This is nice. This poem succeeds in conveying a lot of emotion. It has a little bit of a mental dilemma where the narrator cares about the subject of poem but recognizes that that maintaining a distance from the person that they care about is the best for the person they care about. That type of love where a person is willing to sacrifice being close to the person they care about comes off as really powerful.
On a technical level there are some really good elements to this work. There are some nice word choices evoking emotions in the reader. Peace, love and distance all appeal to the readers feelings. There is also a great bit of alliteration in the first line with "Fire Forever". It's a great draw for the reader.
In terms of suggestions. The main recommendation I have is that this could be expanded. I feel it has a beautiful idea being shared. I would love to see more lines to get into the narrator's mindset and explore more about why the speaker feels they need to maintain a distance from the person they love. I also recommend one adjustment to the description. I feel like it could use an I between So, and avoid.
Other than that, this is a very well written work!
I like this poem. It shares some good advice for healthy relationships. One of the things that drew me to it was the title. It evokes a beautiful and delicate image of a Butterfly in flight. The poem provides a lot to think about reminding about the importance of Freedom and to avoid selfishness and codependence/
On a technical level, it has a very nicely written. I love the ABCB rhyme scheme which makes it fun for the reader to read through. Some good word choices as well. I like that you were able to include the word codependence in this. There is some nice imagery in this particularly with the butterfly soaring at the end but there are other ones as well such as gripping tight when it comes to relationships.
With rhyming poetry, one of the things that I recommend is to try and keep track of the syllable count of each. If possible each couplet of lines in a four line stanza would have the same count. I makes the poem sound a little bit more smooth and adds a better rhythm to it. The second stanza comes closest to doing this. The other stanza syllable count could be a little bit closer as well though the poem still sounds really good as is.
Also have to add this item has a really beautiful cover image. Great writing. Thank you so much for sharing it!
This is nicely written poem. I feel that it fits the theme of the prompt well and covering a journey within the confines of 8 lines. On a technical level this poem is described with some really great imagery. I love the landscapes described in the journey ... the hidden valleys, grand mountains, hidden vistas, lakes and skies provide beautiful pictures for the reader. Readers are also able to pictures this poem's narrator and his/her mindset going through this journey as they read this. This poem feels relaxing to read through as narrator is content to go through the journey at their own pace. It is a good method of approaching life.
This is nice blog entry discussing being a father and parenting. It is great to read on Father's day. The quote in the prompt inspiring this is a nice one and this entry makes good use of it. I think that a lot of parents relate to this as they experience moments of pride and frustration when raising their children. There are some really nice memories of being a father shared in this and it was enjoyable to read through. The description of the backyard barbeques and camping trips evoke warm feelings. Happy Father's day.
This is a nice entry for the Hook of the Book Contest. The prompt for this contest looks very exciting with the Sand ship image. I think your hook manages to function as a nice short story itself. It has a humorous tone to it. I love the vocabulary used ... the lingo matches the tone of sailors. I also loved the bit of Alliteration in the second sentence "beached Brigantine".
For the contest it is written for as an opener it may need a little bit more pull to get the reader to want to read more of the story. Maybe some more hints at future events or a larger storyline to make the reader want to go deeper into the story. There is a little bit hinted there as we are given information that the crew is off course. As it is currently I would still be hooked and want to read more though based on the tone and writing style. It seems like it would be a fun adventure storyline to read.
One slight editing recommendation. "He looked to the first mate, who refused to make eye contact."
Overall though this was very nicely written and I really enjoyed reading it!
This entry was written for "Hook of the book" and follows a picture prompt. It was set up very well with the prompt visible and the contest being applied for shared. As a science fiction fan, I really like the hook used. It is cool to see teleportation. It is definitely an interesting draw in for the reader with a character completely vanishing from the experiment and definitely makes the reader like to find out more about what is going on. It is good entry for this type of contest. Best of luck with your writing and entry.
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