~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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601

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#3474517

Review of ROMANCE IS OVER-RATED

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"ROMANCE IS OVER-RATED"

COUNTRYMOM

With rhythm and rhyme your poem takes me on a journey of being single. Valentine's day has come and gone, as mentioned in the poem. I see the voice of the poem as a strong figure, someone who has weathered many years and has a somewhat hardened look at LOVE...though that appears to be more of a shell. A shell of protection.

The rhyming couplets used compliment each other. There wasn't a one of them that was out of sequence as far as rhyming goes. The sound was well suited and it was in conjunction with the rhythm.

The spelling, grammar and punctuation all appear to be in order. The poem is well displayed, though personally I would have centered this one. To me alignment can be a metaphor in poetry. How a poem is displayed on a page can also set the tone for the poem. Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the consistent rhyming pattern used in the couplets, this could be aligned to the edge of the page, or, due to the underlying emotions, this could be centered to illustrate that not all is as it appears to be. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall I really liked this poem. You took the prompt and had a lot of fun with it. As I read the poem I smiled, and grinned, then at the end there was an intake of breath and an audible choking as the single tear fell from the eyes. Not all was as it appeared, yet the outer-shell was intact. This poem emotionally moved me and had my undivided attention. A wonderful reading.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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602

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#3473531

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

SweetPea

A wonderful goal it is to get published. It looks like you know where your weaknesses lie and where you can seek the help to keep you on track.

~personal accomplishments
I believe the sentence to be speaking of more than one thing already accomplished.

~to move mountains
again speaking of more than one mountain, if not then a should be set forth before mountain

~young minds

~In the last sentence, I am not sure if you mean one dream or more than one. If more than one, add the s to dreams.

~keyboard is one word

~spelling spell check or simply spelling

~prove read proofread

~story is finish finished

~last paragraph, one star or many stars?

Other than college professors, there are also academies here on the WDC site to help with the grammar issues. Something to check into that might not be as costly.

Overall a good goal for the year, and a good use of the prompt.

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#3473226

Review of Dear Me - you can do better

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me - you can do better"

Sharkdaddy

Some wonderful goals are set forth in a manner as to first show that there is something that needs worked on. We are given a bit of background so that we know why the goals are so important. I find this a twist from other approaches. Nicely done.

Something else that captured my attention was the warning of obstacles that can become a problem in completing the goals.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors.

This was well written and fit the prompt requirements with enthusiasm.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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604

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#3472115

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

Samantha Jane

Wonderful realistic goals set forth to help organize your life, this is a simplistic look at what you have planned ahead for the year. In this short entry you do not list the how's but you do list the why's. Getting there is half the fun. I commend you on your journey and wish you well.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. This is well written. Perhaps you won't need as many classes as you first felt you did.

Overall a great set of goals set. Good luck on accomplishing your goals.

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605

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#3472069

Review of A Few Feet Off The Ground

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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"A Few Feet Off The Ground"

Keaton Foster: Know My Hell!

A well written short story on the ending of a life. This is the first person viewpoint of what is happening and what will come.

I felt this to be eloquent for some reason. Beauty in death. How odd, I may have to explore these emotions later.

This dark prose about the fate of his existence, yet what ever happened to free-will. Do destiny and fate have an existence in a world of free-will? Just something more to ponder. This poetic writing did give me pause to stop and contemplate existence.

I could find no spelling, grammar or punctuation errors to comment upon. This is well written and displayed.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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606

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#3472056

Review of Snow Angels

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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"Invalid Item"

amelia16

A disheartening poem. The sadness seeps through each line as the story is told from a child's perspective.

typo~she didn't know that I knew
the red word is missing a letter.

longas needs a space between the two words

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

I would also consider breaking this down into several verses, and here is an example:

When I was little,
I made a snow angel every day,
every year,
in the same exact spot.
Right under
the old willow tree
that I climbed
during the summer.

When my mother asked me
why I did so,
well,
that was the first lie
that I ever told.(add the blue word)
I told her
that my imaginary friend
only came out
during the winter,
under the willow tree.
We made the
snow angels together.

She laughed with relief
and ruffled my sopping hair,
going in
to go make some hot chocolate.

She didn't know that I knw;
her and daddy fought every night
for as longas I could remember.

Recently,
they'd been fighting
over who would keep me.
I didn't want
to live with either of them.

Just a few ideas to alter the poem a bit. Spacing helps to give readers a moment to clearly visualize the poem. Overall a sad, yet good poem which leaves a message of hope to help others with similar circumstances.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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607

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#3472055

Review of Nightmares

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Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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"Nightmares"

to.make.you.think.

Fear is a paralyzing emotion. Going through a traumatic event like this often leads to nightmares and night sweats. This is one nightmare anyone would want to wake from.

