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501
501
Review of NOTHING TO FEAR  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A wonderful poem of beauty and spiritual guidance. I read this and I think of you. The darkness shrinks before me as I think of this poem and all you have told me. Fear may be powerful, but it is nothing compared to His love and protection.

You have done a wonderful job portraying the path that will brighten the way. Thank you for being you.
502
502
Review of ENCHANTRESS  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I must stop and ask myself if this poem is depicting you, or your fairy godmother. In this poem, I see sister Sherri. She looks out after many, encouraging them to follow their dreams. She loves the niche she has picked out for herself, and tries to help others find their way as well.

Yes, to me, this is a poem about you Sister Sherri. A beautiful poem it is.
503
503
Review of MY NEWEST POETRY  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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This poetry folder is full of a variety of styles and genres. From depressing and dark through to the love and honor to you mother, these poems all ring with emotion. Your heart and soul shines through your work. You are very clever and witty.

This is just the beginning. I am going through to see what else I can find. What other treasures are buried and hidden in this treasure chest?
504
504
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Wow, out of this whole folder, there was only one item that I hadn't already reviewed. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother. I can see it was hard to write, with the emotions running high. I know sometimes it chokes you up to even talk about it.

The alternate rhyming scheme is true to form and was a breathtaking beauty. It runs down the page in honor of a loved one who has gone on ahead and is no longer suffering. Great love and emotion are here.
505
505
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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How wonderful, you have a new rising star. Now, do not think I am going to review your sigs and call it good. I am merely starting at the top and working my way down. I noticed this is new since this morning. I started at the top then too, only after opening the first poetry folder, it took me about 10 or more before I found one I hadn't reviewed. Then I had to go, so my search has started fresh, and this is merely the beginning. *Smile*

A lovely sig. I know who designed these, and she is very talented. So is your rising star by the way.
506
506
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Heart* A LITTLE SOMETHING PACKAGE from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" Open in new Window.from gladiola Author Icon


With heart beating loudly in my ears, I read as this tense meeting transpires. Finally catching up to the pursued, the tracker is awestruck by his prey.

I found this very well written. My only question of movement was of when the creature reaches his side. The tracker would never have taken his eyes off of his prey. When they are side by side, does he look at the ground, or the floor, in fear? I think some clarity is needed here, though perhaps I missed it the first two readings. I will look again.

Overall a tense, and well told piece of a story. It was bold enough to capture my attention and wish more of the story were readily available for reading.
507
507
Review of "Crystal Tear"  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A well written piece, full of sadness and loss is exposed as this rhyming couplet poem, creatively flows down the page.
POINT TO PONDER:

ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.
508
508
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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A wonderful tribute and illustration of a native leader and chief. Engaged to marry a direct descendant of Chief Joseph Brant, I can truly see the beauty and sadness of this poem.

I would have to say, my favorite part of the poem, "lived for centuries in complete
harmony with the land.", speaks truth and reality.

A simpler time, maybe, but definitely not easier. The natives worked hard and strong amongst each other to live and survive on the land and with the land. This poem, to me, reiterates and encompasses all that the Indian nation was. A great tribute.

Just like Aldric and Annaliese, this period tale written in poetic form is a read that is honest, true and holds strong emotional ties.
509
509
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A great stop for all who are following the Writing Dot Com Survivor contest, this housing for all of your entries and voting is a great page. Congratulations on making it through the first few rounds. You have accomplished a lot with your first few entries, garnering yourself two immunities thus far. I wish you well in your continued endeavors.

This is a well displayed page. It is set up for easy following of the contest, including the voting.Good Luck in future rounds.
510
510
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" Open in new Window.
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*Heart* A little something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" Open in new Window.from Max 's:' = 40
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Intro


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Zoe Author Icon

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* TITLE *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
A captivating title. One that does the novel justice in being cryptic.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* OPENING IMPRESSION *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
With the first sentence, I noticed it needed some editing. It is a run on sentence...
It was cold below her[.] What felt like...

The opening sentence starts off with great action, something is amiss.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* EDITING *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
~More groans and cries starting sounding around ...started to sound...
~to high of a temperature[the wrong use of to, it should be too]...
~But she was just nervous and anxious, she reminded herself. [incomplete sentence]
~
The office wasn’t huge, but it was impressive. The walls were lined with bookcases filled with various novels and student texts, ranging from industrial to medicine and others. Many Saige had read herself in preparation. From the ceiling was a chandelier that looked like it belonged more so in a mansion than in an office. The ceiling was painted, little angel boys stared down at her, looking far from angelic but more accusatory.
[the spacing is off in this paragraph]...
~Breathing, more than one amount and not her own...this sounds awkward, instead of amount how about, ... She was able to detect breathing from multiple sources.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*SUGGESTIONS *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
I would suggest going back through and reading this aloud. Doing so will help to discover most of the editing problems remaining. It always helps to go back a time or two.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* OVERALL IMPRESSION*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
Though some editing still needs done, this has, and shows great merit. I may have to dig deeper into the story at another time.
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511
511
Review of Captive Shadows  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A Review For You in connection with "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW" Open in new Window.
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*Heart* A little Something Package from jannie, which consists of two reviews.

