One hears the screams, feels the danger in THREE QUICK SHOTS.
No sense re-writing the author's piece. Advice of sight, sound, smell are irrelevant, if such advise is rendered by one writer or from a newsletter, best to ignore it. What should we smell, fear?
Plus it's not a book for the blind.
The twist at the end of the tale when the character is back on the ranch is a surprise to this reviewer, who is collecting replies to keep track of them on ===
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Most importantly with this story, true suggestion is for naming the character. Readers tire of she.
ID the one who comes in, gun to the ready on a jet, so reminiscent of what happened on Sept. 11, 2001, above a calm countryside in rural PA.
Writing the actual action here must have been difficult. For this recall, this writer says, thanks.
THE HAVEN tells of what is, what may be, what might be. Only in the effect via a muse's lingo of which "humans" place in society if defined. As effectual poetic renditions tend to equate real and unreal.
So, if we get it, or if we don't like the poem reads re: our social nicks, perhaps we are all in someway:
"Entwined ... stationay objects, neither bending or moving."
CHAPTER ONE --- a DECENT READ ABOUT a family of witches, the friendly kind from the pen of J. Krome.
Par One: village's ghost
locals --- understood live near
Next: Please don't fudge par breaks, designed for easier reading.
Learnt (?) not a word, learned.
Sum a young witch tries to make a bed, fails. Gulls wear black clothes. A new leader will be chosen for the coven.
The author's Q is: Do you like the characters? Yeah, they're okay, similar to Bewitched, the black & white TV comedy, circa, 1970s.
Can the story be plotted and followed?
Sure, it has a good start.
Suggestion: Dont't depend to much on adjectives, green, tiny. Pretend you're doing a crossword puzzle and pull out the perfect word.
Also almost every had, here, can be dropped. Isn't the story happening as you write it? Read it aloud. If you can drop the hads, toss them as far from the house as possible. Take a little caution to stay the fingers that type the hads that are not needed.
Lastly, you understand, Teff means you no harm. You're characters seem to rival for position. Add the reason to this chapter.
Best in all you do, dear author.
Let's all hope you finish this one and continue to Write ON!
LONGING MEMORIES from the talented pen of new member, Taniuska, proves once again, not all new members are new to writing.
Sum: The life of Theodore, as told by narrator, a grandson. Times 1916 --- 1940. Interesting.
Genre: Bio --- met, signed sealed & delivered
Favorite lines:
"hemp shirt ... stiff as a tree ..."
Readers, can't you just imagine color and texture?
"narrow road" of "pines" like "a tunnel"
The actual sentence containing the above almost reaches out branches to touch one taking a casual walk. Great detail!
"hymn of the wind" Gorgeous!
The Suggestion:
Cut down on some tense additions, shorten where feasible.
Don't be afraid to use flowery prose.
May be your specialty, Taniuska.
favourite == favorite
Best Christmas to come, welcome to WC where ALL writing remains free & easy going on cold winter days.
Historic details in this one, research, adds to the grade.
Kalluke, your poem MY FIRST PAPER CUT is well presented with the tiny icons. For the effort and the tale inside the poem, the 3.5 star. Please do not shun this grade as irrelevant or low.
Sometimes entire stories get the same rates. However, reading poetry here on WC, one finds the fine, excellent standards of Ann Ticipation, T L Finch to name a few.
I very much enjoyed the craft side of life and fully agree that homemade gifts can be the most thoughtful presents.
Plus your item is quite timely.
So let's decorate & celebrate this merry month of DEC.
BACK TO --- the edit / write of MY FIRST PAPER CUT, perhaps adhere more carefully to lines and rhymes. Fit them into rhyme delivery via just a teeny bit more tweaking, dear.
Cordially, Teff w/ 4 rev badges. Sorry these don't show up; on PRP similiar to Christmas Past.
On horseback " ... Scream down the road to Neverland ..." Shocking words from HURT --- PART ONE, from author, New York Gretta.
Sum: A military wife left at home, tends a horse farm, receives news her husband is _________.
Sorry, not up to Teff (humble reviewer, poet, forum hostess, short story contest winner) to give this one away.
