This is a cute Halloween poem! I hope that you won the Newsletter contest that year! I love that you did this one being "Bewitched!" I love the imagery that you have describing in this poem!
The only suggestion I have is maybe go back and read this again and more emotional imagery in this as you read this. I am letting you know what I see as I read this stanza by stanza. This might help with descriptions in some of the stanzas. Just suggestions...
You could feel the "Howling winds" as you read through the first stanza. Listening to the "black cat screaming" on the dark and moonless night gave me chills as I read this in the first stanza! These were my favorites out of the first stanza.
In the second stanza I love the part about you being bewitched for sure! I also loved that parts about the dogs howling, ghosts, and the demons. My favorite line is the last line: "Give me a scare, and no way out!"
In the third stanza, I have to say it is my favorite stanza out of the whole poem! I love the look of Black cat's eyes with terror! I can imagine what the monsters look like in the mirror! Of course my monsters are little ones...
I see little monsters with white faces and purple hair. I see some others that are green eyed like the green eyed monter! I see the witches brew bubbling as the witch is stirring the ingrediants to cast the spell! I watch wondering what the spell is going to be as it is casted!
In the fourth stanza, I love the haunting music as it playing and see the ghosts knocking to come in to the party! Seeing the terror over everyone, made the chills go down my back! The hideous cackles had me looking around to see who it is....
In the fifth stanza, I love how you have the howling winds, death, dust and deep decay disapper! Knowing that you will no longer be Bewitched when the first light of dawn comes! You made it through the night of terrors!
Again this is a cute poem! Something that you might want to go back and look at adding some more emotional descriptons! This will help add more imagery to this!!
Have a great day!!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
First of all I wanted to let you know that there are few spelling errors. These could easily be fixed by just by reading over this from the end to the top. I had a teacher in highschool who told us to do this. Its amazing how my find many little mistakes that you didnt see it as you are writing and typing.
On to the rest of your review! These are all cute ideas to easily decorate a classroom, room for a party, or even outside! I love the ghost idea...I am going to see if my 5 yearold and I could do that with the garbage bag and have a Ghost on our Tree. The neighbor has a witch that has ran into the tree!
I love the snake, spiders, and cat idea! I have think my son and I would have lots of fun doing this...we could go and get some cheap trash bags to do these!
The card idea and other decorations being only the cost of the printer is another good idea! I know that teachers end up using alot of their own money to help with decorations! I am all for almost free ideas for decorating the house!
Have a Great Day!!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
Personally I started to read this a few years back...I thought this was an excellent story when you first started this as a draft with the background. How the little girls became best friends and all...
This is going to be great to go and read all the events in the series along with the Goldman series too. I have been looking forward to reading all of this straight through!
You deserve to have this publish and hope that you are heading toward this so that this becomes a book series or even for now an eBook series...I will be one of the first to get these!!!
I love that you are working with Jack Goldman with the Jack Goldman series for this! I look forward to reading more of these stories in the next few months...
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
First of thank you for reviewing on of the poems from my newest addiction opened a few months back....
I have to say that this is the most hilarious way to let someone know how much fun it is to take kids on a camping trip. Then trying to prove that parenting isn't that hard at all! I had to laugh when I saw what Jack said to you, assuming this, about the whole idea of the camping trip...I hope that Victoria was very understanding after the whole camping trip was over and she was able to bath and all...
I love the descriptions through out the whole story. I love the way you described little Nick...you could see the look on him as you read this...glad that he didnt get hurt from the chopping incident. I know that this will be something that he will be able to read someday to show that he did go camping and anyone can get hurt almnost. Having his little words being spoken was really cute since that is the best age when they are learning to talk...They pick up on everything!!!
I like how you properly taught Josh how to cut the wood so that he would not get hurt...Except for the minor detail of Nick going flying and safely landing with the bumber gards that pampers make with pine needles...Love the description of yourself as you are writing about your fire experience, along with the making sticks for the smores!
On to what I think you need more of and are only comments:
I think describing more about the cabin, outdoors and the kids would be a great idea so that you can really picture them.
Description of each of the kids would be great, you mentioned most, but that was it just their name...