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Zoe Author Icon

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* TITLE *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
The title is intriguing, and has me delving deeper to find out what kind of a mystery is hidden inside. With an allure like this you are on a great roll.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* FORMAT/STYLE *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
I am guessing this is the prologue...it doesn't really say, but it is also the housing for the chapters written so far.

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1* RHYTHM/RHYME *Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*
The rhyme and reason appears to give us a backstory on what is transpiring, or about to transpire, almost as if the back jacket of a novel. Somewhat of a teaser.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*SUGGESTIONS *Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
There was one sentence above others that bothered me. The one talking about surroundings not all there is to be feared, which then launches into shadows being threatening...are not shadows part of the surroundings? This left me confused. Can this be clarified some and still contain enough mystery to make me want to pick up the book?

*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*POINTS TO PONDER*Vine2**Flowert**Vine1*

Points To Ponder:
CONJUNCTION
Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to joinsentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1* OVERALL IMPRESSION*Vine2**Flowerv**Vine1*
A good start to the storyline. I would add some fine tuning, but it is a teaser as it stands and something that will drag a reader through to open the cover.
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512
512
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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A heartbreaking tale of loss and sorrow, this short contest entry has me in tears as this close to home image is told. For some, having constant reminders, as in the picture, is too tough, and for others, it is a necessity to keep them in view.

This entry addresses a mother's sorrow as she relives the days she last spent with her baby girl. Well written, I could find no spelling, punctuation or grammar errors. The sentence length is about average and the descriptions leave us a clear view of events. Well done.
513
513
Review of Faking  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Good sound advice, written in a rhyming poem of much thought and inspiration. I think this is well written, the only thing that I personally feel would or could improve this is a tiny bit of punctuation, and here is my thoughts as to why:

PUNCTUATION
~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.
514
514
Review of Max the robot  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E
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First let me say, it is very difficult to write a story in fifty-five words, without any repeats. Not sure if this contest eliminates repeats, so we will not address that.

Sentence one and two contradict each other. First, max is a child, then he is a robot, and children do not want to play with him. This contradiction happens do partly by the word constraints and with the leaving out of some words. I am willing to guess he was a robot child, so human children refused to be his playmate.

Overall, I would say this is a work in progress, not quite ready for submission into the contest. The concept is there, but some fine tuning would help improve the results.
515
515
Review of Withered Bars  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A tale of sadness and abandonment, this was an interesting tale to read. I kept picking up a rhyming pattern, however, it kept getting lost in all of the extra space in the poem. I would suggest taking the added spacing out, so as to not distract from the poem.

Other than that, the poem reads well. The message is clear and well written.
516
516
Review of "A Man Among Men"  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A beautiful poem that speaks volumes both to the man he was, and you yourself as a man. A great son to father tribute. Beautifully written in rhyming couplets that flow down the page with great respect and admiration.

~last verse, the wrong use of to is used...it should be too

~in the fourth verse, the second rhyming couplet did not rhyme, and was a stretch. The only fix I see for this is to change the first line of the couplet, here is one selection, though it alters the poem a bit...

He died as he lived, I gently weep,
God came for him one night in his sleep.

I hope you keep writing. Your talent shines forth. Thank you for sharing.
517
517
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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So much emotion in so few words, this great contest entry was fast paced and heart breaking. Written with style and grace as only my friend Daizy May Author Icon can do, a full story is told in 55 words. With anticipation, and my heart stuck in my throat, I envision the scene as it unfolds. The picture unfolds well with the clear adjectives that bring the scene to life.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. This is well written.

I think the emotional pull for me was living the moment with the one who makes the ultimate sacrifice. We are with them from start to finish of the action. In the end, it is the smile that speaks volumes. WELL DONE
518
518
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Good monring Happy Spring Author Icon

A contest entry for comic relief, this is a writing with limitations of greatness. How can you tell a story in 100 words, without any repeats? You have done just that with this piece. I would have liked to see a link to the contest, however those often close over time and then you have a dead link in your writing, which is not pretty.

Some great word choices have been used here to describe not only a scene, but to lay out the problem of the scene. She suffers from a disorder. One that compels her to clean. In order to clean, she has to have a mess. Her husband walks in just in time to see the disaster and realizes she is in need of immediate help. She is far worse than he first thought. She has relapsed, and a doctor visit is an immediate concern.

What a nightmare to have to clean up tomatoes. Imagine the stains they leave behind. Not a pretty sight. A great piece of writing, fitting within the constraints of the contest. Well done!
519
519
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Sharkdaddy Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
As I sit here nibbling on a mozzarella whip, I am left to contemplate usernames, and where they come from. This got me to thinking back along when I first signed up and why I chose my own name.

