First Thoughts: The first paragraph hooked me with Mel Carlyle's question. I wanted to know what her sister was doing. The interaction and conversation between the sister move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
What I liked: Alice and Mel are both sympathetic characters, whose interactions show how much they care for each other.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the characters.
First Thoughts: The first paragraph hooked me with the search lights. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
What I liked: My favorite part of this story is the description of the battle. I like that because it was exciting, well-written, and it kept me focused on the main character and his reactions.
Final Thoughts: The climax surprised me because I expected it to be real war and not a live-fire exercise. Well done.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with Elaine's statement. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace. The conversation and interaction among the characters builds the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The way the speaker told this story using conversation between her and her cousin to help move the plot forward.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the way it fitted the title.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with both Hector and his alarm clock being retired. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical difficulties.
I like: Hector's imagination is very creative. I had to smile when he imagined his landlady in love with him.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of Hector's imagination.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with Harvey getting an idea from a detective show. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The climax is my favorite part of the story, because, while it was a surprise, it fitted the story.
Final thoughts: I am giving this well-written story a 5.0 because of its comments on a consumer society.
First Impression: The first stanza of this free verse poem establishes the form, mood, and theme. The rhythm moves the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: I like the way both Joe and Sam were shocked by the other's confession.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem because of the characters.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with the statement about staring at something and it changes. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The similes used in this story are fresh and descriptive. This is my favorite simile, Nausea rolled like a slop of chilled oysters in my stomach. I like this simile because it helps me imagine how the speaker felt.
Final thoughts: The first person point of view and voice are good choices because they reveal the speaker's emotions.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with the wife's question. The conversation between the couple moves the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The conversation reveals the couples relationship, while showing how well the wife knows her husband.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the conversation.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with the new superhero. The conversation moved the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: In the last paragraph is the speaker talking to Andy or George?
I like: My favorite part is a superhero who can inflate time.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this because of the conversation between the chaacters.
First Impression: The first paragraph of this essay hooked me with the speaker asking a troll how trolls deal with a crisis. Grundle helps move the narrative forward while giving the best ways to deal with a crisis.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: My favorite part is when Grundle said life is for enjoying. I like this because it is a positive outlook of life.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this essay because of Grundle's advice on how to handle a crisis.
First Impression: The first stanza establishes the form, mood, message, and theme of the poem. The rhythm moves the narrative and message forward at a good pace.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The last stanza is my favorite. I like this stanza because it emphasizes the message of the poem.
Final thoughts: I am giving this well-written poem a 5.0 because of the message.
First Impression: The first statement hooked me. I wanted to know why someone was jumping to conclusions. The conversation move the plot forward at a good pace while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: I like the reason there was no ice cream in the freezer.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the conversation.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me because no one knew where the library came from. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: This metaphor, Death raked its bony fingers across the land, is fresh, descriptive, and well-written.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the boy who rediscovered the library.
First Impression: The poem at the beginning hooked me. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: A type in this sentence, They even made is teeth into rocks! I suggest changing is to his.
I like: My favorite part of this story is the way the sun and the moon were created. I like that because the sun was depicted as female and the moon male.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this creation myth and the way Norse gods were created.
First Impression: The statement in the first paragraph hooked me. I wanted to know why David was in trouble. The narrative moves the plot forward at a good pace while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: David is a sympathetic and intriguing character.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the characters.
First Impression: The question in the first paragraph hooked me. The conversation between the characters moved the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The climax was my favorite part of the story. I like the climax because it was a surprise.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the characters.
First Impression: The woman's statement in the first paragraph hooked me. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The metaphors and similes in this story are fresh and descriptive. This is my favorite metaphor, her features dragged a tangled net across my heart. I like this metaphor because it reveals the emotions of longing and disappointment.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this description because of the active descriptions.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with the speaker waking up in a dark, enclosed place. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The climax is my favorite part of the story. I like the climax because it was a surprise. I did not expect the speaker to be a puppy.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the speaker.
First Thoughts: The first paragraph hooked me with the speaker walking for exercise. The speaker moves the narrative forward at a good pace while building toward the laughter.
What I Like: My favorite part was the description of the jogger and his accident. I like this part because it made me smile and emphasized the point of jogging being unsafe.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because it made me smile.
First Thoughts: The first stanza established the form, speaker, mood, and plot of the poem. The rhythm and rhyming words complimented each other, while the rhythm move the plot forward at a good pace.
What I Like: The last stanza is my favorite. I like the last stanza because it climaxed the poem's plot and made me smile.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this amusing poem because it made me smile.
First Thoughts: The first paragraph hooked me with Annie surrounded by parts and paper. The interaction and conversation between the characters moves the plot forward at a good pace, while revealing the couples relationship.
What I Like: My favorite part of this story is the climax, because it revealed how much Sam love Annie.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story because of the characters.
First Thoughts: This free verse poem follows the contest prompt and looks good on the page. The first stanza establishes the form, mood, theme, and plot of the poem. The rhythm moves the plot forward at a good pace.
What I Like: The repetition of slime gives the poem unity, while keeping the reader focused on the movement of the plot.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem because of the way the slime is described.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with the speaker clinging closer to Bob, because it revealed how much she cared for him. The speaker moves the narrative forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
Suggestions: In several lines the speaker refers to her as if she is talking about another woman. However, some of the lines suggest Bob is going to marry the speaker. Does her refer to another woman that Bob is in love with?
I like: The speaker appears to be a intriguing and sympathetic character. She needs little more description.
Final thoughts: This romantic story has a great deal of potential. Please let me know when you have more chapters.
First Impression: The first paragraph hooked me with Mr. Henderson's reputation for off-topic rants.
Suggestions: The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace, while building the suspense.
I like: I found no technical problems.
Final thoughts: Alex is an intriguing, sympathetic, and motivated individual. I also like the way Mr. Henderson changed his teaching methods in this story.
Write on!
I enjoyed reading this story because of Alex's approach to learning.
First Impression: The first stanza establishes the form, plot, mood, speaker, and theme of the poem. The rhythm and rhyming words compliment each other, while the rhythm moves the plot forward at a good pace.
Suggestions: I found no technical problems.
I like: The last stanza is my favorite. I like this stanza because it climaxed the poem's plot and made me smile.
Final thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem because of the way it showed the young folks having fun.
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