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751
751
Review of Maybe  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Doubt of doubts!



It is a good take; you have done a nice job; I liked the work of poem, and enjoyed the read, as you have resolved with a doubt, though it is nice that you base doubt doubtfully keeping readers in doubts, at least to some extent, I do appreciate the approach and sentiment, because doubt raises or begets doubts endlessly.



We know wishes may have doubts, and our wishes may have no ends or limitations, as imagination has no borders, boundaries, or limits.



But, there is every likelihood that you may be thinking about the person wrong, doubtfully; maybe that very person may accept you as you are or what you are; all you make guesswork; it is just a wishful thought and there is no restriction; we all are free to think, we all enjoy freedom of thought and expression, anywhere and everywhere, so I have to appreciate your thought in that perspective.



I liked this poem about doubt doubtlessly.



Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.






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#1300305 by Maryann

28102018


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752
752
Review of Silence  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
You have done this fairly good; I have liked this work of poem; I have enjoyed the simple taletelling, soft diction, originality of your own style of expression, dramatic mode of presentation, free flow of thoughts, good imagery and sound word visuals.



You have tackled the climax nicely, and given this work with a curious ending; I liked and enjoyed the read.



How sweet dish turned into a grave silence with the message is appreciable with the steps in dramatic exposure with making an environment into silence for the time being.



Well done.





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#1300305 by Maryann

27102018


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753
753
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Living one for oneself, no longer working for other!



Well, I get a view that dancing with monsters (not real monsters but with people with who you work) is something a natural affair, one who work with others at work place, cannot avoid working under their tune, if not always, but for sometimes or most of the time, despite one’s unwilling to act according to their (monsters) whim or caprice, because one will have to work for getting some remuneration in exchange of working with them.



You work at their direction, as per need, as per the rule, per norm and standard, but you mostly think of acting at their tune or order or under their control, when you are not the boss, even if you are boss, you have your senior to whom you would ever remain responsible, and you think you cannot enjoy your freedom of work.



Only when, as you think, as you have tried to express it here, you retire from the job, and you are free to live as you wish not being in the state of dancing with the monsters, you know, you will then be able to live for yourself what you are and you will live only for yourself.



And you think, we all, those of us work at office, we dance with the monsters, at their tune, even if there is loss of individual freedom or freedom to work.



I liked this work of poem; though I think, I have understood you at full length, as it appears, methinks you have expressed everything at random; only overall I could understand and reach you through your words and thoughts expressed in this poem.



I think, I could not reach you what you tried to mean or express here:
Those for the most part
Not so molested
Envy, another game
Another lesson to be played
But not here and now
The song is never the same
The dance, oh does it change
The venue, clear and pristine
A wilderness is always near
God above supplies the beat
The rhythm of his needs
There are always those to be saved
And those others to be dammed



I could follow but fail to understand your thoughts exactly or in full length, rather I could understand you partially, the lines from the poem is given below:
We are masters of the game
Or so we dare say
Those of you not playing
The ones there against the wall
The ones who would rather watch
Then take any reasonable part
Are fools with not an ounce of spark
God did indeed create this charade
And we, not so many of you
Are the ones playing it through



My favourite lines of the poem:
I could rather understand the essence of the poem from the lines given below:
Such unencumbered creatures
Always doing what they wish
By stepping in we are like them
By standing out
We could only be ourselves…



Right, in order to be ourselves, we should, and we must stand out, sometime, while dancing with the monsters.



Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

27102018


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754
754
Review of Oh  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought thoughtfully!


Title of the poem is good enough, but methinks, it is neither catchy nor significant, though I find you have explored and expressed the story very nicely and I see the theme is well versed.



Excellent! You have done a nice work; I liked the work of poem, and enjoyed the read, its free flow of thoughts, good imagery and nice word visuals.



You thought of her in vain, you could not trace her out in your thoughtful imagination, and hopelessly you stopped thinking of and about her.



Edit:
They fell like rain but the sands gulped them away, to fast
(They fell like rain but the sands gulped them away, too fast)



Well done; thank you for sharing this.





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#1300305 by Maryann

26102018




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755
755
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Flesh obsessed!


You have really done a good job; this work of fairly large poem is a nice production of your thoughts about how people being skin, flesh, and hatred obsessed take away everything of your or from others to better themselves and how you consciously or sometime unconsciously allow people to go for the same selfishly.



I liked this work and enjoyed the free flow of thoughts and the read.



