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651
651
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1735841 Unavailable **
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Invalid Item"  by ANONYMOUS!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Invalid Item" !



*Rainbowl* REVIEWED BY A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEWER *RAINBOWr*


A fantastic beginning to a book. The only problem I have is that I am now reading out of sequence, and that is unsettling for me. I don't want to know what happens before I get to that part of the story in a sequential timeline. Though this is the first chapter of a new book, the book is the second of a series so I must find something else to review I fear. The only problem with that is I now hooked, and like the last few lines suggest, I must read on. I simply can't stop, even though I am sleep deprived and need the rest badly.

Is this one published? I found this to be very well written. The only notable item is listed below, other than that, spelling, grammar and punctuation are all in order.

I found myself yelling along, "Don't open it". A very intense chapter that is sure to grab the attention of readers.


~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

Write on!
~WhoMe???~
652
652
Review of Cuchulainn  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]♥♥♥♥♥
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.


(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details)

Intro






Wilshire

*Sun*
Live action, play by play, and Irish bar is site to a first hand fisticuff. Great detail and imagery is created giving the reader the impression they are there amidst the characters witnessing this event as it unfolds.

*Star*
~With the opening sentence, we know this is going to be a story relating somehow to the bar. There is something missing from this sentence though that finalizes the opening sentence. Is Cahoolan's on James St. or is the town called James St.? This is left unclear. By changing the sentence structure or adding some punctuation within the sentence, perhaps both, this would clear up the confusion.

~a long scraggly brown beard and a long head of thin head complete with a bald spot at the back of his head.
There are just too many heads in this sentence.

~Through God’s strength to pilor me
http://dictionary.com didn't know what the word pilor was either... I thought you might have had a new word for me *Wink*

*Moon*
~towards/ backwards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, outward, beside, to name a few.

*Compass*
Overall I feel this is a well written story. There were just a few spots that tripped me up, as noted above. A wonderful first post! I like the poetic prayers offered up as the fighting unfolds.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

lonewolfmcq
653
653
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A signature for a lovely friend.

Two poems in one, showcasing the journey of the original poem as it transforms into something new. The addition of the punctuation adds clarity and emotion to the poem. Each poem is very well written. The punctuation helps the reader understand clearer just where to pause for effect and how the author wishes the poem to be read. I believe this to be a very good use of the format given for us to try this week.
654
654
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A signature for Jenny, love Riot.

A great poem. From the imagery I gathered, I then went up to look for any subtext under the title. The subject of the poem sure fits with the vision you have created. I imagined a chance encounter with someone who inspired passion to burst forth. This meeting is again perpetrated by chance and pretty soon additional meetings are questioned of fate. Upon discovering that time and circumstance can no longer be taken in as factors, logic is cast to the wind and passions consumed.

A great piece of poetry. I liked the fact that you have centered this. It helps to show the struggle between the two people, fighting their original urges.
655
655
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.

The opening sentence should be one that reaches out and grabs your attention. In this instance, I found the word dry was used twice, creating a distraction. I would suggest using the thesaurus to see if another word choice would better illustrate your meaning.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

This is a strange encounter as the title reflects and has me curious as to what further chapters or additions to the story may bring. I look forward to reading more.
656
656
Review of The Painting  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A signature for Jenny, love Riot.

Hello my friend. It has been a while since I last grazed through your port. I am doing so today through the graces of "Simply Positive Review Forum "   by Simply Positive . This story was one chosen as the works to be reviewed this week.

With the second sentence of the story, a list of items is given. When listing, I believe, it is acceptable to separate all items by commas with the exception of the last, which you insert a conjunction before. The conjunction is missing, leaving merely a list. This may be acceptable, though if it is, I am unaware of it. Remember, I am but a novice with writing.

~to determined should be displayed as too determined.

Overall I am quite impressed with this story. You did very well with it. I also liked the inclusion of the prompt and information which may have limited the writing so that readers knew of any such limitations. I will be back another time to graze some more, until then, I am MOOoving on!
657
657
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.

A dream sequence with no end in sight is often terrible to endure. I found this a realistic telling, something I could relate to. It made sense to me. The grammar, punctuation and spelling all appear, for the most part, to be in order.


~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.


~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.
658
658
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.
Interestingly with this poem I found a hidden poem, or not so hidden, in each of the first words of the beginning poem. Quite creative.
Another point of mention is that this mentions they were deprived as children. If they are still in school, are they not still children? Or are they now young adults? Perception is everything with poetry.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Something to think about when creating a novel of poetry. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, but consistenly. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.
659
659
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.
Welcome to this wonderful and vast community of writers. I hope you enjoy your stay. There is much to do and this is a great adventure to experience.

