Dark and sinister, this small story had me from the beginning. Right from the onset, I knew of where this was speaking. The details of the city are well described. I knew that with the location set, anything could happen. The question remained though, what would transpire in this lively place.
Well written, this story is the dark tale of one man's desire and the fate of his victim. Grammatically sound, each paragraph takes us further into the story with a fixation on the task at hand. As the reader, we become the character who is out on a mission. The details of what transpires are left to the imagination of the reader. This could be due to restrictions on the writing submission, or to allow the reader to come to their own conclusions. Either way, I am happy with the way this story was told. I like to use and stretch my imagination, and this story aloud me to do just that.
Short and sweet, yet to the point, this poem is a free-style win that creates a vivid image. With such a small thing, this could easily be formatted into several different arenas. I would suggest centering this, and the only reason, is the comment on "dirty players". Normally I base my judgment on whether or not the item has any hidden chaos within it. With poker being such a high stakes game, centering could give the impression that we do not always win, some lines will be longer or shorter in length. It creates the illusion that all is not right in the world.
ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.
Mystery and suspense, combined with fear and loss. This is a well told story of an unexplainable event. Did his mind play tricks on him, or did Butch have an encounter like no other?
I could find no error with this story. The punctuation, grammar, and spelling were all in order. The story held me captive all the way through to the end.
I especially liked how the fog didn't take on any particular face. To me, that would have been almost unbelievable. As it is, I can see this happening. Scary, and yet somewhat soothing, looking at it afterward. Alex had his chance to say goodbye.
A beautiful picture to accompany a great story. I had a good laugh with this one. I like how the picture compliments the story quite well. The color scheme captured truly ads to the atmosphere.
When the boys are away for an outing, calling to make sure they are taking care of themselves is pointless. Although, this does generally lead to some great stories, as this one is.
Another beautiful poem. I like how you have taken each verse of rhyming couplets, and summed it up with the overall theme of the poem for each verse. It makes each verse its own poem.
The added imagery to the poem shows that heart and love were poured into this.
How many of us feel this way when losing a loved one? We ache to be with them or to have them with us, and yet, we know that it can not be and all is as it should be. That doesn't stop the silent wishes though.
Bravo for capturing an emotional moment in a beautiful poem.
A beautifully written poem. I would be interested to learn more about this format you have chosen to write this in. It actually compliments the poem quite well.
When I read this poem, I think of those who put on airs for others. At first, they put on the face and attitude as they go out in public. Soon, however, the face of public begins to be the same face worn indoors as well. They become the face, and their is no distinguishing the act from reality, for the act becomes the reality of who they are.
A beautiful poem and tribute that tells the story of a terrible time in history for both the Indian nations and the men that authorized and carried out these atrocities. Life would be very different had respect been shown for what was not ours. Had we learned to live in unison with those who were already here, I feel today would be a whole new world for us. I say us, and yet I have Indian blood coursing through my veins, and am soon to marry a descendant of one of the great Chiefs whose tribe ended in Canada.
This is a well written poem. The spelling, punctuation and grammar are well used to share a bit of history. A wonderful contest entry.
Another wonderful poem. This beauty speaks of love, and caring, despair and faith. Do not fear, you are not alone, this poem seems to say to me. There is always someone looking out for us. I loved the rhythm of the poem, its lighthearted upbeat pace seems to reiterate the theme of the poem.
Overall a great poem. It is full of support and guidance, love and support.
With beautiful resolve and grand intentions, you set forth the year of 2007 with a letter of intent. I hope you were able to accomplish these goals. If not then, I believe you have by today accomplished them all. It isn't easy changing habits of old, and I commend you for taking on such a task.
I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. You wrote this from the heart and it shines forth in this writing and all others as well.
Another beautiful poem on friendships. Written again in the couplet form, I can envision this poem broken up even further, cascading down the page. For instance:
Among friends,
hearts entwine.
There is no yours,
there is no mine.
After every eight, then a new verse would come forth. Doing this puts the natural pause where you stop in the line now, and elongates the feelings and emotions so that they are more drawn out as friendships often are.
Sometimes the pressures that haunt us need a different perspective in order for us to truly let them go. Traveling under the sky so pristine with the lights above shining down below is a great way to relax and unwind.
To me, this poem represents perspective. How do we look at our problems, or pieces to a puzzle? Do we sit and stare, never moving, or do we walk away and return from another angle?
A great poem of inspiration and suggestion. Creatively written with great metaphor and inspiration.
Sister dear, this is a true and honest look at LOVE and the beauties it holds. Written in great couplet form, the complimentary verses combine together in one cohesive unit of LOVE.
If it is love, ask yourself if the verses in this poem compare, for each and every one of them hold a piece to the puzzle.
A beautiful poem in tribute to memories of our youth. In now raising a teenager, part time on the weekends now, it is odd to compare things back to when I was a child. So many things have changed today. Raising kids with memory like punishment and upbringing doesn't always fit. With time comes change and we must adapt to fit those changes. Being a kid is tough. Being the adult to raise that child properly with respect and responsibility is even tougher. I commend all parents today.
A well written poem for a great contest. The rhythm, punctuation and subject all fit to adhere to create a great cohesive unit.
I had to laugh when reading this, and that was only because this is the memory of Aprils past, and in no way reflected the April we experienced this year. Full of rain and drear, this year's April was everything the poem above was not. How I too yearn to have had an April as described above.
Here is to hoping May delivers what April failed to bring Another Well written poem.
Though riddled with loathe and strong feelings of repulsion, this is a poem of great imagery and skilled writing. Sometimes it is hard to express feelings as strong as these without coming across cliche. I think you have delivered a well written poem. The rhythm is spot on, and the emotions are sparks of fire.