I liked how confidently and plainly you speak about yourself as a writer, and how people, I mean the readers and others do think of rating your personality, comment upon your work and productions you offer to the public at large.



Noticeably, I ever find your implication and liking for teaching on anything and everything, mostly of your experience through writing and your habit of teaching , since you are a teacher first and a writer afterward, expressing your stand of feelings about living in words though your works of poems.



I liked much this line of the poem:
I have no god
But you are all deity



I like especially this line of the poem:
You will continue on
Stealing my words
Claiming them as your song



My favourite line in the poem:
One not even remotely real
A fictitious hero of much less


Well done.






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25102018



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756
756
Review of Dolls  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Eyes only do not see the beauties!



Really, you have done a good job; the work of poem is a good production; you have endeavoured this simply appealing and nice to read, as I could go into the emotional part of the taletelling about your friend.



Your comparative presentation of thoughts for appreciation of your state and status is nice to follow and something good to read about.



How people wink your beauties, and escape the state of real beauty is the hub of your taletelling, I liked.



But your friend knows and he does concern at your state and status. Like a good friend, your friend stay by you anyway, I liked the message you convey by making it a point and a part of your taletelling in the poem.



I enjoyed the message about love of friendship and appreciation of relationship and personality and the free flow of thoughts of the poem read.



Well done; thank you for sharing.





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#1300305 by Maryann

25102018



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757
757
Review of Nothing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
No thoughts!



You have done a good job, indeed, I liked the experimental approach, good art of expression, I enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the beginning with nothing and ending with saying about nothing, particularly, I liked and enjoyed the alliterative and echo effect, mode and stand of presentation with simple use of words and natural order of putting words of feelings, though I find your taletelling about nothingness, and feeling about not having anything particular, and feeling about not owning or possessing anything and feeling life even as nothing is interesting to read your philosophic approach and appreciation of life.



You have done something out of feeling nothing, owning nothing, thinking nothing, having nothing.



Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

25102018



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758
758
Review of Tormented  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hoping for silence!



You have truly and nicely shared a slice of living, expressed the cream of living and your experience of living, drawing some of your feelings of living and made this a good work of poem; I liked the echo effects of expression, free flow of thoughts, rhymes and alliterative approach in mode of expression.



And you know, as you believe you will have silence at the end of the mocking laughter and twisted whispers.



Well done.





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#1300305 by Maryann

24102018


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759
759
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Remarkable! Memorable!



Truly, this is a wonderful, fine and simple poem you have done; I liked and enjoyed the read all the way.



You have keenly and passionately expressed the features of the TV shows of the 60’s, and particularly you have mentioned your likes of the TV shows, why and how much you loved some specific TV shows are nicely expressed.



You loved some TV shows of historic interests and historic events, and you still love to watch those remarkable and historic facts on TV shows of 1960s.



You hinted the quality and importance of those TV shows that are still good for knowledge and information of people of today; you think those can smile everyone, honestly.



I liked the simple mode of expression, your original diction and art of expression.



Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.





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24102018


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760
760
Review of Smile for Life  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Winter versus springtime!



Fantastic! This is a nice poem you have done; I liked the poem and enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, good imagery and word visuals.



You have spoken vividly how we feel about winter and how much we enjoy springtime; you have truly shown spring brings new life each year and that it keeps us smiling for the rest of our days the year around till winter comes, and the contrast between winter and spring, in terms of living and joy in living, is well said.



Title of the poem is significant, appropriate and catchy.




Well done.
Thank you for sharing.






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#1300305 by Maryann

24102018


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761
761
Review of Red  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Colour of colours of feelings!


This is a good poem expressed in a prosaic form; I liked and enjoyed the read.


You have colourfully described the moments, the events, the feelings and activities poetically but in a philosophical mode of appreciation.


The dimensions and breadth of colours, the nature and implication of colours you experienced are so nicely portrayed in the connotative application spirit of colours in action in appreciation.


I liked much the line in the poem:
When I place my palm over your heart, it’s the color that expands over my fingertips.


My favourite line in the poem:
When I whisper in your ear, it’s the color of my lips.


I do not like the line in the poem:
but it’s never the color you see when I leave.


I liked the work; it was a pleasant, colourful and lovely read.


Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.






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#1300305 by Maryann

24102018


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762
762
Review of The Old Professor  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A sculptor of men!


Truly, this is a fine poem. I liked the work and enjoyed the art of expression, the rhymes, the simple diction, the free flow of thoughts, and the read.