~*Star*~ Characterization:
Much information and characteristics are revealed in this short piece. Sharkdaddy, is a grandfather, who likes to have fun. Jumping on trampolines, I picture him at play with not only his children, but now his grandchildren as well. If he isn't a young grandfather, then he is young at heart.

He is a man of many talents. Not only does he like to play games, and have fun, but he is also handy to have around the house. That is, unless, you startle him, then he is likely to fall of the ladder before getting the pictures hung on the wall *Wink*

Nimble as a cat with his quick reflexes, learned on the trampoline, Sharkdaddy is an all around great guy to have around. He is kind at heart and has a great love for family.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
I didn't notice anything to comment upon in the grammar, spelling or punctuation areas. This is well written and should be left as is, as far as I can see.

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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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520
520
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Be natural my children. For the writer that is natural has fulfilled all the rules of art.

Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Charles Dickens Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.!





Puja Author Icon

*Sun*
You are receiving this as part of your mystery package from very thankful Author Icon. The fun part is, I am the one who gets to peruse your port looking for something fun and enticing to read. This is what I chose to begin with.

A wonderful interactive for all members, this shows a collaborative effort at creating poetry. Designed for all members to have fun, I see the joy this has created. I myself held a smile reading the entries. I can envision a smile on others faces as they type in their response to the previous line.

*Star*
Created in 2009, this on-going interactive on poetry has had some interesting entries. The writers, playing off of the previous entry, must create a poetic line in conjunction with the one before.

*Moon*
I chose to review this item because it has a great base for others to come and explore their rhyming and creative talents. The format is well lain out for others, and easy to follow. I would love to see much more participation, and hope that by doing a public review on it, that is what will happen.

*Compass*
IN & OUT
Poetic Conversation Chat Zone Open in new Window. (E)
Think, Talk and Live poetry!
#1521639 by Puja Author IconMail Icon


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..



Write on!



*Suitheart* Want to spoil your favorite author? Buy them a package to show your appreciation! *Suitheart*
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Congratulations once again!
~WhoMe???~ Author Icon
521
521
Review of Earth Day  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings jaya Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
A wonderful poem on wishes as to what the Earth can be for all. There is great hope for inspiration to guide others to take a helping hand in fulfilling these dreams.

~*Star*~ Characterization:
The character of the poem comes from a pure heart. The wish is there for a better place. The demonstration for what has gone wrong is evident. What need now be said, is how to right those wrongs.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
This is a well written poem with merit and strength. This doesn't focus on ways to be greener, it deals with wishing for a better place. Action starts with a wish or hope for change. *Wink*

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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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522
522
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
Each time I have read this, tears fell from my face. This is one generation, passing on to another, the importance of life, and growth through so many avenues. This is the lesson of giving back to the earth, taking care of what has been given to us, respecting that which others share, and so many other lessons in one.

~*Star*~ Characterization:
This is a character building story and poem, one of great strength and beauty. I witnessed many similar stories in first person real time this past week.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
This is a well written poem. I wouldn't consider changing a thing.

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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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523
523
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Bikerider Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
A tear in my eye as this emotional love story unfolds in the rain. It is times like these that despite the cold, can be warm and fuzzy.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
~as she gave it a gentle squeeze...(missing word)

~*Star*~Overall:
Overall, this is a picture perfect scene. This could take place anywhere near where I am living, and has practical elements that bring the realism home. Something as simple as nature and her temperament can be the tension release needed to solve problems. Perhaps the problems weren't as large as once thought.

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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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524
524
Review of Monsoon  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings jaya Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
At the onslaught of the storm, I suspected dark and dreary with mayhem and havoc reeked upon all. I was mistaken. This is a very vibrant glance at the monsoon season and how it comes up with a flash and unleashes the much needed rain to those in dire need. This isn't destruction in the making, it is about the lifesaving resource of mother nature.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
This is very well written. The punctuation is well in order, as is the grammar and spelling. The alignment fits the poem well, although a centered format would work too.

~*Star*~Dialog:
The heavens speak as they send the rains to quench the thirst for mother nature.


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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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525
525
Review of Shudder Extract  Open in new Window.
Review by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Jenny Author Icon

~*Star*~ First Impression:
I feel upon reading this a few times, that it is a short piece of a bigger puzzle. Creating a teaser like this to enhance our curiosity and intrigue, we now want more of the story.

~*Star*~Any editing comments:
~of the misty forest,i I felt somewhat...
~I stop...(stop what...running, walking, singing...more information needed)...
~feel a shudder through (two ways to go with this one...as I feel or change to feeling...)
~As it nears[,] I panic not...
~Show yourself...
~there are many places where, I, is not capitalized, as it always should be. The exception would be in poetry attempting to illustrate a low self worth or self esteem.
~shout[.] I hear...

~*Star*~Overall:
Other than the editing points, I feel this is a great lead-in to a novel or short story. This brief piece has me wandering who and what is out there and why...a great start.

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*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*Thank you for sharing your creative writing and artistic skills!*Vine2**Suitheart**Vine1*
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