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I'm good at evaluating the writer's creative statement or message. If there is no statement, the piece seems disconnected and it's difficult to see the purpose. Many readers would question whether there is a purpose at all. I'm good spotting language usage and grammar, punctuation and spelling problems. If corrections are needed, I'll point them out to you under suggestions.
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1101
Review of Temperance  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This kyrielle sonnet speaks of being temperate in our outlook on life. Do not be depressed or negative about life.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You have referred to might have beens and how you have raised a toast to might have beens in your lifetime. This only witnesses the sinking of dreams. You say that you 'drink too deeply of my lies, tasting the failures'. A popular term among my associates is 'wanna be's. I don't think the terms are that much different. My term just isn't final yet!

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. Imagery is very good. Well written poem.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann

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1102
1102
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
The loss of your father has a severe impact on family members. Remembering him and sharing grief with family members is a beginning of healing.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
The layout of your poem was the very first thing that caught my eye. The format of your poem brings about a very gentle comprehension of beautiful memories. You speak of him as resting in the presence of God. You refer to your father as "no lesser the man". Most memorable to me: "...All of us who remain here will be even closer to you and each other. Father Friend the end". You are sure you will see him again. These are lovely thoughts.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation, or grammar. You have done a good job writing your unmetered free verse with rhyme sprinkled in the poem,

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann


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1103
1103
Review of In Heaven  
Review by GerMac
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
What will man comprehend beyond the world of matter and its spiritual counterpart?

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You wonder what you will understand in heaven when "the clothes of this earthbound existence are folded and laid aside." Since we mortals are not able to perceive heavenly realities, it is faith alone that tells you there is a nightingale singing of paradise. There is the fragrance of the rose of unity. You will see the unveiled face of the Beloved. Truly a beautifully spiritual thought. Thank you. You gave me a wonderful lift today, reminding me that what we need is faith.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. Rhyme sprinkled in.your free verse with unmetered lines. Very nice imagery.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann

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1104
1104
Review of Patchwork Quilt  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Autumn is a time of the wind unmasking bare branches .

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Colored leaves fall in autumn as a patchwork quilt with dreams of the rebirth of spring. Nice job.
*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Rhyme is sprinkled through your free verse poem. Rhythm creates a nice flow of words and a good cadence. Your imagery is lovely. Eg 'a colored farewell'. Most memorable for me: "a whispered colored farewell is their final prayer".

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann

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1105
1105
Review of The Journey  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Your free verse poem is a good statement of Christians' courage and hope,

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Your poem speaks of Christians not fearing the journey God has given to them even though there is a twister near. They don't fear voices that belong to themselves. Tears of happiness from heaven come to them and the cry heard is a sign of Him. God has granted glorious love. Beauty is simplicity.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Rhyme is sprinkled through your poem. Your inline rhyming is quite interesting. Rhythm creates a nice flow of words. Your imagery is effective, eg 'intoxicated by shimmering spirits.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann

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1106
1106
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This traditional poem is about the effect of Adam and Eve's sin on mankind and the meaning of the howl of canines.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
An angel cried and there was a 'plaintiff's wail'. when that angel cried. God allowed a 'fitting serenade' because he wanted man to hear thei howl of the canines so that man would not miss the sorrow felt by him for the future he had made.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in punctuation, usage or grammar. Your imagery is effective. There is a good rhyme pattern and rhythm which creates a nice flow of words. Most memorable for me: "Man got the meaning of the canine call all too soon. Today it's purpose is unrecognized hidden meaning lies." Society is much worse with hidden lies today.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann

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1107
1107
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your pieces, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This monologue tells the story of a polyglot who is visiting in Hong Kong, the other end of the world from Ireland where he has lived in the past.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Hong Kong, now loaded with skyscrapers, is full of polluted air. The climate is near tropical, hot and sweaty, and a very different weather from what you are used to. There are hierarchical social expectations. Manners and politeness and respect are demanded in Hong Kong. You say your jokes don't go over. You do not feel connected with the people there. You are at the other end of the world. I can imagine you would feel a rift, getting used to a new mentality.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by.errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. Nice job of writing.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann
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1108
1108
Review of The venom of life  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This free verse poem is about a weakness of the human being especially when fire is given fuel.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
A weak human being looks for a serving tray to fuel its problem. The venom of life attacks the veins, brain, arteries, heart, flesh, nerves, bones and soul. The heart flutters. Nerves have illusions. The body "...seeking salver to the living fire, it feels thirsty for liquid death liquor." "Taking six senses from the five" is repeated many times because that's what happens. There is no such thing as a sixth sense, but you think you have it under control. It dulls the five senses. Yes, this venom is a losing proposition. Ask any dry alcoholic.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Rhyme is sprinkled throughout. Rhythm creates a nice flow and a smooth cadence. Your imagery is excellent, eg "rots the fibers into trash". Excellent job.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac

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#1300305 by Maryann

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1109
1109
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Rising above a life of pain gives the opportunity for a fresh new start.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You say your heart is bold as it soars above grief. There is a rapture of joyous relief. A fresh start begins with "the taste of another fine start".