A short satire piece, this politically charged story doesn't address any one set issue at hand, rather it lays the platform down as to the first woman being elected as the president. It pokes at her run for office and how she used reality television to help boost her front and center into the hearts of the voters. (Glad I don't watch much television, I can only imagine what this is all about). This is well written. The punctuation, grammar and spelling all appear to be in order. I didn't find anything I could help with that would improve upon this piece.

660
660
Review by ~WhoMe???~
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.
661
661
Review of The Chosen One  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.

I like the subject of this short flash fiction piece, however the delivery could use quite a bit of work yet. The opening two sentences should be what grabs the attention of the reader and lures them in. With this story, the first paragraph consisted of two sentences. The first contained punctuation that didn't fit, the hyphen after the word freezing. The second sentence was one large run on sentence with grammar and punctuation errors. Here is my suggestions for the second sentence:

He'd been so excited when his mother had told him that he and his 11 brothers and sisters were going on a trip, that he'd not caught on to the fact that they were being abandoned until she'd walked off, to get some grain she said.

He had been so excited when his mother told him that he and his 11 siblings were going on a trip that he hadn't caught on to the fact that they were being abandoned. That is, until she walked off, supposedly to get some grain.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall I feel this short fictional piece still needs a bit of work. Upon completion I would gladly return to re-rate and re-review. I did enjoy the storyline.
662
662
Review of Stargazer  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.

A wonderful poem showcasing the Shakespearean Sonnet format. Though I am not familiar with the technicalities with the form itself, I was able to pick out the alternate rhymes, which were right on mark, and the final couplet to conclude the poem. I could find no flaws with this piece, so all I have to offer is some information on placement.

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a wonderful poem. The punctuation, grammar and spelling all seem to be in order. The subject was one that was intriguing and had me reading the poem several times over for enjoyment purposes. Thank you
663
663
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1735841 Unavailable **
Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Authors Hall Of Fame" by !
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Ink Blot Authors Fanatical Gifters" !



*Rainbowl* REVIEWED BY A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEWER *RAINBOWr*


*Sun*
Though the story continues, I found many areas of distraction that caused me to stop and ponder. This resulted in a not so fluid read of the chapter. I am now intrigued about Fletcher's role. He seems to have a few hidden agendas.

Lizzy seems to be playing the field a bit. I can not tell just which person she is truly loyal to other than herself. I feel she throws herself into her role as Blackstone's servant. She is a passionate flame that has hidden agendas of her own.

Blackstone seems to be surrounding himself with servants who all have something against him and wish him harm in one way or another. This is proving to be a great additional sideline story.




*Moon*
~we even ate bark from the forests capitalize the beginning word. It slipped by undetected *Wink*

~After a few minutes Norman pulled himself together again. He wiped is nose on his sleeve again, and said, "We tried to sell this place. We knew it wouldn't be easy because so many homes are empty now, but our place is bigger and sturdier than most of the huts. We figured if we could sell it, we could pay our debt and get Rebecca back. We were in the middle of negotiatin' the sale, when the buyer backed out. That's when we came to you for help, Father."

the word again is used so close together that it actually made me stop reading and go back. That was a distraction. I would recommend rewording this part a bit.

Also, the order is confusing here. They tried to sell the house, because they had already bartered their daughter, then went to the priest after the fact for help. I don't find this believable. I would think any mother and father would first try every means possible to save their child from indentured servitude. Especially after several girls before her had been killed, the rumors would have reached the family beforehand.

For instance, try selling the house first... but the buyer backs out. I am not sure the reference of coming to the church for help.

~knowing children, Barnard would have already asked for his sister's room upon her leaving the first night, or perhaps before she had already left. This too seems out of sequence. This possibly even would have been something Barnard teased his sister about, before her departure. Now though, he would look up at the loft as a regret for teasing her about it, wishing she had never left.

~ I also find it odd that a priest would agree or help to conspire physical harm to another. Why would he suggest to the family that Barnard may slip in disguised as a monk. Wouldn't he more likely give a speech that something is coming, Blackstone has reaped his reward and it is soon to be payed, but not at the hands or the cost of this family who has already suffered so much?
664
664
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1735841 Unavailable **
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Invalid Item"  by !
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Invalid Item" !



*Rainbowl* REVIEWED BY A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEWER *RAINBOWr*


*Sun*
Though the story continues, I found many areas of distraction that caused me to stop and ponder. This resulted in a not so fluid read of the chapter. I am now intrigued about Fletcher's role. He seems to have a few hidden agendas.