Try describing Victoria some more so that we know why you want to to know that the having kids is so much fun. Definitely more description on what she was wearing!
Please add more personal descriptions from experiences you have with the neices and nephews. You know the favorite things you love about them that you cant talk enough about with others...
I think that is about all I had to say about this other than that I was laughing my bottom off through out the whole story!!
Hope to see if you add more to this!!!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
Harry, I have to say that when I read the title that this was not what I had expected. One reason because I forgot about the tragedy with the tiger at the zoo. I went to refresh my mind to remember. I think that this great poem. You show the emotions that the tiger that has been removed from his natural surroundings to a caged animal for mass of people to see everyday.
The description of this is great with the imagery! I could picture it as if I was the tiger. I love the pictures that you have described through out the stanzas. I have a few lines I really like in this piece where you can see the tiger and feel the emotion too.
"No mellow cat was I; anger led me to do harm.
I was bred to rule a jungle, be master of my domain.
Instead I was on exhibit; so I mauled a keeper's arm.
I should have roamed free; in a zoo I had to remain."
This stanza definitely describes the tiger perfectly from going domestic to having to be in a cage for the of his life in the zoo for others to torment him!!!
I have to say when reading this out loud it is rough in some places in the stanzas. I can go into more detail if you would like where the places are hard to read.
I hope that my review is helpful. Like I said I can go into more detail where it is hard to read when you read out loud. I will be back to review more in your port!!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
Diane this is a great story! I love these types of stories because you can actually imagine how the writer is feeling many years later. They are even better when they are written on dare! I could only imagine that day how you felt.
I could picture this perfectly as you are describing about the whole situation. I like how you put just enough emotion in this at the end when you decided to go in the water all at once. I could imagine how the guys were reacting to the surprise. I love that your friends kept it cool with you and helped you get everything back together!
Those are the friends you want to have years later to recall later! I hope to come back and visit to see what other small little stories you have in your port! These are the best!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
Now on to the review! SHERRI GIBSON, kelly1202, and stacylynn71 this is a wonderful group that you have came up with to spread smiles all over the site with positivity!!! I am thankful to part of this wonderful group to have review 5 members a week along with anyone else we want to spread some smiles to as they check their email with a wonderful review to see!!
I think that "Simply Positive Review Forum " [E] is headed by 3 wonderful leaders that contribute so much to WDC everyday!! I think that this group will become a group that will have many members to spread smiles. As I see through the group that there are mix of cases for members!
I think that this is a great way to show that there is are still groups out there that are not just for one case color or another...not that it is a bad thing for getting many review contests going!
I hope that there are many other groups that look up to this group to start spreading positivity!!
I have one suggestion, why not put one or two newbies up for reviewing each week too! This way they can get a smile on their face as they are reading an awesome review from the group!
Keep On Writing, Reading, designing, and Reviewing here on WDC!!! You Rock!!
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Punctuation/Spelling: Judity I do not see any punctuation or spelling errors at all. You always make sure that spell check has been used. You also make sure that what spell check does not catch you take care of it.
Grammar: For gramar I do not see anything noticeable. I review mainly on content rather than grammar. Due to the fact that I do not have the best grammar myself.
Plot: I think that this was a cute way to get the two main characters of two novels you were working on. I love that your cat was freaked out and jumped from the loud voice through the speakers.
The problem:
I think maybe you could have gone into a little more detail on Vulcan and Walker's conversation. The one where Walker is trying to convince Vulcan to let your computer go...
Here are a few that I noticed was going on:
1. I was a little confused about the itching, guessed it was Vulcan doing this to make sure that you are going to work on their story next since he took over the laptop.
2. Little more conversation between Vulcan and Walker would be better..
Setting:
The setting was a neat idea to do this from the laptop. You story goes with the Writers Cramp prompt. I Think that this one would have been something that you could have gone into more detail if you were able to use more than 1000 words.
Characters taking over the laptop for the setting is definitely a great idea for you because of all the projects that you work on all the time. Your career depends on these characters and not having your laptop would really not be good for you...
