~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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601

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#3476393

Review of Dear Me ~ 2011

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me ~ 2011"

NickiD89

A wonderful and well thought out piece. These great goals come with a map and compass as well. I am pretty sure that if this is any indicator of the kind of writer you are, then you should have no problem breaking into the market and seeing your goals and dreams become a reality.

I didn't notice a single flaw with this item. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. This has a great checks and balances system to help guide you to your destination.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

lonewolfmcq

602

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#3476390

Review of "Dear Me"

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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A signature for Jenny, with love from Riot.

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Intro

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

" "Dear Me""

BEAR

A wonderful letter is written with some very realistic and emotional goals. Upon reading this I teared up with emotion as I am reminded just how precious time is and can be. We never know if we will be given a second chance, or just when our time is up. That being said, I can see no better goal than to live life as you have described.

In about three different places the word then is used, when it should be than. Though I can't site the rule for this, I know it to be true and just. Now if you were to tell that to me, this stubborn gal would fight it. You can't give me information and tell me it is so, simply by your word. Show me. Give me reason. Tell me the ins and outs, what to's and have not's. Then and only then will I understand the correct way to do it and why. Please forgive me if I put you in the same spot I myself would not want to be in. A quick internet search gave me this response: Than is used only in comparisons, so if you're comparing something use than. If not, then you have to use then.

Overall some good goals that are lifestyle changes all should adhere to, as well as some great writing goals too. The grammar, spelling and punctuation errors were without mention except for the one above. All others if they existed failed to show themselves to me.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

lonewolfmcq

603

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#3476383

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Intro

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

Janet Nimoy

Some fun and concrete goals for the new year. Though the goals are reachable and firm, there are no checks and balances nor timetables to help with follow through. The question I find myself asking then is how long until this is forgotten due to life interfering? Or will this be hung on a mirror so that each day a reminder is viewed to help you stay the course?

~towards/backwards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, and beside, to name a few. The exception to this is that the British do add the "s" and in so doing are correct for their proper language. So if this is a British writing, then please disregard the comments as coming from this ignorant American

I wish you well in these endeavors. Some fun filled goals for the year, good luck my friend.

Overall well written. The prompt is used with ease and I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to comment upon other than the one possibility mentioned above.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

lonewolfmcq

604

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#3476372

Review of Never Loose Hope

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Intro

"Never Loose Hope"

Parishrut Pandey

I found this poem to be a metaphor of life and how if we keep our faith or hope, all things will come in due time. This is as much about patience as it is about hope.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall a good poem. I could offer no editing or grammar suggestions to improve upon the poem.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

605

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#3476369

Review of As I Fought

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

"As I Fought"

PoetSeather

Thirty small words creating a two verse poem that hugs the left side of the page. This brief poem is about contrast and contradiction, reminding us to stop and think before we react, for every action has an equal or greater reaction.

ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Though I have not editing, grammar or punctuation comments, I did feel centering this would add some extra depth to the poem itself.

Overall a thought provoking piece.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

606

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#3476357

Review of Insolvent

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Insolvent"

Clevinger Oswald

The mind is a scary place to delve into. It can play tricks on the psyche, hiding and maneuvering so as to disguise and mislead you as to what has really transpired. This is a very, very, clever writing illustrating just that.

After reading this I feel this is a dark and sinister piece, yet while reading it that was not the impression at all. I find that odd.

While reading this I could tell that something was amiss, I was just not able to quite put my finger on what was hiding in the shadows. Reading this completely chills you to the bone in such a way that true horror is realized.

This is a very well put together piece. The punctuation, grammar and spelling all appear to be in order. I could not find anything to edit, comment or suggest as far as improvements go.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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607

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#3476333

Review of My Guardian Angel

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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"My Guardian Angel"

TheDreamer

A guardian angel has forsaken it's post and left the romantic vulnerable and alone. This is a poetic piece with great potential. Written with a plea to return, this urgent request is the voice of one who has fallen from the graces of one who watches out for them. This could be a metaphoric piece as well.

Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These two words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

Something else I noticed with the coordinate conjunctions in this short prose was that they were used incorrectly within the sentence, in several pieces.
For instance:

this and that, and this, and that.... is used,
this, that, this and that...is how it should be

The last thing that distracted me from full appreciating this great poetic piece was the added spacing. There seemed to be too much air between lines and verse. This allows for wandering eyes and thought.