~how or why would you immediately recognize the smell of rotting flesh unless you had been in contact before? This needs explaining in the story, for without it there is a lack of realism to the story.

I personally like how this ends. It leaves question as to what will happen, and if in a book, leads right into the next chapter.

Overall a great story. Keep writing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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608

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#3472040

Review of Tomorrow

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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"Tomorrow"

James Burkhart

I see this poem as a look into the future. A dream state. Where a man sees what is to come and embraces each and every heartache, sorrow, rejoicing and celebration. There is no changing the events, so he simply states how it will be and in his words we see the man he truly is.

A wonderful outlook on life. This shows the love for family and the part they play in our lives. This glimpse into his life illuminates the love he has for his family.

Overall a well written poem, I wouldn't dare change a thing. This is moving and emotional, written with love and clarity.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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609

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#3472038

Review of Testimonial For Kings

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Testimonial For Kings"

Barry Thomas-Brown

A race against time to experience a memorable moment, this is a well written short story. Though I do not know the name of the player or the reason for the mask, I found myself absorbed in the moment and anticipating the players taking the field.

This is a well told story. Caught up in the moment, I could feel the crowd and the bustle. The bodies pressed together to get into the stadium I could see steam rising from the cold.

I liked the realism portrayed as the man stops to comment back, even during his rush to get to his destination.

A wonderful short story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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610

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#3471957

Review of Shipwreck

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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"Shipwreck"

Valerie Victoria

Metaphors of ships represent the ups and downs of a relationship as the ship battles storms and raging seas.

at times the noun I is capitalized in this song and others it is not. This could be due to lack of self respect the author is trying to represent through illustration in the lyric, or lack of editing.

typo~ remember

the refrain at the bottom is missing the apostrophe in both of the lines.

Overall this well represents the relationships which have the ups and downs. The metaphor is well illustrated.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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611

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#3471921

Review of Thunder Clouds

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Thunder Clouds"

Fyn

A wonderful song. Wow, second place, and yet no ribbon. That will have to be rectified. This song was so clear that the visual before me was of pain and sorrow.

A fight had ensued between the two lovers and the song builds the tempo of this meeting. Will he leave, or will she? Can there be a reconciliation? The lightning and thunder build the tempo while the music brings the finale.

A well written song. Have you considered submitting this to any artists yet?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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612

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#3471907

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Dear Me"

Fyn

Since I had judged this round of the Dear Me letters, when I saw this one, I thought I would stop in and see what this entry was about. Written four years ago, I am curious to see if you were able to reach your goals?

I liked the Moi used and the personification it gives. I found this to be light-hearted and airy. Though goals can often be serious, giving this a fun feeling and sense of ease. There is no severe pressure felt.

How did the publication of poems come out? I myself am interested in this area of publishing and one day hope to have a published book of poetry.

Overall a well written piece. Did it place? Whether or not it did, how did you do in sticking with the goals set and accomplishing them?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3471456

Review of Dear Me: What a Year We'll Have!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me: What a Year We'll Have!"

Beth is a mama!

A great use of prompt this gives some background into why you should follow the goals you have set for this next year. The goals appear to be realistic and if you really set your heart to it, you can easily accomplish these.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors, this is well written.

One suggestion would be this:
Instead of the derogatory wasting of time on the internet, since you clearly enjoy being on the internet, why not put a time limit on the use of internet and television watching.

I actually found myself being able to relate to several of these goals myself. Does Pilate really work? I have never tried it but do suffer from back and neck problems. On another note, the kitchen and baking...love to cook, despise the clean-up and yes, most likely to being sick of being in the kitchen that long... I can totally relate. Bravo on accomplishing so much already.

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614

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#3471454

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

"Dear Me"

Tracy Sheppard

An interesting use of the prompt. I see this as a prose written in a rhyming fashion, dictating a reminder of who and what you are. The voice comes at me as a rhyming rap used to encourage yourself to follow those dreams.

I didn't see any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. The clever use of italics to help drive the rhyme was a nice addition and really hit the message home.

The goal to write and do it for yourself is a good one. I wish you luck in your endeavors.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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615

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#3467754

Review of The Brave

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"The Brave"

piewhackett1

Congratulations on being selected as a Simply Positive reviewee. Our group will be by to review this item, so sit back and enjoy the various reviews and opinions. We hope you are happy with the outcome.

A wonderful poem of rhyming couplets that complement and commend the dedicated members of our society who serve in our armed forces. The rhythm and rhyme marches to the tune of cadence as the soldiers march off to protect us. This appears to be a message to an individual more than the group as a collective.

The rhyming scheme was read with ease and flow. There were just a few spots of mention. Some fit, and others do what I like to call as summing up, or closing the poem.

