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I'm good at evaluating the writer's creative statement or message. If there is no statement, the piece seems disconnected and it's difficult to see the purpose. Many readers would question whether there is a purpose at all. I'm good spotting language usage and grammar, punctuation and spelling problems. If corrections are needed, I'll point them out to you under suggestions.
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1126
1126
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a sweet poem about not wanting to be alone, but finding God while you are and having hope.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
"I can't stand the sound of silence, it's the sound I just can't bear." This line makes me wonder how silence sounds. You say you love the whispers in God's words. What God says makes you feel that you are not alone. Most memorable for me is the following stanza:

"But the whispers I do love are the whispers in God's words,
'Come to me. I'll save you and I always give you hope,
For with me you shall never be alone,
My arm is strong and powerful, full of love and kindness too
for I shall not fore sake even the poorest of you."

You say you cannot wait until God gives you freedom from this world's chaos. Your world will be full of children's laughter, Angels singing and you will be with your true family again, full of joy, I have to say these are real signs of joy and happiness.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Rhyme is sprinkled throughout your poem. Your rhythm could be smoother. You might want to read your poem aloud, adding and subtracting syllables as neede for a smooth flow of words and a good cadence. You have used the wrong word. Bare should be bear.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1127
1127
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Forgive and forget the worries and blues on the job.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
The job is a problem with everyone fighting. You are more tactful and try to remember that you can't please everyone. You feel it is a constant struggle to care. You have to be tough. "Forgive and forget all the worries and blues." You need to remember to nod and be tough. It seems that you have figured out how to deal with the political climate of an office. Good job. I like your title. It is appropriate.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
There is a nice rhyming pattern in your poem. The rhythm creates a good cadence. I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation and grammar.

Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
GerMac


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1128
1128
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lisa. My name is GerMac. I am here on behalf of Newbies Academy Group. I am going to do a review of your short story for. You. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Bulletg*- MY OVERALL IMPRESSION: -
My overall impression of this piece: You would do well to read some books or talk to your mom and dad about the positives and negatives of aging.

*Bulletg*- SETTING/THEME:-
This piece takes place in Walgren's. The theme of your story has to do with impatience for the elderly. It seems that you are rejecting grandma's current condition. She is slow, she's old, she's senile. She's not aware of others. She's not what she used to be. She calls you Joy and your name is Ellen.

*Bulletg*- PLOT/HOOK: -
Inside Walgren's you almost have a fit over grandma's obsolescence. She's meant to age. The teenage boy in the aisle has more appreciation than Ellen does. He smilingly tells grandma to enjoy it. She can't get it back. His way is more positive than thinking grandma is obsolete. You could dwell on the days grandma was beautiful. That would make both of you happy.
There is plenty of tension. I don't see any resolution yet.

*Bulletg*- CHARACTERS/DIALOGUE:-
Grandma
Ellen
Teenage boy

Dialogue:N/A

*Bulletg*- LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/GRAMMAR:-
I am not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar.

*Bulletg*- MOST. MEMORABLE:-
Ellen thinking grandma is obsolescent. Her own son could be the age of the teenager.

*Bulletg*- SUGGESTIONS:-
See above.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac

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1129
1129
Review of Malfeasants  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
A sad look at the condition of aging in the human being.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You're showing the hazards of aging in your poem. Every bend squeaks.and creaks, We lose the power to move, we decay, we can no longer stand erect, "Malfeasance if you please, designed to fail, meant to degrade, to waste away", This is a woeful tale of the aging of human beings. While your poem is humorous, I Ithink you should mention some of the more positive parts of aging.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
There is rhyme sprinkled throughout your free verse poem. You have written a poem that has a nice flow of words, a good cadence. You have some good imagery, eg "a skeleton dethroned". I am not distracted by errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar. Your title is interesting, almost subtle. Malfeasance means legally harmful or wrong doing. How is your poem legally harmful? The poem is almost satirical, but you might want to take another look at your title.

Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
GerMac


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1130
1130
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. I am offering suggestions. Please do what you feel is appropriate.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
In this poem the poet tries to understand the thinking of someone who caress only about other people.

e:idea}--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
When you're a soul adrift, you feel like you have nothing to give and no-one to care for. You struggle to give your soul a lift, but it's difficult when you are part of nothing. You get caught up I everyone's plights.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by any language usage, punctuation or grammar mistakes. Rhyming sprinkled through this free verse poem. Suggestions: You might want to first read your poem aloud, and add or subtract syllables as needed to bring a smooth flow of words and a good rhythm. Most memorable for me: "It's no life to live, a soul adrift, feeling like you have nothing to give,". I like the phrase 'a soul adrift'. It has a feeling of depth, and sincere caring, but the person has nothing to give because he is moving and adrift.
Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1131
1131
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. These are only suggestions and you should do what you think is appropriate.