All and all that is a great little piece. I think that making this into a longer piece, you will have a cute little short story of your characters taking over your computer. I think that this was a really good piece for the writers cramp and hope you did well with this!!
Keep On Writing, Reviewing, Reading, and Helping out WDC!!!
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Judy you have done a great job!!! I really love this diary page that you have written for the Writers Cramp 6th Birthday!! I love this and all the imagery you have put into this. I especially love the way you have use the members that were part of the prompt as the words you were to use.
I think my favorite part is about you being a lady and not being lady like to the milk man! Thinking about all the members that were used as the prompts I could actually see this member like that as an elderly too.
I love how you were able to keep this going with out really making a big deal and let the words flow through out the story. Now you have me interested in seeing the rest of the responses for this prompt!!! I hope that you did place for this!!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
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Happy New Year! L. A. Powell,the Snow Winter Faery and Veronica, a Simply Everything Winter Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
I have to say that this poem is not what I was hoping it would be. I know your imagery is one of the best I have read when it comes to you short stories and novels you have on here. I was hoping to read more details of this poem to see the bond that shapes two into one. I figured that when you were going to do this with infinite faith with the strength it has...
I am sorry to see that this was just really flat poem. I hope that when I go to read more of the poetry I am used to reading, the imagery will be detailed for me to see the pictures of it all in your poetry!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
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Happy New Year! Beth is a mama!,the Snow Winter Faery and Veronica, a Simply Everything Winter Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Hello Beth,
I have say that you have done a great job with kicking your bottom back into place where it should have been. I am glad to hear you that you are married!! That should give you plenty of inspiration along with your hubby to get some work done this year!
As for that creative writing class, it is anything like my creative writing class at Ivy tech with a teacher who gave you 3 times the normal load of work to do just to get everything accomplished in the sememster. You will be doing a great amount of writing!!! I know that you will be doing a fine job.
That class will get you into different forms of Poetry, stories off of prompts, and writing short stories. I pretty sure that you can do that since you have done that here on WDC! I am sure that you are not going to be depressed and watch movies and cook!! You will be wishing you had time to do all of this...hehe...
I hope that you place in the Dear Me contest!!! Good luck!!! Let me know how your Creative Writing Class!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
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Happy New Year! J. A. Buxton,the Snow Winter Faery and Veronica, a Simply Everything Winter Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Hello Judy,
I have to say you did an awesome job on this. Now if can get out all the descriptive details you have with your stories, I bet this will be a 5star!!! I think that if you would have made this longer too. I know that you enjoy the review from who you are scared to get this from. Keep up the great work and hope to see more poetry!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
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Happy New Year! judityb,the Snow Winter Faery and Veronica, a Simply Everything Winter Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Hello Judy,
When I saw this I thought the actual was in this...So I am assuming that when I go writers cramp I will see the wonderful you have written. I think that all your work is wonderful. I have to say that the Writer's Cramp Pieces are the best because you have grown in this contest. I love how you bring your "kids" into the stories or into anything else with these.
I love how you have told about your kids descriptively. You do this everytime you write! I cant wait to see the poem you write!! This will be the First Poem I think have read from you! I have read ALOT of your work!!! Too bad I have to always come to auto-rewards to do this since my favorites folders are full and it is easier to dig for your work in here.
Everyone needs to read your work!!!! Judy has 2 novels and if I correct working on her 3rd novel along with lots of short stories.
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
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Happy New Year! SHERRI GIBSON,the Snow Winter Faery and Veronica, a Simply Everything Winter Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Hello Sherri,
I am so glad to see all the donations you have received for this round of the auction!!!! I am glad that you are always helping out your favorite groups when you do this auction. I hope that you are able to raise more this round then you have from the 1st 2 rounds!!! I am sorry that I was not able to donate this round. Do not worry I will be helping out the next round!!!
I am so glad that you are feeling better from being sick!!! We all missed you helping out WDC!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! J. A. Buxton,Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
I see that your dear me, has seen what all you have failed to do last year. Do not like at them as failures, look at them as adventures for the year 2008!! This way you are not so hard on yourself next year.