The character and or personality of the professor are naturally, neatly and impressively depicted, as his wisdom is well exalted and appreciated.


I would wish to suggest some edits for smoother and clearer reading of the poem. The edits I suggested are given in brackets.


Edit:
Yes, the Old Professor has wealth untold,
(Yes, the Old Professor has wealth untold.)


Edit:
There are many many men he has taught,
(There are many, many men he has taught.)


Edit:
This world's riches he long ago forsook.
(This world's riches, he long ago forsook.)

Or,
(The riches of this world, he long ago forsook.)

Or,
(Riches of this world, he long ago forsook.)


Well done; it was a pleasant read.


Thank you for sharing this with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

24102018


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763
763
Review of Ounce of Trust  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A class project! Trust!


You have done a good poem; I liked and enjoyed the read.


The monologue form of addressing and speaking about your love is an interesting read; the narrative taletelling of moments of romantic progression in thoughts is nice.


I liked your original diction and art of expression.


You have expressed your love, trust for love, love sentiment progression and love feeling naturally in order of good movement.


For clear and smoother reading of the poem, I would wish to offer my humble suggestion as edit. I give the edits within brackets.



Edit:
I don't know why though-
(I don't know why, though)



Edit:
Cause whenever I needed you the most,
(‘Cause whenever I needed you the most,)

Or,
(Cause, whenever I needed you the most,)




Edit:
I hate you now with a burning passion…
(I hate you now with a burning passion.)




Edit:
But even God himself can't stop me from loving you
(But, even God Himself can't stop me from loving you.)




Edit:
You completely closed me off,
(You completely closed me off.)




Edit:
Like you were embarrassed to be with me.
(You were embarrassed to be with me.)
Or,
(Like, you were embarrassed with me.)




Edit:
But yet I still want to be with you.
(But, yet I still want to be with you.)
Or,
(Yet, I still want to be with you.)




Edit:
I still feel it to this day...
(I still feel it to this day.)


Well done.
Thank you for sharing.





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#1300305 by Maryann

24102018


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764
764
Review of Afterbirth  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Afterbirth state, stand, status!



This is a good work; you have done the job, the order and style of presentation is likeable, though it is subjective, but I find a bit informative and grossly literary in projection.



I liked how hastily you have tackled the subject starting from the state of afterbirth to come into a status of afterbirth being.



I liked the taletelling, the humour, use of slang and people’s attitude and your perception defining afterbirth.



Yeah, I know, it is nothing about your afterbirth, since it is not feasible, though you have redundantly mentioned.



Of course, you have achieved the purpose, reading the work gives a little chuckle on appreciation of humour in the understanding of a reader’s knowledge and appreciation about the matter of afterbirth.



I have enjoyed the state of afterbirth as how people think about it, though you have mentioned only a specific category of people of specific place and their specific status and behavioural approach to the case of afterbirth.




My favourite lines from your poem:
Some people eat it
Sickening
Oh Jesus
Hippies and sickos
Dietary wackos
Cannibals




I have liked the following lines in your poem:
This poem is about what’s left
After life is created
And then regurgitated
Spit out from the womb
Kicked to the curb
Sent quickly packing
In tightly sealed red bags
Marked extreme biohazard



I could not enjoy these lines as I could not understand the meaning exactly and I fail to understand the inner essence of the lines, though I find the lines are redundant, unworthy and not relatable to me, truly speaking:
Ole number 7 always helps
Kick yourself in the ass
Punch yourself in the chops
Just do whatever it takes
To get on through
The next 36 plus lines
Judge and be judged
Poke and be prodded
Make mountains
Out of piles of s***
It’s all the same
21 and a half dozen
Of the other



And I think, I need your clarifications or help about appreciation of the worth of the lines given above from your poem.



Anyway, I liked the work and enjoyed the informative read the most.



Well done.



Thank you for sharing this.






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#1300305 by Maryann

23102018


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765
765
Review of FOLDER 3  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is good news to everyone linked or associated with the site Writing.com here, and information to and for the people who would visit this site as guests or guest readers or visitors, as you planned and opened a new folder, that is, Folder 3, and included or added it to your portfolio.



As such, I find there is nothing to write a review of or about your new folder, or information or link for the new folder that you have shared here.



Thank you for sharing.



Wish you good wishes and best of luck.






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23102018


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766
766
Review of Chapter 1  
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Rated: E | (1.0)
Adventure in dream!



