Hiya, jaya !
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My Personal Reaction
This is a heartwarming story about two women who found each other in a place neither one of them had ever been before. Their friendship blossomed and grew over the time they spent together, survived some trying situations, and continued to grow through each new experience. I found this sweet and endearing.
Strengths
The tone used to convey the story was light and friendly, setting the mood well for the meeting between Aileen and Poorvi. Though meeting each other was chance, the fact that they were to be living in the same apartment building seemed almost like fate. A nice touch to pull them even closer together.
The story moved along realistically with both of them doing different jobs for different kinds of companies, and though their interests varied, they grew closer together as they lived there. The conflict of the uprising was also realistic, and I was glad to see that Poorvi was allowed to go with Aileen when she left.
Both women came across as strong, independent individuals, and it seemed that they were even stronger together. Their speech was believable, allowing their dialog to flow naturally. Nicely done.
The ending was very sweet. It was a nice touch for Aileen's husband to be welcoming and supportive of their friendship.
A Few Things to Consider
You use a full space between paragraphs, but not between the paragraphs of dialog. Consider keeping it consistent so that the reader doesn't become confused. Each time a new speaker speaks, it is considered a new paragraph, so a line of spacing would be appropriate.
When Shiraz asked them if they would like to go out, I thought he was asking them out in the sense that they would all go out together, but then the guys left right away. Then, I found myself confused again when they were all of a sudden going out all together. Consider being more specific with their dialog to show that they will be meeting up again later so that the reader doesn't stop reading to figure it out.
I think you could make the ending even more satisfactory by the reader by placing these women in harm's way a bit more. For me, it seemed that the story flowed so seamlessly that there was very little conflict for them. The conflict of the uprising was well timed, but it seemed too easy for them to overcome it. I wonder if instead of hearing of the trouble on TV, maybe they could witness it themselves. It may make for a bit more drama for them to endure, thereby showing their characters to the reader even more. See what you think.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling, etc.
I noticed a few things as I went. I have noted them below for you to consider.
Having met at the Muscat International airport in Oman, Aileen and Poorvi, fell to easy camaraderie.
The comma after 'Poorvi' is not needed and seems to interrupt the flow of the sentence.
“Of course, back home I get criticized for that, but what the heck,...
This piece of dialogue is a continuation of Aileen's speech from the previous paragraph. Consider moving it up and placing it in the same paragraph so that the reader doesn't think you've switched speakers.
Poorvi couldn’t tell the difference, for Port Blair, was pretty modern in itself.
The comma before 'was' isn't needed.
They spotted two young men with placards flashing their names. When Poorvi and Aileen had walked up to them, they greeted them with...
In this section, the first sentence is active, allowing the reader to experience them seeing the guys, and then the second sentence is passive, telling the reader what happened. Consider rephrasing to allow the second sentence to be active as well. My suggestion would be to write the scene where they introduce themselves so that the reader can see it happen. This also allows you to insert a small description of them so that the reader can 'see' them.
The guard at the entrance, greeted them with a welcoming smile.
No comma here because it is just one independent clause.
A solid wall edged with date palms, ran around the compound.
Same thing here. No comma needed in this sentence.
“There are beaches, malls, masjids and museums, you can choose from.
No comma needed after 'museums'.
A waiter in Arabic clothes, showed them to a table for four, in an open restaurant.
No commas needed in this sentence.
Menu consisted of varieties from Kebabs, Rice to Pizza, Salads and juices.
Consider adding a 'The' before 'menu' to smooth out the sentence. Also, I don't think that the kebabs, rice, pizza, and salads need to be capitalized.
“Oh Poorvi, we’ve just begun and, already begin to end,” Aileen cried out heartbrokenly.
The punctuation in this is a bit off. Also, I'm not sure about the phrasing. I found myself a touch confused the first time I read it. Consider: "Oh, Poorvi! We've just begun, and already it is beginning to end." Aileen cried...
They asked her to be ready to leave Oman, in seventy two hours.
No comma here.
“Why don’t you come with me to Morocco Poorvi?
Consider a comma before 'Poorvi' because it is a direct address.
reflected, Poorvi.
No comma needed here.
“Welcome to Morocco. Poorvi,” said Aileen smiling,
The period before 'Poorvi' should be a comma.
On the next day, Poorvi talked to her parents over phone, assuring them of her safe exit from Muscat.
The wording seems a little forced here. Consider: The next day, Poorvi talked to her parents on the phone, assuring them of her safe exit from Muscat.
“Why don’t you and your husband come to Port Blair for honeymoon?
Consider adding 'your' before 'honeymoon' to smooth the flow.
Aileen thanked them, promising a visit in future.
Consider a 'the' before 'future'.
“Certainly, this is the kind of friendship, which crosses the borders of region and religion I admire, and would gladly be a part of it.
Consider rephrasing this just slightly with alternate punctuation to smooth the flow for the reader. For example: "Certainly. This is the kind of friendship which crosses the borders of region and religion. I admire, and would gladly be a part of it.
In Conclusion
An enjoyable story about a friendship that could have been missed out on if not for small coincidences that brought the two together. That's what I call fate. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you for posting your work and allowing me to comment on it. If you do not agree with my suggestions, that is just fine. They are definitely yours to do with what you wish.
Happy Writing!
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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