Overall a decent prose that with some editing would be a very poetic piece I could enjoy over and over.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3476323

Review of ANGEL OF THE APOCALYPSE

Review by ~WhoMe???~

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Intro

"ANGEL OF THE APOCALYPSE"

Philip Roberts

A poem of rhythm and rhyme that runs down the page as the coming of the wrath of God and his avenging Angel of the Apocalypse are foretold.

To me there was too much added space distracting the reader from the poem. I would suggest taking all space out of each verse and only allowing one space in between verses.

The second verse has on rhyme. This was different from the rest and made me re-read it a few times to try and figure out what was wrong.

Overall a good poem that needs some formatting work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3475778

Review of Tai

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Tai"

Mo

This is a very well written poem. I was able to follow this ballad with ease and comfort. Tears of sadness cascade down my face as I picture the image of the mother in labor unable to deliver her bundles of joy.

Tai is a cat that is well loved. This is evident in each line and verse. This poem is of sadness and tears.

Normally I would comment here about the punctuation or lack of consistency with the punctuation, but I found in this instance the punctuation it has is perfectly displaying the emotion and voice of the poem. To me punctuation is nothing more than the wand of the conductor. The punctuation in poetry is the author telling the reader where to pause for one reason or another, whether to reflect or simply breathe, at least in my opinion...sorry got off on a tangent...

Overall this is a wonderful poem. Sad, yet beautifully written.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3475756

Review of chasing ranbows

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

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Intro

"chasing ranbows"

morganwilliams

A fun filled story on getting to know your neighbor. I tried to look up what a Kombi was, but could not find it listed anywhere. Perhaps it is the late hour and my lack of coffee, so forgive for this. What I do picture is it is either a VW minivan or a small motor home.

Something else I wasn't too sure of was the clothing. What is a singlet? Could you send me a description?

I find the curiosity of children to be fascinating, teenagers especially. Sometimes their curiosity holds no boundaries as they often neglect common sense in the innocuous nature.

I noticed there are quite a few sentences that begin with a conjunction and or but. Conjunctions are words used to join two sentences of like matter. I have seen recently where this often happens in writing in two different types of writings. One would be when the author is typing as he or she speaks, using the conjunctions as to start a new sentence. The other use is with the younger generation not adhering to grammar rules, and writing in slang as if that were the norm and considered acceptable in all circles. I just wanted to point this out, and give you the information to do with as you see fit.

~towards~ in speech, action words often have an "s" added to them which turns them into slang terminology. The "s" is not needed to propel the action forward or back. This often happens with many other action words; forward, backward, upward, onward, and beside, to name a few. I would suggest removing the "s" off of the word.

~Breaking this up into paragraphs would make this a more professional writing. As it stands this is written as a one paragraph story, only it doesn't fit the format of a paragraph. Each paragraph should have it's own subject of like ideas, or separated dialogue.

~The title isn't capitalized, though this is no big deal, what is however is the misspelling of the title. In the subtext the word storey is also spelled wrong unless perhaps using another language, what I mean by that is for example your spelling of colorful is British as in colourful.

Overall the premise of the story is a good one. There were just many small details that need ironed out to make this a five star story. I will gladly return at a later date if and when editing is done, to re-rate this for you. Remember, a review is simply an opinion, meant to help. Take what you can and deem important and use it, disregard the rest.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3475266

Review of Cricket is overrated in India

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

** Image ID #1749027 Unavailable **

Greetings jaya

"Cricket is overrated in India "

[E]

~

~ First Impression:
A well thought out article, this subject appears to be one dear to the heart. I see this happening here in the U.S. as well, but with other sports... and many sports, since there doesn't appear to be one focus...

~

~ Characterization:
The character of the author shines through in this article. This isn't a complaint, merely an observation on what is going on around the community.

~

~Any editing comments:
This is well written. The spelling, grammar and punctuation all appear to be in order. There wasn't anything I saw that needed any adjustments. The prompt is well used in this short article and does the contest a compliment to have it entered.

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

[E]

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!
Ldyphoenix creations

612

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#3474517

Review of ROMANCE IS OVER-RATED

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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Intro

"ROMANCE IS OVER-RATED"

COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

With rhythm and rhyme your poem takes me on a journey of being single. Valentine's day has come and gone, as mentioned in the poem. I see the voice of the poem as a strong figure, someone who has weathered many years and has a somewhat hardened look at LOVE...though that appears to be more of a shell. A shell of protection.

The rhyming couplets used compliment each other. There wasn't a one of them that was out of sequence as far as rhyming goes. The sound was well suited and it was in conjunction with the rhythm.