This is a nice work you have endeavoured; I do appreciate your effort to make it a part of your novel work in progress



The concept is fostered so well and you have tried to express yourself so hard.



I liked your work and enjoyed the read.



But I find there are punctuation and spelling issues, and I think, you will have to do edit work, as I have expressed to do your editing of the work, and I believe, that will help you to make your work to go good.



For your convenience in doing out the edit work, as I have humbly suggested here under, I offer the content of your work given (mentioned) in brackets, separating your run on sentence in separate sentences for your easy understanding and doing out the job of editing of the work. You may join the sentences to make paragraphs, as you wish or like.



Run that is all I thought they are coming I am almost at school I Hear them comeing I see the doors why is the Ground comeing so Close.....BAM

(Run, that is all I thought.)

(They are coming.)

(I am almost at school.)

(I hear them coming.)

(I see the doors.)

(Why is the ground coming so close? )

(Bam!)



Lights why so bright I don’t want to my head Hurts so bad there is a beeping Noise it’s ponding in to my skull I open my eyes I am moving fast on a.. BED???

(Lights, why so bright?)

(I don’t want to my head hurts so bad.)

(There is a beeping noise.)

(It is ponding into my skull.)

(I open my eyes.)

(I am moving fast on a bed?)




People are talking I can’t hear them they see me move my hand to my head and Shoved my hand down and put a mask to my face I fall in to darkness..


(People are talking, I can’t hear them.)

(They see me move my hand to my head and shoved my hand down and put a mask to my face; I fall into darkness.)



End of chapter 1

(End of Chapter 1)



Never lose heart, you have done a good job, only after doing the edit work, you will feel happy to see how great it is.





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#1300305 by Maryann

23102018


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767
767
Review of Savage Waves  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Foam laboring! Waters lapping!


Fantastic! Elegant projection!


This is a very nice Tanka; I liked this and enjoyed the visual projection of sea waves in reality in the read.


White foam is laboring over the wild and savage waves ever and incessant in rage and how uncalled, uncanny or uncharted waters are lapping isolated or solitary edge, salted with God’s patience, a nice, true description of the waves lashing continuously, a scene could be enjoyed watching along the sea beach.



I find there is a perfect blend and mix of man and nature and the scenic projection has an ‘aha’ effect as it was a pleasant read.



Title is significant, appropriate and catchy.



Well done; thank you for sharing.




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#1300305 by Maryann

23102018


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768
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dedicated!



Excellent! This is very well composed sonnet; I liked this and enjoyed the read; I liked very much the imagery, some word visuals, expression of the octave, the sestet, and a sound resolution.



You have clarified and explained your loss of your beloved little friend who now rests in peace in heaven, and you pray each day to see him again.



Well done; thank you for sharing this work with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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769
769
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Eternity of Love!



Lovely! Excellent, you have done a nice work; I liked this love poem and enjoyed the read and its free flow of thoughts all the way.



You really feel lonely now, you are prepared to wait for your beloved husband, he is away, so you feel devastated your life, you can never forget of his love and you wish to be embraced once again and then you will enjoy your love for eternity, you wish lovingly to get your husband back to you.



Edit:
I'm lonly now you have gone
(I'm lonely now you have gone)



Edit:
My love for you iI will never forsake

(My love for you will never forsake)

Or,

(My love for you’ll never forsake)



Edit:

Help me through this devestation
(Help me through this devastation)



Edit:

I was inspired to write this in memeory of my husbsnd,
(I was inspired to write this in memory of my husband)

Or,
(I was inspired to write this in memory of my husband.)



Edit:
Without you I´m Lost
(Without You I´m Lost)




Well done; it was a lovely read.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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770
770
Review of Time  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Holding of time!



Excellent! I find you have done a nice job; I liked this poem and enjoyed the read.



Truly, you have expressed the right attitude about time, you have given time its due stand and status and moreover, role and appreciation of time in our living is well explained.



Of course, time is time, so it moves on in its order, and pace; we cannot control over its movement, flow and speed or pace; right, with the passage or passing of time, our memories get fade or vanish, that is why we all wish time should go slower or move slower or pace in a slower motion than its real in reality. Because, we wish to enjoy our past and our memories, and we like to catch hold of our happy and glorious moments, but time never allows us.



So, your wish is everyone’s wish, I think, we know the truth, but we wish time should not move or go in a hurry, so nice, I can relate to your wish, and it is good that you wish time to stay for a while so that you could enjoy your past moments or past time.



