This is a good story. I am curious to know what the prompt was for this. It is written pretty well. I like the first person perspective used and the narrator has a personality that is easy for the reader to connect with. The reader is able to understand the main character's situation and sympathize. The pacing was good making it smooth to read through. Readers are able to get a sense of each of the characters in it. The story doesn't go into heavy detail about how the two people would have interfered or the background of the lead so readers tend to side with the narrator. It works well with the twist ending as the reader comes to realization that maybe it is better to let things play out at the same time the narrator does. It was a nice surprise.
There are a couple of tweaks I recommend:
That how someone else wanted to be with her friends was her problem, not theirs.
They'd been hatching an elaborate plan right until when the party broke upoccurred.
I thought their plan would bring about more trouble thatthan it would solve
Given that the story is told in first person perspective using H & I as an abbreviation is confusing because 'I' is a pronoun that could also refer to the narrator. It took a couple of rereads to clarify it referred to Imogene. I wouldn't recommend using I as an abbreviation for this story.
Overall this is a fun story and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you very much for writing it.
This was fun read. I like romantic stories and this definitely was sweet. It seemed to follow the prompts of the Lodestar contest very well. I like the cruise setting. Both of the characters written in this were very likeable and distinctive making them them enjoyable to follow. As a reader I found myself connecting with and rooting for Tiffany hoping that the romance would work out well for her. It was a very sweet ending and I was happy that everything worked out well for the pair. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this story.
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| (4.5)
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