The spelling, grammar and punctuation all appear to be in order. The poem is well displayed, though personally I would have centered this one. To me alignment can be a metaphor in poetry. How a poem is displayed on a page can also set the tone for the poem. Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern used in the couplets, this could be aligned to the edge of the page, or, due to the underlying emotions, this could be centered to illustrate that not all is as it appears to be. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall I really liked this poem. You took the prompt and had a lot of fun with it. As I read the poem I smiled, and grinned, then at the end there was an intake of breath and an audible choking as the single tear fell from the eyes. Not all was as it appeared, yet the outer-shell was intact. This poem emotionally moved me and had my undivided attention. A wonderful reading.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3473531

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Intro

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

SweetPea

A wonderful goal it is to get published. It looks like you know where your weaknesses lie and where you can seek the help to keep you on track.

~personal accomplishments
I believe the sentence to be speaking of more than one thing already accomplished.

~to move mountains
again speaking of more than one mountain, if not then a should be set forth before mountain

~young minds

~In the last sentence, I am not sure if you mean one dream or more than one. If more than one, add the s to dreams.

~keyboard is one word

~spelling spell check or simply spelling

~prove read proofread

~story is finish finished

~last paragraph, one star or many stars?

Other than college professors, there are also academies here on the WDC site to help with the grammar issues. Something to check into that might not be as costly.

Overall a good goal for the year, and a good use of the prompt.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3472115

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

Samantha Jane

Wonderful realistic goals set forth to help organize your life, this is a simplistic look at what you have planned ahead for the year. In this short entry you do not list the how's but you do list the why's. Getting there is half the fun. I commend you on your journey and wish you well.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. This is well written. Perhaps you won't need as many classes as you first felt you did.

Overall a great set of goals set. Good luck on accomplishing your goals.

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#3472069

Review of A Few Feet Off The Ground

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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Intro

"A Few Feet Off The Ground"

Keaton Foster: Know My Hell!

A well written short story on the ending of a life. This is the first person viewpoint of what is happening and what will come.

I felt this to be eloquent for some reason. Beauty in death. How odd, I may have to explore these emotions later.

This dark prose about the fate of his existence, yet what ever happened to free-will. Do destiny and fate have an existence in a world of free-will? Just something more to ponder. This poetic writing did give me pause to stop and contemplate existence.

I could find no spelling, grammar or punctuation errors to comment upon. This is well written and displayed.

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#3472056

Review of Snow Angels

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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Intro

"Invalid Item"

amelia16

A disheartening poem. The sadness seeps through each line as the story is told from a child's perspective.

typo~she didn't know that I knew
the red word is missing a letter.

longas needs a space between the two words

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

I would also consider breaking this down into several verses, and here is an example:

When I was little,
I made a snow angel every day,
every year,
in the same exact spot.
Right under
the old willow tree
that I climbed
during the summer.

When my mother asked me
why I did so,
well,
that was the first lie
that I ever told.(add the blue word)
I told her
that my imaginary friend
only came out
during the winter,
under the willow tree.
We made the
snow angels together.

She laughed with relief
and ruffled my sopping hair,
going in
to go make some hot chocolate.

She didn't know that I knw;
her and daddy fought every night
for as longas I could remember.

Recently,
they'd been fighting
over who would keep me.
I didn't want
to live with either of them.

Just a few ideas to alter the poem a bit. Spacing helps to give readers a moment to clearly visualize the poem. Overall a sad, yet good poem which leaves a message of hope to help others with similar circumstances.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3472055

Review of Nightmares

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Intro

"Nightmares"

to.make.you.think.

Fear is a paralyzing emotion. Going through a traumatic event like this often leads to nightmares and night sweats. This is one nightmare anyone would want to wake from.

~how or why would you immediately recognize the smell of rotting flesh unless you had been in contact before? This needs explaining in the story, for without it there is a lack of realism to the story.

I personally like how this ends. It leaves question as to what will happen, and if in a book, leads right into the next chapter.

Overall a great story. Keep writing.

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#3472040

Review of Tomorrow

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Tomorrow"

James Burkhart

I see this poem as a look into the future. A dream state. Where a man sees what is to come and embraces each and every heartache, sorrow, rejoicing and celebration. There is no changing the events, so he simply states how it will be and in his words we see the man he truly is.

A wonderful outlook on life. This shows the love for family and the part they play in our lives. This glimpse into his life illuminates the love he has for his family.