Time vs. Behind as a rhyming couple, they do not work individually. They do not rhyme at all and can only somewhat appear to if read within the work at a certain speed.

Freedom vs. Help Not a rhyming pair at all, however if the last four verses, the two sets of couplets were to be reversed in order, then the flow of the poem would be the same rhythm wise, and end on a none rhyme as to sum up the poem. This works with these two couplets also because in switching them up you do not lose any translation.

Overall a great poem. I enjoyed reading it. I didn't notice any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors. The content was suiting and well defined. The voice of the poem found itself with ease and I am honored to have read such a great piece.

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#3466567

Review of Well Well Well

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Be natural my children. For the writer that is natural has fulfilled all the rules of art.

Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame"
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Charles Dickens Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item"

!

Dearest Lish,

I must say I was shocked and surprised to hear all of this. When I say all, I mean ALL, for I read everything in the folder pertaining to this subject. I thought to review the folder, but see now that isn't a possibility, this must be reviewed individually.

Suggestions: as far as this static item is concerned, the only spelling, grammar, or punctuation error, was with the word hu, it should be HUH.

Though I know this wasn't written for its grammatical merits, it is more of a track record of what is going on as it happens.

After reading all of this, I personally do not see her/him as a stalker, but more of an identity thief. Though it may only be an internet identity, it is your identity, your artwork and your creativity that is being exploited.

I see nothing recent reported in the last six months and hope that the issue has resolved itself. The links coming back to the writing site have been removed and I am grateful for that.

Good luck with this issue. I hope it is behind you and you never have to go through anything like that again.

I know of no legal information I can direct you to concern copyright infringement, but there are many around the site that do. Keep your ears open and I am sure you are bound to come across a published author who can direct you in the right direction.

Write on!

Want to spoil your favorite author? Buy them a package to show your appreciation!

"Invalid Item"

Congratulations once again!
~WhoMe???~

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#3465318

Review of Gaia's Gifts

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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A great entry for "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED "

, this poem made my mouth go dry and I had to swallow. This was beauty and imagery created in such a fashion I had to gulp. Faeries and sprites that took my breath away. Whether this was from the newly introduced poem format, or the words themselves, this poem was one that had me awestruck. Personally I feel it was a combination of both.

I was transported to another place where a small glade is revealed. As I look at the beautiful flora and fauna I see beauty all around. A closer look and I start to see smiles and blushes as I am able to pinpoint fairies and gnomes hiding about, yet clearly in plain sight.

I read this poem and was transported to a fairytale. One I could find in my own backyard if I so looked. This made me want to go clean up the winter debris in the back yard. I want to go hang the rest of the baskets around the gazebo and get them ready for planting. The rose beds need raked so the leaves aren't hiding the beautiful brown dirt that covers their base. Maybe, just maybe, If I do all of this I will find fairies and more in my back yard too..

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#3465305

Review of A Field Full Of Daisies

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"A Field Full Of Daisies"

jaya

A poem written for "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED "

which makes great use of the prompt. After reading about the drab concrete, I too am looking for the daisies of spring. Bring in the vibrant colors as we watch the dismal dissolve with winter and the muck of materialism.

Wow, that was a mouthful. I tend to use punctuation as the direction from the author as where to breath. The commas kept me going without pause, almost taking the breath away. I am not sure if somewhere in verse two or three a semicolon should be used in place of the comma, but would consider it.

Perennially engagedsome people have trouble saying certain words...cinnamon is one of them. For me, perenniallyjust wouldn't roll off the tongue. This gave me great laughter and a huge smile.

Overall a superb entry. This was a great free-style poem. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3464749

Review of Below the surface...lie dead men's bones

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Below the surface...lie dead men's bones"

DEANJENO

I read this as a song. To me this holds a beat and a tune of which none can escape. The catchy phrase as the refrain holds it all together as if the glue of the song.

Well written. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation to comment upon. The lyric flowed well and each line and verse kept to the subject matter.

A very creative poetic piece. Well done.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3464655

Review of My Heart's Empty Bottle

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"My Heart's Empty Bottle"

Tori Rose

A metaphoric poem, as self determined by the author, this was a difficult poem for me to follow. Perhaps it was the punctuation that was keeping me from seeing the true nature of the poem. I have read this several times over. Often times when I am having these difficulties, if I read the item five or so times then start the review, breaking it down verse by verse, the poem's voice reveals itself. That is what I will attempt here so as to better understand the poem.

With the added space between each line it is hard to distinguish if this is one verse or two.

The first three lines appear to be one subject, the searching for love.

From what I can gather, heaven is the metaphor for love. The sea and the shark must be all of those fish that aren't what they appear to be.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as clear.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall an interesting poem. I did feel that the metaphor was too stretched. The shark didn't seem to fit with the poem unless representing vultures attempting to appear as angels.