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a poem based on the train wreck of the Southern Railway old 1897 train.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
What a fabulous way to study history. A re-enactment that is as genuine as can be. The train engineer was diligent in delivering and picking up the Mail on time. Rarely was he late. This day he was a little late but thought he could make up the time on the three mile grade, but there wasn't enough air pressure.. I was on the edge of my seat when I realized he had to throw the train in reverse. I knew there was a severe problem when a tear rolled down his cheek and the passengers began screaming and the train was gaining momentum. Then it happened. The train had a wreck. How sad. This must have been utterly frightening and a horrendous experience for the passengers.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I find. your pantoum form poem just fascinating. You mention that meaning can be changed with shifting, repeating lines as well as shifting punctuation, punning, and As I read your poem, the repeating lines made me think of the chug chug chug woo woo whistle of the train. I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. Most memorable for me: Any of the repeating lines, eg "He thought he'd make up time on the three mile grade, and it'd be okay."

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for this piece of living history.

Regards,
GerMac


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1132
1132
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This poem is about a woman whose past affects her future.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You remember different events of your life from the house where you lived to the necklace and book that you carry which could be symbolic. You notice white lines on your wrists several times. You are reminded of past painful memories. The bus slows down and "She stands up slowly walking to new land with her scars and souvenirs." That line is most memorable to me. You might be wondering if you have a chance at a new life, a new beginning. It seems that now is the opportunity to do everything to the best of your ability. Talking to a pastor of your choice might be a real opportunity. Best wishes to you.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Your unmetered, unrhymed free verse poem has a nice flow of words. Your refrain has a lyrical quality and introduces different parts of your life. "She sits on the cold bus seat". Every time I read the refrain I know it is time to focus on the next life's event.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1133
1133
Review of Falling Leaves  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, These are my suggestions only,. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a poem of a falling leaf before it becomes something new.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You said during autumn the moisture was sucked from the leaf by the limb. The leaf roasted during autumn. The wind carried the leaf. The leaf had no control over where it flew. It crashed on the ground and broke into pieces. I think you need a word that better describes the sound when the leaf broke. Crumpling sound seems not strong enough here. The leaf is transformed into a four leaf clover.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
The rhyming pattern of your poem is effective. There is a smooth flow of words which creates a smooth cadence. Some onomatopoeia is used. I like your use of personification which the leaf human qualities. The word leafed should be leaf. The word rainbows should be rainbow's.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1134
1134
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with New use Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, This is my. way of honoring you. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. These are only my suggestions. You are the writer, so please do what you feel is appropriate with my comments. *Smile*


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
We are not aware of our perceptions around us.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I like your use of personification. It must be threatening for an insect to realize the size of human beings. Human beings, on the other hand, are quite amazed with the number of insects in a horde. Imagine getting caught inside a bottle of brandy. Talk about dulled senses.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
You have used personification very effectively in your poem. There is a nice rhyming pattern and a smooth flow of words, creating a good cadence. Periods are not generally used unless there is a long pause, usually at the end of the stanza. Dogs limbs should be dog's limbs in my favorite stanza. Most memorable to me is the following:
"While I was flying inbound, (Lines usually should end with comma, not period)
I was spotted by a hound,
He gave chase and I hitched a ride,
My grip was broken and I fell down,
Narrowly missing my crown,
I used the dog's limbs as a slide."

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1135
1135
Review of Don't go  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
As parents age, children tend to worry about them, especially if they have poor health habits, or they are not diligent taking care of themselves.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You stated that when you were a child, you were not allowed to spend much time with your daddy. You have asked your dad to cut down on his drinking because you want him to be around in his waning years. "I fear the day that I wake up and my daddy isn't there." That day is inevitable, so I agree now is the time to make up for lost time together.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar. My most memorable lines are the following:

"Bedtime stories late at night
Burnt breakfast in the morning,
These little things stick in my mind
As a darker day is dawning."