Edit:
Wishing to hold my past's some happy moments
(Wishing to hold my pasts some happy moments)

Or,
(Wishing to hold some happy moments of my past)

Or,
(Wishing to hold some happy moments of my pasts)

Or,
(Wishing to hold some of my happy moments of the past)



Edit:
Time!! Why it's so hard to halt you for a while?
(Time! Why it's so hard to halt you for a while?)

Or,
(Time: why it's so hard to halt you for a while?)

Or,
(O Time! Why it's so hard to halt you for a while?)


My favourite phrase in your poem:
What's so hurry!



Overall, you have done a nice job on time; it was a pleasant read.


Well done; thank you for sharing this with us.





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22102018


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771
771
Review of The Setting Sun  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Sun sets!



You have done a nice job; I liked this poem, and enjoyed the read, and liked much of its free flow of thoughts, as a nature poem.



But, I do not like the presentation of the poem, for I do not understand why there are dots (…..) at the end of each line of the poem, and I think, it does not make the poem more accessible, rather I find it gives an awkward and incorrect use of dots, though I can feel, you might have tried to give readers the feeling of ease reading or to give some pause after each line, but I think, I may be wrong, the order of presentation is not appreciable, because I find, the use of dots (…..) do not work as substitution of use of punctuation instead.



I do not understand your use of the phrases or the lines of the poem:
Once blank...
Now formed...
Natural walls...
Glorious mountains...



Particularly, I fail to understand what do you mean by ‘once blank’, or ‘now formed’, or ‘natural walls’ or ‘glorious mountains’; I may assume, I may be wrong, you wish to mean the role played the sun in making such acts you find in Nature, but in that case, you deviate from the theme, because your theme is the setting sun and not the sun or sun, I think so, and if required, I need your clarification in this regard.



Again, I do not understand, why you think and write the setting sun has emotion and while the Earth is emotionless.



Edit:
The problems of us humans...
(The problems of humans)

Or,
(The problems of us the humans)

I think the line is not expressive, as I think it appears to me.



Overall, it is a good poem and I enjoyed the read.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Innocence, Time, Age and Wisdom Appreciation!


Excellent! So true! Right! Eternal!


Indeed, you have done a nice poem; I liked and enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, nice imagery and good word visuals.



The title of the poem, I think, is significant, but neither catchy nor appropriate in the context of the theme of the poem, as the poem speaks more about time and effect of time over age, and change effect of time and eternal value and essence of time in living in appreciation of our life in quantum of time for living and less about lamentation about being an elder, though lamentation is there with the change effect of age to say it becoming aged or elder, that is natural and causal effect of time, as we grow naturally with the passage of time and the fruition is the state of becoming aged or elder by time.



Edit:
In my youth I lived care free,
(In my youth I lived carefree,)



Edit:
Memories are kept heldfast.
(Memories are kept held fast.)



You have rightly stated feelings about passage of time, how you feel about passing of time, and the consequence you feel about.



I do not understand the exact meaning of ‘Truths which were just clever lies’. If you have spoken in generalization, it is okay, I can follow, if I am not wrong, since you have mentioned you state the phrase in the context of your naïve eyes, I understand.



Right you worded, time brings decay, but in general term, because life is not an inanimate object that is why it is stated, time heals, in that context, the word ‘decay’, I think, is not appropriate, because in appreciation of life, we never find time decays anything, we may only assume but cannot pass a statement like that, though I understand your limitation, as a poet you have to follow rhyme, so you use poetic licence.



But, I do not understand, how you say, innocence is gone, it is just your feeling, for innocence is a trait or human trait and it remains till man dies, whether one uses it or feels it or not, that is a different question, but innocence is never seen something gone with the passage of time as and when one becomes a major or adult or aged or elder, because innocence is not a character, but it is we understand a human trait, it is there since birth.



Anyway, I liked and enjoyed the read.



Well done.



Thank you for sharing this with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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Review of End-Game  
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Bush era gone!



This is a good work done; I appreciate the concept, the theme, the work and the form and I liked this political diamante poem.



I enjoyed the read with a little halt at the use of the word ‘mother’.



Ornamentation in weaving or knitting this fabric with the expression of words as jewels to make it a diamante is appreciable.



There is nice choice of words as jewels like artificial words to express your view or view point and opinion about Bush is appreciable and to some extent agreeable, because, I think a person could not be expressed in a word particularly or righteously or rightly.