As for who to review and who not to review. Why not expand to read Poetry, Vampires, wizard or even Fantasy. I write alot of poetry, but mine is mainly haikus, which are three lines. I would really look out into these genres and you might find something you like!!
Wizards and Fantasy, again seems like itis going to be typical dragons, swords, nights and all. Again their are lots of Great authors that have wonderful stories. So if you look at others who have short poetry you might be able to read and enjoy it.
I am not one for Vampire stories, but there are some really great authors here on WDC, that make it sound as if they were real people and not like the typical Dracula set up. I can give you items that I have read. Most of the great stories are on autorewards because no one will review them without gps. It is shame when they have to do that. Same for all the other genres out there that need to be reviewed but have to pay gps for this.
I hope that you expand beyond your goals and make it a this year be a great year!!! I know that you will be able to find more contests out their that you will be able to great at. I wish you the best with your contest entry!!
Good luck with all the newbies that want wonderful reviews from you!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! kiyasama,Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Kiya,
Thank you for being an angel here on WDC, and starting this wonderful group!! Of course you have some of the best Angel helpers here on WDC to help you out with making sure that angels are able to get upgrades when needed and new angels are noticed along with Newbies too.
In this folder, members can get all the information from the angel lounge. This is where everyone can hang out. You can find the angels of the month, and others to review. You can also post in the lounge anything that is going on in WDC that Angels are participating in!! You can see the different links of other angels earning gps for Angel Army with their activities.
You can go to the review page and see who is nominated for the Author of the month at the end of the month. The best page of all is this cool page called The Angels Birthday page
Yeppers that wonderful Angel Leader we have takes care of all the birthdays for the year on this page. Kiya and the other Angel leaders do every thing the can to make sure we know what is going on here on in the Angel Army!!
Thank you Kiya for everything you do!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! kiyasama,Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Kiya,
You are doing a great job on keeping up with everyone's birthday on here. I know that I have missed quite a few birthdays here from not looking. I am so glad that you have been here to get this great group going!!! You are truely an Angel yourself. I am glad to be part of this group!!!
Happy Two Year WDC Birthday!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! askpaddy, Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
I love this tale from Auntie Barbara's Cream Bun Cafe with a great moral to the christian tale. God loves all Christians regardless of the denominations of the world. You have great imagery with this tale as you do with all the tales. I love this especially when they are together on one of the Monday Ministies to put up the Nativity Scene. I can wait to read more of these tails.
The more I like the story, the less I write about in the review so I do not take away from the whole tale!! This is definitely one that you need to read!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! Nathii M., Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
This is really good story that you keep the readers attention through out the whole intro. I love how the mother does nag the daughter and talking about the internet and popular communications with Skype. I happen to know this because last year I would use it to talk on while on the internet before they started to charge for using this.
I see that Nathii seems to do things to make mom mad and then is trying to keep up with the friends of her who has parents. I see that Nathii uses Irma's not knowing who the father is to get her upset. Irma seems to be focused on the "material" things in life as Nathii wants to be the writer. As a writer, it is really hard to make money and when you do, you are lucky!
Through out the intro you can see that the sister is easily amused and interjecting little remarks here and there. I love that because you are keeping this real as you write this. I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you are writing about yourself and your family.
In this I also see that Nathii is really pressured by her mother to be perfect the way her mom wants her to be. I think the little bit of comedy through out the conversation is funny, needs a little more imagery between them. But other than that, this was really good!
I did see this where I think that you were trying to do a few more exclamations points and it went to "111s" instead. I do this quite often so I recognized this: Oh yes of course!!!!111eleven!, If I am wrong, as I saw the note at the bottom, then I appologize for pointing this out.
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! Martin Edward Johnson, Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
This brought tears to my face as I read this. The reason for that is because I was 2 weeks from being homeless. My kids went to their dads for that time until I was able to get into Lucas Place, a transitional housing to get yourself back on your feet.
This was for Parents with kids, and nothing more than that. This is a place that you can stay for 2 years. They helped you get back on your feet within 2 years of entering there. Well needless to say, I have been in home renting for 18months.
I see everything you have written in this poem everyday. Instead of improving the number of homeless by 2010 here where I live. The city would rather have condos built then making them into shelters or transistional housing.