Lizzy seems to be playing the field a bit. I can not tell just which person she is truly loyal to other than herself. I feel she throws herself into her role as Blackstone's servant. She is a passionate flame that has hidden agendas of her own.

Blackstone seems to be surrounding himself with servants who all have something against him and wish him harm in one way or another. This is proving to be a great additional sideline story.




*Moon*
~we even ate bark from the forests capitalize the beginning word. It slipped by undetected *Wink*

~After a few minutes Norman pulled himself together again. He wiped is nose on his sleeve again, and said, "We tried to sell this place. We knew it wouldn't be easy because so many homes are empty now, but our place is bigger and sturdier than most of the huts. We figured if we could sell it, we could pay our debt and get Rebecca back. We were in the middle of negotiatin' the sale, when the buyer backed out. That's when we came to you for help, Father."

the word again is used so close together that it actually made me stop reading and go back. That was a distraction. I would recommend rewording this part a bit.

Also, the order is confusing here. They tried to sell the house, because they had already bartered their daughter, then went to the priest after the fact for help. I don't find this believable. I would think any mother and father would first try every means possible to save their child from indentured servitude. Especially after several girls before her had been killed, the rumors would have reached the family beforehand.

For instance, try selling the house first... but the buyer backs out. I am not sure the reference of coming to the church for help.

~knowing children, Barnard would have already asked for his sister's room upon her leaving the first night, or perhaps before she had already left. This too seems out of sequence. This possibly even would have been something Barnard teased his sister about, before her departure. Now though, he would look up at the loft as a regret for teasing her about it, wishing she had never left.

~ I also find it odd that a priest would agree or help to conspire physical harm to another. Why would he suggest to the family that Barnard may slip in disguised as a monk. Wouldn't he more likely give a speech that something is coming, Blackstone has reaped his reward and it is soon to be payed, but not at the hands or the cost of this family who has already suffered so much?


Write on!
~WhoMe???~
665
665
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1735841 Unavailable **
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Invalid Item"  by !
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Invalid Item" !



*Rainbowl* REVIEWED BY A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEWER *RAINBOWr*


*Sun*The opening paragraph once again grabbed at me. There is no way I am putting this chapter down until I read it through. This is the effect any good story or book should have. The reader should be so wrapped up into the story, that it becomes an alternate reality for them. When reading it, they are a part of the story, even if they only are witnessing it from afar. That is how this story is going along for me.

The waking thoughts suddenly interrupted by the looming reality of what transpired the night before was wonderfully written, so real and believable.

*Moon*~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

~ needs to a place to lay~ The grammar structure of this part seemed a bit off to me. I am not quite sure, perhaps do to lack of coffee yet today, exactly what will fix this problem.

*Star*
~Having become so wrapped up in this tale, as I came to the ending, I had tears in my eyes and a throat swollen with a choked sob. This emotional cliff the reader is left on compels them forward with the story.

This is very well written. I found everything believable and endearing to the story. I must continue on.
Write on!
~WhoMe???~
666
666
Review of The Dream  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A signature for a lovely friend.

Wow, talk about taking it to the next level! This poem not only compliments the image, but it stands alone as inspiration and an uplifting message to all.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I have often thought that placement places an integral part to the comprehension and vision a poem creates. Here is what I mean:

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion.

That being said, here is my question for you. With the cinquain form, do you think centering is the only way to go, or do you think alignment also compliments the form?

Overall I enjoy this poem and five you ten stars!
667
667
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1735841 Unavailable **
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Invalid Item"  by !
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Invalid Item" !



*Rainbowl* REVIEWED BY A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEWER *RAINBOWr*






George R. Lasher

My friend, I have started this review now four different times. The first time I started it, then realized another group member had already reviewed this piece, so I deleted it. After discussion, it was brought to my attention that more than one opinion on an item is a good thing, so I started another review, which got lost due to my negligence to hit the save button. This happened one more time, before we got to this one final piece. So, here is your review, please don't judge me too harshly *Wink*:

*Sun*
With the opening four paragraphs the scene is set. There is a dark moon rising over the horizon as the horse moves closer to the church. This bleak setting seems to set the tone for what is about to happen. A very intense first chapter that hooks the reader from the beginning sentence.

After reading this several times over I found that I must continue on with the story. It held great importance that I find out what becomes of the characters.

*Star*
~using the word perhapswhen speaking of the horses pawing, gives the impression that there might be more to what is seen or interpreted by the characters at this point in time, and a revelation will come later. This is a great play with words and a wonderful clue to leave the readers. Bravo!