With this wonderfully written poem, I find myself thinking of the man or woman who has yet to find their true love. Though they go through life single at the moment, their is that knowledge and desire to be with the one they know was meant for them.
Be it kismet, destiny or fate, the person of the poem knows that there is another out there for them. They have dreams that are so vivid, the sense of smell believes that the perfume of this dream is real, and the senses search for it in the waking hours.
Actively searching for the connection that will reveal the identity of the one who has captured their heart, this individual is content to live life as they are, awaiting for this other person to come into their life.
This was a lovely poem to read. I liked the rhythm and flow of the piece.
A special thank you for including the link to the contest. It helps readers to know of any limitations that may have been placed upon the entry.
Oh my dearest Marsha Musselman, we should talk on the phone sometime. I take this to be a true to life experience, so definitely call me and we can exchange stories. In fact, this story had me laughing, smiling, and sending you a quick email with my phone number before this review is even done.
This touched me on such an emotional note, that I will not, in fact, refuse, to review technically. As far as I am concerned, this is a well written emotional piece. It is real to life and delivers a great message to all.
Relating side-story:
Same type of register, female about 60's, accused me of discrimination because of her hair color, all for me asking if she needed any assistance with the uscan, due to the bagging alert going off constantly as she tried to use it unsuccessfully...she then launched into a story about it being discrimination, because of her hair color and an experiment she tried. She dyed her hair brown, and nobody offered her help with anything, she let it go back to grey and everyone offered her help with even the simplist of tasks. She was rude about it and acted as if I had just committed a crime. She was loud and angry...yet she couldn't get the register to work right, and was mad I was trying to help her.
I could go on for hours with some crazy stories all age groups, all races, all people...bottom line...
People, we are all human, so far, we all have good and bad days....stop, smell the roses, and help one another...life would be so much easier...
Sorry, you sparked such a reaction, I couldn't help but share just one story...I get many a day...
A well written story. The grammar, spelling and sentence structure are very well put together. The storyline is great, and the opening sentence really grabs your attention. The only flaw I found with this story is the end of the dragon. I simply did not find it believable. Why would that blow not just take out the eye, or scramble the brain? Why would that be the end of the dragon? Perhaps if it weekend the dragon and scrambled his brain enough that a kill shot was then optional or available, that to me is more realistic, though this is a fantasy piece.
I think the part I liked most of all of this, is the thought provoking ending. I don't want to reveal it, but it does give great character development or realization into what kind of man this warrior was.
Overall, this is very well written. I would suggest a little clarification as to the demise of the dragon to bring more realism into play, but that is just my humble opinion, no harm intended.
My vote is in, you have surpassed the rest,
you lead with one, now to the test...
Can you survive the remaining days,
and win this round, YES, I says (long A)
Good luck my friend. My vote is in. I am cheering you on. This is another wonderful entry you have submitted. Your race to help support a group through your writing endeavors is much appreciated, celebrated and honored.
Wonderfully descriptive, this poem is filled with great imagery. Though many will not see or understand, there is nothing as powerful as the sound of silence. I have had many people berate that silence has now sound, thus can not scream, but in fact it is a train engine heading for a wreck.
This powerful poem had my attention from the start and held me captive all the way through.
A beautiful rhyme with great thought provocation. I see this as the question of heroes and society. What great deeds do we have today, and who are the heroes here to take on the beasts and tasks? To me the answer is easy. The answer is the little man. The little man that anonymously helps his neighbor in time of need ;the neighbor looking out for your house while you are gone. I don't think life is so much about the big heroes anymore, but the little heroes whose acts of kindness and generosity outweigh the heroic deeds of yesteryear.
Sorry, got off on a tangent. This is a beautiful poem. It is well written and thought provoking.
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A poem with a darker side, this tells of angels, and what happens if we choose to follow the wrong ones. In life there is light, dark, and shades of gray. Following the right light can make the difference in the end.
You have chosen to write this poem in rhyming couplets, of which, I could find no error. Well done.
Second verse, second line, it should start with a capitalization, to better fit with the rest of the poems formatting.
I hope you are enjoying this lavish attention, but please do not feel obligated to respond to each one.
When life gets tough, as it often does, we are sometimes left to question if we really and truly know the person behind the mask. Many people wear masks to cover for one thing or another. Some for lack of self confidence, other use them to hide who they really are. If you ever get a glance at the real person behind the mask, you are then left to wonder who the real person is.
You have truly captured this disturbing piece of society. Not all fall into this category, and some who do, it is unintentional. This poem speaks of a relationship, one of which the mask has slipped and a different person is shown. Can one forgive transgressions past? Or will new alliances need be formed???
Sometimes it is very hard to know exactly what we want. What our mind says and are heart speaks, are two different ideas at times, and one must prevail over the other, or come to a compromise. This is a wonderful poem expressing just that. With the see saw motion of stay or go, I see disorganized rhythm, meaning the mind and heart are not in sync, and thus I would suggest centering this poem to better illustrate or portray the uneven sides of the coin through illustration.
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.
Beautifully written. The grammar, spelling and punctuation are all in order. The subject matter is one that needs written, and is a masterpiece.
Lets see, you won three reviews, a badge and an award,,,no mystery surprise...but guess what.. .the surprise is, when will the reviews stop...will I review your whole port, or just a mini raid??? You will find out when you get the award. The award marks the end of the reviews and the completion of your package.
When one has an active imagination as I do, this is what I fear in the dark. My imagination sees the demons lurking. I can't explain why they are after me, I just know that they are there and are about to get me. You have captured a strong feeling of fear, and put it on display. I see the darkness creeping from the shadows in this poem.
A well written poem comprised of rhyming couplets. I saw no flaw or error in this piece. The illustrations add to the somber atmosphere surrounding the poem.
Bet you thought I was done reviewing...Ha, guess again.
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