On to the review, sorry for all that above, I have to say as I read this I could this homeless guy mumbling as you walked by him. You descriptions for the imagery were as clear as day. I could clear picture this guy all dirty and needing to be somewhere to clean up.
When reading this I saw the sign that this guy was holding, and you are right he could easily steal the food. Even though when you described this, he was still stealing from others who work because all he had to do is look for a shelter or food bank. There are always Food Kitchens where they serve meals for free.
The last two stanzas are so true, all he had to do was go to the shelter or somewhere to clean up. They have clothing banks where they can get some work clothes and go to a McDonalds to get a job easily. I guess I am hard about this subject, but I have gone from everything to nothing, back to being able to take care of my family self-sufficiently.
I will be back to your port to read more from your port!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas with a Simply Everything Review!
HoHoHo! sherrygibson, Santa and Veronica, a Simply Everything Christmas Elf, have decided to give you a review!!
Hello there!! I am so glad that you were able to earn so many gps to help out all the wonderful charities!!! You and Kelly did a great job with this Christmas Auction!!! I think that you had some wonderful presents!! I am so glad to be part with donations to help you out with!!!
Keep On Writing, Helping, Reading, and Reviewing here on WDC!!!
Wow! This is another powerful poem you have written for your mothers bday! I can picture outside when you were alittle trying to bleach your eyes by the sun! This gave me a little smile as I read this! Something that is needed as I review!
I love all the feeling you have put into the poetry I have read so far. You have awesome imagery when you read this. The picture you get while you read this is perfect. I feel like I am in the room with you singing softly to your mother in the box of ashes. Having your mother there with you still everyday is great!
I am ready to come back to you port to read more of your work. I think that you have real talent as you write your work!! Happy 52nd Birthday to your mother!! Glad to know her spririt is there in your heart no matter what!!
Wow!!! This is a powerful poem! I could picture the imagery throughout this as I was readling each stanza. I could picture "Mamas" rosey cheeks as daughter was drawing the picture of them holding hands.
Into the next stanza I could the light as it fitered through and her being told to clean the vomit up, along with the shag carpet! I can only imagine what the bunk beds and cradle looked like. I am scared to know what the butcher knife was for, as it seems to be important for this stanza.
The third stanza,I can see the little girl trying not to hear what the the little voice was saying, since they cheated little kids. I can see her stop rocking and she has that scared look. I think that this is really important to anyone that has been abused in anyway to know that the little voices is the abuser.
The last stanzas make me to believe that maybe the mother might have been on drugs or doing the abuse to the daughter. Sounds like a therapist or social worker is the one who is with her watching her color from memories of her mother.
If I am not right on the last stanzas then I misinterpreted this and I am sorry. I have been around kids who have been removed from their parents homes due to drug abuse, sexual abuse, and other types abuse and drugs. I was living at a Transitional Housing where parents and their kids were there to become self-suffecient.
Wow, I have to say that this is really a deep poem. You can see everything Lisa is going through with all the pain and suffering. I could feel the chills. I could hear the demon as it spoke to Lisa. I can't wait to get going with the rest of Lisa Lansing. I think that you have done a great job with Diaries of Lisa Lansing along with this poem!!! Keep up the great work!!! Keep On Writing, Creating, and helping here at WDC!!!! You Rock!!!
I always love reading what you have here on WDC!! I think that this is one of the special ones that you have with all your family pictured on here. I also think that you have some great friends on here, whom, I can personally say that I have read since I have started here on WDC almost 2 years ago!
I have to say that you have some really cute grand children. I have to say that as we go through life, you never realize that the family members are strong. The family members who are sick, seem to always be the ones that are stronger no matter what happens in life. They fight their illness to the very day they die.
I can not wait to read some more of your work. I will be back to visit and see if there are any new pictures of your children and especially the cute grandchildren!
Everyone come and read the authors mention in this piece. I have read them all and they are EXCELLANT!!! dpatrick as some awesome Haiku's!
Keep ON Writing, Reading, Reviewing, and Creating here on WDC!!! You Rock!!!
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