Hiya, D_Joy ! I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
My Reactions/Comments
My first reaction after I finished reading this was simply, wow! The tone you achieved with this was amazing. I was hooked instantly on the dark current of emotion I could sense as I read. It was enticing and compelling, very well done!!
Also, I can't help but love the characters that this was based on. I love greek mythology, but that doesn't necessarily mean I know a whole lot about it. As far as I can remember, Prometheus stole fire from Zeus to give back to the mortals, and Pandora was created by Emetheus at the order of Zeus as a sort of punishment... I would have to look it up to be sure, but based on what I can remember, the characters you have chosen really work well within the content of this piece as their union, I think, would have been forbidden.
Personally, I saw this coming from Pandora's perspective. She was often shown to be almost sly of nature, some myths even going so far as to say she was the epitome of female evil, or negativity. It felt as though she was enticing Prometheus with the use of the fire, daring him to want more. I could be way off base on this, but that's the great part about poetry, it can mean something different to different people.
Technical Stuff
The flow of this piece was really good. The lines flowed into each other easily, and the content built at a steady rate. It wasn't just a repetition of the same idea, over and over, but a fresh take on it each time. The imagery was spectacular, I can't say enough about the choice of wording. The following line really stood out for me:
Can the eternal fire in your eyes
Change the season of a winter heart?
This took it from dark to darkly emotional. Very nice transition.
The structure of this sonnet was right on. As far as I can tell you used the a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g, scheme. The rhymes work well with each other, and I really enjoyed your word choices. I can see that a lot of thought went into their choices because they are not what would have been the easiest, but they were definitely well chosen to fit the content while allowing the tone and the mood to build up. So nice.
I also think the use of questions within this was very original. I couldn't tell you the last time I read a sonnet with a question. Usually, they are just an outright profession of love. Just one more thing for me to love about this one. I think perhaps it was the questioning that caused me to feel she was enticing him.
The repetition of the last line of the first stanza at the end of the piece was a nice touch. It left me with a powerful, dark sensation, a great note to end such an original piece.
Suggestions
Nope, I have no suggestions. I didn't notice any errors, and I know for a fact that I couldn't improve on this piece even if I tried to.
Overall
I found this piece to be an amazing read. It was dark, emotional, and compelling. I loved the couple you used for this piece, and the way you tied them into it without ever using their names or referencing one another. Definitely a piece I would recommend.
Happy Writing!
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