So click here to ... READ ON!
New York Gretta, this is off to a very adequate, tantalizing start. You supply subtle hooks with almost every paragraph while suppling background without pushiness. The former keeps a story afloat. While the latter prevents bogging down readers into the past of the characters per se.
El voce, the voice from the heart speaks out in FALLEN APART by >:) (author.)
Teff finds only a few misspells.
nolonger == two words
everymove === two words
delt == dealt
Like the story line when roommates part friends. In fact we're seeing more adds for roommies needed, rooms for rent in private homes in our area. Perhaps due to rising costs of living, withdrawal of federal money to states and cities, and escalating property taxes. How about other places? Many in sev out-of-state papers. And your neck of the woods?
Well, on my front door it used to say, Stay Out, now it says: Rooms for Rent.
Dear poet, Starry Sky, your poem brings home the message above as for the occupation of said space. When two folks crisscross in the hall and no longer speak ... well, a horse of a different color my friend.
This is a narrative poem, almost a prose style write, but in any case, keep an eye on the TV, and other major appliances, dear.
Trying to cheer you, thus the aside and tie-in, prompted by what Teff just read.
Attention con artists, would be rip-off-artists, junk collectors or part time crooks ... yeah that's right.
Read it again. Although this is not at all the quote delivered by the host of SELL IT! THE CONTEST.
Instead the perpetrator of SELL IT! THE CONTEST makes members, authors an offer they may not want to refuse.
Come on down to Ravenwand's forum, enter a sales pitch for the non-compromising prompt. Get your gift points here, spurn E-bay all the way, baby.
Great Idea!
Plus enjoy reading these finely crafted, brief, pitches. FUNNY! I tell you true.
Now there is the 1966 Pontiac La Mans we store the Teffom tools and lawn mower in, which we might be willing to part with. So how about it, any takers?
where we occasionally mention the tri-state, blue states, Len.
Okay ... personals aside. IF YOU KNEW JERSEY by humorist extraordinaire, Lenny 66 throws on the table the ins & outs of how to survive New Jersey speedways.
Where === "the most vicious, cold blooded, diabolical, cutthroat drivers ...." keep Lenny on his toes.
Shun speed limits, fall prey to losing your savings ... in Jersey.
The real fun involved with this Oct, 2004 copyrite is indeed survival of the fittest, the fastest, the toughest on those bumper to bumper, high speed chase turnpikes.
If readers & guests seek the funniest piece on all of WC ... they better click here.
TEN STAR WORK!!! Comedy, satire genre.
If you, as readers, are unfamiliar with New Jersey driving standards, click here.
With all the laughter in the entire Garden State, Len, this is the exact reason, we ride the bus to Trumpy's.
Love seeing "in cahoots" used in a roasting like this one.
Best to you ... YO! Watch out ... BBB BBBBB BBEEE EEE EEPPPPPP!!!!
Oh, my goodness, Lady Cobra. You actually deleted your original blog!!!
How awful. Teffy deleted about ten reviews received from anti-christos like fans, and anons helping themselves to platefuls of hidden insults. (I'm told we ALL may be, from time to time, privy to the latter.)
But your own blog, how nasty to be driven to the wall like that, dearie.
The good thing is you did receive a new, free, upgraded membership and you have a nice looking, heartfelt blog going once more.
Teffy deleted 3 forum mission statements, one item and felt the loss like burying a pet mouse, which I never had. So, maybe it's not so bad after all.
With your "I always loved Christmas as a child ..." Readers will identify with this, honey child.
The suggestion:
Keep the above thought everyday this month and celebrate the Christmas tides every minute in your own happy-go-lucky way, many of us do.
God Bless! What lives these journal / blogs reveal. My, my.
Members, guests, writers, reviewers .... let's hear some resounding applause for Lady Cobra.
Teff
Cobra, post on my blog or forum, maybe it will cheer you.
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Sometime you read an item on the title alone. A mini poem with good rhymes, sums up the physical details of the look of an unshaven man. This time of the year lots of fellows keep the chin hair for hunting or winter warmth.
