughout, rhythm is good, language usage and mechanics are good. Nice job.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1180
1180
Review of The "Smart" Phone  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Baker! I'm GerMac, affiliated with the Power Reviewers Group. I'm here today to honor you with a review of your narrative. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.

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- -*Shamrock*Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayham Raid*Shamrock* --

My overall impression: Your narrative speaks of contemporary living in 2016.

Everything seemed a little slower paced that day. He felt like he had a little extra time.

His cooking skills even seemed better. This was confusing to him because in his fast lane of life, when he thought he could relax, he couldn't. He was always stressed even when he wasn't stressed.
Then it occurred to him that he had left his smartphone in the other side room.

You might ponder these suggestions. 'as if time had suddenly slowed down' not 'has suddenly slowed down'

'Today I seemed to' not 'I seem to'

'Living life in the fast lane sometimes' not Living life in the fast lane, sometimes it'

'sometimes makes one more stressed' not sometimes living in the fast lane it makes one more stressful'

You might think of adding a short explanation about the effect of leaving the smartphone in the other room. I laughed at this. The reader sympathizes!

Good language usage.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1181
1181
Review of A Girl in Town  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power ReviewersGroup. I am here to honor you with a review of your story. Please use my suggestion as you see fit.
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My overall impression: This is a story of a family that moves to Breelum to help their young teenager forget a tragedy and get a fresh start in life.

There is a small town attitude in which private family matters seem to get into the community. There is a family that controls the town...the Hudson's. That family has a teenager that blackmails her peers to get what she wants in life.

The tables were turned and Delphine Hudson was run out of her high school after making blackmailing a practice among schoolmates. She went to a high school in Surfonne to get away from peers who shunned her at school.

Dialogue is effective. Character development is vivid. If you meet one of the characters, you won't forget him/her. You'll feel you're one of the students and caught up in their politics.

A plot is developed in your story. There is tension and conflict shown. There is a short term conflict resolution...a temporary fix.

You might want to consider describing further the setting of the town's physical environment.

Language usage and mechanics: You should think seriously about carefully editing this story. Cleaning it up and polishing it would make the story more appealing.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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#1300305 by Maryann


1182
1182
Review of Flame, No Flame  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you with a review of your story. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: This is a heartfelt story, especially for animal lovers!

A pet ferret finds herself in a bind until an Irish Setter investigates the case and solves the mystery at the neighborhood library. Flame, as the beloved ferret is named, escaped her familiar surroundings in the library one day.

Her disappearance caused major havoc for Lynn~~Flame's owner, George~~hired detective, Andrew~~the head librarian, Bowser~~an investigating dog, and Prince~~chief investigating dog.
Character development is quite clear. The Reader is not likely to confuse the characters once he reads about them.

George interviews the library staff and some patrons and searches the library. He investigates and concludes nothing is out of order. Considering.that water Lynn left for Flame was gone several days, but the food wasn't touched and Flame was nowhere to be seen, and Andrew had found that chocolate Oreos were missing. Conclusion: There may be ghosts in the library! Lynn, after leading an effort to locate Flame, had Bowser, then Prince, take over the investigation. Prince pointed at a wall and sure enough, Flame had her seven new ferret pups hiding with her in the wall. All's well that ends well

The setting and description in the library basement could be easily envisioned. Evaluate if a detailed setting and description of the library is needed. Some questions to ponder: 1) Is it necessary to include a cursory discussion of Lynn's getting a pet wolf? This seemed out of line with the plot. 2) The cat traipsing through the library makes me question how professional the library staff is. Is this what you want? 3) Enter fisherman. I thought he was excess baggage. What is the purpose of having him in the story? 4) How healthy is it for Flame and new babies to eat chocolate? I know chocolate is lethal for dogs.
6) Any resolution as to why lights were on two nights?

I found only one language usage error. 'Wolfs' should be 'Wolves'.

Good job. Adorable plot and happy ending. Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1183
1183
Review of My City of Dreams  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you in a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: Your poem speaks of conformity as the greatest fear of the people.

The people in your city have become insignificant. They are ignorant, unthinking. They are divided by language. They fight over religion. Darkness is reaching new heights.

Rhyme is good. I think you mean '...shallow as they...' not 'them'. You will probably want a rhyming word to replace 'sham'.

Rhythm is good. Usage and mechanics fairly good.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1184
1184
Review of My City of Dreams  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you in a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
*Smile*

My overall impression: Your poem speaks to conformity as the greatest fear of the people of your city.

They have become insignificant. They do not think. They are ignorant. They are divided by language. They fight over religion. Darkness is reaching new heights.

Rhyme is fairly good. I think you mean '...shallow as they...' not 'them'. You will probably want to replace 'sham' with a word that rhymes with 'they'.