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Your traditional has a very nice rhyme pattern of Abbas. The rhythm provides a smooth flow of words and a good cadence. Imagery is very effective, eg "rapture of joyous relief".
Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac



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#1300305 by Maryann

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1110
1110
Review of Asseveration  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
In your traditional poem you look into the records of universal law

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
One can visit a mystical library every day. There are objective memories and knowledge as you were transported to this sanctum in the air. You were part of stars and galaxies, and saw records of every victory and strife in your life. You saw the pettiness, hurt, kindness, gentleness, all these emotions. Each of us is responsible for the life we choose to lead. "...this life is the song I sing. We are each part of the melody of pain and joy that it brings." About yourself you say you cannot right the wrongs you've done, but you'll do the best you can.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:{/b
I was not distracted by any errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. You have done a wonderful job writing your traditionalpoem. Rhyming pattern is aabb. Rhythm brings about a good flow of words and a nice cadence. Your imagery is very excellent, "sanctum in the air", "perfect harmony", "me with a silver cord".

Suggestions: It seems that you would be repentant of the pain and hurt you've caused.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann


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1111
1111
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! MD Maurice, I'm GerMac. I am here on behalf of Power Reviewers Group. I will review your short story. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Bulletg*- MY OVERALL IMPRESSION: -
This is a descriptive piece about your French grandmother, who migrated from Quebec to New England,

*Bulletg*- SETTING/THEME:-
The setting takes place in Quebec until the grandmother was in her early 20's. She moved to New England where she made good use of a pool her spouse had built in the family home. Later she moved to a local home for the elderly.

*Bulletg*- PLOT/HOOK: -
This is a very nice description of the grandmother, but there really is no plot. I do not see any conflict or resolution. There are many fond memories, among them the children relishing visits to see grandmother because they knew she would give them their choice of "wishes', which were chocolates. She was an avid churchgoer who loved making brownies for the Pope. She had an affinity for him.

*Bulletg*- CHARACTERS/DIALOGUE:-
Grandmother
Children

There is no dialogue per se.

*Bulletg*- LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/GRAMMAR:-
I was not distracted by errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar. Your short story is very well written, very descriptive and expressive. Nice job.

*Bulletg*- MOST. MEMORABLE:-
Most memorable to me is the following:
"Time spent in her presence could make you feel inoculated from the ugliness..." She was talking about the world events she was aware of but never spoke of.

*Bulletg*- SUGGESTIONS:-
You might want to show some action in one part of your story that two characters disagree with and show the characters' differing points of view. Adding dialogue with that action could give some flow and pace to your story.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac

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#1300305 by Maryann


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1112
1112
Review of Trying to be  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! Spicy! I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
The poet says he is missing that feeling. That feeling must be the feeling of being alive.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I am not sure if you are describing a woman who made you feel so alive, "...Never in your life had you felt so alive...' or if the description fits a storm. Which is Itzel? You could make that more clear.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
This free verse poem has no rhyme. Rhythm flows nicely. You have used imagery very effectively. An example, my favorite part, follows:
"...the wild in her eyes,
That spark of crazy mixed with chaos,
The way she glowed with severity."

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann


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1113
1113
Review of Not sure yet...  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This free verse poem describes the aurora lights reflecting on the water.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You have written a lovely descriptive poem about the aurora lights and their reflection on the water. Were you there to see this? Very nice job.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
In this free verse poem I was not distracted by errors in language usage, punctuation or spelling. Effective use of personification, making the aurora lights come to life. My favorite part: "...glimmer wishes using one would see..." There are a few grammar errors that need cleaning up, as follows:
light's longings not lights longings
bring not brings
Did you mean emanating and not eliminating?
Did you mean pattern not patter?
To aurora you could add lights


Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann


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1114
1114
Review of A Simple Man  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile* If they make sense, use them. If they don't make sense, don't use them.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
John had good inner sight. He tried to share this trait with others, but no one would listen.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
John would be rich if he'd shave and shower so others would listen to his powerful message. He preferred the homeless because each could touch someone gently and make them sway. All they saw was a smelly, dirty homeless man. He'd seen the light and knew which path he should follow. He had a wife who planned to leave him. He left her that day and he never returned. He then felt. filthy, as if he'd been. walked on. He went nameless, as he didn't want her to track him. She was a politician so his absence would go unnoticed.

One day he saw her, but he walked the other way. Seeing her motivated him to get a job, and an apartment. He realized he couldn't see into tomorrow. He felt relieved of helping the homeless. His inner sight returned. He predicted his own death the next day. His tombstone epitaph read that he was a deaf, blind mute.