Overall your conceptual thought goes good to explain the person in political context and in terms of political standard and stand point, and I think, all are not the fruition of true analysis of a person in terms of politics, diplomacy, international law, political history, constitution of the United States, and or public administration or presidency of the United States.



I think, it is easy to analyse and give a mark with some specific words about a historic and legendary person in a common man’s purview, but it is not wise to analyze and comment upon a person just mentioning a particular word to explain the whole gamut of the persona.



I know, I do appreciate, you may think me wrong, but it is me, I think so, so I express, and you never think it my favouring the person as a sage or saint or a glorious administrator, but I think, as I believe, it is not wise to express one’s character or personality in a few words used as imaginary jewels; it is in a specific form of poem, so you have limitation, I appreciate, so I find it is a good work endeavoured.


I know my limitations, I cannot say, express, offer opinion or viewpoint absolutely right, or the last word.


I know my job and I think I have done my job professionally, for everyone has freedom of expression anywhere and everywhere across the world.



Thank you for sharing.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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Review of Why Me?  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh life! Me why!


The title of the poem is significant, rebelling and catchy, though it is interesting and universal, still a common quest with a mark of compelling question, raised by anyone, being aware of the fate of its answer.



I liked this poem has a free flow of thoughts, and enjoyed the read.



My favourite line in the poem:
The one question I always asked in my life was--Why Me?



Most odd, unreasonable, illogical, and impractical and my most disliked line in the poem:
Why is there a funeral?



This speaks generalized questions, put in different dimensions and appreciation of living.



We ever think, as it is common, I think, as a human being, as it is relatable to living, anyone could easily relate to what you say and put in questions without a definite addressee, in general, as we think, only it is done with us or it is exclusively caused to us or it happens only to us, as everyone thinks like that, why me?



Though some common questions are there, obviously, we also think, why are people so cruel, as we wish to know the reason, on analysis, only we come to know the answer from within ourselves.



I did not like a childish question like this in your poem:
Why is the world spinning?



This is a foolish question, rather a childish question, perchance I did not expect a question of this sort in the poem; for there are some questions we should not ask like a fool, I think, it is a question like why we live or why man dies and the like.



Yes, you have asked some question as protests, I appreciate, we should ask such questions and we may sometime get the right answer.



Of course, you have raised question about injustice, the prime and most authentic and common question everyone asks.



I do not like a question like this: why is there so much pain; for I find, I think, it is an absurd question, having no base and it is exclusively relative and personal though, but there is no answer to satisfy, it is wise not to ask such a funny question.



Again, this is not a rational question, ‘why will my world never anastomose’, as I think, it is a desirous question, and it is meaningless, somewhat absurd to ask for and know or expect an answer, for it is something we do not understand, even if it happens, there is no chance of joining two world together, your expected world and the real world to favour you or give you fulfillment of desire.



Well, I find you have attempted a good work, with mix of some awful questions; still I liked the work of poem you have endeavoured, as you are finally at peace.



Well done.



Thank you for sharing this with us.





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#1300305 by Maryann

22102018


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Freedom’s fires spreading!



Thank you for sharing this poem of prayer to God for gifting us universal independence dedicated to the cause of mankind and free living worldly and enjoying freedom in living beyond the borders of land.



Title of the poem is significant as you wish to express your objective freely in the poem, though I do not find the title catchy but something unusual and interesting and I like the conceptual embodiment in the title.



Of course, this is an excellent poem, I enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, simple expression and good art of expression.



The approach and address is appreciable and beyond criticism, but I think, it would have been more appealing and universal in address, if your prayer would have been addressed to our God, one and only universal God.



Though I appreciate you have mentioned it in term of having an independence day in your liturgy, it does not give me a feeling of universal prayer, though you deem to express it a universal prayer and appeal and address to the Lord.



It is nice, patriotism is just an indication or symbol of love of one’s own country, as the subject is universal, I think, thoughts in term and mention of a specific country in view gives me a feeling of specificity and biasness and the impartial feeling of prayer does not come out to appeal every heart across the world.



In addition, you have appealed for some specific colours and that gives a specific and partial feeling of oneness and there is loss of impartiality in approach and appreciation of a liturgy.



It is nice to find your inclusion of our thoughts of humanity (raised by xenophobia’s demons) into segments, parts, groups or blood and praying for bringing humanity into oneness beyond the borders of blood or groups.



Anyway, it is a nice work done; I am pleased and happy to read the liturgy expressed by heart.



Thank you once again for sharing this thoughtful poem with us.





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21102018
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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