There is a rhythmic cadence. Usage and mechanics are fairly good.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1185
1185
Review of Choice  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you with a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
*Smile*

My overall impression: Freedom of choice is very important. There are good choices and bad choices. The individual makes the choice.

All choices have a magical effect weather they are good or bad. "...they can make you smile or feel regret. It's something for you alone."

There is a good message in your poem. You might want to remove extra words that are not needed to state your message.

There are several punctuation and/or usage errors. 'ones' might sound better replaced by 'those'. 'towards' should be 'toward'. 'It's should be 'its'. 'breath' should be 'breathe'. 'Your' should be 'you're'.

You don't need capital letters at beginning of line unless you want a pause shown by a comma at the end of the preceding line.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1186
1186
Review of My City of Dreams  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you with a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
*Smile*

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My overall impression: Your poem speaks of the city of your dreams. You feel the greatest fear of the people is conformity.

The people have become insignificant. They don't think and they are ignorant. They are divided by language. They fight over religion. Darkness in the city is reaching new heights.

Rhyme is sprinkled throughout the Orem. I think you mean "...shallow as they..." rather than "...shallow as them..." You probably will want to replace sham with a word rhyming with they.

There is a rhythmic cadence. Usage and mechanics are fairly good overall.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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1187
1187
Review of My City of Dreams  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here to honor you in a review of your poem. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
*Smile*

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My overall impression: Your poem speaks of the city of your dreams. You feel the greatest fear of the people of this city has become conformity.

The people have become insignificant. They're ignorant and don't think. They are divided by language and fight over religion. Darkness is reaching new heights in this city.

Rhyme is found throughout the poem. I think you mean "...shallow as they..." not them. You probably will want to replace 'sham' with a word rhyming with 'they'.

Rhythmic cadence is found in poem. Language usage and mechanics are good overall.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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#1300305 by Maryann



1188
1188
Review of Choice  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you with a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: You have freedom of choice in life as we know it. Some choices are good; some choices are bad.

Freedom of choice is very important. All choices have a magical effect, good or bad. "...they can make you smile or feel regret,
It's something for you alone." Good message, but some of the thoughts are unnecessary to the poem. If some words seem unneeded, think about removing them.

Several errors with punctuation: ones...would sound better with 'those'; towards should be toward; it's should be its; breath should be breathe; your should be you're; Voice, replace with .

You don't need capital letters at beginning of line unless you use a comma to show a pause at the end of the preceding line.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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#1300305 by Maryann
1189
1189
Review of New World  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you with a review of your short story. Please use my suggestion as you see fit.
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My overall impression: The awakening of a beast could change the world, especially if Protocol is not followed.

This short story lays the groundwork for a novel and could be used as the introduction for the novel. Chapter One develops the character, the Beast~~or It~~of the antagonist.

A description of this creature is given, his eyes are "plasma flames". He is "floating in the dark". His hunger is demonstrated by "A squeezing of the belly".

There are a series of three things that will change the world forever: a siren, red lights and the Beast in motion and howling.

Chapter Two introduces Agent Bryce. He is pudgy, and very ordinary looking. He is, in fact, an ordinary, average man. He is the protagonist of the story. He is an ordinary man looking at an ordinary building. A Priority Three alarm goes off. After the alarm rings, there are 15 minutes to arrive in front of the building. Five minutes after the alarm is lockdown. Ten minutes later is evacuation. Fifteen minutes later the alarm is turned off.

The alarm came from Cell Seven. There are no human heat signatures coming from Cell Seven. There is a threat that Agentt Bryce would be killed. They lost Alpha in all of this. They will bring in Agent Omega into the project. Omega is thought to be unreliable.
Bryce is ordered to rendezvous with Omega by the Director.

This plot needs to be expanded upon. More description of Alpha's circumstance and character development of the Director and Omega is needed. The settings are given in fairly good detail. How is the conflict between Bryce and the Beast resolved? Dialogue is explicit.

Some language usage problems. Right before Chapter Two: breathe should be breath; his phone vibrates should be vibrated; you need to active phone should be activate phone. "He felt a little safer..."...heat signatures. Add quotation marks at end.

Best wishes and thanks for sharing.
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#1300305 by Maryann

1190
1190
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to honor you in a review of your article. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: This article gives pause for discussion and consideration of the different ways of defining beauty.

Beauty is subjective and can be seen in different lights. Some feel that beauty is in the eye of the holder. Others feel that there is a physical beauty that is aesthetic. To be academic researchers believe there is purposeless beauty where style wins out over substance. Then there is beauty that is complexity and shows dedication and commitment. Beauty that is simplicity is just a person's preference.
More explanation and examples of the academic could help here.