*Moon*
~sultry voice~ as described in many of the online dictionaries as :Attractive in a way that suggests a passionate nature; Expressing or arousing desire... I am not sure this is the image you were trying to create with the sound of the second voice.

*Compass*
Overall a wonderful start to a novel. I have read this several times over and am quite pleased with this and ready to move on to the next additional chapters.
saph designed




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Image #1642111 over display limit. -?-
Write on!
~WhoMe???~
668
668
Review of Final moments  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]♥♥♥♥♥
WhoMe Major Multisig


(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details)

Intro





Paul F Clayton

*Sun*
A beginning to the end, this poem of alternate rhyme and constant rhythm flows well down the page. It speaks of finding comfort and one's place in death. A great poem.

*Star*
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

*Moon*
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the alternate rhyme and the confusion in death, I feel centering this would best compliment the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.


Image #1662838 over display limit. -?-




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Image #1642111 over display limit. -?-
669
669
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]♥♥♥♥♥
To an amazing woman. Love, Justine.


(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details)

Intro





Aaron M. Peska

*Sun*
A rhythmical piece that talks of the aspects of being a poet. I found this to be an interesting view of the arts. This creative piece seems to have a defensive tone for me. Almost as if trying to defend what poetry is and what you are as a poet.

*Star*
I would suggest taking the extra spacing out so as to not be so distracting. Too much air gives the reader time to wander. We want the focus on the poem, not the spacing.

Overall a good poem written with style and pizzaz!

*Moon*
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that this had a sing song rap beat to it that would benefit from a centered format, though aligned to the left works too. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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Review of Graham  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Vine2*"Graham" *Vine1*



ophelia

*Sun*
Welcome you to this great community. This is a fun place to be and many find it can become a home away from home.

I enjoyed this colorful piece. A trip down memory lane evokes emotions. Often times we get so choked up on emotion, that all thought stops at that one place and the memory lane journey can not go on.

*Star*
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

*Moon*
The They trundled

Overall this is well written. Keep up the great work, and write on!


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Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Samantha Jane

*Sun*
A wonderful spin on an old fairytale of Cinderella, this rhyming poem created of couplets that sing down the page in rhythmical and rhyming ease.

*Star*
Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

*Moon*
The only other thing I would like to mention is that the majority of the poem seemed to follow a syllabic pattern, and then there were lines that were far from the pattern. I could be way off base here, for I didn't map it out, just read it as I saw it. Overall a wonderful piece. True to the storyline, yet in your own words and rhyming all the way.

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Review of True Nature  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Evan


*Sun*
This is a vague reference to man's nature, yet it implies that man has been here or existed before. Is this a reference to reincarnation? For that is the message that I am picking up. I also must ask why the first line has the first three words capitalized, is this significant?

*Star*
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

*Moon*
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that this is one item that would benefit from centering. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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Review of "Prologue"  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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To an amazing woman. Love, Justine.


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Moarzjasac

*Sun*
I must admit that this grabbed my attention. I knew I was witnessing the birth of the universe and I was intrigued by the beauty of your words. The eloquence with which you describe how the opposites fight to contain the same space to me made perfect sense.

*Moon*
Scilosophy an interesting name choice. I think this unique view may play a significant role in this novel.

Overall this is well written. I found no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation. The subject was one that drew my attention, as well as the opening sentences pulling me into the novel.

Bravo on the capitalization of Itas used in this prologue. Many may try to tell you that in the middle of a sentence, it should be lowercase, but with the usage as it is, you are correct.

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Review of petrichor  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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A signature for Jenny, love Riot.


*Heart* READ ALL ABOUT IT PACKAGE from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" from InRain HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

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Keaton

*Sun*
Three poems in one, a wonderful treat. Each one written as part of another. The Cleave Poem format is a rather new form and you have included a description that your poem compliments and resembles well.

*Star*
I imagine this is one poem format that punctuation would be quite tricky to include. That being said, I didn't see a need for punctuation with this piece.

*Moon*
I like how the colors are used to separate the three poems. It makes it easier for the reader to see all three. Overall this is well written. The only question I have, is did this place in the contest?

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Review of Strength Within  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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WhoMe Major Multisig


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Lainey

*Sun*
A wonderful rhyming poem that delivers a message of hope and instruction on breaking free from a destructive relationship.
Reading this poem gave me a sense of hope for others who may have been suffering as the voice once was.

*Star*
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

*Moon*
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

This is one of those poems I feel would fit either way. Whether centered or aligned this works quite well.

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