Dear Sunny Rajpal,
Teff has completed your short story from Aug, 2004, namely: FICTITIOUS DENTIST.
Re-read a bit to be sure, looking for the unwritten part, if any. Tsk, Tsk.
One may assume that any critique meant to aide an author in salvaging any story is in one's best interest. So do not be disuaded by this review, for Teff means you no harm.
Now, this dentist had to reach from crib to crib to ply his pliars, if he is in fact 60. One must attend a school even in Nazi Germany in 1945, well probably not that strict. In otherwords, change the age of dentist.
You start with computer whiz guy, career intact. Fine. Good ploy. Is there a tie-in?
Although Teff is a student of WWII history, never once encountering "brown shadows" on teeth.
Near the story's end, the wife recalls going to the mysterious dentist ... Too?
Still, we will in the next few minutes say betwixt ourselves to correct this story is to save this story.
Personally, when Teff receives a review, she looks at the mark first, the A, the B, the C+. Who doesn't?
Don't abandon the story, Sunny. Ah, the title is wrong. Yes, the word fictitious rolls off our tongues, we use it verbally, but its a bummer to read and spell. Bogus Dentist, Fakir Dentist Dude? Your new choice.
Fictitious means fiction to most of us. Due to small i's looking like small l's the word is also a bummer to read. I use it anyway. I like the word, Sunny. So you decide, here.
Now, please don't say, oh no, where can I hide?
Lot's of times one lets go of a story. This is not the case here. Yet, something seems missing.
The end, hon. Finish the story, Sunny.
Because we know the SS and German National Socialism, Nazis had a favorite symbol.
Sun, use it, say swastika. End the story or some folks out here may be spooked and going WHA!!!
Again, one cannot read between the lines. Swastika obvious, yeah, say it.
Now, the worst thing, Sun, is I have a dentist appointment this very week. (Huh?) Yup. Have the corrections for this fine short story on Teacher Teff's desk, please before 10:00 am, Friday, when I'll be filling out medical forms.
Thanks.
Cordially yours, Teff.
ALL Writers welcome to stop by:
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