What needs to be understood, bottom line: Many feel that beauty represents who you are and what your abilities are. It has been concluded in some studies that physical appearance is at least as important as intelligence, especially if it is a first impression. Other researchers feel that physical beauty fades. Of real importance are resolve, grit, and determination. People should be what they are. Which viewpoint do you line up with?

Good language usage and mechanics.

Thanks for sharing.
From
GerMac
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#1300305 by Maryann
1191
1191
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: Your article discusses the significance of doodling all over everything.

You wonder what doodling means to a person's personality. You should think about researching doodling and handwriting.


Try writing an outline to organize your article.

Thanks for sharing.
From
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#1300305 by Maryann
1192
1192
Review of The Seasons  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you in a review of your poem. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression:
Your poem is delightful to read and savor through the seasons.

Each stanza represents the individual season. Stanza 1: reaching for warmth in the spring. Stanza 2: summer is the verdant growing season. Stanza 3: in autumn everything turns brown. Stanza 4: flowers are but a memory until spring makes its entrance.

In Stanza 4 last line you might want to consider different wording. How about this? ..."til spring comes again."

Poem flows naturally, good usage and mechanics. Some nice imagery.

Thanks for sharing.
From
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#1300305 by Maryann

1193
1193
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi! I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you in a review of your piece. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: Your piece alludes to the problem, but needs more specificity in both of his directions.

Giving examples of his two directions could help the worker as well as the reader. What is unscrupulous? What direction later is inconsistent? Do you think the supervisor is intentially "setting you up" so he can now tell you that you need to improve?

In the area of languuage one main thought per paragraph with supporting information would be helpful to the reader.

I like your use of imagery ..."flags in the wind..." to communicate what his orders do to you.

Thanks for sharing.
From
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#1300305 by Maryann
1194
1194
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you with a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: This poem is about a sweet little bird caught in a rain storm.

The clapping storm clouds and grey ocean are lashing against the windy trees bending.

The bird struggles against the sting if the rain. He seeks his warm nest and huddles, content to rest.

Good description. Rhyme sprinkled through poem. Good language usage and mechanics. Nice imagery.

Thanks for sharing.
GerMac
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#1300305 by Maryann
1195
1195
Review of Thank You  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you in a review of your piece. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: We don't get the opportunity to say goodbye, thank you for all you've done, I love you when our moms and dads are alive. Writing this letter to your mom gave you a chance to say those things.

Maybe in future years you can write more of those things that have been left unsaid. It must be comforting to say those things. I congratulate you on your astuteness. You're very honest. Maybe she is listening and talking to you.

Well written. Good language usage.

Thanks for sharing.
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#1300305 by Maryann
1196
1196
Review of The lighten path  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you in a review of your poem. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: In this poem death and despair are concerns in your life.

You learn that you can walk with hope. You feel someone is wanting to kill your soul and life. You walk cautiously, trying to find the pure white light. You wonder if the pure light is hope and shines in your life. Exercise caution with hope.

The message is well-stated. Good language usage and imagery in this free verse poem. Think about the placement of the poem on the page. An attractive arrangement is also important.

Thanks for sharing.
From
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#1300305 by Maryann

1197
1197
Review of Finder's Keepers  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi! I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you with a review. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: The man finds the woman and the woman chooses the man.

Aren't you glad. Your man is way above other men who are pretentious and egotistical. You appreciate him for his love of you and dear kindness. You chose him because of the sincerity of his soul. Truly a beautiful love poem.

Well-written, good language.

Thanks for sharing.
1198
1198
Review of A new path  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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My overall impression: This is a poem about divorce and a new love. Futures are shattered. With your new love you move at a slow pace, but you later find that "the more we move, the faster we heal", "new futures form, new dreams to come."

Well-written. Good language usage and mechanics. Rhyme sprinkled through poem.
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#1300305 by Maryann
1199
1199
Review of Want some?  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to do a review of your essay. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression of your piece: You have written a persuasive essay which gives your conclusion and your arguments or supporting information for your conclusion.

Writing an outline of your essay will help show the conclusion and the supporting evidence. You are a family cook because your family gives you a thumbs up on the fresh ingredients you make and serve. Second conclusion: you are also a cook for a bigger family, studying foreign cuisines for their nutritional value which promotes good health. They are healthy dishes like those dishes that you create for your family, a smaller group. You will benefit by the sense of accomplishment and professional growth that you get as a cook.

Language usage is okay. Mechanics good.

Thank you for sharing.
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#1300305 by Maryann
1200
1200
Review of I Am  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here to honor you with a review of your poem. Please use my suggestions as you see fit.
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My overall impression: This is a sensitive poem about who you are. Stanza 4 is my favorite. I love rainbows introducing the sunshine again.

Each stanza describes a fabulous piece of imagery. The language flows smoothly. Well-written. Rhyme is sprinkled through the poem.

Thank you for sharing.
From
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#1300305 by Maryann
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