Burning the breakfast might be remembered many years later and might help bonding too. It's these small things that make a special memory.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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1136
Review of Don't go  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems to honor you for your anniversary birthday., Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
As parents age, their children worry about them, especially if the parents are not diligent about their health or have habits that could end their lives, such as alcoholism.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
In this poem you say that you have had very little time spent with your dad. You beg your dad to cut down on drinking so the two of you can have some time together in the waning years. "...I fear the day that I wake up and my daddy isn't there." You know that day is inevitable.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
There is a good rhyming pattern. A nice flow of words makes for a smooth cadence, I am not distracted by any errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar. My most memorable lines are the following:

"Bedtime stories late at night,
Burnt breakfast in the morning,
These little things stick in my mind
As this darker day is dawning."

Sometimes it's the burnt breakfast that creates a moment of laughter. That special humor together gives daddy and daughter bonding that they will remember years later. It might be worth it to burn the breakfast intentionally!

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1137
Review of Ole Harry's Grave  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems for your anniversary birthday., Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Some people will do anything to win the bet!

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
There is a good rhyming pattern. Nice flow of words makes for a smooth cadence. Imagery is humorous. To swear he was going to spend the night on Harry's grave and to remain there until daybreak , says Harry must have a good friend, especially one that puts up with a bird flapping in his face and evacuating just at the right moment when Harry's mouth was open. After collecting his bet, Harry's friend drank a toast to Ol' Harry.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Nice rhyming pattern, good flow of words makes a smooth cadence. Imagery is humorous, as is the poem.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1138
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, in honor of your anniversary birthday. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a tmagnificent story told by the old sea dog. He has not a friend in the world, spent his life sailing the sea, but as a storyteller he gains all kinds of acceptance.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I just love your poem. I feel like I was present in the 1900's. I can certainly understand how all of the townspeople wanted to hear your stories. I could listen to them forever. The theme of this poem one of all people mistrusting the season until they got to know him and his storytelling abilities.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
You have used a delightful abab rhyme pattern in this poem. There is a smooth flow of words, a delightful cadence with a very contemporary way of ending each stanza with the last line continuing on into the next stanza. I am not distracted by errors in usage or grammar. Here are some suggestions in punctuation. See below.
S2: bends, not bends.
S3: beer, not beer.
S4: souse, not souse,
S7: sessions, not sessions.
S8: abound, not abound.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
German


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1139
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems to honor your anniversary birthday. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This poem is thought provoking and shows how a grandfather grieves over his stillborn grandson.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your poem paints a picture of the training and skill involved in wood carving. The way the grandfather's hands caressed the wood and made deft cuts in the wood to form a giraffe for his stillborn grandson's crib mobile tells me he was a real expert in wood carving. Even though he was grieving for his stillborn grandson, he continued working on the mobile...a way of grieving.
Finally he could not stop the tears from rolling down his face. The wood carving, even though the grandson was not alive to enjoy it, must have helped the grandfather with grieving. It was beautiful, so he should keep it as a tribute to his grandson. This is what beautiful trained hands can do.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
This traditional poem has a very lovely rhyming pattern and a nice flow of words which creates a good cadence.


Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1140
Review of Stake Deal  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems in honor of your anniversary birthday. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
All can play the game, but fouls are not allowed. That upfront disclosure should help players and dealers.
*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I find this Americanized version of 5-3-5 interesting. It is closer to the authentic Japanese version of Haiku and is quite creative.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I enjoyed your version of. Haiku with the syllable pattern 5 - 3 - 5. I was not distracted with any errors in usage, punctuation, or grammar. A suggestion: I counted six syllables on your last line. How about re-wording your Haiku to bring it into the syllable count: Cast out foul players. Most memorable to me: "Let's play poker now Dealers deal Cast out foul players"

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems to honor you on your anniversary birthday., Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Your poem ipaints the picture of every mom's delight, a little Prince Charming who belongs to mom.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your son's compassionate heart goes that extra mile. I certainly identify with this next comment: the idea that your son is strong willed and in time his dreams will be fulfilled. Most Memorable line for me: "The playful , mischievous grin tries to hide the devil within." Delightful!