Now in the hippie heyday there was bells, peace signs the like. Sorry, Teff digresses to back in the day when American Vetrans stopped a war machine out of control.
So read CALL ME A HIPPIE when you get a chance. Maybe on a lazy, crazed day next March on the White House steps.
DANCES, an intense, descriptive poem from Penguin's pen, offers an actual intake of the breath, tap of the foot, as a couple pairs of to the rhythm of the dance. Four Star, work, enjoyable poetry!
Alabama Courier Times // Nov 27, 2005 // T.Teffom
Zooming around Canada (been there, done that) oh sorry.
Zooming around the site, found this eye-opener on "factoids." Factoids me: stored facts for the mental travel log of author Uniquio, and what a fun read it is, too.
TRAVEL NOTCHES tells of a day trip to Vancouver from Seattle. Then a walk in the city and a plate of peanut butter.
For the latter one must read the piece to taste the true essence of this info.
Pity really, as Peanut Butter Pie is available, if you can find it, in the states. A silly, aside really.
Of the gasoline, way out of sight now-a-days. Bush's war takes a toll on our nighbors to the North without a doubt.
Liked this one, Uniquio.
You know the drill, Travel On!
Write ON!
Cordially,
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Guessing the NATURAL BEAUTY, VARIETY COLLECTION is done with very special, zoom lenses. If so, these are surely worth their weight in gold to photographers.
This collection of WC C-notes is from Story Mistress.
So, if you love flowers and are thinking of sending a variety of mixed messages to friends, here's the place for you.
You can post your own messages inside.
Instructions to order are easily
understood. The collection has a lot of beauties to choose from, so click here for all those special gift ideas.
Arien 27 offers a mini-poem, BLISS today, Nov.25, 2005.
Dear poet, plese do not be dismayed by this rate. Several times Teff reviewed & rated the poems of T L FINCH, another poet on WC. Sometimes, I feel that 3 star is not a low rate in the least for it is not.
Sometimes, I am not trying to make comparisons between poem or authors.
Perhaps you will express your feelings or the feelings of the narrator in other poems, at other times. For the saying around here is .... Rhyme on!
Silverhand! Oh, Silverhand, wish you were around when Teffy read to the toddlers, eons ago.
PUMPKINS, PUMPKINS, LOTS OF PUMPKINS! Kiddie Lit zeroing in on the life of three, well named pumkins, apparently (LOL) on the way to the big time or Jack O'Lantern world.
Cute, well written and sassy.
Suggestion: Don't let adult vocab sneak in too much.
Easily visible for the illustrator.
Now, onto yesterday's pie. Gee, better not mention the deep orange, creamy pie made with brown sugar, eggs, nutmeg and well, you know, the P word. Pass the cool whip, will ya, hon?
Fiction author, Fallen's intro for THE BLOODY VALENTINE may be termed friction writing. The narrator is about to blow. His admiration with a girl in high school named Mary, causes "stress." When he's "still thinking about killing" his father, the intro stops."
Suggest: Forming sentences in a positive mode. To save extra baggage.
Readers can take facts, hon.
So, the handling of "I just have an eye for beauty." Perhaps go with, I've an eye for beauty.
Cut to the chase with similar phrases and predicates. Am guessing the kid has a mental problem. So you're seemingly writing for the readers to guess this fact?
Skip lines between paragraphs, which is customary.
Reading this, Teff asks, do I dislike the character? Yes. Good luck with the turn-around. Hard to rate what the writer has up the hidden sleeve at this point.
"Let Me Be Myself" needs editing Punkrocker, you're certainly entitiled to write whatever you like, opinions, satire, comedy, short stories, articles, here on WC where almost anything goes.
Generally, I is capital I in prose pieces. Which truly makes it easier on readers / raters/ reviewers.
Lady is not ldy.
Things like that, which, believe it or not are simple to correct.
Sure, lots of times the keyboard fingers take off, typo blasting. Best to re-read, re-edit, kinda expected, you understand.
Plus you always have the choice to scrap a few, start countless others. Teff abandons them right and left.
Well, best Thanksgiving. Swing by after revamping your item, if you like.
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