Overall a well written poem, I wouldn't dare change a thing. This is moving and emotional, written with love and clarity.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3472038

Review of Testimonial For Kings

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Testimonial For Kings"

Barry Thomas-Brown

A race against time to experience a memorable moment, this is a well written short story. Though I do not know the name of the player or the reason for the mask, I found myself absorbed in the moment and anticipating the players taking the field.

This is a well told story. Caught up in the moment, I could feel the crowd and the bustle. The bodies pressed together to get into the stadium I could see steam rising from the cold.

I liked the realism portrayed as the man stops to comment back, even during his rush to get to his destination.

A wonderful short story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3471957

Review of Shipwreck

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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"Shipwreck"

Valerie Victoria

Metaphors of ships represent the ups and downs of a relationship as the ship battles storms and raging seas.

at times the noun I is capitalized in this song and others it is not. This could be due to lack of self respect the author is trying to represent through illustration in the lyric, or lack of editing.

typo~ remember

the refrain at the bottom is missing the apostrophe in both of the lines.

Overall this well represents the relationships which have the ups and downs. The metaphor is well illustrated.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3471921

Review of Thunder Clouds

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Thunder Clouds"

fyn

A wonderful song. Wow, second place, and yet no ribbon. That will have to be rectified. This song was so clear that the visual before me was of pain and sorrow.

A fight had ensued between the two lovers and the song builds the tempo of this meeting. Will he leave, or will she? Can there be a reconciliation? The lightning and thunder build the tempo while the music brings the finale.

A well written song. Have you considered submitting this to any artists yet?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3471907

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Dear Me"

fyn

Since I had judged this round of the Dear Me letters, when I saw this one, I thought I would stop in and see what this entry was about. Written four years ago, I am curious to see if you were able to reach your goals?

I liked the Moi used and the personification it gives. I found this to be light-hearted and airy. Though goals can often be serious, giving this a fun feeling and sense of ease. There is no severe pressure felt.

How did the publication of poems come out? I myself am interested in this area of publishing and one day hope to have a published book of poetry.

Overall a well written piece. Did it place? Whether or not it did, how did you do in sticking with the goals set and accomplishing them?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3471456

Review of Dear Me: What a Year We'll Have!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me: What a Year We'll Have!"

Beth is a mama!

A great use of prompt this gives some background into why you should follow the goals you have set for this next year. The goals appear to be realistic and if you really set your heart to it, you can easily accomplish these.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors, this is well written.

One suggestion would be this:
Instead of the derogatory wasting of time on the internet, since you clearly enjoy being on the internet, why not put a time limit on the use of internet and television watching.

I actually found myself being able to relate to several of these goals myself. Does Pilate really work? I have never tried it but do suffer from back and neck problems. On another note, the kitchen and baking...love to cook, despise the clean-up and yes, most likely to being sick of being in the kitchen that long... I can totally relate. Bravo on accomplishing so much already.

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#3471454

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

Tracy Sheppard

An interesting use of the prompt. I see this as a prose written in a rhyming fashion, dictating a reminder of who and what you are. The voice comes at me as a rhyming rap used to encourage yourself to follow those dreams.

I didn't see any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. The clever use of italics to help drive the rhyme was a nice addition and really hit the message home.

The goal to write and do it for yourself is a good one. I wish you luck in your endeavors.

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#3467754

Review of The Brave

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"The Brave"

piewhackett1

Congratulations on being selected as a Simply Positive reviewee. Our group will be by to review this item, so sit back and enjoy the various reviews and opinions. We hope you are happy with the outcome.

A wonderful poem of rhyming couplets that complement and commend the dedicated members of our society who serve in our armed forces. The rhythm and rhyme marches to the tune of cadence as the soldiers march off to protect us. This appears to be a message to an individual more than the group as a collective.

The rhyming scheme was read with ease and flow. There were just a few spots of mention. Some fit, and others do what I like to call as summing up, or closing the poem.

Time vs. Behind as a rhyming couple, they do not work individually. They do not rhyme at all and can only somewhat appear to if read within the work at a certain speed.

Freedom vs. Help Not a rhyming pair at all, however if the last four verses, the two sets of couplets were to be reversed in order, then the flow of the poem would be the same rhythm wise, and end on a none rhyme as to sum up the poem. This works with these two couplets also because in switching them up you do not lose any translation.

Overall a great poem. I enjoyed reading it. I didn't notice any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors. The content was suiting and well defined. The voice of the poem found itself with ease and I am honored to have read such a great piece.

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