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by any errors in this section. Suggestions: N/A

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of her poems posthumously. Please use my suggestions as she would have seen fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This prize winning poem about cherishing families is a joy to read.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-b
This lovely poem speaks of cherished family memories, counting your blessings, remembering parents were always there, and passing this abilit on to children

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Toni's poem is a traditional poem with a rhyme pattern and a nice flow of words which makes for a good smooth cadence. Suggestions: N/A. Most memorable line: "Passing these things on to my children is my goal, for what more could be cherished than family."
Thank you for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac


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Review of School-Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
There is nothing like a school' girl's memory of love and all the giggling that goes with it.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-.
The memory of your words, tone of your voice, your lips, our kisses, visions of you, your fingertips on my lips are especially remembered every time I giggle.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Your free verse, unmetered poem makes for interesting reading. Rhyme is sprinkled through the poem. You have used some nice imagery, eg "I'm drifting in the clouds with your dancing on my mind." Most Memorable for me: the line "...thoughts of your fingertips breeze past my giggling lips to hush me with a giggling kiss." One suggestion: Stanza 6: How about a little different wording. "Lips play like a breeze."

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Your poem makes for restful reading. Watching a dog content to explore at the beach is a happy sight.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your poem about your dog is enjoyable reading. Your dog doesn't have frisbee or sticks to chase. He is content to walk by the waves along the shoreline. It is a warm sunny day. Your dog knows a puppy is joining his owner. He doesn't mind because she has plenty of love to gI've. He sniffs at seashells and a crab. The crab walks away from him. He barks at the crab as if to say the crab is an unsociable creature. The dogs sees a shadow and knows the shadow is his guardian angel. He is now safe to take a nap. He dreams he is king of dogs.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
This free verse poem is unmetered and has rhyme sprinkled through the poem. There is some nice imagery, eg "The sun sparkles on the ocean". You have used personification effectively, eg the dog doesn't worry about politics or world affairs.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! Angela! I am GerMac, affiliated with the Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use any of my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Your poem is a wonderful study of the many faceted personality traits of an autistic person. The autistic person has a broad base of knowledge and a creative flair. He learns differently from the typical average person., but he can fill many needs in society. He puts his pencil to paper atypically from the average person. As a retired educator, I find the pencil paper tasks are the real differences. Unusual behaviors like rushed speech or tapping and humming are found in the average population too. You have dedicated this poem to your son. It seems that you would like to help him understand his unique position. Every parent should try to help the children/adults understand and accept their Unique problems, but not in a judgmental way..

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your poem shows the wonderful talents your son has~~knowledge of Constitutional Law and the Patriot Act, for example. He also has a terrific mechanical aptitude and business sense that will make money in the future. He is knowledgeable and creative in everything he does.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I truly enjoyed the rhyme pattern of your poem. In Stanza 3 your pattern was interfered with. You can follow the aabb pattern by finding a rhyme for Trek to bring the pattern in line. The rhythm had a smooth flow of words. A nice cadence was developed.

I like the last line refrain in Stanzas 1 - 3 and another refrain in Stanzas 4 - 6. Stanzas 7 - 8 emphasized the link between the past and present.

Most memorable for me: the seventh stanza which shows that your son will make money from those who misunderstood and called him slow. Life has a way of evening the score! Good for him. Suggestions: I think you should describe what you mean by traditional flow. The difference between the average child and the autistic child is not really clear. You have done a great job with this poem.
Thank you for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac
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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! Sum1! I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use any of my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This limerick is about the poet's very honest portrayal of family members. They're all much loved for being themselves. Just be natural is an appropriate saying for this family!

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You say the family get together is potluck. I think you mean that in more than one way! Take the fattening chicken and marshmallows, the gravy full of lumps., the dry pie crust, the wine which tasted like beer and the bread which you brought and cost you dearly. You wed the baker. This was all potluck and so were the personalities. The family even had miserable weather. They were there to honor the deceased. If it could go wrong, it would...Murphy's Law, I think! Nothing went right. You are wonderfully creative and honest! Did the deceased die from earlier pot lucks?

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
This is a humorous limerick. It is loaded with rhyme. The rhythm is delicious. Most memorable for me: When describing the gravy...it was blue like the ocean, when stirred, it was quite wavy. Suggestions: N/A


Thank you for sharing.
Regards,

GerMac
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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fyn! My name is GerMac. I am part of the Newbies Academy Group. I am here to review your short story. Please use any of my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Bulletg*- MY OVERALL IMPRESSION: -
It seems to me that this is a character sketch about the protagonists, Samantha and Christoph, or perhaps, just Christoph.

*Bulletg*- SETTING/THEME:-
The setting takes place at the airport. Time and how it affects life is a major theme. Time is colorful and presented in different ways through life.

*Bulletg*- PLOT/HOOK: -
The dog, Cogs, challenged Samantha and Christoph by nipping at them and so much as daring them to work everything out. Time stretches the point when Christoph's wallet which contained Samantha's address was stolen by a pickpocket. Samantha inadvertently lost Christoph's address and left her jacket behind at the airport.