MOST MEMORABLE:
"Here lies a simple man, John LeGraf,
He never said much that anyone recalls,
He was deaf and blind, a mute after all."

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Nice rhyming and rhythm. Good raconteur. Poem is logical. I was not distracted by errors in language usage, grammar or punctuation.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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#1300305 by Maryann


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1115
1115
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems for our May Review Raid, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. If they don't make sense to you, don't use them.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This free verse poem is about summer, written as a Sarabande sonnet.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
Tunes are heard from the ocean surf and the gurgling stream. Seagulls and butterflies dance above a daffodil bouquet. The poet helps the summer spirits celebrate on the beach, the mountains and the meadow. The cicada. Serenade stops after the shower cools the glade.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
This free verse poem has a rhyming pattern and metered lines. It is a Sarabande sonnet for Asian dance. There is beautiful imagery and personification in the poem.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1116
1116
Review of Crayola  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, for our May Review Raid. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. If they don't make sense to you, don't use them.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a free verse poem about spring and the colors Mother Nature enjoys splashing all over living things.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You speak of the grass being soaked in emerald green and the landscape is painted at sunrise. Water lilies and honeysuckle are painted at sunrise. The peacocks have a quest to propagate and Monarch butterflies fly around in meadows befitting royalty. Springtime brings vitality to everything. There is a sunset at the end of the day.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Generally, there is a rhyme pattern in your poem. There is a smooth flow of words, creating a good cadence. Your imagery is very nice. You use personification effectively.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1117
1117
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems for our May Review Raid. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. If they don't make sense to you, please don't use them.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This poem speaks of the living things in nature.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I love your use of personification. "Flowers open their petals with a yawn." The sound of the couple rowing the boat is the Earth's melody. Creativity is so beautiful. Geese spread their wings, willow branches sway in the wind, water ripples quietly in the pond, "nature wakes up with a bristling sound'. Resting...a couple rows a boat, a woman reads a book, and geese sleep under the willow.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation, grammar or spelling in your poem. This is a free verse unmetered poem. You have some beautiful imagery in your poem and some lively personification.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1118
1118
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
Forgive and forget the worries and blues on the job.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
The job is a problem with everyone fighting. You are more tactful and try to remember that you can't please everyone. You feel it is a constant struggle to care. You have to be tough. "Forgive and forget all the worries and blues." You need to remember to nod and be tough. It seems that you have figured out how to deal with the political climate of an office. Good job. I like your title. It is appropriate.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
There is a nice rhyming pattern in your poem. The rhythm creates a good cadence. I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation and grammar.

Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
GerMac


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1119
1119
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lisa. My name is GerMac. I am here on behalf of Newbies Academy Group. I am going to do a review of your short story for. You. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Bulletg*- MY OVERALL IMPRESSION: -
My overall impression of this piece: You would do well to read some books or talk to your mom and dad about the positives and negatives of aging.

*Bulletg*- SETTING/THEME:-
This piece takes place in Walgren's. The theme of your story has to do with impatience for the elderly. It seems that you are rejecting grandma's current condition. She is slow, she's old, she's senile. She's not aware of others. She's not what she used to be. She calls you Joy and your name is Ellen.

*Bulletg*- PLOT/HOOK: -
Inside Walgren's you almost have a fit over grandma's obsolescence. She's meant to age. The teenage boy in the aisle has more appreciation than Ellen does. He smilingly tells grandma to enjoy it. She can't get it back. His way is more positive than thinking grandma is obsolete. You could dwell on the days grandma was beautiful. That would make both of you happy.
There is plenty of tension. I don't see any resolution yet.

*Bulletg*- CHARACTERS/DIALOGUE:-
Grandma
Ellen
Teenage boy

Dialogue:N/A

*Bulletg*- LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/GRAMMAR:-
I am not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar.

*Bulletg*- MOST. MEMORABLE:-
Ellen thinking grandma is obsolescent. Her own son could be the age of the teenager.

*Bulletg*- SUGGESTIONS:-
See above.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards,

GerMac

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1120
1120
Review of Malfeasants  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
A sad look at the condition of aging in the human being.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You're showing the hazards of aging in your poem. Every bend squeaks.and creaks, We lose the power to move, we decay, we can no longer stand erect, "Malfeasance if you please, designed to fail, meant to degrade, to waste away", This is a woeful tale of the aging of human beings. While your poem is humorous, I Ithink you should mention some of the more positive parts of aging.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
There is rhyme sprinkled throughout your free verse poem. You have written a poem that has a nice flow of words, a good cadence. You have some good imagery, eg "a skeleton dethroned". I am not distracted by errors in language usage, punctuation or grammar. Your title is interesting, almost subtle. Malfeasance means legally harmful or wrong doing. How is your poem legally harmful? The poem is almost satirical, but you might want to take another look at your title.

Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
GerMac


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1121
1121
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. I am offering suggestions. Please do what you feel is appropriate.

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
In this poem the poet tries to understand the thinking of someone who caress only about other people.

e:idea}--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
When you're a soul adrift, you feel like you have nothing to give and no-one to care for. You struggle to give your soul a lift, but it's difficult when you are part of nothing. You get caught up I everyone's plights.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I was not distracted by any language usage, punctuation or grammar mistakes. Rhyming sprinkled through this free verse poem. Suggestions: You might want to first read your poem aloud, and add or subtract syllables as needed to bring a smooth flow of words and a good rhythm. Most memorable for me: "It's no life to live, a soul adrift, feeling like you have nothing to give,". I like the phrase 'a soul adrift'. It has a feeling of depth, and sincere caring, but the person has nothing to give because he is moving and adrift.
Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1122
1122
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*. These are only suggestions and you should do what you think is appropriate.


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a poem based on the train wreck of the Southern Railway old 1897 train.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
What a fabulous way to study history. A re-enactment that is as genuine as can be. The train engineer was diligent in delivering and picking up the Mail on time. Rarely was he late. This day he was a little late but thought he could make up the time on the three mile grade, but there wasn't enough air pressure.. I was on the edge of my seat when I realized he had to throw the train in reverse. I knew there was a severe problem when a tear rolled down his cheek and the passengers began screaming and the train was gaining momentum. Then it happened. The train had a wreck. How sad. This must have been utterly frightening and a horrendous experience for the passengers.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
I find. your pantoum form poem just fascinating. You mention that meaning can be changed with shifting, repeating lines as well as shifting punctuation, punning, and As I read your poem, the repeating lines made me think of the chug chug chug woo woo whistle of the train. I was not distracted by errors in usage, punctuation or grammar. Most memorable for me: Any of the repeating lines, eg "He thought he'd make up time on the three mile grade, and it'd be okay."

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for this piece of living history.

Regards,
GerMac


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1123
1123
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Newbies Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This poem is about a woman whose past affects her future.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You remember different events of your life from the house where you lived to the necklace and book that you carry which could be symbolic. You notice white lines on your wrists several times. You are reminded of past painful memories. The bus slows down and "She stands up slowly walking to new land with her scars and souvenirs." That line is most memorable to me. You might be wondering if you have a chance at a new life, a new beginning. It seems that now is the opportunity to do everything to the best of your ability. Talking to a pastor of your choice might be a real opportunity. Best wishes to you.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
Your unmetered, unrhymed free verse poem has a nice flow of words. Your refrain has a lyrical quality and introduces different parts of your life. "She sits on the cold bus seat". Every time I read the refrain I know it is time to focus on the next life's event.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1124
1124
Review of Falling Leaves  
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with Power Reviewers Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, These are my suggestions only,. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
This is a poem of a falling leaf before it becomes something new.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
You said during autumn the moisture was sucked from the leaf by the limb. The leaf roasted during autumn. The wind carried the leaf. The leaf had no control over where it flew. It crashed on the ground and broke into pieces. I think you need a word that better describes the sound when the leaf broke. Crumpling sound seems not strong enough here. The leaf is transformed into a four leaf clover.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
The rhyming pattern of your poem is effective. There is a smooth flow of words which creates a smooth cadence. Some onomatopoeia is used. I like your use of personification which the leaf human qualities. The word leafed should be leaf. The word rainbows should be rainbow's.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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1125
1125
Review by GerMac
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am GerMac, affiliated with New use Academy Group. I am here today to review one of your poems, This is my. way of honoring you. Please use my suggestions as you see fit. These are only my suggestions. You are the writer, so please do what you feel is appropriate with my comments. *Smile*


*Butterflyb*-- OVERALL IMPRESSION:-
We are not aware of our perceptions around us.

*Idea*--THEME/CREATIVITY:-
I like your use of personification. It must be threatening for an insect to realize the size of human beings. Human beings, on the other hand, are quite amazed with the number of insects in a horde. Imagine getting caught inside a bottle of brandy. Talk about dulled senses.

*Pencil*-- TECHNIQUE/LANGUAGE USAGE/PUNCTUATION/SUGGESTIONS:
You have used personification very effectively in your poem. There is a nice rhyming pattern and a smooth flow of words, creating a good cadence. Periods are not generally used unless there is a long pause, usually at the end of the stanza. Dogs limbs should be dog's limbs in my favorite stanza. Most memorable to me is the following:
"While I was flying inbound, (Lines usually should end with comma, not period)
I was spotted by a hound,
He gave chase and I hitched a ride,
My grip was broken and I fell down,
Narrowly missing my crown,
I used the dog's limbs as a slide."

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
GerMac


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