I did find this hard to follow, however I can almost grasp where the poem is going.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3463875

Review of Ancient Enemies

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"Ancient Enemies"

Harry

A great acrostic poem with rhythm and rhyme depicting that ever present battle between cats and dogs. Showcasing this with the lion vs. the hyena as the acrostic subject, this great poem describes the animosity in rhythmical unity.

There is absolutely nothing I can add to improve this item. The spelling, grammar, punctuation and rhyme are all in order and great continuity with the poem.

A master acrostic which is ready for publishing.

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#3463642

Review of The Weather King

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"The Weather King"

🌖 HuntersMoon

It is always a pleasure and treat to come across one of your entries. Each piece I have ever encountered is well written and has a wonderful yet brief description at the bottom, as well as a nice little bit about reviews. I find this tastefully done and almost poetic.

What I found extremely impressive about this poem was that it was created to date, in conjunction with the actual events of the day. Not only did we get a poem about shadows and Punxsutawney Phil, but we get to actually see the results from his prediction for this day as they happened. I truly appreciated this because I happened to have other things occupy me on this day and missed the results.

With an alternate rhyming scheme, this poem runs down the page as the tale of an event about to unfold. This is from the perspective of Phil as he is about o make his yearly debut in front of millions of audience members.

I found the rhymes to all be true and easy for the reader. Nothing was forced and the story takes care of itself. An added bonus was the picture included to give additional life and realism to the story being told.

Thank you for participating in this group activity. It is truly appreciated. Judging and reviewing are underway. Winners will be announced shortly.

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#3463500

Review of Rescue me Daturas

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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"Rescue me Daturas"

xavier

Call me sleepy,
call me tired,
give me coffee
to wake the senses.
It took me a while
to break this down,
do to my own pretenses.

In order for me to grasp this poem today I had to break this down verse by verse. This was a personal challenge, nothing to do with the poem. Keep in mind that poetry is to interpretation, so I will share my view with you.

Here I see a grandfather who knows that his grandson wishes more information on his father's passing. The first verse references this with the mention of the gravestone. From here the poem goes right into the memory of father and son (grandfather to the boy in verse one).

During a desert excursion the son is bitten by a snake(though the poem never says what the ailment is, this is the impression I get) while in the desert. The father then must lay his son down in the desert, holding his hand as he passes.

After writing this...I see a new vision. This is actually a metaphor of what really happened. This is the story of a father who must witness the passing of his son. He is there through the end, holding his hand.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall this was a lesson for me. Not only had I read these two times, but I began reviewing and mid review, saw a new vision. The lesson I learned was to have a clear view of what I see before starting a review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

~WhoMe???~

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#3462486

Review of My Memories Of You

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"My Memories Of You"

Samantha14

This is an emotional poem of love and loss. The verse, for this reads as one, though it could be separated into two, has a plea for a lost love to return so their relationship can flourish. The line before last gives it away that he left or you broke the relationship off, rather than some tragic accident taking him from you. This gives hope that the plea will be heard and answered.

As I read down the page I could not help but ask myself if this was meant to be read as one breath, hurried, rushed and all bunched together. I say this due to the commas for punctuation. Punctuation in poetry represents where the author wishes you to stop for breath, pause for effect and contemplation, or to end a thought. As it stands, this poem left me breathless. It made it hard to find the voice of the poem.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation other than just the use of commas.

Have you thought about centering this on the page? How a poem is aligned or displayed on the page is a great tool for authors to add a subconscious level to the poem...

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With emotion of the poem, I felt centering it would give the added illustration of missing something that once was, almost as if something is broken. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall I feel this is a good poem. I did feel there was too much space in between lines, leaving room for distraction.

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#3459999

Review of Forgiveness

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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"Forgiveness"

Jezri

This spiritual tale of healing and faith has a wonderful way of lifting the spirits. The rhythm and rhyme that cascade down the page kept an easy flow, even when some of the rhymes were a stretch.

felt to help a small stretch for the rhyme the el rhymes, but the final consonant throws it off just barely, a workable rhyme, though not exact.

pain to camea small stretch for the rhyme the long a rhymes, but the final consonant throws it off just barely, a workable rhyme, though not exact.

go to sowna small stretch for the rhyme the long orhymes, but the final consonant in the second of the rhyme throws it off just barely, a workable rhyme, though not exact.

end to againNo rhyme at all.

sins to dimsa small stretch for the rhyme the short i rhymes, but the final consonant throws it off just barely, a workable rhyme, though not exact.

Overall a wonderful story of faith, love and forgiveness. The rhymes were a bit off at times, but they were close enough for the most part to roll off the tongue and only cause a small hiccup. This spiritual piece was a pleasure to read.

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