Weeks went by and they were not able to contact each other. Christoph was drafted. Samantha married someone else, even though she was pregnant. Time showed it wandered without rhyme or reason., although not always. A bullet missed Christoph in the jungle. The man Samantha married didn't care whether she was pregnant or not.

Forty years went by. They would be re-connected by love and joy. There was time for all concerned.

*Bulletg*- CHARACTERS/DIALOGUE:-
Samantha
Christoph
Dog, Cogs
Woman at airport who lost the paper Samantha had given her with her address. Back of it was Christoph's address although Samantha didn't realize this.
Second woman at airport who took Samantha's jacket
Pickpocket at airport who took Christoph's wallet which had Samantha's address.

Dialogue: N/A

*Bulletg*- LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/GRAMMAR:-
I was not distracted by any errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar.

*Bulletg*- MOST. MEMORABLE:-
Most memorable to me: The fate involved and the influence of time. They say "Timing is everything." It can cause havoc, stretch the point, be capricious, ease into life, or not capricious and needing to be waited out.

*Bulletg*- SUGGESTIONS:-
Your ending in this character background is interesting because it allows the reader to imagine how things might have been if time hadn't caused such havoc. I'd personally like to know what the joy and love holds for the future. I'd like to think Samantha and Christoph are able to meet over their child's future or perhaps, more realistically Christoph would meet his son in the future. Yes, I'd like to see the story played out. It is your story, of course, and your decision.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards

GerMac
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Review of November  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please any suggestions I may have as you see fit. *Smile*


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This traditional poem makes me want to analyze November's personality and take time to think about what's to come during autumn.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your poem is easy to read. I keep thinking about the symbolism of your poem. I believe from all of the pictures you have painted for my mind's eye, November represents the weather in autumn. Her frowns darken the clouds, she takes a nip of frosting green with morning dew. Her fading light brings day to an early close. She sends frosty chills and finally leaves so December can arrive. I now wonder what kind of personality December has because she represents yet another type of weather. Any chance of a sequel to study December's character. It seems that spring or perhaps April would have a younger personality~~more playful and less apt to 'have 'white wet snow blankets on valleys and hills'. I'd love to get to know April too!

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS/MOST MEMORABLE:
I like your use of personification in this poem. Personification shows that November is a character and surprises the reader with her antics. You've captured them in your poem. I especially like how she 'brushes a misty shroud' and then laughs aloud as she wipes the shroud away.

There is a delightful rhyme pattern in your traditional poem. Just a suggestion for your consideration: There is a nice rhythm, but I wonder if the flow of words could be smoother if you first, read the poem aloud, counted syllables, and then added and subtracted syllables to even the lines of each stanza.

Your imagery is positively lovely and is noticed throughout the poem. My favorite line is 'She blows the trees until they are bare'.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac


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Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, I saw your poem on the review pages. I was in the mood to savor a poem today. I'm glad I chose yours. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a free verse poem that captures your outlook on life years ago and shows the difference in today's terms~~how you felt about life then compared to how you feel about life now.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
The years have sneaked away without your realizing it. When you were a child, rainbows were abundant. You could enjoy looking at them wherever you went, any time, any place. It's like. a cumulative effect. Bit by bit the change occurs until you wake up one morning and there is a major change that wasn't obvious until today. You conclude that not only are the rainbows gone, but so is you hope, your love, your life. There is a melancholy tone to your poem. There is a good lesson for us all to behold. The lesson of time being illusive. I could spend much time thinking your poem through, and each time I think about it, I could perceive a different slant. The rainbows could symbolize the days and the meaning of time and how mathematically, time goes faster as we get older. Have you noticed?

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Your poem is unmetered and unrhymed. It has a very nice flow of words. The imagery of the rainbows is very descriptive. I am not distracted by any language usage, punctuation or grammar errors. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. You've done a nice job.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac











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Review of Squirrel Survivor  Open in new Window.
Review by GerMac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems for our April Laugh On Review Raid. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a poem about a squirrel who survived~~sort of what I mean!

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
This free verse poem claims that the squirrel is experienced crossing the street and knows how to look to the left, look to the right, now cross. He ran across the street without realizing how fast the car was coming. Not exactly kersplat, but his tail was smashed. That is what the reader is led to believe!

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
These areas are acceptable. I was not distracted by errors while reading this poem. Unrhymed and unmetered.

Thank you for sharing.


Regards,

GerMac

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